The Hermit points to all things hidden, such as knowledge and inspiration,hidden enemies. The illumination is from within, and retirement from participation in current events.
The Hermit is a card of introspection, analysis and, well, virginity. You do not desire to socialize; the card indicates, instead, a desire for peace and solitude. You prefer to take the time to think, organize, ruminate, take stock. There may be feelings of frustration and discontent but these feelings eventually lead to enlightenment, illumination, clarity.
The Hermit represents a wise, inspirational person, friend, teacher, therapist. This a person who can shine a light on things that were previously mysterious and confusing.
First day of the year going back to the gym, it wasn't too bad. Obviously I don't feel like I can do as much as before, but I didn't feel too bad. I knew I was gonna get achy this morning but generally I'm glad I did it. I plan to go there every Monday, Wednesday and Friday.
I intentionally went to NY to walk around as a warm up on Sunday. I had a relaxing day shopping at Century 21. The weather was so beautiful, I felt great. Well yeah, it took me 4 hours on the bus back and forth and I only got to be in NY for 2 hour, but I still had a great time. When I got home it was only 4:30pm, and I get to do my laundry and read my novels. All and all it was a nice day.
I got a nose bleed the other day for picking my nose and it happened again last night when I was sleeping. Must be the exercising that get my blood rushing all over the place. I used to have a lot of nose bleeds when I was a kid, I can go to sleep all fine and wake up with a tons of blood on my bed. It's like "The Exorcist" all over again. I hate it.
Hopefully I can stick with this regimen. Arghh... Summer is coming, I hate Summer.
I was talking to ES on Friday about golf, strange topic, I know. I have never played golf before, I remember seeing a mini putting course in a park in Hong Kong with little bridges and archways, but I don't remember seeing people playing in there. She was telling me how her dad goes to play every now and then when they were in Tokyo and when she lived in Bangkok, she went to play as well. "The balls in Tokyo costs $20 for 5, but they costs $1 a bucket in Bangkok.", "The bagger lady always tell you which club to use."
Then we discuss why people like to play golf, which is quite an enigma for me. A bunch of rich white folks who got nothing to do but hitting a ball and walking aroung the grass field, it's one of the most boring thing you can watch on TV. ES says it's a social thing. People on the golf courses do business together and the entire environment is really friendly. "They never say anything bad to you even if you don't play well, they'll just say things like 'almost', 'you just missed by a bit' to encourage you." Really? They never yell out "You suck!" or "You should just go home and don't waste me time!"?
It got me thinking, if I wanted to be liked I should adapt the same attitude. Maybe that's what's wrong with me, I have been speaking the truth in a negative way; I have been too cautious and vengeful. If I adapt this golf mentality, this attitude and literally "turn my frown upside down", maybe I'll be happier myself. It couldn't be count as fake, I just have to choose a better tone to communicate. Or maybe it could drive me crazy trying to be cheerful and positive all the time. It sounds healthier to be cheerful though, doesn't it?
I haven't been able to sleep much at night lately. It has been going on for weeks, but I just got around to express my feelings in this letter. I haev no clue on what career paths you both lead, so allow me to tell you that most of the population around the world goes to sleep before 4 in the morning. Me and my boyfriend for instance usually goes to sleep before midnight. I notice that you do not.
As another neighbor has told me before that we are living in an old building with very thin walls and I usually don't mind it that much; it is what I'm willing to pay for rent right now, so I understand that it couldn't be a perfect living environment. But it never cease to amaze me that you both could wake up around 8 while staying up so late. How do you do it? I always find it more ideal to sleep for at least 8 hours, sometimes even more on weekends.
One more thing, although it is not of my choosing, I can hear every word of your conversation clearly living beneath you. It's not that I want to intrude on your life, but I can hear the messages on your answering machine, the radio channel that you listen to when you are in the bathroom, your late night chatters and gossips, the movie that you are watching last week (was that Harry Potter?) and when you play video game (I have PS2, which console(s) do you have?)
Sometimes it got me thinking how close people are actually living with each other, it is so powerful that it shatters my own concept of individuality.
Have a nice day, I'm sure I'll hear about your day tonight.
It's really a shame, it such a beautiful tree. This time of the year y9u can see streets lined with these trees on both side with all the flowers blooming on it. It's like the sakura festival.
The Virginia Tech shooter turns out to be Asian, who would have thought? I suddenly feel like my Asian appearance has drawn more attention than before, is it just me being self-conscious? I wonder what ticked him off to kill all those people. Could the motive have been that he has been discriminated against? Where did he get the gun? People online has been saying guns don't kill people but people with guns do, but without guns at least he wouldn't have been able to kill so many people in such a short period of time. I think they should revisit the constitution and stop issuing guns so easily.
I was watching the Brit Awards on BBC this weekend, and there were two acts that really touched me. One was of The Killers, they are an American band that plays British music and made it big in the UK. I have seen their latest music video on VH1 called "Read My Mind". They filmed it in Tokyo, and I always give props to people that are willing to experience a different culture and the song was rather beautiful, reminded me of Coldplay. So I got their latest CD, Sam's Town.
The second act that impressed me was a girl by the name of Amy Winehouse. Her voice and style is very sultry, classic and beautiful, a bit like the great Sarah Vaughn and Petula Clark. A lot of people compared her voice to Lauryn Hill, which I get as well. Especially when she was singing the bridge of "Tears Dry On Their Own", the similarity is uncanny. I was watching her performance on YouTube all day yesterday and I'm quite impressed by her talent, her soulfulness and her timing. She seems to be able to control the mood and the melodies like playing with clay, it's genius.
She has published two album so far, one decidedly moody, jazzy album called "Frank", it is published when she was 18. Frank deals with crushes, young love. The perspective is young and sweet but the words and tone are mature and adult at times. The second album was published last year when she was 22 called "back to black", the entire album deals with her break-up with NaS, an egotistic Rapper ten years her senior. The album utilizes the music of 50-60s girl band, and manifests into a classic periodic mood pieces. The name of the title comes from the saying "Once you goes black, you won't go back." further emphasizing her infatuation with the black rapper. The first track of the album "Rehab" is a catchy tune that lead listener straight to the heart of the album, the depression that follows a break up. I have yet to be able to get it out of my head. "Back to Black" is so carefully arranged and her voice in it is so controlled that can easily rival any singers in the portrayed era. "Love Is A Losing Game" and "Tears Dry On Their Own" are gems on their own. I have always thought that legendary talents like Billie Holiday and Ella Fitzgerald don't exist in modern days, I guess I'm wrong.
The only regret I have is that the UK bonus track "Addicted" is not included in the US version. Maybe because it deals twith the subject of marijuana and the censors pulled it out of the album. Censorship pisses me off.
Stars are funny, some gets famous and start to change for the worse. Like The Killers, they became arrogant and start insulting other bands for their lack of originality. Forgeting their own music are not that far from other bands, either. Some start doing drugs and drinking. Amy Winehouse has took a liking to the bottles and, apparently, weed. While no study has found that weeds are actually harmful, I am very worried about her drinking. Given, breaking up with an egotistical well-known delusional married player/rapper of another race and country inspires materials and emotions to make good music but what does she really see in NaS? She had cancelled shows and concerts because of her drinker, made a fool of herself on the Charlotte Church show. I really like her, she's so talented and still so young, but I'm worried for her because of the very same reason. The talented ones have a tendency to take their own lives or cease persuing their career and change their aim in life on other pursuit, like Lauryn Hill, and she's an emotional one at that. I think her career is well worth following. I hope for good things to come.
It's April 16th and it's snowing. The weather is really weird. I remember there was a Chinese myth that says if it snows in July, it means there were injustice somewhere. Someone must have been wrongfully accused, it says so in the show 'Judge Bao'. I wonder what happened if someone is wrongfully accused in any other month and how much snow would fall to show every single case of injustice.
I guess now the big industries and the republicans they have bought can tell you that there's no such thing as global warming. "It has been so cold this year, just the state of New York have had tons of snow." Well, the conspiracy theory would be that they bought tons of snow machine and start making snow in that region. Just kidding. But the new developed conscious of American people towards the environment has been really admirable. Now if they only can use action to back up their words. Start developing other energy sources for cars, not using oil or oil-added products. (Really, E-85 is bulls#!t)
I'm keen to have every households start using solar panels on their roof and start producing energy. I know there's is an upfront cost for installation and for the panels itself but the sun, the largest source of the cleanest, environmental-friendliest energy of all is left untapped. The government should definitely start a program loan money to people to do solar panel installation. But then they don't really care about that because their ties to oil and other energy companies are too big and there's no money to be made when people are self-sufficient. I used to have heard an expression - "The government is the parent of the people", when did they turn around and start scamming their own children? That's why I hate politics and politicians.
They say there's only two things in the world that won't change: death and taxes. While I have finished doing my taxes a long time ago and get a pretty nice sum of money back, I can't help but wonder about death sometimes. My grandma is past her 80s and since she does have a bunch of kids around, I do think that if the time comes when she passes, there will not be any problem on handling her funeral and such.
My aunts all have children, so I get they are pretty well off as well. My uncles is a different story, given they are all married now but one has a young child, one has a step child and one has a divorce. I wonder what would happen if any of them died.
I wonder what will happen if I died, being a gay man is not easy. Since my pseudo-partner will be going back to Argentina in a few month, I basically will be single again. I need to start looking for a partner that would last me til the end of my life. Maybe start a family by adopting some kids and the whole bang. If I remain single and spouse-less, who will take care of my funeral and all when I die? (Definitely cremated and have my ashes scattered somewhere fun and romantic. Maybe somewhere with sun and ocean waves.) If nothing else, that will be the whole reason to get a spouse and start a family. But what if my spouse passes on earlier than me? So, my primary qualification to be my boyfriend from now on is to be younger than me and healthier?
Principe got strep throat last week, but I didn't know it was strep throat. I thought it was just a cough or a regular sore throat, so I dismissed it. Well, guess how I found out it is actually sore throat?
It's funny because it is not the first time we have matching disease and he's always the one to get sick first. Of course, whenever he gets sick it'll eventually be passed on to me. It just can't be avoided. I never avoid affection. I much rather get sick than avoid a kiss or two, it's not in my nature. There's why I can't give up anything for lent. (Well, other than the fact that I'm not religious...)
So my throat has been soring like crazy, it's especially worst when it's dry so I have to drink a lot of water, but it's so painful to swallow. I was gonna take off work just to stay home with my Principe. Last night after work, my colleague ES went to a Korean supermarket with me and we bought a lot of snacks. After I got home around 8, I went to bed and didn't wake up until this morning. So I went to the doctor and scammed him into writing two prescription, so he doesn't have to go to the doctors. I hope it goes away soon.
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One of the person who cheated me out of a bonus saw me at a restaurant last night and started small talking me like I'm a friend. It's strange, what is he thinking? Just because you saw me outside the office, does it automatically makes us "friends"?
He was being extra friendly in the office today. Yeah, right. All is forgiven, right? I lost my appetite when I saw him and his family and then got depressed by the fact that even in my time off, I have to see him. But really, I find his new found affection disgusting. Why can't people I hate just die and fall off the face of the earth? There's really nothing glorious about sleeping your way to the top.
Don't laugh but I've always thought that I could be a star, that is one of the things that I put in for what I wanted to be when I grow up but I guess I never recognize that it would actually happen. When I first found out that there are singers younger than me coming out and became a success, I felt old. That was my first sign of aging.
Now when I was researching about the singers that I used to listen to and still following there careers, I find out that they are really not that much older than me. but then again they are all in the middle aged category. I don't really know what to think about that. Of course, they are all so much more successful than I will ever be. I feel useless, have I passed my creative peak?
Bjork is 41, Tori Amos is 43, Madonna is 48, Janet Jackson and Sinead are both 40, even Gwen Stefani is now 37. Comparing to their achievements in life, I feel so small. Nowadays, I'm just in front of the computer all day not having anything to do. I'm so bored, I'm just pointlessly browsing the net. I have to admit that I have chosen the wrong career path for myself. Maybe just the wrong company, but I still feel like I'm very far away from my dream job. Oh, what am I to do?
Like many people from HK, I first learned about Tori Amos from a translated version of "Silent All These Years" sung by our beloved Faye Wong. I thought the music styling and the arrangement was brilliant, but like most of the feet with ears I didn't understand some of the references in her songs. I always have a preference for female singers, I always find their ability to express emotions are far more advanced than men and Tori is the epitome of that ability.
Throughout the years, my understanding of American culture has improved and my appreciation for Tori's music has grew. "Boys for Pele" remains to be one of my favorite album of hers and of all time. It fully illustrates her piano and harpsicord skills and it's controversial and offensive at times, challenging its listeners traditional concepts.
Her melodies and lyrics weave into a pretty picture of repressed, rebellious catholic femininity, it somehow hauntingly echos through me. It is so lonely, sad and open up a floodgate of emotions within me everytime I listen to it. I guess we all have histories and baggages.
Reading the article set up for her on Wikipedia I understand that she have had a bad relationship with her old recording company, I hope her new one would allow her maximum creativity license and create an environment that would nourish her artistic pursuit. A talent like her is hard to come by.
Recommended Album: Tales of a Librarian (It's like Tori Amos 101), To Venus and Back Disc 2 (It's Tori Amos 102), Boys For Pele, From The Choirgirl Hotel.
Favorite Songs: "Northern Lad", "Playboy Mommy", "Doughnut Song", "Hey Jupiter", "Mohammed My Friend", "Silent All These Years", "Cornflake Girls", "Putting The Damage On", "Way Down", "Black Dove", "Jackie's Strength", "1000 Oceans", "Strange", "Don't Make Me Come To Vegas", "I Don't Like Mondays", "Precious Things", "Cloud on My Tongue", "Purple People"... Well, pretty much everything.
This is a clip of "Maraka", a spoof on the interactive, educational, bi-lingual children's program Dora the Explorer. It is one of the most hilarious clip that I have ever seen.
Quotes like "Don't queston it, just do it!", "Do you know why my father left me ...? Bueno!", "Do it a**hole!" and "If Mittens chose to save baby penguin based on his beliefs, and Mittens' beliefs are not in his direct control, does Mittens really have free will?" are classics.
It's 21 weeks until Principe goes back to where he came from and I'm feeling the pressure. Things got out of control Friday night when he was playing God of War II with me. Given I'm also in a little bit of financial stress, now that we have spent $500 that day on a suit and DVDs and food, but I didn't have to yell at him when he couldn't do a puzzle that is so obvious to me. Not to be a snob, but I couldn't really expect everybody else to have to same intellectual prowess as I do. (That didn't come out sounding too good now, did it? Well, whatever I gain in intellects can't make up with my lack of social skills.)
So I guess we are in the stage of preparing for him to go back home. He asked me to find him the cheapest one-way ticket for the end of August, now that's insensitive. I'm starting to feel very sentimental whenever I heard a sad love song about being seperated or broken off from a lover. I guess I'll be in a deep emotional wreck when it gets nearer and nearer to the day that he really does leave. How am I gonna deal with this? I'll probably fall for the next guy who comes along immediately to drown myself from the pain, whoring myself around or something. It's infinitely sad, but I think I feel my best in my infinite blue state, make peace to the fact that I would probablly be alone and loveless for the rest of my life. After you have reached the bottom, that's no way to go but up, right?
I've been thinking maybe I should go back to HK and try to make a living there, maybe I'll be happier that way. Quit being the scam that I am and use my language skills to my advantage, be with my friends, to have a social life again. I do think I feel more confident when I'm in Hong Kong. The only drawback is the family that I have, they drag me down. Maybe I can rent a place on my own, or get a roommate. Anyway, It will be something that I'll do at least twenty-one weeks from now.
I work one block north of City Hall, and for some reason this place becomes a cul-de-sac of office buildings and there are no good place to eat around. Sure, McDonald's is right next door, but it definitely cannot be defined as a good place to eat. Thinking clearly, nothing around is healthy. So usually I cook something extra each night and take the leftovers to work for lunch. That way, I can control what I eat and it saves me a bit of money too. Except Wednesday, Wednesday is oxtail day at Cookum's and I do love my oxtail stew.
Cookum's is a dark and dingy soul food joint with a bar attached. I think that keep the light very dim, so the alcoholic can drink all day without being recognized by their colleagues. The food is great though, fried chicken wings, fried pork chops, smothered pork chop, pepper beef, pig's feet, chitlings, collard greens, black eye peas. I'm probably the only non-black people who goes there regularly. When I step in on Wednesday, they already know I want Oxtail stew with rice and cabbage. When I step in on other weekdays, they know I want fried pork chops. You can't this kind of service any other place. The sense of community is really strong too, they put up a poster on your birthday, and they organize a trip down to Maryland every year for the crab feast.
When I tell other people about eating oxtails, so would shun while others acts repulsed. Growing up in Hong Kong, oxtail is something common that we usually see in local eateries. Oxtail soup mostly, with celery, tomatoes and potatoes mostly. But then I won't eat chitlings or pig's feet, I guess to each our own kryptonites.
Yesterday, when I pass by cookum's hoping for oxtail, I found out that the owner sold their liquor license and the store to somebody else, so they are closing the shop down now. The cook told me maybe the new owner will reopen the shop in a few months, but who knows if they will be selling the same food. I can understand why the owner would sell the place, it's really not in a residential area and their business at night might be suffering. But I hope they reopen and sell the same kind of food and I hope they renovate the whole place to make it brighter, more welcoming. I'm sure if they do that, they'll have to jack the price up but I'm already missing my oxtail.
I saw the two movie installments of Death Note and it was really good. They changed the story a bit and shortened it, but all and all they tried to be true to the original comic book series. The logic has been improved and it was easy to follow. The change of the storylines adds a surprise elements to the ones who has already read the comic books.
It is still the same fantasy world, all I wish was to have somebody else playing Misa. B+ for me.
I spent the whole weekend reading the series of "Death Note"s. The first episode that I've ordered from YesAsia.com was lost in the mail, so I bought the english version from Borders instead. I couldn't have waited, I planned to spend one of my weekends reading them before watching the DVD version that I've bought. So I pretty much spent three whole days reading it until I literally felt sick from the whole thing. It's my obsessive personality, my shoulders and neck got so tense and sore from staying in the same position, but I can't help it, can I?
I've just finished all 12 episodes, I understand there is a 13th that further explains everything in detail and I would've read it if it wasn't lost somewhere between the shop in SF and here. But I really couldn't wait to give my two cents, afterall I've paid for the series and being a customer I know my rights.
It is a very cool concept, a notebook from death himself dropped on earth whoever picked it up can write names on it and the person with that name will die. Of course, the author also made a lot of "rules" along the way to make it more interesting, to fit the plot, to mend some holes as well as to promote their related merchandises which I find a bit shameless. (Oh... don't write my name in the notes) Some rules include: "You must have the person's face in your mind while writing their name on the notebook, therefore others with the same name will not be affected." "If you write the time, cause and method of death next to the person's name, it will be so unless it is impossible for the person to die in that situation.", "There are more than one notebook on earth and it maybe red, white or black in color but they have the same effects." "Blah, blah, blah..."
The hero (or anti-hero) of the series is a Straight-A student name Light who accidently picked up the notebook and tries to use the notebook to create a crime-free world. He writes down names of criminals he found on the news and online to send out a message to the world that if you commit crime, you'll die. Society responded by divided into two cults, one that whole-heartedly supports this phenomenon and one that denounces it and thinks they are being terrorized into submission. Investigation throughout the world has been established to find this person out and Light starts to abuse his power by killing not only criminals but people that are in his way from realizing his ideal world. L, a borderline austistic investigator, was sent to be in charge of this case and he is determined to find out the truth behind this phenomenon.
The first few chapters of the series deal with the discovery of notebook and the psychological development of a person who acquire such power which is intriguing. After that it becomes an all out psychological and investigational battle. At times, you can sense that the author tried too hard to maintain the logic of the whole story. Instead of being a comic, the whole page is filled with text after text forging a semi-logical story delicate enough that might shatter into a thousand fragments if not careful. Of course we all know that, if the story is as perfect as it seems, we wouldn't need to publish a No. 13 just to cover up more holes. But it is so heavy with "plotlines" that I'm bombarded with reasonings so much that I have lost tracks of my own thoughts and logic. I have to read a section more than three times just to get the point. At times, I wish it has more actions than watching them sitting in one place for 5 pages thinking to themselves. Bring the notebook outside, put them in more dangerous situation and kill someone to save their lives for god's sakes.
All in all they have an A for concept, but a D for logic. Plus other entertaining values, I'll say a B-.
Yesterday there were a lot of people around the office for the doctor, for the trainings and all. It was relatively quiet later in the afternoon, I was helping ES with her training materials and in a split of a second, ES has lost her phone. I was convinced that since we were stocking some shelves that she had accidentally put it in one of the shelves, but since she wasn't carrying it around and she's not as forgetful and mindless as I am, she knows that it was stolen. Other than that we found out that two bags of tokens are also missing. I didn't see anyone around except I've let a patient in through the front door not long ago, so we went over at the doctor's office to find that the person has just left. So we thought that he must be the person who stole it.
Although all this while I was thinking to myself, it could have been somebody else. It was kinda out in the open, it could have been a staff or a volunteer, or even me. I don't know what wrong with me but everytime something has gone wrong I would go and think whether it is my fault first, even though I have nothing to do with it. I think it has something to do with my general lack of confidence in myself and trust in others. Need I to say that I have issues?
After that we decided to call ES' cell phone but it has already been turned off. We called the guy's cell phone and it was off as well. Then we called the guy's home phone, whose sister has picked it up and we told her what her brother has done and if he did not return it by this morning we will call the cops on him. Given there's no proof whether the guy has done it or not, but we pretended that he has been caught on tape even though we don't have a single camera in house.
I felt a little schadenfreude and tried very hard to suppress a smirk. I would feel so upset if it has happened to me. But what kind of a person will steal from his own doctor's office. He may be a drug addict trying to make a quick buck for dope, but one should never bite the hand that he's fed from. Plus, we have all his information on file, it's not like he could hide. From all the detective comics and novels I've read, this is the stupidest way to commit a crime.
He returned what he took this morning and for that I'm glad, and I also feel guilty to have suspected other people. I have decided that he will not be allowed to come back to see his doctor ever again, I hope he find another doctor, because we won't be letting him in even if he is crawling on the floor and dying. That's for stealing from the people who are helping him, stupid.
Had dinner with DC last night and I showed him the weight loss study I'm about to participate in and he told me the drugs they are giving people are for combating depression and addiction. The dosage they plan to use on us are also alarmingly high. He convinced me not to participate in the study just because it will be potential harmful to my brain. So I guess I'll give up, I'm unusually cautious when it comes to my brain.
My green card application finally went in, although I had to go through a lot of hassles to get all the documents I need. It was really not that complicated, I was working on my green card with my ex-boss all along and now my new boss wasn't happy that he wasn't consulted during the process. He want to show me that he's the boss, so he try to make it difficult for me just to let me know. What a jackass? "The salary is too high!", "Shouldn't I be signing it?", "I don't think I've even read what the letter said yet!" Of course, everything is just an act... How can he know the mentioned salary is too high if he haven't even read the content yet? But I'll play along...
He demanded respect from everyone and he got really upset when he found out that some of our staff went to a job fair to look for other prospects. I thought all along that respect is earned but he's starting to run the organization like a dictator. It's like communism all over again. We are not suppose to ask him questions, just listen to what he has to say. He will not tell us what we needs to do, we are suppose to ask he for work when we have the time. He will not tell us when we have important meetings with dignitaries, we are supposed to be always free and ready. We don't have money for office supplies, but we can afford a hotel stay 50 miles away or a weekend trip to Jamaica. Poor communication, poor management is what it is, I wonder how long the organization will survive and which idiots will fund us and what it is based on.
Little meetings with intents to make things difficult for the staff will only create bad feelings. If that how he thinks he can get respect from his staff, he's crazy and stupid. Meanwhile, some of the staff are looking for job, some are about to go on leave soon and the good ones are getting wore out. With our financial state, none of us are gonna get a raise anytime soon and I haven't had gotten one for the past 4 years. Of course there were promises but nothing ever delivered, it has always been prosponed and prosponed. So we asked to do our best to the company but the company doesn't do good by its employee. Whenever there's money coming in, its always the head honchos that gets everything and we have to feel lucky and say thianks that we still have a job. When a staff doesn't see any benefits when we as a whole succeed, what motivations do we have to succeed? What luck is it that we have to work as hard as we can while suppressing any possibility of financial growth and be treated like imbecils everyday?
I thought in time of crisis, the attitude of management is supposed to change to a friendlier tone, after all we are all they have now. Communications are supposed to be as good as possible, hence the benefit of a smaller staff. But maybe it's the first time he's in a position to command the whole organization, his own inexperience leaves him astray. Anyway, I'm glad the application went in. It'll take 12 to 24 months to process, they say. Maybe I'll win the lottery in the meantime and get it over with.
I know that when it comes to personal finance, I'm pretty much an idiot. So from time to time when Yahoo is posting some articles like "Budgeting and Saving Tips" and "How to Make Really Big Money". It's like reading articles in Cosmopolitan but for the financial dummies.
Yesterday, I came over an article on being a millionaire. The article claims that being a millionaire these days are not that uncommon. If you got a well-paid job and you tried your best to save money and invest, you'll probably would able to be a millionaire pretty soon. The problem is that nowadays it doesn't mean as much as it did 40 years ago. The level of material you're able to attain with one million dollars are very limited. Of course, I agree with that observation, the one-bedroom condo one block from my house costs $3.5 Million, not to mention the tax and security fee and all.
But is it really that easy to become a millionaire? Just by saving up? Maybe I should get a 6-digit-paying job first... And even if I get one, how many years of saving and investing will it take fore the money to accumulate to one million? "Reevalute your habits" another article says. Cigarettes, alcohol, coffee are all unnecessary spending habits. My video games are $50 a pop, comic books and books are $6-20 a pop. Should I stop reading them and playing my games? I guess I really have to reprogram myself in order to start actively saving money. How one has to suffer in order to secure one's future? Maybe I don't have financial goals or maybe I'm financially afraid, that's what keeping me from making money. Need I start reevaluating my whole life and setting up goals?
Well, I say that now, but I still bought 3 pounds of veal shanks at $15.99/pound to make osso buco last night. I guess I'm not the patient kind.
I'm actively shopping for a beige Burberryduffle coat online, but I'm can't really find one cheap. The Burberry's in US doesn't seem to be selling them, I only see a few listings on Ebay from sellers in UK. But I'm not too sure what size I wear, I used to wear size 44 suit jackets, so does it mean size 44 will work on a coat as well? Or does it need to be bigger? I'm hella confused.
At some point in time, I've realized what a control freak I've become. In everything I do contain some purposes for me to sculpt and mold my life just the way I want it to be. It's a bit obsessive compulsive, really. Everything is done to my likings, and if it's not, I get irritated and obsessed to change it into the way I want it to be. At some point, maybe I have irreversibly associated my way to be the absolute "right" way. It's horrible, I know.
I'm still reading like crazy, I figured it'll take me a whole day to read half a book and I have about 16 books, so it'll probably take me a whole month to read all of them. Plus my comic books are coming, I got a painting to finish, some video games to start, knitting... It make me pretty busy for the next two months and then... I'll get some more books and obsess about something else. "Killing time", I say... With all the killings time should be dead by now.
It's my hundred-and-forty-fourth post, 144 is such as a great number. Anyway, I hate Monday... it's the first day of the week and I can't sleep in... Don't they know I need a vacation after each and every weekend?
T-Mobile finally managed to transfer my number from my old plan with comcast to my new plan. Hurray!!! Called Verizon and had the internet speed of the office restored, so we can have some decent speed going on, it's probably my fault to begin with but anyway... Called YesAsia to have my orders straighten out, I should expect a package with my comic books anyday now... It's funny how a person need to call all these places to solve his problems, I wonder how much time people spent in call waiting each day. We live in a world where everybody else has a part and a say of what we do and need. A person you hardly know has the key to make your life easier, and he'll only do that if you call him and plea with him, and that's our jobs - one's to plea and the other is to open doors. "I'm the gatekeeper, are you the keymaster?" Why can't everything be automatic?
I'm still waiting for the first chapter of my comics, so I've been reading my kung-fu novels like mad. I'm dreaming in chinese characters now... It's good, hopefully it helps me with my fading Chinese. The side effects though is that I might start to speak Cantonese in those older terminologies. Well, as years go by I'm becoming weirder and weirder anyway...
I cannot say that it's uncharacteristic of me to find out that I've spent approximately $1,000 in the past few days, but it's a bit odd that most of the money I've spent is not really for my own purpose. Alright, I've spent a fourth of it for comic books and martial arts novel, and music and what not but about half of it went to my grandma, another quarter on Principe's iPod and the rest to some under-priviledge children, groceries and changing my phone over to T-mobile's pay as you go plan. I figured I could save more money by changing over, but they are having a difficult time bringing my old number to the new plan.
Yesterday, I was having a real hard time starting the day. I was rushing to go to New York and by the time I walked out the door I found out that I forgot my wallet and my keys. So I broke the door down, caused the wooden frame to bust. If I have only forgotten my keys I would have been fine, but without my wallet I couldn't have gone anywhere. I patched it up before I went up but it's still very raggedy. I spent 45 minutes on the phone trying to straighten out my cell phone situation and got transfered back and forth and all around the place with T-mobile. I got hanged up when I was asking them to reimburse for the minutes they have used.
When I got to NY, I went to Century 21 to do my underwear shopping, got some children's clothes to donate and walked back to Chinatown for food. I passed by a quaint little store that sells gyozas and fried pork buns. I got myself some gyoza, they were really good and it's just a dollar for 5 gyozas!!! I thought to myself, I could definitely live on this, spend $5 a day and my three meals would be settled. I would be malnutured but I would save tons of money, but then if I lived in New York all the money would probably go to rent anyway.
I got some martial art novels and they weren't cheap and when I got to my usual comic book store looking for "Death Note"s, they had every single episode except the first one, I was so pissed. I got the rest of them anyway, thinking I would buy the first one online or get the English version at Borders. But when I got to the Borders in Philly, they sold that one out too... I really don't want to start the others untiul I got the first one. I guess I'll have to wait now.
Thank god these spending binges are just speratics. I couldn't possibly foresee myself spending this much all the time. God, when are my lottery tickets gonna win me something?
Just saw an article on Yahoo! about UFOs, apparently France is the first country that admits the existence of UFO and release their national findings all in one website. But then the website got overwhelmed and crashed soon after its release. I have to give props to the French government of being so open. Unlike the current American government, the French government have the courage to admit that there is something in the world that they can't explain. They also said that there's no proof that the flying saucers and what not are caused by extra-terrestrials, but there are also no proofs that they are not, they just want to announce their findings, so that scientists can use their data to further their investigations and researches.
The mall sells plastic flying saucers as toys now that can levitate and move around mid-air. So maybe government agencies used the same technologies to survey the land, it's not necessarily extra-terrestrials, although it would be very cool if it is. But if they were from other planets, one has to wonder why after all these years of extra-terrestrial activities, we still haven't been officially contacted by them. Are they perhaps disappointed by what they have seen? Maybe because their size is too small that they are afraid of us? Would I live long enough that finally we would make contact with them and we'll begin to see little flying saucers around our most popular landmarks, like disneyland and hollywood?
The past 24 hours has been quite hectic. I have accumulate so much errands and trying to complete all of them in one sitting seems nearly impossible. Before ES left for New Orleans, she told me about a friend of hers changed her cell phone plan to 'pay as you go' and since she's not using her cell phone for much she's only paying for $100 a year. I thought that was cool and after further investigation, I decided to change it to a prepaid plan with T-Mobile. I use approximately 200 minutes and pay $60 per month. After I change over I should be paying approximately $20 a month which saves $40 for something else.
So I got to the mall where Principe works at, but I couldn't find a T-Mobile booth that would change it over for me, probably because they don't get commissions for prepaid plans. Principe's iPod Mini died, when I get to the Apple store, they said they couldn't do anything about it, so I bought him a new 30GB iPod. I was gonna do that or wait for the iPhone, but the sales person said it will cost about $600 and only Cingular is gonna carry that. So since I want to change to T-mobile, I guess I'm not gonna get one. It's would have been perfect for Principe, but I won't spend $600 for a phone that he'll probably break or lose it the next day.
I walked around the whole mall because I wanted to get a duffel coat for myself. The pea coat that I got for the past two year has been breaking apart, the inner seems are deteriorating so fast that my pocket are torn and it's getting quite ratty. I spotted a Burberry duffel coat that I crave, but it costs $600. It's still cold out but it's the end of winter, so I'm hoping for a sale. Maybe I'll go to Century 21 while I'm in New York to see if they have anything, they have it on Ebay too but I'm so used to trying it on before buying. If I see it, I'll try it on and maybe buy the online equivalent on Ebay.
Principe and I went to Legal Seafood last night, I was glad that they have opened one in the mall. I'm a fan, although it was kinda expensive but the food was really good. It was early so we just got a bowl of New England clam chowder each, we shared a plate of crab cake and a small lobster. Everything was great, I hope to go back again and again. Looked for the comic book series at borders, but they don't have the complete set and each one costs $8, so I guess I'll go to New York Chinatown for them too.
Uploaded the website I've designed, had a staff meeting, mailed my grandma a check, uploaded songs to Principe's new iPod and got a haircut as well, but I just found out that my barber of 6 years does not work there anymore. That #$%& doesn't even tell me beforehand. I was filling up a long questionnaire the whole day about history information for the weight loss study, describing my weight history, eating habits, psychological conditions, medical conditions and physical habits. I hope this thing works. Anyway, I about to head out to the T-Mobile store to change my phone over. Can't wait til the weekend, but I guess I'll just be spending money like crazy again.
My ex-colleague JH got a job in a place on my way to work, so he's been calling me every morning so that we can walk to work together. It's funny how he acts as my exercise buddy now. I mean he's the reason why I joined my current gym in the first place, we exercised together, walked to work together, walked home together. I was taking cabs everyday to work and laid off the gym thing after he left my workplace, but now that he found a job along the way, I started walking again.
I was thinking when the weather get warmer, I'll go back to the gym a few times a week again. I need it to be warm enough so I can wear shorts outside. JH is on Atkins now, maybe I'll do the same too. I also joined a weight loss study from an University and they are going to put me on a year-round medication routine, to study the effects. I hope that they don't give me placebos, if they do it'll be such a waste of time. I'm always looking for fast results, I guess it is why I stopped my former efforts, because I don't see any results. Plus it was X'mas and cold outside. (If I wanted excuses, I can always find some) I should get a package saying how it works soon and I'll have my first introductory meeting in two weeks.
I came across a series of comic book online called "Death Note". Apparently it has caused a lot of controversy in Japan. The basis of the comic is that one of the angel of death got bored and he left his notebook and its instructions on earth to stir things up. Whoever find this note book can write names on it and whatever names appear on the notebook would be killed instantly. The person whose name appear on the book will die from heart failure, but if the writer wrote the exact cause of death next to the name, the person will die exactly the same as described. The writer has to know the person's face in order for it to work, so people with the same name will not die.
The controversy does not lie within the comic book, apparently. It lies with the release of its related merchandise, precisely, the aforementioned notebook. Every kids and teenagers in Japan bought the look-alikes and wrote down the name of people they dislike with gruesome death scenes for them. Some says it materializes their bad feelings for classmates, teachers, parents which potential lead them to act out their hatred for these people further. Even murder??? Me being so far away doesn't really know about the details but it was rumored to be banned due to its nature. But I love a good controversy, so I decided to buy the whole series, so I can decide for myself.
If a death note does exist, I guess I would have a few names of my own to write in their with gruesome description as well. How about drowning in their own filth, huh?
We had a free trial weekend for HBO, so you know I would have taken advantage for the situation and glued myself to the TV set. Watched all the "Bill Maher", all the "Def Poetry" and all the "Rome". I always liked "Rome", it's a great show about the old Roman Empire featuring great British actors. Season One started with the great glorious Julius Caesar (who invented the renowned salad dressing... lol) and ended with Brutus betraying and killing him. Season two started with life after Caesar and now Ceasar's adopted son Octavian Caesar is raging war with Marc Antony and Cleopatra. The whole show circles the life of two soldiers, Lucius Vorenus and Titus Pullo. Lucius Vorenus is a strict, stoic man who stands by loyalty no matter right or wrong. Titus Pullo is a brute with a heart of gold, and his loyalty stands with his people. There is a brotherhood between them that is so pure and admirable.
There is a lot of sex and violence in the show, it may be for the sake of historically accuracy but a little bit of nudity always attracts viewer, just like Sex and the City did. But the real attraction here is the good acting and plot. Lucius went to a war with Caesar for years, his wife thought he was dead and got pregnant by her ex-boyfriend. When Lucius came back from the war he wanted to kill her for her betrayal, but she killed herself instead. His other children hated him for killing their mother and seeks revenge. Pullo's wife got pregnant and died from miscarriage, his next love is a slave that secretly poisoned and killed his former wife in order to get to him. In an incident she sacrificed her life to save him and before she died she told him the truth and he strangled her to death. What amazing storylines?
Re-read an old Jin Yong novel that I have called "Flying Fox of the Snowy Mountains", it was really good until the very end. It's about a war treasure guard by four families in conflicts, the hero's family was killed by the other, there's fights and kung fus and conflicts. He's a tremendously good writer. The bad thing about it is that sometimes, he doesn't give you a concrete ending. "The family had twins, one got lost when he was a baby, now that this man comes back looking exactly like the son and the only one who can prove it is dead, is he really our son?", "If you don't kill this person, you'll certainly die with him. Killing him is the only way to survive, but he's your lover's father, but he also killed your parents, and he's the chance, so will you kill him or not?" Those are such bulls#!ts... especially when you have invested so much time reading the book and it comes to an end like this. It's like sex without orgasm, it's just bulls#!t!
Me, I'm trying to save the world form the evil Rhapthorne on DragonQuest, fighting for my share in Liberty City on Grand Theft Auto: LCS amongst other games that I will acquire real soon. Waging wars for the control of the TV with Principe. I taught him how to play Lumines and turned him into a Lumines freak.
Went to Bravotv.com and played around with their dream room module and this is the result and also this. I don't know about whether this is really my dream room, living room is not really that important for me. I rather have a nice kitchen or a nice bedroom, even the bathroom is more important to me than the living room. I just need my TV and my playstation and I'm basically set for my living room. The other end of it is that they don't really have a great choice of furniture and nicknacks to choose from, with me being a bit color blind, it's hard for me to create a truly ideal room just by using this module, but I did my best.
You should definitely try playing with it and see what you came up with.
I was catching up with all the "Bill Maher" on HBO last night. His program is almost as good as Jon Stewart's in my opinion. The only thing is that it's not as frequent and it's harder to access to it of course. I used to subscribe to HBO, but after Sex and the City ended and they canceled Carnivale, I don't feel like it anymore. So I'm very happy when this few days they are promoting the free trials.
I think in a lot of aspects, I share the same view with Bill Maher. I believe that most organized religions are crazy, I hate hypocrisy and bureaucracy and nothing bugs me more than a lying sack of a politician. I believe that George W. is a dumb f#(k and Dick Cheney is a evil son-of-a-bitch and if you're a republican, you're either very rich and selfish or there's something fundamentally wrong about you. But I don't assign myself as a democrat, democrats are just the lesser of two evils. I realized that most Asians are republican, somehow they believe that big industries (republicans) can better take care of their workers. Maybe once upon a time it is true, but this country has turned into a selfish individualist country where everything is about making a profit. Social security is privatized, there's no public health care, the sense of community and common good is slim.
Now that George W. is waging wars all over the middle-east, sacrificing thousands of lives with no plan in mind to end the war, he basically became the most hated figure in the world. He turned the once prestiged and respected nation into the tail end of countless jokes. Haliburton, WMD, War because of 9/11, Katrina, Shooting people on the face, Walter Reed, the list goes on and on... When will people start thinking about impeaching the lot of them? But no, we are just patiently waiting for their term to end, wishing and hoping that nothing else is going to be screwed up during this time. Seriously the guy is like a f#(king s#it-Midas, everything he touches turns to s#it.
My solution to the war is to hand George W. over to the Sunnis and the Shiites after his term ends. Symbolically with a ceremony and an official apology and all. George W. will be in a cage all chained up like King Kong. "We're sorry for invading your country for the wrong reason, this is the person who is responsible for it, do whatever you need to do to him." And then all the hatred in the world towards him can be dissipated. Of course, Dick Cheney is the brain behind it, but George W. has become such a hated symbol that just by sacrificing him alone would do. Whenever he visits a country people over there are burning cutouts with his face on it and the flag anyway. People overseas seems to know little to nothing about Dick Cheney.So there just hand him over to people in Iraq, retrieve the troops and case solved.
I find myself very gullible when it comes to what I'm reading. Just because it's all typed up on paper, I will very likely believe it. Documents from government officials, movie lines, websites, media release, it doesn't matter what it is, the newer information will be like the bible to me, it makes me question my common sense and stored up memories, forgetting that they are written by another human being and they can make mistakes as well.
There are so many papers running around with information on it that nobody cares, nobody cares to read them, it's a clutter of information. Coming from me a student of information system, it may be a bit weird, but I'm getting tired of them. I only want to read what I'm interested in, I only want to do what I'm interested in. Why can't I be paid to do what I want to do? Childhood had spoiled me.
I really, really wanted to buy all the kung fu novels written by Jin Yong, that's a guy that wrote almost my whole concept about kung fu. His novels were translated into classic TV shows and movies again and again. The guy can write. So I went to Yesasia.com and found his books but it adds up to a great sum, so I'm thinking about raiding a bookstore in New York. I hope there's a bookstore there that carries all his books in traditional Chinese. And if possible, I would like to get an episode of "Death Note" and see if I like it before buying the whole volume. But then I was supposed to get together with a friend this weekend and go to KoP to fix Principe's iPod, plus HBO has a free preview all weekend, so I can catch up on "Rome" and "Bill Maher". So many activities, so little time.
Trying to paint Principe's eyes last night, but I don't seem to be able to get it right. I used black to trace the eyes, but it looked too strong, like he had mascara on or something, so finally I have to wipe it off and paint over them with white paint. It wasn't pretty, I wonder how other people do it. I also realized that if I can't paint the face right, my painting will turn out horrible. So I'm getting very anxious now.
When I finish it, I'll definitely take a picture and post it online. Who knew this would turn out to be so hard?
Must be spoiled by the 12-hour sleep, I'm feeling really sleepy today. Still sick, but the weather is warming up and there is some wind in the air, so it's not as bad. I managed to finish my lunch, so it is also a sign of recovery. I can't wait to be home though.
One more week and my painting should be done, nowadays, I'm just waiting for it to dry and apply more details. I do think Prinicpe is right though, I'm making his face and head rounder than it is. I guess I'm making him look fatter then, hehe... Too bad it is me who is painting, and I kinda like it the way it is... He can complaint all he wants, but it's gonna stay the same.
The fire alarm went off last night at 4:00 in the morning. Principe and I woke up of course, along with the residents of the whole building. I insisted on sleeping on the last incidents despite the smoke in the air and the building behind us burnt down, two people died or something. So I learned not to underestimate the possibility of a real fire is actually occurring.
I used to underestimate the chance that the alarm went off because of a real fire just because there are a lot of art students and drug users lives in my building, the rent is cheap. They could be doing some heat molding project or smoking some dope and fall asleep. Of the years I've been living here the alarm went off every few months and it usually doesn't amount to anything. Other than the building behind us burnt through the roof, they have to demo down the whole thing relocate everyone that lived there and rebuild it into a luxury condo. I'm sure they made a huge profit from that fire. There were also two pretty good latino/caribbean restaurants on the first floor, I hope they had insurance. I miss their food sometimes.
Anyway, I didn't think there was a fire. If it did, it must have been a very small one at that. I still feel very weak, so I took the day off. I can't seem to breathe at night. If my boss shows up at work and smoke, I might die. I come out to the coffee shop and I can't even seem to balance a cup of tea. JH called me this morning to see if I want to walk to work with him, he got a new job. I'm truly happy for him, he asked whether I want to go to the gym with him, since he's nearer to my work now. I said great, maybe he can motivate me to use my membership that I've been paying all this while. I need to get in shape, Principe is leaving me soon.
I have always said that I live in the past and I still think it's true. Saw Heroes the other day and one of the main character said that to live in happiness is to live in the present and to live with meaning is to wallow in the past and obsess about the future, therefore you can't have both happiness and meaning in the same time. If it is true, it means that I cannot be happy, but then what meaning do I have in my life?
I dreamt about an old friend Friday night. A friend that I haven't seen in more than 10 years, we used to hang out a lot when we were in high school. But I repeated a grade and we kinda lost touch. I've heard that he moved or studied college in the U.S., another friend told me has told me before that he might be in Chicago. I wonder if he's still around. I got an Email address of him, sent him an E-mail years ago, but I never got a response from him, maybe it's not an active E-mail address or maybe he thought it was a junk mail and deleted it. I wonder what we'll say to each other anyway. I heard from another friend that he became a famous private tutor, he probably don't think much of me now.
I managed to go through these few years not particularly leaving deep impressions in other people's life. I live like a ghost, by myself in a small apartment. Self-sufficiently feed on my own life, my video games. This hermit kinda life is not really difficult to maintain, but then it's not particularly exciting. I wonder what my future is like, I wonder what kinda meaning my life would hold.
I'm still sick, actually sicker now, thank god the weekend is approaching. I can't believe it, but I'm so tired that I can't even finish my lunch today, must... crawl... to the pharmacy... to get some... Dayquil... *ugh*
A shipment from YesAsia.com arrived yesterday with my Kindaichi detective comics and Executive Managing Director Shima Kosaku comics as well. At least I can be sick and entertained. Along with them, I bought an older Faye Wong CD that I had lend to some former classmates of mine in pre-iPod era and he never returned it back to me. I always lend things or money to people and can never retrieve it back from them. I learned to stop doing that though. Also bought a newer Jacky Cheung CD and I started to notice how much he truly sucks. I used to like him a lot when I was growing up.
I love buying things online, when it arrives it feels like receiving a present. Now I got my eyes on a bunch of older classic kung fu novels, the series of "Death Note" comic books and a CD. Too bad they are so expensive, I wish they were cheaper.
It's time to add another layer of color to my painting. I should be done with it within the week.
Principe was having a cold these few days and he's quite miserable. Of course being a good boyfriend that I am, I try to make him as comfortable as possible. He still has to go to work though. But of course, I think I got his cold too. My nose has been quite stuffy lately, and I got a little headache. So I got myself some Tylenol and hopefully it'll go away quickly.
It's my second time getting a PPD now. After my check up last time, the PPD took a few days longer to show up all bumpy... which should be a positive. This time, it is still all bruised up, maybe it'll be all bumpy again. If it's a false positive again, it might mean that I have TB. That would explain why it's always difficult for me to breath. My lack of exercise could explain the delay of the result. I wonder since TB is transferred through air and body fluid, maybe Principe would have it too. Antibiotics can cure it, but it takes half a year and he doesn't have any insurance. If it stays uncured, his lungs would rot inside out. But then it's just a theory. If the doctor saw it and said it wasn't anything, I guess I shouldn't over-react.
Maybe I don't even have a cold, allergy season is starting and I should expect it to hit me real hard this year. Of course, it doesn't help that my boss is smoking in the office. I feel like I can't breathe most of the time. It's not only bad, it's also illegal. Maybe I can sue him for compromising our staff's health in general. At least it can be an excuse for me to leave early if I so choose to. My nose is already all stuffed up, I can use some time away from the smoke.
I had lunch with DC yesterday who has just gone to Singapore and Sydney with his family and boyfriend for Chinese New Year. We get to talking about his brother and his wife who became Australian and just had a baby girl. "They have no jobs..." He says and the govenment give them money $2,000 a month. Apparaently Australians are quite different, tax are progressively higher, it ranges from 30 - 45% and the more money you make, the higher the percentage it is, so nobody are eager to make lots and lots of money. "Everything closes at 5:30 pm and most people don't have jobs, they just hang out around the beach and surf..." Sounds like a great life to me. "And Australians men are so cute..." Hey, where do I sign up?
DC also told me that his brother's wife grandparents have land in the middle of Shanghai and some developers just bought it from then for couple millions of dollars. So their family is gonna get US$1 Million right off the bat, and they didn't even know their grandparents have land until recently. "Life's not fair"DC laments, "Do they know how hard I have to work to earn a million dollars???" How hard you have to work? How about I probably won't ever earn $1 Million dollars in my lifetime? Although I do agree on the "life's not fair" part.
He's planning to retire in Singapore with JEW. despite being a country boy, JEW loves the attention he gets for being white in Singapore, and DC loves the city. "There's so many good food, and they are all so cheap," DC says. I, too, have fond memories about Singapore, everything is kept clean and health conscious. The outdoor food bazaars with the smoke from satay vendors, congee, fresh fruit juice, indian bread and all kind of oriental snacks. Yum. Although the gay policies is still "Don't ask, Don't tell."
I finally got all the information and documents I need for my green card application. Although, I don't really know where I'd be. Maybe once I get my green card, I'll move to a whole different country all together. Australia sounds good, but I'm so afraid of snakes and all the most poisonous snakes in the world are in Australia.
My grandma once told me not to complain when I'm full, if I complaint too much I might never be able to be full again. After paying my rent, my credit card bill, $300 for the immigration health exam, my loan and my savings, my cell phone and my gym membership, I figure I really don't have much left. I'm glad I felt rich for a moment. I really wanted a new pea coat and a new shoulder bag. Oh well, I guess I didn't really need them anyway.
I went to get my check up and the receptionist/head nurse was really busy. She was companing to me that her colleagues are useless and talk on their cellphones all days and don't even help her out. There werre like 10 people in the lobby waiting and she's the only one who does any real work. Gosh, I guess I'm not the only one who's unhappy at work. In fact, she's so busy that she forgot to ask me for my payment. I could have saved $300, but I reminded her anyway. She called me a 'good person', ha, if she only knew I could have just as easily walked out the door. It's almost a jacket and a bag right there... lol
Oh well, money comes and goes. I need to either cancel my gym membership or just get myself together and go. I'm not getting any younger, if Principe is going back to Argentina this August, I need to take care of myself so I can meet somebody new. I feel awkward doing the dance again at my age, at this moment I feel like I'm middle-aged or worst. I guess they were right about "gay"years... It's almost like dog-years. Once you reached 30's you might as well be dead or invisible. My chance of finding someone new might be slim to none.
I just saw a show on TV about people flipping houses and that is supposed to be one of the fastest ways of making money. But in order to do that you have to have money to buy the house first. After all the renovations and upgrades, you sell the house immediately to get profit. I imagine you can do 5-6 times throughout the year and get more than $300,000. Initially, though, it requires about $400,000 which is a very big number for me to raise. If I have that much, then I probably don't have to have a job anymore. Of course, it can be very stressful work, but I can be the boss. It's certainly something that I can think about.
It's official, I'm rich -- NOT!!! But I do have a little more money coming in than usual. The first week weeks of the year, I'm on contract and my check is before tax, and I don't have to pay until the end of the year. I also got my tax return, so that was great. Our job also changed our pay period from once every two weeks to twice a month, so I feel like I have extra money in my pocket.
I managed to restore my savings to about the level pre-X'mas and pay off my bank loan. I should be happy. But I should also be aware that I could lose my job in any moment, and for this uncertainty, I should really save up for the rainy days. Maybe if I have enough money, I can join my friend and move to another city to start anew. It's not that I have enough money to buy a Lamborghini or anything, I dont even own any property, but it's nice to know that I got out of debts.
My birth certificate finally arrived, and there is no specific information of the birth of my parents. I guess it's a good thing then, I made up their birthdays in my form and couldn't be proven wrong. I also went for the health exam for immigration and I'll get the results on Monday... It's the very last components I need in order to submit my green card application. I need to not get fired before that happens... lol
Yesterday, one of my colleagues' printer had a paper jam and when she opened up the paper drawer, a mouse jumped out of it. I think that was really funny and it has me cracking up for most of the day. I didn't know what happened at first, my colleague was yelling and hollering, and I thought she was having a big fight with someone else. I was relieved that it was just a mouse. But she was an affirmed christian, and another colleague was catholic and a vegetarian and all I hear from them was "Kill it!!!" and "Step on it!!!" I thought god created everything and you're supposed to love all creatures, I guess not.
ES and me who has some Buddhist background were the only two that says "Let it go!" Well, they finally find it and killed it today. ES says maybe because we have mice at our homes and that's why we are not as shocked as they are. I do feel bad when my mouse trap gets a mouse. I wish all species can get along, but it doesn't work out that way. We have to kill some things sometimes.
I filled out an immigration form yesterday, my lawyer's paralegal finally got the package to me. In the forms there were a bunch of questions asking whether I was a former Nazi or if I have used, buy or sell illegal drugs. Also they asked me about the birthdays and the city that my parents were born, would it be strange that I didn't know any of these information? I have a concept that my mom was born in August of 1950, but I don't know which day. I think she was born in Macau. Forget about my dad, he's a deadbeat and I don't have a clue on where and when he was born. So I made it up. At the end, I have to sign that I didn't lie of make up anything on my responses, oh well...
I asked my grandma to mail me my birth certificate, there might be information on my parents' birth. It's always interesting to find out about your past. I'm so self-centered at times that I think life begins with me and forgot that there are tons of information about me and my family that I don't know. I wonder what my mom sees in my dad at the first place. I wonder if he's still alive and if he's not, shouldn't I at least benefit from his death?
Growing up my mom loved music and I think that's why I love music too. Sometimes those music that my mom used to listen to resonates in my head. I can't help but sings one of these oldies. It's really nostalgic. So a few years when I was passing by a music store in San Francisco, I saw a few "best of" collections of singers that my mom used to love. Yesterday, a friend brought on an old song, and I thought "I have some CDs of some oldies stored up somewhere, it might be nice to burn them into my iPod." So I brought them to work today.
Deanie Ip has always been my favorite even since I was a kid. One of my online friend told me once that all gay people from Hong Kong loves Deanie Ip, Faye Wong and Sandy Lam, I'm afriad I can hardly argue with that. In Dreamgirls someone says Beyonce's Diana Ross type character got to be a star because she doesn't have any emotions in her voice and that what I feel about the latest canto-pop singers. They are pretty to look at, but if you really listen to them, there's no feeling expressed. I much rather listen to Deanie any time of the day.
Paula Tsui is another older singers from Hong Kong that people don't speak of anymore. One of my aunts used to love her, she even changed her name to Paula because of her. But when I listen to her now, it's a bit cheesy. Her songs are mostly borrowed Japanese melodies with heavy 70s feeling. Somehow I got into a discussion with ES about Teresa Tang. She hit it big back then in Asia, the whole Asia loved her. It is rare for a Chinese/Taiwanese singer to hit it big in countries that doesn't speak the language. Judy Ongg is another one of them. Teresa was regarded as a national treasure of China and later died of an asthma attack in Thailand. I remember that she had a much younger French boyfriend. And of course I still remember Jenny Tseng, the Kwans and a singer named Bao. One of my favorite oldies is the theme song of a kung fu TV series called "The Condor Heroes". I wish I can download it somewhere.
I just heard it from a TV show or a movie the other day saying that revenge is not about justice, it's just to make the former victim feel better. Frankly, I don't know what's so wrong about wanting to feel better.
Last Friday, my ex-boss and me had a fallout and it makes my already terrible mood even worse. It started with the website that he hired someone to put together and since it's not done yet, he wants me to do something about it. There's nothing I can do, since he hired the person behind my back and I don't know his contacts. The guy put together something real quick just to shut him up saying that it is only a temporary draft and the final finished product will be done in a month. My boss wanted me to give him suggestions, but I told him that it is just a rough draft, we have yet to see the finished design, so it is too early to give any critiques or suggestions. He called another consultants and the other consultant agrees on me and basically told him to shut up and wait. After that he has the gall to come to me and ask me why I'm not technical savvy enough to do what he wanted. Of course, I know he intentionally said something like that to me to piss me off just because someone told him to shut up and he got upset and needed to make others feel bad as well. All the time he's pushing me to critique a website or do an interim website for the few weeks that we'll be waiting and I bluntly told him no.
Then, he called me in the conference room and told me that I'm being very negative lately and suggest that maybe I should "do something else". I told him I'm being negative because I feel like I was scammed and that I will not go anywhere else before I get my green card. And I told him that at this point I am not doing much because I don't know what my responsibilities are after our reconstruction. I requested them to tell me for months but they never gave me anything concrete. And who is he to tell me what to do anyway, he got a huge severance pay to leave but he still acts like the boss in the organization. Given everybody knows it's just another scam, he's going to come back as our boss in another form. But he made his own bed, so he should really lie in it. He ask me how we can get pass this and I told him I don't exactly know that we can, I have too much resentment stored up in how they mismanage the company, I do have lots of doubts in how the company can survive anyway. They may reinvent and reinvent the organization, rename it andrename it, it's still managed by the same S-holes. They have offended enough people that the ill-wills are enough to destroy this company.
Later that day, he came back with a new job description and a new job offering letter for me to sign. The letter is offering a brand new position for me with the same pay, but has a three-month probation period. It means that if I don't work out for them, I can be fired in three months without any reasoning. I must have the word "dumb" written on my forehead. I have been working here for six years, all the sudden I need a probation period to see whether I work out? I know their tricks enough to know that it is the easiest way to fire someone. So I refuse to sign it, how many position do I need? I'm the director of MIS and planning, and then they gave me a card saying I'm the manager of data collection and data management and now I'm something else? how can I be three things all at once? Honestly I cannot participate in their scams.
I would have been fine if they would just let me be, but if provoked I have enough documentation evidence amongst others that would leave them into tons of trouble. They could go to jail for it, ruin the careers that they think they have and also other things that can ruin their families. I do have all the contacts but I don't really want to do it because it's not in my personality. But I can certainly dedicate a year or two just to make sure they will never make anything of themselves again. They always say that the quiet ones are the most dangerous ones. I have no qualms about making myself feel better but then as long as I got what I need from them, I'll be happy enough.
My uncle just got a divorce, me and my aunt was talking on the phone about that and she says "Poor guy, how unfortunate...", in which I replied "He's always criticizing everything that everybody is doing, it must have been tough to be his wife." Then she told me that he originally he planned to move back in with my grandma, much to her dismay, but later he caught her talking about him behind his back, so he bought a small place and moved out. My aunt told me that even his son is not talking to him anymore, that my uncle is isolating himself from everybody. I remember when I was young he was quite violent when he doesn't get his way, maybe that's why he's getting a divorce and maybe that's why his own son doesn't talk to him anymore. I remember talking to him a few years ago to quit getting into and criticizing other people's businesses and that would eventually drive people away. I told my aunt "He could have changed his ways." Then my aunt says something I find profound "性格命生成 (Your personality grows to be like that)"
I always have a different understanding about personalities, I thought I am who I am from day one and I'll always be and remains the same. But what my aunt was implying is that through time and the change of environment, your personality will change. I told myself when I was growing up that I will never be like my uncle or my grandmas, my dad or my mom even. But I'm afraid to admit that I find traits in myself that really resembles my uncle. It's a cliche, everybody grows up finding themselves to be like their parents. Maybe because once upon a time they were our role models, idols even. So subconsiously we are all imitating a life that has someone else has lived before. That's the only example we had on how to deal with a particular situation.
I'm in a rut, I need to get out of it and hopefully my personality can grow in a happier, healthier direction. I remember it used to be like that, now it is not. After my company scammed me out of the few thousands dollar that they promised me, I became very disgruntled. Not that I'm picking fights or stealing stuff, but I'm quite cold and distant these days and I can start to see that it affects other people around me. I just can't let it go. I'm coming in late and leaving early when I wish. They let another employee left for half a year and still paying her salary, I doubt that they would say anything about me not being there on time. But I'm not in a happy environment right now. Honestly, if I should stop blaming others and whine all the time as well, nobody likes a whiner. If I'm that unhappy, I should just forget my green card application and leave. I should realize that my life is in my hand, I can change it when I want to, but currently it provides me with some security that I don't have the courage to let go.
I always thought I didn't care about what others think of me, who needs them? But I'm afraid to turn into my uncle, I'm afraid to spend the rest of my life isolating myself from other people, to live and die alone.
Well, boy am I late? Chinese New Year started the past Sunday and now I'm just getting around it. I'm getting quite sentimental about it and it's about the first year that I really miss home (meaning Hong Kong) and I don't really know why. I'm getting old, I guess. So I went out to Chinatown by myself. Principe has to work, DC went to Australia with his family and I really don't feel like contacting anybody else. I wanted a lavish banquet, or dim sum, but those are activities that you need a lot of people to go along with you. So I ended up in a HK style BBQ restaurant, ordered a bowl of wontons and a roast pig and BBQ pork with rice. I haven't have roast pig for a while, thought it would be festive.
Chinatown was full of people, foreigners mostly. They buy all kinds of firework in the stores and just light them up in the middle of the streets. I was surprised of how busy Chinatown is during Chinese New Year. When I first come to this city, all the stores and restaurants close during the first few days, just like when I was in Hong Kong. For us, it is like Christmas; We celebrates from home but everything is supposed to be closed, it's a time for us all to rest. Now even the barbershops are open, which is a big no-no. I guess everyone is getting commercialized and money-driven.
I bought a phone card to call home. They never work around the first few days of new year. I must have dialed around 40 times for it to go through and my little brat of a cousin hanged me up. Why is he even answering the phone? The boy is like 5 years old. Til this day, I still didn't get in touch with some of my aunts. God knows what they'll think about me now. "He called his grandma, but didn't call us... I guess he's too important for us now..." My grandma already told me that one of my uncle-in-laws ask why I haven't called her as early as I had, implying that I either forgot about my grandma or not love her enough... Oh well...
I was obsessing about the fact that I didn't get to have a full Chinese New Year meal, so I dragged Principe out Tuesday night to a restaurant and ordered shark-fin soup, peking duck, beef stew and craw meat with pea shoots. I would have loved to have some lobsters, but it was too much food. And I had some sweet and sour chicken leftovers that I made at home, so I tried my best to control myself. When I was eating the soup, I was thinking of why our people eat shark fins at all. Surely it doesn't taste, with the technology we have now they could make it could have been plastic or some kind of noodles, people wouldn't be able to tell and I doubt that it has any kind of nutritional value. (ES told me that it has a high mercury content, you may get mercutry poisoning if you eat a large quantity of it) But all in all, I was happy that I did something for Chinese New Year and have tons of leftovers that I won't have to cook for a week.
But then, it is still not the same as being in Hong Kong and be surrounded by friends and family...
I saw an article on Yahoo! the other day talking about how people are addicted to video games. As you can imagine, it struck a cord in my head, because frankly I know I am one. In the article, it told a story about people who's hooked on an world-famous MMORPG called World of Warcraft. Those who are addicted to the game invest the majority of their time in the fantasy world and start ignoring their real life responsibilities. They start ignoring their social life and friends, get to work late and their family life is also affected by it. Some people would miss important events in their life just to play the game, some guy turned down a scholarship from an university, some turned down jobs and others got divorced. And all I can think of is that World of Warcraft must be a great game.
Of course, gaming addiction wasn't a new concept for me, I have heard enough stories to know what video games can do to a person. Somebody died from a heart attack playing Biohazard (Resident Evil for US), people taking sick leave for the release of Dragon Quest, but to officially calling it a disease is a new and harsh concept for me. Someone is literally trying to come out with a set of diagnosis on Wikipedia which I find myself having multiple symptoms. I talk about playing games on my blog, I'm obsessively thinking about events and details, I played it longer than I intend to, I give up social events just so I can play and I get to work late sometimes because I was playing games and yes, I dreamt about it too.
From a related article on BBC, it actually shows that others are profiting from this addiction. Clinics are building in China to combat this new found addiction. People are spending too much time from the Internet and video games taht they have to build hospitals just to make them stop. Teenagers, particularly are all over the net and ignoring their school work. Grades are slipping and parents are worried. (Hey, at least the kids are losing weight...) As I'm pondering about my gaming habits and whether I should get World of Warcraft or not, I gave up maxing up my Disgaea 2's characters and went to the video store and got myself a copy of Bully. At least it is not an RPG... So I don't have to spend all my next 100 hours leveling up. It is really the fault of the game developers to develop a game that requires so much time to make everything better, of course having a compulsive personality helps too... But if I can manage to get myself addicted to it in a level like those kids in China, maybe I'll be able to lose some weights.
When I got home Tuesday night I got a package from someone in Hong Kong. At first I thought it was CY since I've just sent him a G-Shock earlier and he said he had something for me. But then it doesn't really looked like his address, he just moved out of his mom's. After that I thought it might be my cousin's sending me a gift thanking me for the wedding present I've sent her. Since I've not heard from her since, I thought it would just be natural. "And I was doubting her manners..." I thought to myself. But when I was opening the box and read the card, I was completely blown away.
BY has been one of my best friends and I really feel bad not being able to be there for his wedding and celebrate his first born. So I sent him a package of baby clothing, baby blanket, stuffed animals and a silver rattle from Tiffany's around the time that the baby was born. It was decidedly a bit heavy-handed because I don't remember sending him a wedding gift either. We joked and he teased me not getting married yet, so I joked saying I'm already married. I didn't tell him that it was with a guy, of course, not knowing how he would react and I really liked him as a friend. A bunch of them in college years found Jesus, and you never know what it means. So when I opened the box, I saw a card congratulating me on my wedding and wishes us "both" luck. And inside the box came a really beautiful miniature crystal vase and gold branched and leafed crystal roses from Swarovski. Honestly, I was really just joking with him and I guess he was looking for an excuse to give me back something in return.
Principe also got me some red roses for Valentine's day which was totally unexpected either and I love him for that. The only thing is he put it by the lamp for a while and almost all of them died the very next day and if he knew me well enough, he would have chosen some white or light colored flowers instead of the color he likes. "Bright red is for love" he says.
I made someTiramisu for work, because originally we planned an open house and it's Valentine's Day but we got a bit of snow yesterday morning. I've always like snow, every year I anticipate two or three days of heavy snow, so I don't have to go to work. I get cheerful when the weather goes bad. Go figure. I love rain, thunderstorms and typhoons. Is it because a Chinese psychic has told me that my elements lack water or is it because it produces a chemical reaction in my body that makes me feel happy? Anyway, I guess the whole city was hoping for a huge snow day that even a few inches got the entire city into a frantic mode and they closed all the schools. I was getting ready to go to work with my tiramisu, when I get calls after calls debating whether the office is gonna be closed and finally we came to a decisions that we won't be going to work.
So from the time that Principe was going to work until the time he came back. I was in front of the TV playing video game. I guess I must really want to finish it fast. I was getting this huge migraine all the time I was playing it too. I had some of the Tiramisu which was surprisingly good and forgot about the fact that it was Valentine's day or the fact that I need to cook dinner. I snapped out of it when he came back around 8:00pm, so I rushed out to get groceries and more flowers in the snow and that was that.
A friend of three years just called me out of the blue during the weekend telling me that he left his job and is planning to reallocating to San Francisco. Of course, in order to do that he has to find a job over there first. I told him that it is such a great idea and that I wish I can do that. He ask me "Why not?"
Why not? Well, if you know me, you know that I have an excuse for everything. If I really wanted to do something, I would have done it. My boyfriend will be leaving me in August, so I guess he's not one of the more important factor. I'm applying for a green card and that's important. I need to find a job out there and that's difficult. The rent and living expense out there is a lot more expensive. Other than that I'm all for it.Me and my friend can be roomates and life seems so much more exciting in SF. It's one of the more gay-friendly cities in the States. With luck, I might be able to get my green card in May. (Knock on wood...)
Although I don't think it'll make a big difference if I restart or jump start my life yet again in another place. I'm still me, you can't run away from your shadow. But just think of how much more exciting life can be in a gay mecca and the Asian capital of US. I'll be a double majority. (Hold on... is that a good thing?)
Lately, I've identified Brazil as a place where good-looking men are from. I think I wouldn't mind learning Portuguese and moving there either. But I just saw a news article about a little boy playing around a small river and almost got eaten by a 15-feet anaconda... I'm so scared of snakes that I jump from the sight of curly branches on the sidewalk. If I see an actual anaconda in from of me, I'll definitely freeze and just let the anaconda eat me alive. So although I'm developing a liking to Brazilian men, maybe moving there is not such a good idea. Will I even dare to travel?
On the upper notes of things, like I said, I went to a 7-course dinner at an Italian restaurant called Mamma Maria. It's a pretty quaint and homey restaurant. It's not highly decorated, but it's casual and comfortable which is quite charming as well. Everything is very casual, it's like stepping into somebody's dining room.
When we sat down, a jar of red, a basket of assorted breads and a plate of antipasto is already waiting for us. The plate of antipasto consists of some grilled eggplant, marinated onions, chickpeas and sauteed carrots. Afterwards, the waitress came over to explain the whole process and told us about the choices we have for entrees. We each chose one and then continued with our second course.
The second course is a very nice plate of lentil soup with carrots, onion and celery. The broth is light and clear, I've always been amazed of how flavorful lentil soup could be even without chicken broth. I think I'm going to be making that for dinner some nights and add a chicken leg confit on top. The third course is the pasta trio, which is an assortment of three different pasta in different sauces. It is some gnocchi in marinara sauce, bowtie pasta in alfredo sauce and some penne is a roze sauce. It is quite simply put on a plate next to each other. The penne is my favorite. I always like the mixture of the creaminess and roundness of alfredo and the acidity and flavor of marinara.
The entree comes next. MP chose the grouper with crabmeat on top in a safflony cream sauce and she gave me and ES a bite, it was surprisingly good. ES originally wanted the filet mignon with sauteed mushrooms but she changed her mind and got the langoustine seafood platter instead. I was gonna order the langoustine, but since she ordered it, I got the filet. might as well tried a bit of everything, right? ES' seafood platter comes with shrimp and calamari flavored with lemon juice and some melted butter. She gave me one of her langoustine and I really liked it. My filet mignon was good, but nothing too special.
A plate of salad came next, and a plate of cheeses and watermelon. Then it comes dessert. The waiter recommended that we have the ricotta cheescake, but later came back saying they are out of it. We teased him so bad. So we shared a piece of italian rum cake, a piece of chocolate cake and a piece of pineapple coconut cake. The pineapple coconut cake has fresh pineapple in it and tasted really good. The others are just so-so. The thing that also get me is that ES and I had our camera ready around the whole meal, but the food is not really "plated". It is really casual, the cake is a thin slice flopped on a plate, it doesn't even have whipped cream or syrup on top. The salad is like going to a diner ordering a side green salad.
The service was pretty good though. The jar of red wine we have on the side is kept filled to the top over the whole meal. I understand how coffee and booze can be counted as a course all by themselves. At the end, they brought out a whole arsenal of liquors, some home-made, some store bought for us to try. There's limoncello, limoncello cream, a raspberry liquor, a strawberry one, a store-bought sambuca, disarrono and a guapa (sp?). The waitress came over and taught us how to make shots, two-thirds limoncello cream, one third of the strawberry and she calls it "the strawberry shortcake". Of course, I'm not a big drinker, but I tried a drop of everything just for the flavor anyway. I really like the sambuca and the disarrono. Sambuca taste like licorice, I personally don't like licorice but somehow I don't mind it in liquid form. The disarrono taste like almond and I do like almond, I must use it to cook sometime. I don't think I have a shot glass full if I add up all the liquor I've consumed that night and I barely have a glass full of red wine.
All in all, I really enjoyed myself and at the end it only comes to $62. It's definitely a good experience. I'll post the pictures later...
