Last Post of 2007

>> Monday, December 31, 2007

Happy New Year Everyone!

Deborah Cox came to Philly for a special appearance at Pure. So last night me and my benny-friend RR decided to go and see her. Before that we stopped by a party hosted by one of his hag, lots of food, lots of people, lots of booze. It was a nice party. Most people who are there are older folks who lived next doors. Seemingly successful people too. A writer/local news anchor, a major nationwide food distributor, a very young, attractive girl who's a microbiologist.

So after the party we went back to his place to drop off his car and took a cab to the nightclub venue. We arrived around 11:30 and waited around for the show to start. I haven't been to Pure since it has become Pure. The space is quite nice. Since it is handled as a private club, they can open and serve liquor until the early mornings at 8 am and smoking is allowed. The show was supposed to start around 12:45, but it didn't start until an hour later. I went to the bathroom while I wait and found it very odd in which the urinals are in the middle of the room and people have to pee face-to-face. (Haha)

RR saw some friends and started dancing with them, I found a spot around the subwoofer and found it very stimulating. After a while we went up to the balcony and got ready for the show. It was supposed to start around 12:45 but it actually didn't start until an hour later. RR can't stop jumping up and down, with his small stature it really looked kinda funny.

Deborah Cox finally came out and did a 30-minute set: "Things Just Ain't The Same", "Up and Down (In and Out)", "House is Not a Home", and "Who Do You Love". And she came back for an encore with "Nobody's Supposed to be Here" and "Absolutely Not". I swore she looked at me during one of her songs. I went berserk when she did "Nobody's Supposed to be Here", I find myself jumping up and down like RR, waving my hands around, singing along and shouting "Oh my god!". I just can't believe my luck see her in person singing my favorite song of hers. Well, the whole club was pretty much doing the same, so I guess I'm less embarrassed. It was well worth the wait.

After she performed, RR and I decided to leave, but they weren't letting us go until Deborah got in her car. After we got out I saw her in her car and I still can't believe I'm so close to a celebrity. I was a dork and I actually bought some of her CDs the day before and hidden in my coat's pocket with a marker just in case I can get an autograph. (How old am I now...?) I walked back right next to her car and asked her bodyguard whether I can get them signed. He gave me a calm 'no.' and I left. (betch) And I'm kicking myself all the way home for not just knocking on her window and ask her myself. All the way, I keep saying to myself "You have to fight for what you want."

I had a great time still.




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Movie Review: Sweeney Todd - The Demon Barber of Fleet Street

>> Sunday, December 30, 2007



Tim Burton has always remain to be one of my favorite directors. When you go to a Tim Burton movie, you know it's gonna be one of those well-produced dark fantasy that deals with death or ghosts. If you like his stuff, you'll like Sweeney Todd.

Sweeney Todd is an adaptation of a musical written by the great Stephen Sondheim. It is originally from a 19th century urban legend about a barber who was wrongly imprisoned because a judge wanted to take his beautiful wife and keep her for himself. Sweeney escaped from prison 15 years later and come back to Fleet Street and take his revenge. Along the way, he met a thrifty Mrs. Lovett who makes meat pie downstairs. She offered her help and take care of the bodies by baking them into pies and selling them to customers. (In Hong Kong, we also have a similar urban legend that involves someone finding a finger in BBQ pork buns)

I'm actually pleased about the recent trend of musical adaptation to big screen movies ever since Chicago, but I'm also cautious. The singing or Renee Zellweger and Richard Gere had left a bad taste in my mouth(/bad note in my ears) and I have never heard Johnny Depp sing, but I knew that I want to see this movie. And it was good. It's not awkward because Johnny Depp is not trying too hard to be a singer like Renee. Maybe his role didn't call for a big performance number as in Chicago, it is more of a storytelling than a performance. The storyline, the staging, the mood is everything that I hoped for, plus I haven't seen the Broadway version so I was a bit surprised by the ending. Sure there's blood and gore, but we are in a slasher movie and they were all handled in a rather humorous way. I liked the movie. "A-"

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The Somber X'mas Experience

>> Saturday, December 29, 2007

Part of the roof of my apartment came crashing doing on X'mas eve. It made for a great job that involves Santa and how heavy he must be, but I haven't found any present but the 20 lbs of debris. It happened around 2:30 am and I didn't sleep after that. I feel funny, out of sorts, and not because I'm scared that the ceiling might fall on me next time.

Since Principe has left, this is my first time being single but it is also the first X'mas and perhaps New Year in which I'm spending alone. I begin to understand why X'mas has the highest suicide rate. Not that I've thought about killing myself, but being alone around X'mas sucks.

I've sent out around 50 X'mas cards to my friends, family and colleagues alike and I've got a dozen of them. My aunt called to thank me, and told me she's not sending out X'mas cards this year because of the environment. I've never thought of it that way. While I love sending them out, it must have cost a tree or two to produce the cards I've sent. I think I'll still send them out next year.

Having sex with different guys is real fun, but I guess I need someone to be with. I need someone to love and I need to be loved. The politically correct will say that you shouldn't need someone else to complete you, you should be complete all by yourself. You shouldn't NEED someone. It's a WANT, not a NEED. But I don't feel complete. Next year if I'm still single, I'll surround myself with friends.

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Is This a Sign?

>> Friday, December 28, 2007

When you have had sex with two guys in the same week with reversed names (e.g. Brian Kenny and Kenny O'Brien), is that the cosmics telling you that your whoring has gone too far?

Hey, at least I know their last names... lol

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Merry X'mas Everyone

>> Monday, December 24, 2007



I was looking for a nice X'mas pic and stumbled upon this guy. I really like the urban feel of his stuff, I wish he sells them and I wish he sells them for cheap. (Coz' I'm poor, lol.)

Have a very merry X'mas, everyone. Love you all. (I'm so touchy, feely during this time of the year. ^^)

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The Gay Card Squad

I joined a gay poker network online that regularly hosts real time games and I joined a game on Saturday. Not all Asians gamble, but a lot of gamblers are Asian. Don't ask me why. Back in middle school, some of my friends and me would get together to play Mahjong and Poker. Nothing big, just a little chump change to kill some time, but I'm out of practice. Of course who's not watching those poker tournaments on ESPN, there are heavy psychology involved in poker but I don't think I'm conniving enough to pull tricks off YET.

Most games are in rural areas, so there's not an option for me since I don't drive. This game happened to be along the train line. So I signed up for it, got the address and took the train over. I got so nervous for my first game. They seemed like a friendly group, but I think I might have social anxiety and most of the time I don't know how to act in public, especially in front of strangers. The event posted as a BYOB, so I got some vitamin waters. It also mention that sometimes people bring chips and dips. So I was thinking if I should get something else. Champagne sounded festive, but what if people blame me bringing alcohol when they lose? So I opt for a big tub of honey cashews. But when I'm get there people brought homemade cookies, and no one touched the cashews.

So I started playing, it's $30 buy in and they give you 300 points of chips. I guess people were testing my skills, since it's my first time and they don't know how good I am and my play style, they were kinda hesitant towards me. Plus, I'm Asian and lots of people are put off by people of another race. They are mostly in their 40s and 50s, all white. The place was actually a home and very nice looking one. I started by winning a few hands and then losing a little, and at the end I won a huge hands. So I ended up on the second place for the night. Won $38. I think it's not too shabby for the first time. But if you subtract the train ticket, the vitamin water, the nuts and the $5 buy in for pizza, it's really not that much. We started at 7:30 and finished up around 3:30 in the morning. I didn't expect that they were so dedicated and enthusiastic. I thought we would get done around 11:30, but I really had a good time. One of them lived around me, so he drove me home. Thank god, coz the trains had stopped running around 1:00 in the morning. I really had fun, hope they have games near me more often.

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A Brilliant Friday

>> Friday, December 21, 2007

Today is the last Friday before X'mas. DC came to town to have lunch with me just to give me my X'mas gift. He was struggling to come up with something thoughtful, but I guess he couldn't come up with many ideas. He was gonna get me tickets to Kooza, knowing that I love cirque shows. But I told him that I don't know where I'd be when the time comes. I know I've been talking about moving to the SF bay, but I'll probably still be here. So he got me a gift certificate for Best Buy.

After getting back to the office, I got a package and, finally, 'tis my new phone. The Sony Ericsson K810i, with a 3.2 Megapixel Cybershot camera. I'm pretty happy with it so far. I still need to get a M2 memory card (probably from Best Buy, I have no humongous need for electronics, I wonder if they sell gift cards for other stores at Best Buy and if I can use a gift card to buy other gift cards).

Our boss let us out early, so I headed over to my phone company to get a sim card. Got a call from Principe, hooked up with a young hunk, ordered a pizza. Standard Friday night episodes, n'est ce pas?

Well, the pizza below is called a "Chicken Ranch Pizza". (Photo courtesy of my new phone, lol) It sounds disgusting but it taste very good. Cheese, chicken and ranch dressing. The flavor reminded me of salad-flavored Pretz. One or two slice of the pizza is quite enough, any more the ranch flavor would get too overpowering. But it's surprisingly good. Oh and I also got my new RL toggle coat through the mail, it looks very nice, it made me happy. I simply love it.

Merry Christmas to you all!

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Wednesday Updates

>> Wednesday, December 19, 2007

- Spoke with Bookstore Guy again, and this time I made sure to get a respond. And turns out he already has a boyfriend. I managed to recover and made some small talk while getting another huge discount from him. I'm disappointed but hey good for him.

- Martha Wainwright's "Stormy Weather" is invading my head. I'm planning to play it on a loop until I drown it out. I should be able to accomplish this in 5 hours.

- The phone I ordered through ebay has yet to get here. But I'm confident that it'll be here within 48 hours if not complication arises. I'm still phoneless.

- The coat I ordered through ebay has disappeared. I won and paid for it 4 days ago, I have yet to receive any kind of communications from the seller. My blood pressure has since increased.

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Music Review - Mary J. Blige's "Growing Pains" & Rufus Wainwright's "Rufus Does Judy at Carnegie Hall"

>> Tuesday, December 18, 2007



I'm ever so fond of Mary J. Blige, as the kids would say "She is fierce!" I was deeply in love with her "Share My World" album, but after she proclaimed no more drama, I'm lost. I love her because she can use her voice to ditch out emotional extremes, and how can you cry your eyes out when there's no drama?

There are 16 tracks in her latest album "Growing Pains". My favorite songs in the Album are her first single "Work That" and a song called "Just Fine." over all it is a decent album, but one can only listen to so many songs about relationship without becoming weary. After songs after songs of over complicated arrangement and beats that at times overpowers her voice, it can be quite numbing and mundane. It lacks opportunity to showcase her best attributes, which are her voice and its range. The direction of it has gone too hip hop and pop, and in my head I wish it would go more r&b and soul. Am I being too harsh? Sorry if I am. "C"



Recently I have heard a lot of my fellow bloggers going over the hills for Rufus Wainwright. Since I wasn't very familiar with the artist and I like to listen to new stuff, I bought his latest album when I saw it on display at Borders. "Judy at Carnegie Hall" is one of Judy Garland's best live performance ever caught on tape. I bought a copy when I first learned about her, so I was very impressed to see another artist to have the guts to do a song-by-song reenactment.

Rufus can sing, really well in fact, but there's something about his voice that sounds a little shallow like he is running out of breath. Other than that I fully enjoyed the 2-disc album. Support the gay artists, I say. There is something very charming about him, but the stunner of the compilation comes from his sister Martha and her performance of "Stormy Weather". Her voice is sultry enough to melt my heart. She pretty much stole the whole show with her brilliant performance. The crowd favorite, however, is still "Somewhere Over the Rainbow". I tell you we can never get over that song. "B+"

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Music Invasion "Smell Yo Dick"

>> Sunday, December 16, 2007

The latest catchy jam... you might not want to play it if you're in public or in the office. (I'm warning you ahead...)



I'm just saying but... can I?

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Ten Tiny Things Meme

>> Saturday, December 15, 2007

Nobody tagged me but it looks interesting enough, let's play...

1. When you were born, how much did you weigh?

According to my grandma, I was a big baby... I think around 9 pounds. (Does that sound right?)

2. What's you're sugar poison?

Good, melt-in-your-mouth white chocolate. Some white chocolate tastes like wax, but the good ones are to die for. Example of a good white chocolate: Green & Black's White chocolate bar with vanilla or Toblerone.



3. If you had to choose between meat and cheese for the rest of your life, which would you choose? Then be specific.

Meat, of course. I wonder who would choose cheese, vegetarians? Chicken is the most versatile meat but I love a good steak, I can live with beef for a long time. Beef jerky, roast beef and pastrami for sandwiches. Ground beef for meatballs, lasagna Bolognese sauce. New York Strip steak, T-Bone steak, Tenderloin. Am I being specific enough yet? I'm not a big fan of Filet Mignon, but I'll eat it.

4. What, is your opinion, is the worst song ever?

Macarena? because it's so mind-fucking-numbing... Well, I take it back. Anything by Ashley Simpsons is so much worst. Tie me up and play it in a loop and I'll bite my tongue until I bleed to death.

5. Who was your favorite teacher growing up and why?

Ms. Li in during Form 3 in my middle school (9th Grade?), she really did cared and she's the one who set me straight. I have utmost respect for her.

6. What personal activity, when performed in public, bothers you the most?

Flossing, ew... And also people who speak really loud to each other or having a conversation with people across the street... I have really sensitive hearing.

7. Ok, there's a $50 bill lying on the ground. You pick it up. Dumbfounded by your incredible luck, what do you selfishly purchase?

I do check if anyone else dropped it first. But I would buy whatever I wanted at that moment, groceries most of the time or CDs.

8. Do you have a recurring nightmare? If so, explain.

I have a dream where I am in bed like I just woke up, but I can't move. More often than not I would get in a panic and really stressed out trying to will my arm into movement. But sooner or later I'll wake up drenched in sweat realizing that was just a dream. I did some research online and it is something called "Sleep Paralysis". So when I have that dream again, I realized that it is just a dream and I can do what I want, so I started controlling my dream and did my favorite thing: I started flying. Once I "controlled" that dream, it never happened again. I cured my own sleep paralysis.

9. Name one place on Earth you've never been, but vow to visit at least once.

Greece, blue sky, blue sea, white houses, blue roofs, sandy beaches... I so want to be there. Tokyo, the most futuristic place on earth. Las Vegas, it's one of the place that you've got to go at least once and all the Cirque shows (I'm gay after all...) I also would like to revisit Amsterdam, Rome, Florence, Singapore and London.

10. You notice that question #9 wasn't really a question. You feel smart for catching such a small detail. What else can you do really well that reminds you how smart you are?

I didn't catch that actually, everything that requires an answer is a question, no? Just because it doesn't have a question mark, does it mean that it is not a question? Well, I'm really good at catching people who sing or play music out of tune. (Sensitive ears...) I'm good at math and I'm good at Boggle and Scrabble. (Bring it on, suckers!)

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Cut Off From the Outside World

>> Friday, December 14, 2007

Tuesday I got a sorethroat when I woke up and it has developed itself to a full on cold. So I went to the doctor's yesterday, he said it is something viral and told me to stay home for the next few days which is great news for me. He didn't want to give me antibiotics because he says it'll do more harm then good. Well, okay. I wouldn't want to get anyone sick anyway.

On top of that I lost my cell phone somehow. I remember going out with it but somehow it did not reach the office. Since I don't have a landline at home, I'm completely in seclusion at this moment. My only link to the outside world in online. So no one can reach me right now. Of course, I got online and bought a new phone right away, a Sony Ericsson 800i. Opt for next day air so I can get it today and activate it right away. But I just got an email from them saying that the item is out of stock and in back order. Bugger.

I think I got the cold from the guy that I met on Monday, although he didn't seem to be sick. I'm supposed to see this really hot daddy type tonight for a drink and maybe more. I was looking forward to meeting him the whole week, but morally I should cancel or prospone that so I don't get him sick. Come tonight, we'll see who's doing the thinking, my dick or my brain.

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Stalking Joe.My.God

>> Thursday, December 13, 2007

My newest obsessions are sex and Joe's blog. So forgive all the sex posts you've been reading. I can't help that I'm compulsive, I type what's in my head. The reason why I'm so obsessed about sex these days is the fact that I don't have nothing to do at work, my job has become meaningless, so I have tons of free time to browse around. Maybe I'm a perv but nothing is more interesting than naked men and the prospect of sex. How else can you build up your immune system? I've never been single since I've came out, too afraid to be alone. I guess that's why now I using sex in place of intimacy.

I used to have an office all to myself and I could bring my knitting kit to pass the time, but now it just seems awkward. It's time to find a new job or move out to the Bay Area out west to start life anew. I wanted to move a while back anyway.

I went to New York last Saturday to meet a friend up to have some fun. Ever since I've read Joe's stories I dreamt about life being a hunky muscle bear in New York. Going to parties and concerts, coming across interesting stories... It's very "Sex in the City". From reading his posts, I sorta identified with him and think to myself "What a great guy he must be." So on my way to New York, I'm imagining myself meeting him on the street and talking to him... (Can you spell S-T-A-L-K-E-R?) From reading his posts, I know his usual haunts and all and I've seen quite a few pictures of him (even naked ones...) They are not hard to find, just a few creative clicks and you're there.

At the end, the guy I was supposed to meet turned out to be a flake and I got discouraged and came home around 5 in the afternoon. I didn't want to hang around until 11pm at night for the bar scenes. Yes, a lot of people are flakes. They might start out talking you up about meeting you or stuff but when the time comes they ignore their phones and don't respond on the IMs. Some people just really know what they want or whether they want it or not.

After I got home, I read some older entries of Joe's posts and found out the reason that we can never be... lol. I can stand everything else, but TV has been my nanny and my best friend, it is not something that I can easily give up. However, the writers are on strike and the 200 movie channels that Joe has don't sound too bad right now.

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Bearforce1

>> Saturday, December 08, 2007

This is not a boy band... It's a bear band!

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'Fucking' Therapy

>> Wednesday, December 05, 2007

Got an email from DesignerGuy last night apologizing because he thought I wasn't that into him, he thought I wasn't attracted to him sexually. I know that he's quite insecure, so I ensured him that I was indeed into him sexually. He then asked me for help because he was looking for the Wii game Guitar Hero III and could not find it online or any major stores that he's been. Being a gamer that I am, I feel that it is my duty to help other gamers and potential gamers. I looked online and they all say that it is indeed sold out and won't be out again until January. A late X'mas present would still be kinda disappointing.

So I called up my usual haunts and found out that they have some in stock. Called up DesignerGuy and we went to get the game before the store closes at 9:30pm. Then we went back to his place just to let him feel more secure about himself. If shopping qualifies as retail therapy, sex should be too. And it WAS good, sex wasn't the reason why I wasn't too drawn to Designer Guy. In the midst of it, he asked me to "speak Chinese". (Awkward...) He told me afterwards that he finds it sexy, but I always thought language is for communicating, if he didn't understand what's the point? And no, I didn't 'speak Chinese'. Maybe he's a bit offended, I didn't want to linger too long and he felt the same way.

When I was reading "How To Get Laid" by Jonathan Bass, I heard the proper etiquette for fuck buddies are just as such. Don't linger, don't offer meals, don't go out with him socially and don't compliment him too much. So you don't mislead each other for the potential of a real relationship and so nobody gets hurt. I understand that viewpoint but I guess I don't think it is in my nature to be able to feel so clear cut. For me, if we are having a sexual relation we should be able to be friends. We should be able to build a brotherhood through sex, I thought that's how people were in the 70s, before HIV/AIDS. Maybe I'm just reading too much information on polyamory and it influenced me a bit, but I feel like gay people has a chance on building a stronger community just by sleeping around. Haha!

*Eliot, I hope you're having a great time tonight with Bell Guy. Can't wait to read all about it. ^^

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Killing Time

A friend e-mailed me this game. Let's see how far you can fly the paper plane. My record is 93.878m... That shows you how much free time I have. Haha

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I Don't Speak Gay Fluently

>> Tuesday, December 04, 2007

OK, I finally got the courage to go back into the bookstore next door and talk to Bookstore Guy again. Well, I actually needed an excuse and X'mas shopping for DC and JEW provided that opportunity.

Before stepping in the store, he had already seen me coming through the glass windows. He smiled and I waved. He looked cute as always. We greeted each other and I proceeded to check out the merchandise. JEW likes architecture and recently went to the Frank Lloyd Wright house near Harrisburg with his family, but I couldn't find anything inspired by him in this Bookstore/Gift Shop. He also likes fine dining and I see some glass bowls around. I can't decide whether those artsy bowls are for punch or salads. I found some wood trays that are both rustic and elegant. But acording to my online friend Cubxotic's advice, I was supposed to ask Bookstore Guy about what he likes and start small talking him up.

And that's what I did. Bookstore Guy is cute and somewhat endearing. I think he's still in his mid to late 20s, he grew a beard since I've seen him last. Toughened it up a little but he looks a bit bookish and you'd kinda want to protect him when you look into his puppy dog brown eyes. I was asking about Frank Lloyd Wright, but he told me he doesn't have much stuf in his style. He led me to the tie section, which I saw a Philadelphia street map tie. (Yes, I live in Philly.) I owned a London street map tie of the same style and I thought they only do big cities. Then I mentioned that my buddies' boyfriend likes fine dining (Hint: They are gay therefore I'm gay...) and he pulled out a little leather journals with inserts for rating restaurants. Nope, I don't think anyone would need a journal for that. Using Cubxotic's line, I ask what would really impress him. He walked over a place where little credit card sized metal toy are hanging, he told me those metal sheets can fold into a 3-D figure of person driving a car or a person sitting in the office or on a hospital bed. It certainly impresses me, but I think JEW likes more practical stuff, so I eluded to the fact that I spotted some wooden cheese and appetizers trays earlier and he says "It's good to go with your first intuition."

There's a choice between light wood or dark wood, I let him choose for me. (But of course I liked the dark one better and I'm glad he did too, can you say "Control Issues"?) And he very delicately and skillfully taking the price tags off, bubblewrapping them and put them in boxes. He gave me a 20% discount again, which is like the employee discount. I don't know if it is because he liks me or because I've been a loyal customer. I casually asked what time the shop closes and working up the courage to ask more personal questions. After I paid and almost time to walk out the door, I asked him for his name, which I believe he already told me before. He says we'll probably see each other around the neighborhood: "You know how it goes." Meaning that he is gay and out. I said "With all the discount you give me, I should really buy you a drink sometimes." He said "Sure, I'm always here, you can stop by whenever you want." and as I was thinking on how we should exchange contact information he added "Although I'm usually running around a lot... thanks for the offer though". Was that a "yes" or a "no"?

I left puzzled. He showed sign that he likes me, but maybe he was just being an incredible salesman. There's friendliness and sincerity somewhere. Maybe he's taken? Anyway, maybe I'll see him in some random gay bar, some random night and I'll ask him in person.

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Music Invasion: 12/04/07

1. "She's a Star" by Will.I.Am
2. "Valerie" by Amy Winehouse
3. "Uncle Jonny" by The Killers
4. "Bombay" by Timberland
5. "Please Don't Stop The Music" by Rihanna
6. "In My Mind" by Heather Headley

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Discovering Joe.My.God

I have seen Joe.My.God's link on plenty of most of the blog I've read, so out of curiosity I went to his site and started reading. I'm now an instant fan. Comparing to my crap, his writing is superb. His blog has all the current gay issues as well as stories of his personal encounters and about life and adventures in NYC. I can't believe I can read them for free. He should really start consulting for LogoTV or other gay networks, his site is way better than CBS' attempt for gay news. (He's also hunky to boot)

I guess a lot of people subscribed to it already, I feel like such a country bumpkin sometimes.

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DesignerGuy

>> Monday, December 03, 2007

This morning while I was walking to work, the block surrounding my office building was blocked because someone found a device in a nearby mailbox which they suspect might be a bomb. I called my boss and he told me to go home until he calls me back. It's not the first time things like this happened, since the district attorney's office is right around the corner and things like this usually turns out to be nothing, so I was most pleasantly surprised to find out that I can spent some time outside of the office. I desperately wanted a haircut during the weekend, but not desperate enough to actually walk out the door. So I'm quite thrilled to get the extra time. Maybe I'll start buying $5 watches from the street, wrap it around a brick and dump it into mailboxes around my work. It's way worth it.

As I was saying, the weekend was quite uneventful other than the date I had on Saturday night. In the spirit of my fellow bloggers, let's call this one DesignerGuy. I don't know why, but lately I have met couple of people online that seems to be very well off. Or maybe I'm just retarded in handling my finance, I usually blow money on useless stuff, I really should reexamine my finance and make a plan for my future. Anyway, DesignerGuy is a breed of gays that I haven't acquainted myself with before. I do not mean to stereotype or put people in different categories, but I wouldn't in a million years think that he'll be interested in me.

I have seen DesignerGuy's profile and he stated he likes Asian guys, but he's a bit on the pretty side and usually when someone says they like Asian guys, they mean they like those skinny, smooth, petit fem-bot type and I'm so not that. If I haven't described myself before let me do a bit of that right now. I'm 6 ft tall big, semi-hairy guy, with a full beard. I'm aspired to be a bear, a muscle bear if I have the choice but lately I realized that it is not so much of a choice. I've been described to be sweet, I am a people pleaser and since I've been going out much more, I have heard more people saying that I'm "Handsome", which is starting to boost my confident.

Well, DesignerGuy is a gym bunny type. He's blond, good looking, fit. So when I saw him on the street, I was pretty sure he won't be interested, since I'm not in shape like he is. So I looked away immediately, I usually avoid eye contact when I'm on the street, just minding my own business. That's what my family taught me anyway, it's an Asian "Don't want any trouble" mentality. He must have recognized me as well and sent me an email afterwards and we started chatting. Somehow he thought I was the one who wasn't interested.

I don't think I ever dated a gym bunny before, or anyone blond for that matter. I usually go for the tall, dark and handsome type. I usually like guys taller and thicker than me. As big as I am I'm still looking for protection, someone who can make me feel safe and stable. My friend describe my type to be "Gentle Giants", and I think it is quite accurate. DesignerGuy is not that, but I'm giving it a try because "how would I know I don't like it if I've never tried?"

He asked me to meet him at his place around 8pm, he only lives two block away from me but I left home a bit earlier because I was nervous. I was so nervous that I went to buy a chapstick for my dry lips and I hate chapsticks and moisturizers. His place was really well decorated as I expect it would be. Made some small talk, we planned to go out for dinner but we didn't make it out the door until 10pm. I swear I didn't initiated it, I'm not that kind of a girl. Hehe. DesignerGuy is not bony, you can see his muscle definition and all, but I haven't seen that small of a waist in an adult naked men before.

People who says they "like Asian" usually are older folks who are looking for a submissive partner, someone who's not as educated as them so they can impart their knowledge to their partner. They want to feel superior. They have a set of rules or a way of living set in stones and want their partner to follow those rules. Or they are broken in some way and thinks that those nice Asian boys wouldn't mind. I can see traces of these mentalities in my conversation with DesignerGuy. But it might just be because I'm prejudice myself. Don't get me wrong, I might still see him but I don't find that I have a lot in common with him and I already heard some disappointments in his voice when he finds out that I don't fit a lot of traditional stereotypes. Oh well, maybe we'll become fuck buddies. Who knows?

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A Moment in Time

>> Sunday, December 02, 2007


Borrowed from IwateBuddy on Flickr

This morning as I was stepping out of my house to go get milk for cereal, I was greeted by a green-shaded-golden sidewalk lined by gingko leaves. On top of that, little sugar-crystal-sized ice was falling from the sky. The weather was cool and breezy but not freezing, it was somehow fantasy-like to be in my flip-flops stepping on leaf-stacks feeling the coolness on my feet. I'm sure it's an omen of sorts, although I have yet to figure out what it represents. I wish I still had my camera with me, so I can freeze this mental picture.

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The Slut Syndrome

>> Saturday, December 01, 2007

I was reading Jonathan Bass' "How To Get Laid" because like I said before I don't have a clue on how cruising works and I need a book to teach me.

One of th chapters in the book mentioned in that there's is a time in every gay men's life that is called the Slutty Phase. The theory is that straight men get into dating and sex in a much younger age while gay men had to repress their sex life until they moved out of their parents' house. Being closeted retards the sexual and social development of gay men, so when the floodgates open we are so excited that we all become sluts. This phase could lasts for a year, and some people even get stuck being a slut that they become sexually addicted.

Of course somehow I feel better after reading this because since Principe is gone I have been on some kind of sexual rampage. I have never been single since I've came out and I have to say being alone scares me, so I'm using sex to get attention. (Wrong move?) Anyway, I can't denied that it isn't fun. Sex is fun.

And for a socially awkward person like me, dating is quite intimidating. Although I'm going to have a date tonight with a guy that I've seen online and we just saw each other on the street yesterday. I got an email afterwards and apparently he liked what he saw and scheduled a date with me immediately. Wish me luck.

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The Drunken Tale (Santa Saturday Pt. 2)

>> Friday, November 30, 2007

Well, I usually see AL on Bear411 and we usually chat and tease each other quite a bit. So I haven't seen him on for a week because he's moving and I started to get worried since he's moving because he just broke up with his boyfriend. He's a good guy and I'm willing to provide him with emotional and physical support. (and by physical, I mean to help him move.)

Last night, I saw him online and chatted him up to see how he's progressing and he said he's doing fine and he has just finished moving. Then the conversation took a different turn. It appears that he has a big story about our friend JH, but he said he'll leave it for JH to tell me personally. He used the word "Juicy" to describe what had happened. And of course, my interest peaked up like a hard-on.

So this morning, I was supposed to meet them up for coffee but I was quite late dealing with a new cleaning guy that I hired for my small, small studio apartment. (I hate dusting and there's always dust...) But I caught up with them and here's what happened: We were pretty buzzed when we came back from Santa Saturday, but JH (the drunkest of us all) wanted to go to another bar and drink some more, so he went. A few hours later, AL got a call from him saying that he had somehow lost his pants and he's in the nearby bathhouse (HAHAHA). Of course, now he had forgotten how that happened or how he got there. Along with his pants, he lost his keys and his cell phone and the staff in the bathhouse found one of his shoes in one corridor, the other one somewhere else and his shirt somewhere further. What was he stripping along the whole establishment? So AL had to bring a pair of jeans to pick him up, while he went in he said "I am here for my friend who lost his pants." (ROFL)

As for the keys, JH had to go to his ex for his set of keys afterwards and made up a story about his keys were in his jacket and he forgot his jacket somewhere. And his ex said "You should keep them in your pants' pocket, it's not like you will lose your pants." (LOL) Little did he know... AL almost burst out laughing when he heard that.

I guess it's not that funny, since it's not the first time JH gets into these kind of episodes. He could really get into trouble or get hurt or get diseases. I worry about him, and I hope he can pull himself together. But these stories are priceless, who else can have experiences like these but JH... lol

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I'm a Hateful S.O.B.

>> Wednesday, November 28, 2007

In the beginning of my green card application process, my exboss told me that he's (or the company is) going to pay for the expenses. I offered to pay for it, because it is important to me, but he reassured me that the company is going to do that.

So yesterday morning I received and Email forwarded to me from my eboss saying that we still owe the lawyer $3,000 and we should discuss this when he gets in. "What is there to discuss?" I replied. So when he got in around 2pm, he summoned me to the meeting room and told me that there aren't anymore funding for the application and ask if i can pay for it. "Huh? What?" I got my green card back in July and haven't old him about it yet. So I guess he was trying to say "If you want your green card, you better pay for it yourself." From the same folks who promised me $6,000 consulting fee with another firm and pretended they never said anything like that after I fulfilled my duties. I wonder how much it would take for me to really start looking for another job.

Of course, I told them I don't have $3,000 to give and although the service is for me, the contract is between the lawyer and the company. (I got my stuff, see ya.) Then they say they'll try to work out a payment plan with the lawyer. (Good luck with that too.) There were rumors out there that our company will be closed in a few months. I wonder if I should stay for the severance and unemployment or just get the heck out. After all, they could fire me the day before the company closed so that they don't have to give me a severance.

I really don't hate my job, I just hate the people I work for. Those selfish, conniving bastards who don't have money for my green card applications, but have money for their consulting friends who do nothing and a trip for eight to a conference to Chile. Now I understand why people bring their shotguns to their post office jobs. I can be vengeful too, but I'm so much smarter that I can execute karma in a much more elegant way.

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Santa Saturday

>> Monday, November 26, 2007


Borrowed from Joe.My.God

So Thanksgiving is quite uneventful for me since I'm single I pretty much won't have a chance to cook turkey. I did some light shopping Friday, Macy's didn't really have as big a discount as I hoped. I'm still having some difficulty deciding what to get my friends for X'mas, I guess clothing would be the most conventional thing or maybe an architectural coffee table book?

These few days, AL has been telling me about Santa Saturday, a fund raising event happening in New Hope, PA where tons of gay men who's into the leather and the bear scene attends. I have seen troops of bikers delivering toys to the Children's Hospital around X'mas, so I thought this might be where they get the toys but I wasn't too sure. Since AL is in between moving, he didn't think that he'll be able to go. Another online friend was also trying to persuade me to go to that event, he added that it can be really fun since people can loose and wild after a few drink and he had heard stories about people actually doing it in the parking lots. (It actually sounded more like he had done it himself) That bit of information did sway me a bit, but I don't know how to drive so there was no way for me to go there and the weather was gonna be freezing cold, so I thought no one would be there and there wouldn't be much flesh to be seen. Fastforward to 1:30pm Saturday afternoon when AL called and asked me to be ready in 20 minutes 'Coz we're going'.

So AL and JH drove all the way to New Hope and found 2000 bears trotting about the Raven, a nice size bar with capacity for around 200 people, there were tents in the yard and all but it was so crowded and hard to move about. I have never seen so many gay men in one place before and 90% of them were bears. When I say bears, you have to understand it doesn't mean fat hairy people. There are also plenty of great looking hunky muscle bears there, it was quite overwhelming for me though, in a good way I guess. Although I find it is not so welcoming for Asians in the American gay circle, plus there are tons of guys with attitude just like any gay bars.

After two strong drinks, I was pretty buzzed. I tried to meet and greet the other few Asians in the crowd to find some comradery, but they acted like I was coming onto them which cannot be further from the case. Although later I got hugged and squeezed by this attractive muscle dude, by I was too shy to take it further and backed away. And AL got a comment from a friend who says he loves Gaysians and I'm the only Gaysian amongst us.

We left around 5pm and went to the McDonald's across the street to get some food because we were starving. AL just had a drink and he's the designated driver, I really applaud how he can hold back and be the sane one, while JH was obviously drunk out of his mind and insisted he should be the one driving, then proceed to make crank calls to his friends. Anyway, I did have a pretty good time. Too bad that's the only bear event around my neck of the wood.

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Good Men Are Hard to Find (And So The Whoring Saga Continues...)

>> Thursday, November 22, 2007

I am meeting a lot of people lately, so forgive me if all I want to talk about are men. I am trying to change my attitude about going out and meeting people, I can't be scared of being out there all my life.

I have realized that gay men in my city are made up of 80% bottoms and 20% tops (I discuss this finding with my friends and they concurred), which means it will be quite competitive for me to find a guy that compliments me in that department.

I've met a couple of guys, some of them even quite blessed in some departments. One of them lied about his age and lied about the fact that he's HIV positive. (That was a bit scary) Some guy have a body that reminds me of sea mammal and moans when he kiss (Sorry, it's a bit strange for me) There were two guys that I'm really attracted to, but they are both taken, hence unavailable.

I just met one of them last night going out drinking with some friends. This guy is in no way great looking but he's cute, a bit shorter, stocky type but solid with a huge chest, a football player. I'm a big fan of chest, so I took notice but the most endearing character is his personality. He seems to be so friendly and well put together. Intellectual and down to earth at the same time. Perfect boyfriend material. I guess that's why he's taken although his boyfriend is quite a troll. (Must be the jealousy or the alcohol in me talking) Anyway, I'm quite obsessed and I don't think we could be friends because it would be torture for me.

If all the great guys are taken because they are great, what hope do I have? I hope I don't get stir-crazy for a boyfriend and jump on the next guy I see. I need to take my time and calm down.

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Bookstore Guy

>> Tuesday, November 20, 2007

I guess I could have a guy too... Well, I've known bookstore guy for a few years now. A very cute sophisticated type who works at an artsy bookstore right next to where I work. He's a bit on the pale side and younger than me, not the type that I usually go for, but then he's friendly and kind. I usually stop by his bookstore only on occassions, like shopping for X'mas cards or baby shower/birthday/X'mas gift. So we only see each other 2-3 times a year but he remembers me, he asked me where I work and makes small talk. How do you know if someone is interested?

I remember one time I was with my colleague and jokingly I picked up one of the breath mint on the counter right in front of him and I said "'Oral Fixation'? I have that too." And he was beet red. yesterday, I stopped by the bookstore after a year of not seeing him and bought some X'mas cards. (Don't you just love those MoMA cards?) And we kinda exchanged our "same-ole, same-ole"s, he gave me a special giant discount and I really wanted to ask him out. But what if I'm reading too much into it? What if he's not gay? What if he's not interested? Or worst what if he's already taken? If I'm asking him out it's not just gonna be a one-night stand, maybe one day I'll get the courage to just ask. What's the worst that could happen? Going to another bookstore to find MoMA cards?

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The Great Maya Angelou

>> Saturday, November 17, 2007

I was watching the Today Show when I was packing my luggage and getting ready to come back home, Maya Angelou was being interviewed by one of the anchors. I'm not from around, so I don't really know her that well. But I have read one of her stories and from the reactions of people around me and the general media, I knew she is highly regarded as one of the greatest minds. After all, she wrote books, musicals, directed movies, participated in the civil rights movement.

So the anchor asked her "If there is one lesson that she can teach everyone, what would that be?" and she said slowly "That would be the truth that at some point in everybody's life they had been loved." It's not honesty or righteousness, no, it's to know that you have been loved. I guess one can never underestimate the power of love. But what could that knowledge accomplish? I can't help but wonder while the anchor was getting tears in her eyes, because she was so touched.

No doubt, it warms the heart knowing that you have been loved. Does that bring contentment? Would we stop our desperate search of love in our adult life or stop searching for recognition? Is that even good for human development if we stop our search? If necessity is the mother of invention, what happens if the need is satisfied? Ms. Angelou is such a sage, I feel that I must not be smart enough to know what she meant.

The anchor went on to say that Ms. Angelou will be turning 80 and asked if she had one wish what would that be and she went on to say "It would be for each of us to take time with each other." I guess human interaction is getting scarce, I should know I have limited to no social skills. I'm scared of people and the art of conversation is lost with me. I have to read a book to know what cruising is about. Of course, Ms. Angelou preaches patience and forgiveness, not cruising and manipualtion. But then as I get older I grew less patient and I was never too good with forgiveness. Things have become instant; noodles, information, a call to Argentina. The world does not require patience anymore.

At the end, the anchor said in her teary eyes that she wishes that it won't be the last time she talks to Ms. Angelou. I don't think I'm the only one who heard the connotation of the anchor implying that Ms. Angelou might be dying soon, but the ever so graceful Ms. Angelou just brushed it off and said "Come to my house, I'll cook for you." Where is the next generations of great minds in the States? I wonder how many Jon Stewarts are out there.

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The Feeling About L.A.

>> Wednesday, November 14, 2007

I finally got a chance to visit Los Angeles. Took a train up Monday morning, did the tourist thing and went to Hollywood Boulevard, the avenue of the stars and the Chinese Theatre to look at the hand and foot prints. Then a tour of the city, the hills and the beaches. I only have two days for LA, so I was trying to get the most out of it. Everything is so spread out, I couldn't really live there since I don't know how to drive. Feel like I spent a lot of time waiting for the bus and being on them.

I also went to the WB lot, and it was nice to see where some films and TV shows are filmed, especially since I watch that much TV. Got tickets to go to the MadTv taping, but the guy says I'll need to put my bags, cell phone and camera away and I din't have a place to store them so I didn't end up going. I was quite disappointed since I'm a big fan.

Being in the south and seeing that many Latinos everywhere reminds me of Principe a lot. I wish he could be with me. He always wanted to see Hollywood in person. It's sad that he is so far away. Every now and then I'll see something that reminds me of him. The hand and foot print of Cantinflas, the star of Donald Trump... One of my questions for the concierge is to find an Argentinean restaurant. As I was sitting in the train station waiting for my train back to San Diego, I suddenly realized that I forgot to get Principe a souvenir, so I rushed back to the Chinese Theatre. It does me no good to scratch my scab, but I can't will it away. L.A. was fun, but it is not for me. Same thing could be said about Principe.

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South of the Border

>> Sunday, November 11, 2007

Finally got to San Diego last night. I'm always excited to be in a new city, to see different scenes and experience different culture. Our hotel is located in the downtown business district and there is very little for me to see in the dark other than those tall office buildings.

DC and I decided we should get into a little mischief, so we drove to Tijuana for Club Extasis. It was 11pm here and 2am back in the East Coast, we were kinda beat since we were unable to sleep during the six hours long flight. (Why do people like to turn on their headlight even though they are not reading?) But the thought of hot naked latino male strippers had us pumped. We searched for maps and found out that the club is literally right across the border, but we can't find any direction or physical map to bring with us, but we figured we would find the way without any problems. (Only Google had a map of Tijuana) Fast forward to us driving all aroung the place half and hour later almost giving up.

This is my first time in Mexico, although I'm sure Tijuana is far different than the other parts of the country. While we were lost, I get to see some part of it and got a feeling why people wants to come to the States.

Anyway, we were driving around in circles and I decided to go out and ask people. DC was kinda scared, he didn't really want me to get out of the car. But I did, and nobody knew where it was... Finally I went to a cab driver and offered him money to lead the way. He was a nice fellow, lead us there and only asked for $5. I would have paid him $20, but I gave him $10 instead. I was starving at this point, haven't ate for 14 hours and thank god there was a hot dog stand right across from the club (I was hoping for authentic street vendor food), but that hod dog is probably one of the best I've ever tasted, you can add your own mushroom for free.

The club was quite big, and when we get there the stripping is already in progress. Cute, muscled latino hunk taking their clothes off to a huge mixed crowd. The dancers don't really know how to dance and you can tell they are straight because they like showing off to the girls too much but that's beside the point. It's a fun atmosphere which took quite a bit of sleaze out of it. Althought there is a huge maze backroom that is for men only. People are probably having sex back there. Of course, I wouldn't miss this great opportunity to check it out. There is a long narrow hallway where people pass each other by very, very slowly like the rush hour bumper to bumper traffic, playing grab ass and there is another part of it that is divided into 15-20 small room and I don't know what goes on in there. It's too dark and I'm scared... haha.

After the show is done, DC and I decided it is time to go. So we tried to drive back to San Diego. Well while we were looking for our way, we realized we were in the wrong lane (The street signs in San Diego and Tijuana couldn't have been smaller) so we made a late sudden turn. Suddenly there were flashing lights and sirens and a cop car is tailing us pulling us over. Three cops, two of them a lot more handsome than the strippers in Extasis, walked over and start asking us questions like where we were going, where we went, if we were drinking that kind of stuff. Then they asked DC to come out of the vehicle, patted him down and took all the contents in his pockets out. One of the cuter cops came to the passenger side and I started talking to him in my limited Spanish trying to play the dumb lost tourist, hoping he'll let us go. Another cop asked me to go out of the car and did the same to me as he did DC. The searched our car and didn't find any drugs. And as he examined the documentation of the rental car, he told us that we do not have Mexican car insurance and that it is illegal and a "Big" deal. The rental car documentation did state that we will need special written permission to drive to Mexico, but we didn't know. So they say we will need to follow them to the police station and the car will need to be towed. (How can we foolow you and be towed at the same time?) Another one chimed in and say that we will need to pay a $450 dollar fine. (Dollars not Pesos?) I have heard stories about things like these so we already know what comes next and I was trying not to laugh the whole time. So he asked us to get back into our car and turn off the lights, and he'll let us off with a warning for all the money we are carrying becuase we were such nice guys. And of course, we handed it to them and there's when we realize that when they hand us back the content in our pockets, they had already taken $20 out of each of us.

Thank god before we leave for Mexico, we decided it would be safer to leave all our credit card and ATM cards in the hotel room. We only brought $80 cash each and our IDs to get back to US. I wasn't really upset about it, it would make for great stories and memories. It's practically hilarious for me. I was worried that DC would be more upset, but then he's pretty well off so this is really chump change for him. I remember one time we went to this place where we have to put our belonging into small security boxes and when we were leaving someone has mistakenly switched the content of the box and he took it as a sign... haha. Finally he got his stuff back but he was quite upset. But I guess he was ok. It is certainly a night to remember and we did have quite an adventure.

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Kiss and Tell, vol. 1

>> Friday, November 09, 2007

I thought it's time to sleaze it up a little bit so notice the new page elements on the right where there's an adult content disclaimer. So if you don't like to see or read adult stuff, namingly gay sex or pictures of penises. Please do both of us a favor and go browse around on other sites.

So yes folks, lately I have been a major slut. It is somewhat eyeopening of the things that are out there. Grown up men that needs attention are hanging out online and in gay bars throughout America waiting to be comforted. They evoke the earth mother in me. (or father, but we all know mothers are the one who are more nurturing) So in some sense I'm a hippie whore now, I'm on a free blow jobs campaign which is far superior than the free hugs campaign on yesterday's post. It can one day unite the world! (hopefully not through syphilis or herpes)

Time for some product placement. Tons of guys asked me about a product that I use on them, so I thought I would share it to the world: Masturbation sleeve. When you want your guy to feel good and get the hell out fast, get one and use it on him. It will eliminate a whole lot of awkward moments, so you can spend your time on computer games or whatever you like to do instead. Here's what it looks like:



You can find it in some bigger toy store or on ebay. It's a lot of fun, just add some lubricant and go to town. Or use it on your guy. Thank me later.

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Sorry, Can't Hug Ya

>> Thursday, November 08, 2007

Teens get detention for hugging
Teens get detention for hugging


Well hugging and kissing has never been an Asian thing, but I would never imagine that hugging would be banned. But wait, it isn't banned in Asia, but here in the middle schools within the States.

Apparently hugging and holding hands among students are not allowed anymore. One school claims this activity is disruptive and create chaos in hallways, other schools says hugging encourages inappropriate touching. "Counselors have heard from girls who are uncomfortable hugging boys but embarrassed to tell anyone. And in a culturally diverse school families might have different views of what is appropriate."

This morning while watching The Today Show, a girl got detention for hugging a friend who's family member just passed away. Shall we raise our children to be heartless, emotionless human robots? And then their children can complain that they never got enough hugs because this rule has traumatized their parents in the realm of displaying affection. "My dad never hugged me, that's why I'm a cocaine addict!" Cries the young starlet of 2037.

Meanwhile, back in the bat cave... The free hugs campaign is spreading throughout Australia, Hong Kong, Japan, Korea, UK, France, Brazil, Spain, and even Israel. "Hug a stranger", they say. "The campaign is an example of a random act of kindness, a selfless act performed by a person for the sole reason of making others feel better." What about germs? What about getting sued for sexual harassment? "I'm afriad we'll need you to sign this consent form here, here and initial here before we can give you that hug." "Can you also fill in this questionnaire about your health profile and recent sexual history too, while you're at it?"

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Door Breaker Me

>> Tuesday, November 06, 2007

I don't quite know if that happens to everyone but I used to forget my keys every so often. And before I learned to hide a key somewhere in my apartment building I used to kick my door open and feel very macho about it. This morning it has finally took its toll on the door frame. When I tried to go to work, I couldn't open my door. After a few yanks, it finally opened up, but then I wasn't able to close it. So I spent half a day waiting at home for the maintenance people to come fix it. I like staying at home playing computer games anyway, so it wasn't that bad.

I find myself flirting with a lot of guys online and somehow scheduling myself to meet them. A different guy each night of the week, this is becoming unhealthy. Am I subconsciously lonely? Or am I just an easy whore? Am I desperate to find someone to spend time with? Maybe going to San Diego would provide me some space and time to find some clarity in my life.

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Late Bloomer

>> Monday, November 05, 2007

Six, seven years ago two of my friends got me to a local leather bar. It 'happens' to be underwear night and people take off their shirts and pants, some just walked around in their jockstrap and sneakers. After one or two drinks for courage and with much persuasion of these friends, I too succumbed to the peer pressure and took off my shirt and jeans. An attractive muscle bear with harness and buttless chaps came over to me and my friends and grabbed on our nipples and started twisting and he wasn't fooling around, he meant to hurt. We stood there for 5 minutes, it was one of the most erotic experience I've had. I don't know why I didn't follow him home that night, but I didn't really know anything then, and I was too afraid.

I haven't been back to that leather bar for years since I had a boyfriend, I didn't think I would need to go out looking for sex and I don't like going out late at night. But now I'm single again, it gives me an excuse to go. So I went with Macho Friday night just to see what's out there. There's a rumor that the basement is the place to be, they only open it a few hours per night and people go down there to do the nasty. I've heard about it for years and in my mind I pictured it to be a maze like dungeon, like the backroom of babylon a la Queer As Folks. But I was quite disappointed to find that it was just another bar in a slightly darker atmosphere. I guess I build it up to much in my head.

During the weekend I also finally tried some pot. It didn't have any effect on me. They say a person usually has to try a few times before it takes effect. Hope I'll get the chance to know how it feels to be high.

I have never had this much sex in my life, not even in my teenage years. I guess now I know what I want and I have the means to obtain it. And somehow being single again broke me free. I feel like I'm entering another stage of my life.

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They Turned Me Into a Monster

>> Friday, November 02, 2007

















I honestly don't know where my anger comes from, but I have a tendency to retaliate. Is it because I have father issues or because of all the TV shows I grew up with telling me that there are good guys and bad guys and the good guys always wins and I need to be a good guy?

Yesterday while reading Eliot's entry in his blog about a hate group called Westboro Baptist Church got me irate. This group lead by a crazy religious hate mongering numb nut called Fred Phelps went to a deceased gay marine's funeral and picketed, condemning the dead to hell. If I were the parents or friends of the deceased, I would have beaten them down and feel justified for doing so.

They are the reason why I associate the church with right wing psychos and the reason why so many people are tormented in the closet. After reading the post, I am tempted to acquire the address of the church and go burn it down. I reckon they have the right to free speech, but to physically go to funerals to taunt the parents of the dead or to get speaker phones to gay pride is stalker behavior and harassment... sexual harassment. There should be laws against that.

I'm tired of taking it. We should organize a group that goes to gay pride parades around the country and get microphones to picket around the picketers. Get multiple microphones around them and scream and yell back at them. Gay people are not weak, we should not have to take this and they won't learn until we fight back. They won't let us off until we show strength. And if it need to lead to violence, it would be justified. I'm tired to waiting for bad things to go away by themselves like Jerry Falwell and the Bush Administration. After Jerry Falwell died, nut jobs all over the country are still trying to remember him as a pioneer or a martyr. Fuck that. Put a stop to it now, crush them like a bug I say.

Why do they always drag their children with them? Does it make them feel better when their own children hate? How do they sleep at night? I don't have a problem in what they believe in, just don't impose their own values on me.

P.S. The perfect crime is done with components by multiple people who seemingly do not have any relations at all, which the internet provide an excellent forum for.

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Superkids?

>> Thursday, November 01, 2007



Watching the Today show this morning another 4 year old has saved her mom by pressing the on-star button. Apparently her mom was driving her and her 2 year old baby brother and suddenly passed out. I don't know how this has become a trend, because I remember hearing a 2 year old calling 911 and saying "Momma, owie..." not long ago.

Are children more informed of what they should do during an emergency situation? Are they more capable of performing those tasks? When asked if the car were moving when the child pressed on-star for help, the mom says when she woke up, the car was miraculously parked in a parking lot. The 2 years old who called the cops sounded quite differently in real life and has too much control over her voice. Of course, being a cynic it raises a flag for me.

Given both of their mothers are very overweight and they might have serious health issues, but I wouldn't rule out the possibility that they made up the stories just for attention. It's the same mentaility as the parents who enroll their kids in children pageantry, some people just seek attention throught the wrong medium. The two year old doesn't even seem to be able to talk. And should we not focus our attention on these overweight mothers who have fainting spells while driving their children around? Should we not even consider to put them in hospitals and monitorize them? I'm not saying put their children away, but at least get them some help.

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Hump Day Review

>> Wednesday, October 31, 2007

God help me, last night I gave up sex so I can play computer game. Sex! How sick is that? I thought I had a mild addictive personality but this has crossed the line.

So they found out that the fire in California was started by a little boy playing with matches. Eh, really? Why is it always the usual suspects? I'm not buying it. All the destruction aside, imagine how bad the kid would feel if it was really him. The trauma, I don't think anyone could grow up normal with this in the back of his conscience. They are considering to bring the kid to court, but it is likely to be dismissed as an accident. Ultimately that's why I doubt that the fire is really started by a kid. Everyone plays with matches, I know I did when I was a kid, burning little pieces of paper or ants. Fire is pretty and magical. (Is it just me? Or is it the arson in me?)

I've been reading a lot of blogs lately and enjoying the thoughts and writings of other people. But I grew afraid of leaving comments, somehow my comments are often misunderstood as malintent when most of the time I'm either joking or my comments are unclear. I remember one time on Sagat's blog he was writing on how he thinks he's a 'normal' guy and he wants to be normal and I left a comment saying 'How could you even consider yourself normal, look at you! lol' and Francesco left a message curse the hell outta me. I always consider Francois to be one of the hottest person I've ever seen, so I didn't understand why he wanted to be normal. It was meant to be a compliment but I see how it could be mistook for an insult. Being yelled for it was quite upsetting. I guess a lot of people are quite defensive when it comes to other people's comment, I can understand that. Incidents like this makes me realize how bad I actually write, and I tried to lighten the mood of my comments by adding some emoticons, so people won't take as much offense.

Vanessa Marquez's 'Good Girl' is playing continuously in my head and I don't know why. I hope she'll have an album coming soon.

Oh and Happy Halloween!

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Another Test

>> Monday, October 29, 2007

I'm a water sign too, at least I think I am. (Born on the cusp) Are we ideal lovers?

You Should Be With a Water Sign!

Your best match is a Cancer, Scorpio, or Pisces

Why? You crave intimacy and connection in your relationship
And while most guys can't open up enough for you, a Water Sign can
Not that you're whole relationship will be soul gazing
A Water Sign matches your goofy sense of humor - and desire to help others.

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Awakening

>> Friday, October 26, 2007

I just realize something yesterday: "I'm single now, I can do whatever I want!" I don't know how this has gotten past me, but there's no rules anymore. I don't need to stay at home if i don't want to, I can go out whenever I want. As long as i show up at my job on time and leave on time, I can pretty much do whatever I want.

I don't understand why I have never felt this way before.

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Death and Seperation

>> Thursday, October 25, 2007

It is not meant to be a serious topic, not the in-depth kind anyway. It just seems to be fitting for yesterday.

One of my colleague got a call from her vet to tell her that they need to put her cat to sleep. She burst into hysteria, cried and ran into a conference room to lock herself in. Of course, we didn't know what was going on until she came out still crying. It was quite dramatic. I think if I had a cat for years and had to put her to sleep, I would be quite upset as well but I don't think I express emotion the same way she does, so I don't quite "get it". It was also her last day before her spinal surgery and she'll be out for a month and for that I'm jealous.

Talk to Macho yesterday about us not being boyfriends, I just can't do it, and although he seems to understand it was still heartbreaking. He cried and I was a bit scared. After all, we only knew each other for 5 days. I like the guy and find him attractive but then we are totally different. He called me three times and he was a bit drunk and I see some traces of my stalker ex-boyfriend in him. I really can't deal with another one. Maybe I'm a psycho magnet, who knows? I promise to call him again, but I'm hesitant.

I planned to go to San Diego, Tijuana and perhaps LA in Mid November with DC, but with the wildfire going on I really would hate to have to cancel my plans. I've never been to that area and I really like to see and maybe get into some trouble over there and I already paid for some tickets that are non-refundable. Things usually would turn out ok, even with death and seperation, people learn to deal.

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I'm Superman!

>> Wednesday, October 24, 2007

I guess due to the nature of the questions, a lot of us would be superman! I wish...

Your results:
You are Superman

























You are mild-mannered, good,
strong and you love to help others.

Superman
85%
Batman
65%
Hulk
65%
Spider-Man
60%
Robin
59%
Green Lantern
55%
Catwoman
55%
Supergirl
52%
The Flash
50%
Wonder Woman
47%
Iron Man
40%

Click here to take the "Which Superhero are you?" quiz...

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Exhaustion (The Good Kind)

>> Monday, October 22, 2007

I have a confession to make... On my way of becoming a prostitute, I have acquired my graduation certificate. Yes, folks, I am now officially a whore. During the past week, I have screwed with 2 guys I've met online, fooled around with 3 guys when I was out at a bar, and commenced a 24 hour threesome session with two other guys that I invited back to my place. So let the stoning begin.

I'm completely exhausted, coz' other than the sex I've managed to stay up nearly every night of the week playing computer games, recording a TV marathon, had dinner with DC, doing house chores, groceries shopping. I'm sleeping less than six hours a night.

Am I acting out? I'm not on drugs (pity) and I'm quite proud of myself. I've never had this much fun. I feel like I'm breaking out of my shell. I feel like I might even be able to approach someone in a bar now. The anonymous sex somehow is giving me confidence (don't worry, I'm being safe too). Two of them guys want me to be their boyfriend... lol. Well, one of them is really my type. Macho, a ultra-masculine muscle bear, a divorcee with a 15 year old daughter, but he's only realized that he like guys for the past year and we're in a totally different economy bracket. While he's sweet and a bit emotionally clingy, I don't really think we could work out.

I remember going out to dinner with a few friends when I was still with Principe and they told me one of their requirements of choosing a mate is to have compatible financial status. I didn't really understand back then, but I guess I do now. I made the mistake of taking Macho to dinner at a fancy restaurant not knowing that he might not be able to pay for it. Of course, I offer to pay in the very begining as I do all my 'dates', but I can see the discomfort in his face. We still had a very good time, but bad feelings would harbor in the long run, I can tell. He is really attractive, and he's very easily attached. When I'm with him there were connection, a bond, he's already planning to see me a few times a week just to hang out. How should I handle this?

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Music Alert - Ben's Brother

>> Friday, October 19, 2007

I guess if you watch as much TV as I do, you might have heard a great song featuring in the cheesiest Dentyne commercial yet. The party responsible for this song is a British band called Ben's Brother. Honestly, what's with the British bands and their great music?

I've heard another comple of songs from this band and I kinda like it. Their new album "Beta Male Fairytales" is suppose to come out Nov. 6. I'll definitely get it and then write a full report.



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My Crush's First-Born

>> Thursday, October 18, 2007

GS had a son, another addition to the cabbage patch amongst our high school friends. What is it? two boys and one girl now? GS' wife named him Anson, where do people come up with these crazy names?

At some point, I forgot how old I am. We are in our early 30s and all of us have passed the optimum age to have children. Somehow the news of GS having a son really brought it home the fact that I may never have children.

Brought up in the traditional Asian mind set, one of the greatest purpose in life is to carry our name over to the next generation. It is part of the reason why there are so many abandoned female orphans after China's one-child policy. I don't really mind if the bloodline ends with me, although I think I do have some half-sisters or half-brothers somewhere, but I can't help but be disappointed that I might not be able to experience the joy of children, the 'unconditional' love. Maybe I'll just find someone with children and go through the 'this man is your dad's best friend' thing.

I used to have such a crush on GS, the sunny, good looking, athletic star. It's great that we still maintained a friendship. Hope life is good for him on the other side of the fence.

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The Cinderella Complex

>> Wednesday, October 17, 2007

I was chatting with a few people online yesterday who gave me advice on finding that someone special. Funny thing is, I didn't ask them for it. It just naturally follows my 'Yes' to their "Are you single?'.

I have been chatting with this opera singer from Germany for quite a while and he was sweet enough to say that the one I'm looking for is out there, I just have to look for him. I told him that I don't have enough self confident and don't feel that I am good enough. He told me that he used to have the same problem but he told me that I can't seat and wait for someone to come find me. Am I just sitting here for someone to come find me?

The morales of children's stories are often "Work on yourself, inner beauty and honesty will be rewarded", but it's frustrating when it doesn't happen in real life. The ones who get rewarded are the ones who can scream the loudest, the pretty ones, the already rich and powerful or the ones who befriend them. The quiet, reserved ones and the self-sufficient ones seldom get noticed. What exceptional qualities does one have to possess to be found and rescued? When will my fairy godmother show up with her magic wand and make me pretty enough to get noticed? And how vain can I be to make myself appealing when vanity is shunned upon?

A wise man would stop playing victim, slay the cruel stepmother-turn-dragon and rescue another waiting princess. Unfortunately, the world is filled with too many damsels and not enough prince who has the courage to ride on the pretty white steed.

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To A Great Night

>> Monday, October 15, 2007

I haven't been to a bar for months and last Friday, JH invited me to go to an outing with the boys. It was country line dance Friday in one of the biggest local gay bar and I'm only too happy to oblige.

So we were out around 9:30 at night, JH, his boyfriend Kim, AL, and Betty. Tons of people already started line dancing. I mean, I think I've seen people line-dance before, but somehow it just cracks me up. It's a good ole time!

Bunch of people memorized the dance to dozens of song, where they actually learned in classes during the day so they can demonstrate at night to (cheesy) catchy country music. Don't get me wrong, I'm not ridiculing it. In fact, I haven't smiled so much in a very long time, my chin muscles hurt the day after. I just find it very funny. I saw two Asians and a guy with a blue mohawk doing it too. It sure has a multi-cultural following and everybody is doing the same choreography, it's almost like a cult.

I can't get over what a good time I've had. Surely it's not just the doings of the two martinis, although I am an easy drunk. AL was avoiding Betty the whole night because Betty got himself a ridiculous haircut and AL was too embarrassed to be seen with him. Ha! (It was very 'distinctive' though, and not in a good way)

Afterwards, I headed to another gay bars where they had an once a month Asian party. I know the people who hold the party, I got some appetizers and got pulled to do a long electronic survey for a study they were doing and got $40. Paid for all my expense that night and more. Pretty cool, huh? I wouldn't mind doing this more often.

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Music Invasion: Jamiroquai's "Too Young To Die"and Galliano's "Prince of Peace"

>> Thursday, October 04, 2007

I have loved Jamiroquai since around 1995, and I think this is the first song that have drawn me to them and introduced me to Acid Jazz, that and Galliano's Prince of Peace. They seemed to be especially fitting for this moment with our war in Iraq.



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I Just Don't Get It

>> Wednesday, October 03, 2007

I really don't get it. On my way to work this morning, a bunch of anti-abortionist was outside showing passer-bys pictures of dead fetuses and shouting their interpretation of the word of god. The thing that gets me though is that these people who shouts are all men, of the ten to fifteen anti-abortionist strategically planted in the three block radius, there is only one female, a ten-years old girl at that. For me, it is way less convincing to me since it's so much easier for them to yell anti-abortion slogans when they can't even get pregnant at the first place. What do I care anyway? As a gay man, it's almost a non-issue for me so can you just spare me with the disgusting pictures of dead-anything?

One of the giant posters features a cute baby on one size with the word "Life" on it, and when the crafty holder flips it over it is is a dead fetus with the word "Death". Honestly you can do the same with pictures of a dog or an adult, does it really mean anything? Of course, things that are dead are always more horrifying than when they are alive.

The horrible thing is that they drag their children to participate in their own cause. Anti-abortion, anti-gays, KKK, they are all building a whole new generation of hate, if they are so concerned about people who have abortions, why don't they offer the pregnant mothers to take care of their children after they are born? Protest about the war, it's killing tons of people, grown ups at that.

Francesco said something very buddhist on his blog: "It's not up to us to dole out rewards and punishments." That would be ideal in an ideal world, but I've learned that bullies exist in the real world, there are people who comes around only to cause harm for their personal gains or just to feel superior and I can't help myself to be vindictive. I'm not into petty score keeping, but when those malice becomes a habit or a trend, it's hard not to notice and take caution. Somebody has to shut them down, somebody has to do it so why not me? If everybody let things go, we wouldn't need the police, or the whole jurisdiction system. There wouldn't be Superman, Batman or Spiderman.

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P.S.

>> Monday, October 01, 2007

Besides, if I don't think people are replaceable, will I be able to survive?

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It's Been Fun

I realized that it has been a month since Principe has left and I'm thankful that time seems to have passed by very fast. As I woke up this morning I felt the season changed and I felt that my state of mind changed as well. I felt happier, maybe it is really not a measure of happiness but I feel ready or maybe content, which for me is a great state to be in.

Maybe I'm ready to move on. Is it a bit heartless of me to get over someone that I have been with for 6 years in merely a month's time? There is really no point dwelling on something that's unsalvageable. It'll be a good memory and we'll always have a long distance friendship or love even, but that's about it. I will need someone who's physically in my life.

I think my refusal to get depressed and obsessed about this seperation had paid off, I have managed to drown myself in World of Warcraft and managed to gain a few friends in the process. It's been fun.

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Does It Still Taste Good?

>> Tuesday, September 25, 2007

There seems to be an extraordinary amount of cream...

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Gay World of Warcraft Humor

>> Friday, September 21, 2007

Found this clip online obviously produced by the Pretty Pink Ponies guild. It's completely hilarious!

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Quiz on Religious View

I'm always up for new quizzes and found this one on Jessica's blog. I have to admit that I'm an avid reader, although there's not much to read. (^o^)




You scored as Cultural Creative, Cultural Creatives are probably the newest group to enter this realm. You are a modern thinker who tends to shy away from organized religion but still feels as if there is something greater than ourselves. You are very spiritual, even if you are not religious. Life has a meaning outside of the rational.

Cultural Creative

75%

Existentialist

63%

Idealist

63%

Modernist

63%

Postmodernist

56%

Materialist

44%

Romanticist

44%

Fundamentalist

31%

What is Your World View?
created with QuizFarm.com

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These Foolish Things

>> Tuesday, September 18, 2007

"The winds of March that made my heart a dancer
A telephone that rings But who's to answer
Oh, how the ghost of you clings
These foolish things
Remind me of you -- Ella Fitzgerald, These Foolish Things"


I'm actively getting myself addicted to World of Warcraft, playing 6-12 hours a day to drown out my thoughts about being single again. I'm happy to report that it works quite well. But at the time that I'm not playing or thinking about the game, the sadness creeps up on me.

I can't believe that Principe has only left for two weeks, it feels like it had been months since I've seen his face. At least I'm not expecting him to walk through the door anymore. I guess I was wrong to expect anything more subconsciously. I knew the facts, I knew how it would end up, I just can't help myself. Party boy JH got back with his ex and bought a scooter, AL met a guy and broke up with his "husband" of 16 years. Who knows what a relationship is? "Nothing is forever, and I'm beginning to learn that it might not matter." I guess I got into a relationship with Principe thinking that in the back of my mind. As long as I have fell in love completely, it doesn't matter if it is just temporary. But I guess at the end I got greedy and now my heart aches.

As of today, I'm a lvl 22 Dwarf Hunter at Proudmoore with the Stonewall Champions, one of the few GLBT friendly guild on World of Warcraft. If anyone see me out there please say hi!

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The "Gayliens"

>> Monday, September 17, 2007

Went to bentblog and seen this clip. It is so good and so true, no matter how much you have to offer nobody cares. Americans are a bunch of six years old that giggles when you say the word "Sex". Sad, really.

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My Past Is Still Haunting Me.

>> Saturday, September 15, 2007

I can't believe it but my ex is still sending me horrible text messages, calling my phone and not say a word and ringing my doorbell at two o'clock in the morning.

About ten days ago he sent me a text message saying he needed to talk to me and as usual I ignored it. We were together for only three years and we broke up six-seven years ago, I don't understand why he still have a hang up. After a few days, he texted me again and say that his health ids deteriorating and there's something really important that he needed to tell me. Well, I talked to DC and we decided I won't be able to help whatever is happening to him and I'm afraid that he will come back and stalk me again so I ignored him again.

Well yesterday he text me and cursed me out. He said to me that he is now HIV Positive. It is a shock, since he is such an unlikely candidate. He's getting so much older now and in no way is he attractive and he doesn't seem to be the type that uses drug or sharing a needle. he must have contracted it from sex, but who would do him and why would he go unprotected? My guess is that he has a tendency of getting drunk and after he's drunk he will lose his judgement. Well, most of the harassment I get from him is when he is drunk anyway.

Now, I'm afraid that he will try to stab me with an infected needle. He is angry all the time. I can't say that he deserved it, I don't think anybody does. I don't understand why he feels the need to tell me though, what does he want me to do?

The past is always following me around, can't shake it.

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Taking Financial Responsibilities

>> Thursday, September 13, 2007

A friend just told me about a program available for first-time home buyers. If your annual household income is less than $69,000 than you'll be qualify for a home loan program where you only need to pay 3% down and they even will give you $2,000 towards the closing costs. Wow, if I have known I might have bought a house. But since my job situation is not really secure, I might choose not to do so right now.

I have been thinking about saving up some money for rainy days or should I decide to yet immigrate to another country. I wonder if I should go onto the stock market and invest my existing savings. My uncles and my granma does that, my ex urged me to do so, but I don't feel secure enough because I don't really know what it is all about. I wonder if there's a class out there that teaches you everything you need to know about the stock market or investment in general in an informative and unbiased way.

I guess as I'm growing older, I really have to think hard about my future.

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Schadenfreude For Britney Spears

>> Monday, September 10, 2007

In the midst of despair, it's always nice to know that I'm not the only one in misery.

Holy cow, did anyone else saw Britney Spears opening for MTV's VMA? I was never too much of a Britney Spears' fan. It embarasses me to admit it, but I did like a few of her songs. They are catchy enough to stay in my head for a while and sooner or later I get to like them but last night's performance is something else.



Oh my god, the song is simply horrendous. She's flabby and her performance was quite sleazy and horrible. It's really too bad, she used to be so proud and call herself an entertainer. She used to give out great performances. All the sudden, the star turned into a mom who gave birth to two children. There's nothing wrong with getting married and giving birth, it's just in the process of doing so she shattered the fantasy that is Britney Spears.

There were three Britney songs that got leaked out to the net and I heard them all from Jonny McGovern's podcast and they all seemed quite mediocre. My favorite one is a ballad seems to have meant for Christina Aguilera, but the only thing is Britney hasn't got the voice for it and all the rifts seems to be so wrong.

I guess a lot of stars are too young, too immature and they haven't really figured out life yet or they just want to do it all when they are still young. But once you achieve stardom, what else is left? And after putting all the hard work in to achieve your ultimate peak in life, wouldn't you want to act out to reward yourself? And what happens after you flopped? After your career is ruined and you have been deemed to be a one trick pony, a has-been? What's left in your life? Can you compare your monumental success with all the little simple pleasures that's left?

Would I be able to stop comparing my future love(s) to Principe?

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