Missing Links

I have always said that I live in the past and I still think it's true. Saw Heroes the other day and one of the main character said that to live in happiness is to live in the present and to live with meaning is to wallow in the past and obsess about the future, therefore you can't have both happiness and meaning in the same time. If it is true, it means that I cannot be happy, but then what meaning do I have in my life?

I dreamt about an old friend Friday night. A friend that I haven't seen in more than 10 years, we used to hang out a lot when we were in high school. But I repeated a grade and we kinda lost touch. I've heard that he moved or studied college in the U.S., another friend told me has told me before that he might be in Chicago. I wonder if he's still around. I got an Email address of him, sent him an E-mail years ago, but I never got a response from him, maybe it's not an active E-mail address or maybe he thought it was a junk mail and deleted it. I wonder what we'll say to each other anyway. I heard from another friend that he became a famous private tutor, he probably don't think much of me now.

I managed to go through these few years not particularly leaving deep impressions in other people's life. I live like a ghost, by myself in a small apartment. Self-sufficiently feed on my own life, my video games. This hermit kinda life is not really difficult to maintain, but then it's not particularly exciting. I wonder what my future is like, I wonder what kinda meaning my life would hold.