Office Theft

>> Friday, March 30, 2007

Yesterday there were a lot of people around the office for the doctor, for the trainings and all. It was relatively quiet later in the afternoon, I was helping ES with her training materials and in a split of a second, ES has lost her phone. I was convinced that since we were stocking some shelves that she had accidentally put it in one of the shelves, but since she wasn't carrying it around and she's not as forgetful and mindless as I am, she knows that it was stolen. Other than that we found out that two bags of tokens are also missing. I didn't see anyone around except I've let a patient in through the front door not long ago, so we went over at the doctor's office to find that the person has just left. So we thought that he must be the person who stole it.

Although all this while I was thinking to myself, it could have been somebody else. It was kinda out in the open, it could have been a staff or a volunteer, or even me. I don't know what wrong with me but everytime something has gone wrong I would go and think whether it is my fault first, even though I have nothing to do with it. I think it has something to do with my general lack of confidence in myself and trust in others. Need I to say that I have issues?

After that we decided to call ES' cell phone but it has already been turned off. We called the guy's cell phone and it was off as well. Then we called the guy's home phone, whose sister has picked it up and we told her what her brother has done and if he did not return it by this morning we will call the cops on him. Given there's no proof whether the guy has done it or not, but we pretended that he has been caught on tape even though we don't have a single camera in house.

I felt a little schadenfreude and tried very hard to suppress a smirk. I would feel so upset if it has happened to me. But what kind of a person will steal from his own doctor's office. He may be a drug addict trying to make a quick buck for dope, but one should never bite the hand that he's fed from. Plus, we have all his information on file, it's not like he could hide. From all the detective comics and novels I've read, this is the stupidest way to commit a crime.

He returned what he took this morning and for that I'm glad, and I also feel guilty to have suspected other people. I have decided that he will not be allowed to come back to see his doctor ever again, I hope he find another doctor, because we won't be letting him in even if he is crawling on the floor and dying. That's for stealing from the people who are helping him, stupid.



>> Thursday, March 29, 2007

Had dinner with DC last night and I showed him the weight loss study I'm about to participate in and he told me the drugs they are giving people are for combating depression and addiction. The dosage they plan to use on us are also alarmingly high. He convinced me not to participate in the study just because it will be potential harmful to my brain. So I guess I'll give up, I'm unusually cautious when it comes to my brain.

My green card application finally went in, although I had to go through a lot of hassles to get all the documents I need. It was really not that complicated, I was working on my green card with my ex-boss all along and now my new boss wasn't happy that he wasn't consulted during the process. He want to show me that he's the boss, so he try to make it difficult for me just to let me know. What a jackass? "The salary is too high!", "Shouldn't I be signing it?", "I don't think I've even read what the letter said yet!" Of course, everything is just an act... How can he know the mentioned salary is too high if he haven't even read the content yet? But I'll play along...

He demanded respect from everyone and he got really upset when he found out that some of our staff went to a job fair to look for other prospects. I thought all along that respect is earned but he's starting to run the organization like a dictator. It's like communism all over again. We are not suppose to ask him questions, just listen to what he has to say. He will not tell us what we needs to do, we are suppose to ask he for work when we have the time. He will not tell us when we have important meetings with dignitaries, we are supposed to be always free and ready. We don't have money for office supplies, but we can afford a hotel stay 50 miles away or a weekend trip to Jamaica. Poor communication, poor management is what it is, I wonder how long the organization will survive and which idiots will fund us and what it is based on.

Little meetings with intents to make things difficult for the staff will only create bad feelings. If that how he thinks he can get respect from his staff, he's crazy and stupid. Meanwhile, some of the staff are looking for job, some are about to go on leave soon and the good ones are getting wore out. With our financial state, none of us are gonna get a raise anytime soon and I haven't had gotten one for the past 4 years. Of course there were promises but nothing ever delivered, it has always been prosponed and prosponed. So we asked to do our best to the company but the company doesn't do good by its employee. Whenever there's money coming in, its always the head honchos that gets everything and we have to feel lucky and say thianks that we still have a job. When a staff doesn't see any benefits when we as a whole succeed, what motivations do we have to succeed? What luck is it that we have to work as hard as we can while suppressing any possibility of financial growth and be treated like imbecils everyday?

I thought in time of crisis, the attitude of management is supposed to change to a friendlier tone, after all we are all they have now. Communications are supposed to be as good as possible, hence the benefit of a smaller staff. But maybe it's the first time he's in a position to command the whole organization, his own inexperience leaves him astray. Anyway, I'm glad the application went in. It'll take 12 to 24 months to process, they say. Maybe I'll win the lottery in the meantime and get it over with.



>> Wednesday, March 28, 2007

I know that when it comes to personal finance, I'm pretty much an idiot. So from time to time when Yahoo is posting some articles like "Budgeting and Saving Tips" and "How to Make Really Big Money". It's like reading articles in Cosmopolitan but for the financial dummies.

Yesterday, I came over an article on being a millionaire. The article claims that being a millionaire these days are not that uncommon. If you got a well-paid job and you tried your best to save money and invest, you'll probably would able to be a millionaire pretty soon. The problem is that nowadays it doesn't mean as much as it did 40 years ago. The level of material you're able to attain with one million dollars are very limited. Of course, I agree with that observation, the one-bedroom condo one block from my house costs $3.5 Million, not to mention the tax and security fee and all.

But is it really that easy to become a millionaire? Just by saving up? Maybe I should get a 6-digit-paying job first... And even if I get one, how many years of saving and investing will it take fore the money to accumulate to one million? "Reevalute your habits" another article says. Cigarettes, alcohol, coffee are all unnecessary spending habits. My video games are $50 a pop, comic books and books are $6-20 a pop. Should I stop reading them and playing my games? I guess I really have to reprogram myself in order to start actively saving money. How one has to suffer in order to secure one's future? Maybe I don't have financial goals or maybe I'm financially afraid, that's what keeping me from making money. Need I start reevaluating my whole life and setting up goals?

Well, I say that now, but I still bought 3 pounds of veal shanks at $15.99/pound to make osso buco last night. I guess I'm not the patient kind.



>> Tuesday, March 27, 2007

I'm actively shopping for a beige Burberry duffle coat online, but I'm can't really find one cheap. The Burberry's in US doesn't seem to be selling them, I only see a few listings on Ebay from sellers in UK. But I'm not too sure what size I wear, I used to wear size 44 suit jackets, so does it mean size 44 will work on a coat as well? Or does it need to be bigger? I'm hella confused.

At some point in time, I've realized what a control freak I've become. In everything I do contain some purposes for me to sculpt and mold my life just the way I want it to be. It's a bit obsessive compulsive, really. Everything is done to my likings, and if it's not, I get irritated and obsessed to change it into the way I want it to be. At some point, maybe I have irreversibly associated my way to be the absolute "right" way. It's horrible, I know.

I'm still reading like crazy, I figured it'll take me a whole day to read half a book and I have about 16 books, so it'll probably take me a whole month to read all of them. Plus my comic books are coming, I got a painting to finish, some video games to start, knitting... It make me pretty busy for the next two months and then... I'll get some more books and obsess about something else. "Killing time", I say... With all the killings time should be dead by now.



>> Monday, March 26, 2007

It's my hundred-and-forty-fourth post, 144 is such as a great number. Anyway, I hate Monday... it's the first day of the week and I can't sleep in... Don't they know I need a vacation after each and every weekend?

T-Mobile finally managed to transfer my number from my old plan with comcast to my new plan. Hurray!!! Called Verizon and had the internet speed of the office restored, so we can have some decent speed going on, it's probably my fault to begin with but anyway... Called YesAsia to have my orders straighten out, I should expect a package with my comic books anyday now... It's funny how a person need to call all these places to solve his problems, I wonder how much time people spent in call waiting each day. We live in a world where everybody else has a part and a say of what we do and need. A person you hardly know has the key to make your life easier, and he'll only do that if you call him and plea with him, and that's our jobs - one's to plea and the other is to open doors. "I'm the gatekeeper, are you the keymaster?" Why can't everything be automatic?

I'm still waiting for the first chapter of my comics, so I've been reading my kung-fu novels like mad. I'm dreaming in chinese characters now... It's good, hopefully it helps me with my fading Chinese. The side effects though is that I might start to speak Cantonese in those older terminologies. Well, as years go by I'm becoming weirder and weirder anyway...


Spending Habits

>> Sunday, March 25, 2007

I cannot say that it's uncharacteristic of me to find out that I've spent approximately $1,000 in the past few days, but it's a bit odd that most of the money I've spent is not really for my own purpose. Alright, I've spent a fourth of it for comic books and martial arts novel, and music and what not but about half of it went to my grandma, another quarter on Principe's iPod and the rest to some under-priviledge children, groceries and changing my phone over to T-mobile's pay as you go plan. I figured I could save more money by changing over, but they are having a difficult time bringing my old number to the new plan.

Yesterday, I was having a real hard time starting the day. I was rushing to go to New York and by the time I walked out the door I found out that I forgot my wallet and my keys. So I broke the door down, caused the wooden frame to bust. If I have only forgotten my keys I would have been fine, but without my wallet I couldn't have gone anywhere. I patched it up before I went up but it's still very raggedy. I spent 45 minutes on the phone trying to straighten out my cell phone situation and got transfered back and forth and all around the place with T-mobile. I got hanged up when I was asking them to reimburse for the minutes they have used.

When I got to NY, I went to Century 21 to do my underwear shopping, got some children's clothes to donate and walked back to Chinatown for food. I passed by a quaint little store that sells gyozas and fried pork buns. I got myself some gyoza, they were really good and it's just a dollar for 5 gyozas!!! I thought to myself, I could definitely live on this, spend $5 a day and my three meals would be settled. I would be malnutured but I would save tons of money, but then if I lived in New York all the money would probably go to rent anyway.

I got some martial art novels and they weren't cheap and when I got to my usual comic book store looking for "Death Note"s, they had every single episode except the first one, I was so pissed. I got the rest of them anyway, thinking I would buy the first one online or get the English version at Borders. But when I got to the Borders in Philly, they sold that one out too... I really don't want to start the others untiul I got the first one. I guess I'll have to wait now.

Thank god these spending binges are just speratics. I couldn't possibly foresee myself spending this much all the time. God, when are my lottery tickets gonna win me something?


Flying Saucers

>> Friday, March 23, 2007

Just saw an article on Yahoo! about UFOs, apparently France is the first country that admits the existence of UFO and release their national findings all in one website. But then the website got overwhelmed and crashed soon after its release. I have to give props to the French government of being so open. Unlike the current American government, the French government have the courage to admit that there is something in the world that they can't explain. They also said that there's no proof that the flying saucers and what not are caused by extra-terrestrials, but there are also no proofs that they are not, they just want to announce their findings, so that scientists can use their data to further their investigations and researches.

The mall sells plastic flying saucers as toys now that can levitate and move around mid-air. So maybe government agencies used the same technologies to survey the land, it's not necessarily extra-terrestrials, although it would be very cool if it is. But if they were from other planets, one has to wonder why after all these years of extra-terrestrial activities, we still haven't been officially contacted by them. Are they perhaps disappointed by what they have seen? Maybe because their size is too small that they are afraid of us? Would I live long enough that finally we would make contact with them and we'll begin to see little flying saucers around our most popular landmarks, like disneyland and hollywood?


A Busy 24 Hours

>> Thursday, March 22, 2007

The past 24 hours has been quite hectic. I have accumulate so much errands and trying to complete all of them in one sitting seems nearly impossible. Before ES left for New Orleans, she told me about a friend of hers changed her cell phone plan to 'pay as you go' and since she's not using her cell phone for much she's only paying for $100 a year. I thought that was cool and after further investigation, I decided to change it to a prepaid plan with T-Mobile. I use approximately 200 minutes and pay $60 per month. After I change over I should be paying approximately $20 a month which saves $40 for something else.

So I got to the mall where Principe works at, but I couldn't find a T-Mobile booth that would change it over for me, probably because they don't get commissions for prepaid plans. Principe's iPod Mini died, when I get to the Apple store, they said they couldn't do anything about it, so I bought him a new 30GB iPod. I was gonna do that or wait for the iPhone, but the sales person said it will cost about $600 and only Cingular is gonna carry that. So since I want to change to T-mobile, I guess I'm not gonna get one. It's would have been perfect for Principe, but I won't spend $600 for a phone that he'll probably break or lose it the next day.

I walked around the whole mall because I wanted to get a duffel coat for myself. The pea coat that I got for the past two year has been breaking apart, the inner seems are deteriorating so fast that my pocket are torn and it's getting quite ratty. I spotted a Burberry duffel coat that I crave, but it costs $600. It's still cold out but it's the end of winter, so I'm hoping for a sale. Maybe I'll go to Century 21 while I'm in New York to see if they have anything, they have it on Ebay too but I'm so used to trying it on before buying. If I see it, I'll try it on and maybe buy the online equivalent on Ebay.

Principe and I went to Legal Seafood last night, I was glad that they have opened one in the mall. I'm a fan, although it was kinda expensive but the food was really good. It was early so we just got a bowl of New England clam chowder each, we shared a plate of crab cake and a small lobster. Everything was great, I hope to go back again and again. Looked for the comic book series at borders, but they don't have the complete set and each one costs $8, so I guess I'll go to New York Chinatown for them too.

Uploaded the website I've designed, had a staff meeting, mailed my grandma a check, uploaded songs to Principe's new iPod and got a haircut as well, but I just found out that my barber of 6 years does not work there anymore. That #$%& doesn't even tell me beforehand. I was filling up a long questionnaire the whole day about history information for the weight loss study, describing my weight history, eating habits, psychological conditions, medical conditions and physical habits. I hope this thing works. Anyway, I about to head out to the T-Mobile store to change my phone over. Can't wait til the weekend, but I guess I'll just be spending money like crazy again.


The Study

>> Wednesday, March 21, 2007

My ex-colleague JH got a job in a place on my way to work, so he's been calling me every morning so that we can walk to work together. It's funny how he acts as my exercise buddy now. I mean he's the reason why I joined my current gym in the first place, we exercised together, walked to work together, walked home together. I was taking cabs everyday to work and laid off the gym thing after he left my workplace, but now that he found a job along the way, I started walking again.

I was thinking when the weather get warmer, I'll go back to the gym a few times a week again. I need it to be warm enough so I can wear shorts outside. JH is on Atkins now, maybe I'll do the same too. I also joined a weight loss study from an University and they are going to put me on a year-round medication routine, to study the effects. I hope that they don't give me placebos, if they do it'll be such a waste of time. I'm always looking for fast results, I guess it is why I stopped my former efforts, because I don't see any results. Plus it was X'mas and cold outside. (If I wanted excuses, I can always find some) I should get a package saying how it works soon and I'll have my first introductory meeting in two weeks.


Death Note

>> Tuesday, March 20, 2007

I came across a series of comic book online called "Death Note". Apparently it has caused a lot of controversy in Japan. The basis of the comic is that one of the angel of death got bored and he left his notebook and its instructions on earth to stir things up. Whoever find this note book can write names on it and whatever names appear on the notebook would be killed instantly. The person whose name appear on the book will die from heart failure, but if the writer wrote the exact cause of death next to the name, the person will die exactly the same as described. The writer has to know the person's face in order for it to work, so people with the same name will not die.

The controversy does not lie within the comic book, apparently. It lies with the release of its related merchandise, precisely, the aforementioned notebook. Every kids and teenagers in Japan bought the look-alikes and wrote down the name of people they dislike with gruesome death scenes for them. Some says it materializes their bad feelings for classmates, teachers, parents which potential lead them to act out their hatred for these people further. Even murder??? Me being so far away doesn't really know about the details but it was rumored to be banned due to its nature. But I love a good controversy, so I decided to buy the whole series, so I can decide for myself.

If a death note does exist, I guess I would have a few names of my own to write in their with gruesome description as well. How about drowning in their own filth, huh?


A Lucius Waiting For His Pullo

>> Monday, March 19, 2007

We had a free trial weekend for HBO, so you know I would have taken advantage for the situation and glued myself to the TV set. Watched all the "Bill Maher", all the "Def Poetry" and all the "Rome". I always liked "Rome", it's a great show about the old Roman Empire featuring great British actors. Season One started with the great glorious Julius Caesar (who invented the renowned salad dressing... lol) and ended with Brutus betraying and killing him. Season two started with life after Caesar and now Ceasar's adopted son Octavian Caesar is raging war with Marc Antony and Cleopatra. The whole show circles the life of two soldiers, Lucius Vorenus and Titus Pullo. Lucius Vorenus is a strict, stoic man who stands by loyalty no matter right or wrong. Titus Pullo is a brute with a heart of gold, and his loyalty stands with his people. There is a brotherhood between them that is so pure and admirable.

There is a lot of sex and violence in the show, it may be for the sake of historically accuracy but a little bit of nudity always attracts viewer, just like Sex and the City did. But the real attraction here is the good acting and plot. Lucius went to a war with Caesar for years, his wife thought he was dead and got pregnant by her ex-boyfriend. When Lucius came back from the war he wanted to kill her for her betrayal, but she killed herself instead. His other children hated him for killing their mother and seeks revenge. Pullo's wife got pregnant and died from miscarriage, his next love is a slave that secretly poisoned and killed his former wife in order to get to him. In an incident she sacrificed her life to save him and before she died she told him the truth and he strangled her to death. What amazing storylines?

Re-read an old Jin Yong novel that I have called "Flying Fox of the Snowy Mountains", it was really good until the very end. It's about a war treasure guard by four families in conflicts, the hero's family was killed by the other, there's fights and kung fus and conflicts. He's a tremendously good writer. The bad thing about it is that sometimes, he doesn't give you a concrete ending. "The family had twins, one got lost when he was a baby, now that this man comes back looking exactly like the son and the only one who can prove it is dead, is he really our son?", "If you don't kill this person, you'll certainly die with him. Killing him is the only way to survive, but he's your lover's father, but he also killed your parents, and he's the chance, so will you kill him or not?" Those are such bulls#!ts... especially when you have invested so much time reading the book and it comes to an end like this. It's like sex without orgasm, it's just bulls#!t!

Me, I'm trying to save the world form the evil Rhapthorne on DragonQuest, fighting for my share in Liberty City on Grand Theft Auto: LCS amongst other games that I will acquire real soon. Waging wars for the control of the TV with Principe. I taught him how to play Lumines and turned him into a Lumines freak.


Dream Room???

>> Friday, March 16, 2007

Went to and played around with their dream room module and this is the result and also this. I don't know about whether this is really my dream room, living room is not really that important for me. I rather have a nice kitchen or a nice bedroom, even the bathroom is more important to me than the living room. I just need my TV and my playstation and I'm basically set for my living room. The other end of it is that they don't really have a great choice of furniture and nicknacks to choose from, with me being a bit color blind, it's hard for me to create a truly ideal room just by using this module, but I did my best.

You should definitely try playing with it and see what you came up with.


Mr. S#it-Midas

I was catching up with all the "Bill Maher" on HBO last night. His program is almost as good as Jon Stewart's in my opinion. The only thing is that it's not as frequent and it's harder to access to it of course. I used to subscribe to HBO, but after Sex and the City ended and they canceled Carnivale, I don't feel like it anymore. So I'm very happy when this few days they are promoting the free trials.

I think in a lot of aspects, I share the same view with Bill Maher. I believe that most organized religions are crazy, I hate hypocrisy and bureaucracy and nothing bugs me more than a lying sack of a politician. I believe that George W. is a dumb f#(k and Dick Cheney is a evil son-of-a-bitch and if you're a republican, you're either very rich and selfish or there's something fundamentally wrong about you. But I don't assign myself as a democrat, democrats are just the lesser of two evils. I realized that most Asians are republican, somehow they believe that big industries (republicans) can better take care of their workers. Maybe once upon a time it is true, but this country has turned into a selfish individualist country where everything is about making a profit. Social security is privatized, there's no public health care, the sense of community and common good is slim.

Now that George W. is waging wars all over the middle-east, sacrificing thousands of lives with no plan in mind to end the war, he basically became the most hated figure in the world. He turned the once prestiged and respected nation into the tail end of countless jokes. Haliburton, WMD, War because of 9/11, Katrina, Shooting people on the face, Walter Reed, the list goes on and on... When will people start thinking about impeaching the lot of them? But no, we are just patiently waiting for their term to end, wishing and hoping that nothing else is going to be screwed up during this time. Seriously the guy is like a f#(king s#it-Midas, everything he touches turns to s#it.

My solution to the war is to hand George W. over to the Sunnis and the Shiites after his term ends. Symbolically with a ceremony and an official apology and all. George W. will be in a cage all chained up like King Kong. "We're sorry for invading your country for the wrong reason, this is the person who is responsible for it, do whatever you need to do to him." And then all the hatred in the world towards him can be dissipated. Of course, Dick Cheney is the brain behind it, but George W. has become such a hated symbol that just by sacrificing him alone would do. Whenever he visits a country people over there are burning cutouts with his face on it and the flag anyway. People overseas seems to know little to nothing about Dick Cheney.So there just hand him over to people in Iraq, retrieve the troops and case solved.


Literally Blind

>> Thursday, March 15, 2007

I find myself very gullible when it comes to what I'm reading. Just because it's all typed up on paper, I will very likely believe it. Documents from government officials, movie lines, websites, media release, it doesn't matter what it is, the newer information will be like the bible to me, it makes me question my common sense and stored up memories, forgetting that they are written by another human being and they can make mistakes as well.

There are so many papers running around with information on it that nobody cares, nobody cares to read them, it's a clutter of information. Coming from me a student of information system, it may be a bit weird, but I'm getting tired of them. I only want to read what I'm interested in, I only want to do what I'm interested in. Why can't I be paid to do what I want to do? Childhood had spoiled me.

I really, really wanted to buy all the kung fu novels written by Jin Yong, that's a guy that wrote almost my whole concept about kung fu. His novels were translated into classic TV shows and movies again and again. The guy can write. So I went to and found his books but it adds up to a great sum, so I'm thinking about raiding a bookstore in New York. I hope there's a bookstore there that carries all his books in traditional Chinese. And if possible, I would like to get an episode of "Death Note" and see if I like it before buying the whole volume. But then I was supposed to get together with a friend this weekend and go to KoP to fix Principe's iPod, plus HBO has a free preview all weekend, so I can catch up on "Rome" and "Bill Maher". So many activities, so little time.


Capturing One's Essence

>> Wednesday, March 14, 2007

Trying to paint Principe's eyes last night, but I don't seem to be able to get it right. I used black to trace the eyes, but it looked too strong, like he had mascara on or something, so finally I have to wipe it off and paint over them with white paint. It wasn't pretty, I wonder how other people do it. I also realized that if I can't paint the face right, my painting will turn out horrible. So I'm getting very anxious now.

When I finish it, I'll definitely take a picture and post it online. Who knew this would turn out to be so hard?



>> Tuesday, March 13, 2007

Must be spoiled by the 12-hour sleep, I'm feeling really sleepy today. Still sick, but the weather is warming up and there is some wind in the air, so it's not as bad. I managed to finish my lunch, so it is also a sign of recovery. I can't wait to be home though.

One more week and my painting should be done, nowadays, I'm just waiting for it to dry and apply more details. I do think Prinicpe is right though, I'm making his face and head rounder than it is. I guess I'm making him look fatter then, hehe... Too bad it is me who is painting, and I kinda like it the way it is... He can complaint all he wants, but it's gonna stay the same.

I can't wait to get home...


The Wolf Cried "Fire!"

>> Monday, March 12, 2007

The fire alarm went off last night at 4:00 in the morning. Principe and I woke up of course, along with the residents of the whole building. I insisted on sleeping on the last incidents despite the smoke in the air and the building behind us burnt down, two people died or something. So I learned not to underestimate the possibility of a real fire is actually occurring.

I used to underestimate the chance that the alarm went off because of a real fire just because there are a lot of art students and drug users lives in my building, the rent is cheap. They could be doing some heat molding project or smoking some dope and fall asleep. Of the years I've been living here the alarm went off every few months and it usually doesn't amount to anything. Other than the building behind us burnt through the roof, they have to demo down the whole thing relocate everyone that lived there and rebuild it into a luxury condo. I'm sure they made a huge profit from that fire. There were also two pretty good latino/caribbean restaurants on the first floor, I hope they had insurance. I miss their food sometimes.

Anyway, I didn't think there was a fire. If it did, it must have been a very small one at that. I still feel very weak, so I took the day off. I can't seem to breathe at night. If my boss shows up at work and smoke, I might die. I come out to the coffee shop and I can't even seem to balance a cup of tea. JH called me this morning to see if I want to walk to work with him, he got a new job. I'm truly happy for him, he asked whether I want to go to the gym with him, since he's nearer to my work now. I said great, maybe he can motivate me to use my membership that I've been paying all this while. I need to get in shape, Principe is leaving me soon.


Missing Links

>> Sunday, March 11, 2007

I have always said that I live in the past and I still think it's true. Saw Heroes the other day and one of the main character said that to live in happiness is to live in the present and to live with meaning is to wallow in the past and obsess about the future, therefore you can't have both happiness and meaning in the same time. If it is true, it means that I cannot be happy, but then what meaning do I have in my life?

I dreamt about an old friend Friday night. A friend that I haven't seen in more than 10 years, we used to hang out a lot when we were in high school. But I repeated a grade and we kinda lost touch. I've heard that he moved or studied college in the U.S., another friend told me has told me before that he might be in Chicago. I wonder if he's still around. I got an Email address of him, sent him an E-mail years ago, but I never got a response from him, maybe it's not an active E-mail address or maybe he thought it was a junk mail and deleted it. I wonder what we'll say to each other anyway. I heard from another friend that he became a famous private tutor, he probably don't think much of me now.

I managed to go through these few years not particularly leaving deep impressions in other people's life. I live like a ghost, by myself in a small apartment. Self-sufficiently feed on my own life, my video games. This hermit kinda life is not really difficult to maintain, but then it's not particularly exciting. I wonder what my future is like, I wonder what kinda meaning my life would hold.


Sick Time Diversion

>> Friday, March 09, 2007

I'm still sick, actually sicker now, thank god the weekend is approaching. I can't believe it, but I'm so tired that I can't even finish my lunch today, must... crawl... to the pharmacy... to get some... Dayquil... *ugh*

A shipment from arrived yesterday with my Kindaichi detective comics and Executive Managing Director Shima Kosaku comics as well. At least I can be sick and entertained. Along with them, I bought an older Faye Wong CD that I had lend to some former classmates of mine in pre-iPod era and he never returned it back to me. I always lend things or money to people and can never retrieve it back from them. I learned to stop doing that though. Also bought a newer Jacky Cheung CD and I started to notice how much he truly sucks. I used to like him a lot when I was growing up.

I love buying things online, when it arrives it feels like receiving a present. Now I got my eyes on a bunch of older classic kung fu novels, the series of "Death Note" comic books and a CD. Too bad they are so expensive, I wish they were cheaper.

It's time to add another layer of color to my painting. I should be done with it within the week.


I Need Air

>> Thursday, March 08, 2007

Principe was having a cold these few days and he's quite miserable. Of course being a good boyfriend that I am, I try to make him as comfortable as possible. He still has to go to work though. But of course, I think I got his cold too. My nose has been quite stuffy lately, and I got a little headache. So I got myself some Tylenol and hopefully it'll go away quickly.

It's my second time getting a PPD now. After my check up last time, the PPD took a few days longer to show up all bumpy... which should be a positive. This time, it is still all bruised up, maybe it'll be all bumpy again. If it's a false positive again, it might mean that I have TB. That would explain why it's always difficult for me to breath. My lack of exercise could explain the delay of the result. I wonder since TB is transferred through air and body fluid, maybe Principe would have it too. Antibiotics can cure it, but it takes half a year and he doesn't have any insurance. If it stays uncured, his lungs would rot inside out. But then it's just a theory. If the doctor saw it and said it wasn't anything, I guess I shouldn't over-react.

Maybe I don't even have a cold, allergy season is starting and I should expect it to hit me real hard this year. Of course, it doesn't help that my boss is smoking in the office. I feel like I can't breathe most of the time. It's not only bad, it's also illegal. Maybe I can sue him for compromising our staff's health in general. At least it can be an excuse for me to leave early if I so choose to. My nose is already all stuffed up, I can use some time away from the smoke.


The Grass Is Greener

>> Monday, March 05, 2007

I had lunch with DC yesterday who has just gone to Singapore and Sydney with his family and boyfriend for Chinese New Year. We get to talking about his brother and his wife who became Australian and just had a baby girl. "They have no jobs..." He says and the govenment give them money $2,000 a month. Apparaently Australians are quite different, tax are progressively higher, it ranges from 30 - 45% and the more money you make, the higher the percentage it is, so nobody are eager to make lots and lots of money. "Everything closes at 5:30 pm and most people don't have jobs, they just hang out around the beach and surf..." Sounds like a great life to me. "And Australians men are so cute..." Hey, where do I sign up?

DC also told me that his brother's wife grandparents have land in the middle of Shanghai and some developers just bought it from then for couple millions of dollars. So their family is gonna get US$1 Million right off the bat, and they didn't even know their grandparents have land until recently. "Life's not fair"DC laments, "Do they know how hard I have to work to earn a million dollars???" How hard you have to work? How about I probably won't ever earn $1 Million dollars in my lifetime? Although I do agree on the "life's not fair" part.

He's planning to retire in Singapore with JEW. despite being a country boy, JEW loves the attention he gets for being white in Singapore, and DC loves the city. "There's so many good food, and they are all so cheap," DC says. I, too, have fond memories about Singapore, everything is kept clean and health conscious. The outdoor food bazaars with the smoke from satay vendors, congee, fresh fruit juice, indian bread and all kind of oriental snacks. Yum. Although the gay policies is still "Don't ask, Don't tell."

I finally got all the information and documents I need for my green card application. Although, I don't really know where I'd be. Maybe once I get my green card, I'll move to a whole different country all together. Australia sounds good, but I'm so afraid of snakes and all the most poisonous snakes in the world are in Australia.


Something to Think About

>> Saturday, March 03, 2007

My grandma once told me not to complain when I'm full, if I complaint too much I might never be able to be full again. After paying my rent, my credit card bill, $300 for the immigration health exam, my loan and my savings, my cell phone and my gym membership, I figure I really don't have much left. I'm glad I felt rich for a moment. I really wanted a new pea coat and a new shoulder bag. Oh well, I guess I didn't really need them anyway.

I went to get my check up and the receptionist/head nurse was really busy. She was companing to me that her colleagues are useless and talk on their cellphones all days and don't even help her out. There werre like 10 people in the lobby waiting and she's the only one who does any real work. Gosh, I guess I'm not the only one who's unhappy at work. In fact, she's so busy that she forgot to ask me for my payment. I could have saved $300, but I reminded her anyway. She called me a 'good person', ha, if she only knew I could have just as easily walked out the door. It's almost a jacket and a bag right there... lol

Oh well, money comes and goes. I need to either cancel my gym membership or just get myself together and go. I'm not getting any younger, if Principe is going back to Argentina this August, I need to take care of myself so I can meet somebody new. I feel awkward doing the dance again at my age, at this moment I feel like I'm middle-aged or worst. I guess they were right about "gay"years... It's almost like dog-years. Once you reached 30's you might as well be dead or invisible. My chance of finding someone new might be slim to none.

I just saw a show on TV about people flipping houses and that is supposed to be one of the fastest ways of making money. But in order to do that you have to have money to buy the house first. After all the renovations and upgrades, you sell the house immediately to get profit. I imagine you can do 5-6 times throughout the year and get more than $300,000. Initially, though, it requires about $400,000 which is a very big number for me to raise. If I have that much, then I probably don't have to have a job anymore. Of course, it can be very stressful work, but I can be the boss. It's certainly something that I can think about.


Water Overflow

>> Friday, March 02, 2007

It's official, I'm rich -- NOT!!! But I do have a little more money coming in than usual. The first week weeks of the year, I'm on contract and my check is before tax, and I don't have to pay until the end of the year. I also got my tax return, so that was great. Our job also changed our pay period from once every two weeks to twice a month, so I feel like I have extra money in my pocket.

I managed to restore my savings to about the level pre-X'mas and pay off my bank loan. I should be happy. But I should also be aware that I could lose my job in any moment, and for this uncertainty, I should really save up for the rainy days. Maybe if I have enough money, I can join my friend and move to another city to start anew. It's not that I have enough money to buy a Lamborghini or anything, I dont even own any property, but it's nice to know that I got out of debts.

My birth certificate finally arrived, and there is no specific information of the birth of my parents. I guess it's a good thing then, I made up their birthdays in my form and couldn't be proven wrong. I also went for the health exam for immigration and I'll get the results on Monday... It's the very last components I need in order to submit my green card application. I need to not get fired before that happens... lol


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