Oh McGrath!

I used to like Sugar Ray, that was when I first come to the States in 1997. And when I say I liked Sugar Ray, I mean I find Mark McGrath really attractive in a Backstreet Boys' Kevin Richardson kinda way (which I found to be the best looking amongst the 5, Brian Littrell comes in a close second) but with a more sunny outgoing personality. Music-wise, Sugar Ray was easy listening enough, very generic, beachy rock ballads. I was sorta happy for Mark McGrath when he gets his TV show gig on Extra! at least there's an afterlife after his music career faded.



But I just saw this clip of him on The Soup and it lost me big time:



Is it me or does he looks like Bruce McCulloch of Kids In The Hall?



I guess the Sugar Ray years were about 12-13 years ago and we can't all age gracefully but it's not just his face. It's mostly that hair. He looked a lot better when he had darker hair, he looked better even with platinum blond tip but that greasy dirty blond hair right now is not doing him any favors. It looked more like a balding guy with a mid-life crisis and bad hair plugs who's trying slightly too hard. Ugh. It's just painful to see a cute guy change into something else.

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The Unconsolable Lesbians

During one of my birthday dinners last week, I got to see my good friend (let's call him Donald) whom I haven't seen in almost a year. I was a bit peeved for not being able to see this friend was so long but after remembering that his elderly father had got cancer and he had to travel back and forth to China to visit, I guess I couldn't really blame him that much.

We were catching up when he was telling me about his scuffle with his neighbors. Donald lives in one of the rich folks' suburban area with several acres of land with a pool, a pond, small farm, his big old house and several mini houses to store wine, tools and junk. He and his partner are loaded, which could be one of the reason why he wouldn't hang out with a lowly person like me but I digress. From our conversations, it seemed that everything is not quite okay in paradise.

Donald and his partner (let's call him James) share a driveway with 3 other neighbors with two lots in the beginning of a driveway, his own giant lot and at the end of the driveway lives a pair of lesbians in their 50s. About a year ago, the 4 households decided it is time to repair the driveway. The front two households and James agreed that all four of them will pay for the portion of the driveway they use, which means the front portion will be paid by of 4 households while the back portion will be paid by my friends and the lesbos. Even though it kinda made sense, the lesbos object to it but were outnumbered. Over this issue, they have ceased being friends with Donald and James.

James is a wannabe architecture that likes to landscape and do little project all year round his house. A few months ago, James suggested he wants to redesign the back portion of the drive way, instead of having the lesbians driving right in front of James; house every time they go out or come back. James would pay to build a shorter, more direct fork where the lesbians can drive to their house from the main driveway. That way, Donald and James will have more privacy. The suggestion somehow turned into a screaming match. The lesbians won't have any of that. They refuse constructions in their own portion of the land and since they have the right to reach their own property, James couldn't do anything. James wanted to talk to the lesbians to find out what they want. The lesbians refused to see him at their house and say they would meet him at a Starbucks half a mile away. When James got there, they berated him and made an unreasonable demand of $1 million.

Afterwards the lesbians started to build a fence to separate their own property from Donald's without hiring a surveyor to define the property line. After Donald and James spent thousands of dollars to hire one and it was defined, the lesbians try to skewered the line to make their property larger which caused another screaming match. When Donald said his piece and returned to his house, the lesbians had called the police.

Turns out in the little time after Donald got back into his house, the lesbians has applied scratch marks to their own body, ripped their own clothes and disheveled their own hairs, so they can say that Donald attacked them. I've known the guy for a decade and he has never been violent or aggressive, plus he's getting older and way too rich to be that way. Donald, being alone, not good at explaining himself and shocked that someone will make up shit to accuse him, was trying his best to prove his own innocence. He doesn't even have nails. It take some convincing for the police to believe that a Chinese man would be innocent, at the end he was slapped with a warning.

I can attest to both of us when I say nothing get us more angry than being accused of something we didn't do by liars. Donald soon got himself a lawyer and was reminded that the neighbors has security cameras in their property and if they have taped the incident, he could have proved himself innocent. So under the instructions of his lawyers, he took his digital camera to take some pictures of those cameras. A while later, the lesbians came out screaming and they called the police again. Now the lesbians accused Donald for stalking and taking pictures of their bedrooms. The cops wouldn't hear what Donald had to say and stick a criminal charge to him for stalking.

A tall, solid wooden fence had been put in place since, which the lesbians had called the police as well. Security cameras had been put in place by Donald, which the lesbians called the cops and they accused Donald for wiretapping. James when into the police station to explain all these to the police chief just so he understands their situation. The court date for Donald's criminal charge is set for September. I'm sure he'll be found innocent from the incessant police logs and records and his other neighbors as witnesses. The lesbians had install bright light to shine into Donald's yard at night and threaten to call Donald's company and cause him to lose his job, which could happen. Donald wishes to take the peaceful approach if he's found innocent, but god helps them if they found him guilty.

Personally I would sue for emotional distress, defamation and harassment, and with Donald and James unmatched resources, the lesbians will soon not be able to afford their house. It's unfortunate that friends would turn into enemies even though we are all in the LGBT big umbrellas, how do you live when someone you hate live that closely to you? Thank god I don't have psycho neighbors.

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Mel Gibson is Going Insane

It's not a secret that I like slightly older guys preferably with a nice built hairy chest and I think Mel Gibson could have been the type back then. Mad Max was a long, long time ago and even though I enjoyed Lethal Weapon, I wasn't attracted to Mel until Maverick. I distinctly remember that he took off his shirt a lot in the movie and also a steamy scene where he was naked in one of those olden day metal bathtub and he looked good. As stupid as the plot was, I also enjoyed him in What Women Want but not much after that.

Of course, all his attractiveness went out the window following the 2006 DUI incident in which he called the police officer "Sugar Tits" and his antisemitic remarks during his arrest, maybe it just confirm the viewpoint that Passion of the Christ was indeed antisemitic if not a religion porn. Generally, Mel Gibson is acting like a privileged white man in which he's sexist, racist, homophobic, substance abuser.

Mel Gibson has gotten his girlfriend Russian pianist Oksana Grigorieva pregnant while he was still married to his ex-wife and not only has he beaten her a few times, he's now threatening to kill her in a phone conversation that was taped.

Here's some pieces of the dialogue:

Oksana: What kind of a man is that? Hitting a woman when she’s holding a child in her hands? Breaking her teeth twice in the face! What kind of man is that?

Mel: Oh, you’re all angry now! You know what, you f* cking deserved it!

Mel: You need a f*cking bat in the side of the head. Alright, how about that?

Oksana: I’m not the one to threaten

Mel: Threaten ya? I’ll put you in a f*ckin rose garden you c*nt! You understand that? Because I’m capable of it. You understand that?

Mel: You look like a f*cking pig in heat, and if you get raped by a pack of nigg*s, it will be your fault.

Mel: I am going to come and burn the f*cking house down ... but you will blow me first.

Truthfully, that is the business between two people and I don't know any background information but whatever it is I'm sure death threats and domestic violence is not called for. Mel Gibson is in a downwards spiral that's spinning faster and faster, now all everyone could remember from him is not his stellar performance in Braveheart which seems to have been the favorite movie of a few friends I know, but what a horrible scumbag of a human being Mel Gibson turned out to be. It's really a shame.

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Taylor Who?

Start your engine ladies and gentlemen because young hottie Taylor Lautner has just turned 18 today, therefore he's legal and he's officially "game". Of course, you'd probably have to fight nail and teeth with girlfriend Taylor Swift first. Not to be on the side of Kanye, but I have a hard time processing the recent success of Taylor Swift. She kinda swept the VMA and the Grammys on unclear ground. I have heard part of her songs and saw her hosting SNL but I wasn't impressed, I don't even know the names of any of her songs. I gotta feeling that she's running on the route of teenage puppy love country sweetheart, and I'm not sure if that appeal to the masses. Feel like she's just a country version of Miley Cyrus. Of course, that's just my point of view. Folks at the heartland might just be eating it all up. Maybe we're just running in different circles, or maybe she'll just be an enigma that I can't solve just like Barbra Streisand. But I gotta feeling that it's not just me:



Since I regard last year as the year of Gaga, I thought she would get more awards than she had. Everybody is still talking about her. I was also puzzled by Beyonce for breaking the record for receiving the most Grammy by a female artist in one year. Music-wise I am... Sasha Fierce fell a little flat for me, the saving grace to that was in her video. I was surprised when Halo won the best female Pop vocal. I'm also a little miffed in the fact that the album was originally published in 2008 and have since published a deluxe edition, a platinum edition and then an I am... Sasha Fierce - The Bonus Tracks EP. Even if you're for supporting the artist, I think there should be a limit on how many times you should be forced to pay for the same songs, just so you get to hear the extras.

But I digress. Happy Birthday, Taylor Lautner! Have fun being the "New Moon"!

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There Are Enough Slackers In The World

I'm still flirting and seeing CuteCub, he's like a drug that I can't get enough of and we seemed to have pretty good chemistry. I know, it's kinda dumb and dangerous to be with someone that I can't have. I'm watching my steps and hold myself back bit by bit which is easier said than done. I'm looking out for flaws to focus on to bring him back down to size, but in my infatuated state, I can't find any, well maybe little things that can be easily looked over and I'll consider myself lucky if I have to live with those flaws. It's especially cruel that now he's using his webcam when we chat online.

Last night after a few beers, he revealed to me that his boyfriend will be graduating in the coming summer and that since he's a foreigner and given the current job market, he'll probably have to return to his native land afterward. CuteCub has no plans to move away, so they eventually will have to break up. It sounds horrible and it reminded me of my breakup with Principe, but I can't help but glimpse a spark of hope and invoke a series of what-ifs. I'm infatuated with him enough that I don't wish them any sadness though.



At the same time, Calico Guy which I've had a little fling with in late spring resurfaced to tell me that he is now living in the great NYC and got a new boyfriend. He had been unemployed and living with his ex the doctor in the same bed for a year and since his ex found a new beau and decided to move down to North Carolina to take on a new job in a new hospital. Calico Guy was forced to move and find a job for himself, which he did for a few months. Now he's in NYC worked part time and lived with his new boyfriend for a month before being fired. Now his new boyfriend is threatening him with a breakup if he doesn't get his act together. Calico Guy has a weak mind so that's probably just the jolt he needs, although it's kinda cruel to say something like that right before X'mas. I can understand the stress of living with a partner who's not contributing, especially while you're living in a big city with higher living expenses. I seemed to remember being the sugardaddy for all of my relationships, no matter how much older my exes are.

At least these kinda stuff give me some perspective to put my life back together. If I can't even support myself, how can I be there for someone else? Finding a job will be the number one item on my new year's resolution. I think I'm ready now.

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The Tub of Lard

We have an administrative assistant in the office who's referred by a volunteer of ours. The volunteer is very sharp and hard-working, he also has a great personality, plus he's very handsome and flirty. So when we were interviewing his mom for the job, we thought she might be as charming or have the same working ethics. I wasn't thrilled to hire family members of other colleagues, I thought it's great if it works out, but if either of them turned sour, it might be hard to just get rid of one of them. But then it wasn't my decision to make.

The volunteer came and went, he found a nice job that fits him pretty well, he's a great person and we all wish him the best. The mom however stayed behind and still work here. We found out that when her son was with her she was actually delegating her duties to her son, and being the great guy that he is, he did everything for her. After he's gone, she has no clue where anything is but slowly but surely she is finding new volunteers to delegate her job again. It's more obvious now that we've moved to a new space and everything is out in the open. She's having some volunteers to answer the phone for her, some to open the door when there's visitors and some other to get her lunch for her. She basically just sit on her chair and all day and play games on her computer. The other thing that gets me too is that she complains about her food after someone else have nicely bought it for her. I've tried to ask the volunteers to stop doing that for her, but then they are all too nice. I mean, what's the point of being nice to someone if they take your kindness and make nasty remarks?

Given, she's an older lady and her boss though that it would be nice to hire someone older and she has passed her retirement age. I just don't get how she has problem walking the 20 steps to answer the door while she has no problem walking down to smoke her cigarettes. I also find she's highly manipulative, she's in no way a young pretty thing, but she got the male volunteers to do her bidding for her by pretending to be clueless of what she's doing and asking for suggestions and then it is "Can you help me with that?". She tried it on me but then I'm gay and I saw through it, so I'm quite immune. Although I guess that's a pretty good skill to have, imagine how rosy my life is if I can have guys doing things for me, shirtless.

We are moving to another office again and I was assigned a room and she successfully persuaded my boss that she needs sunlight and a window. So I got reassigned to another room. My boss has a problem with complains and he'll do anything to quite people down. I usually don't have a problem exchanging since I don't need much and people are already calling me easy, but I really don't appreciate people going behind my back instead of asking me nicely. It rubs me the wrong way and it shows a lack of respect, but I'll try to be the better person and let this slide. Word is that she's gonna be let go after August anyway.

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Heath Ledger, 28, Found Dead

I've just heard about the news of Heath Ledger passing, I simply can't believe it. Heath is one of the actors that I've been admiring, not only because of his looks but because he wasn't afraid to portrait a gay character and doing a good job at that. He's on his way to superstardom with the upcoming release of the Dark Knight's 2. Right now, we are all speculating that it could be an overdose since he was found surrounded by pills. Anyhow, I have no idea how hard it would hit me. I feel like the gay community lost an ally. I can't help but feel very upset. Rest in peace, Heath. You'll be missed.

NEW YORK - Heath Ledger was found dead Tuesday at a downtown Manhattan residence, and police said drugs may have been a factor. He was 28.

NYPD spokesman Paul Browne said Ledger had an appointment for a massage at the Manhattan apartment believed to be his home. The housekeeper who went to let him know the masseuse had arrived found him dead at 3:26 p.m.

A large crowd of paparazzi and gawkers began gathering Tuesday evening outside the building on an upscale block in SoHo, where several police officers guarded the door.

The Australian-born actor was nominated for an Oscar for "Brokeback Mountain," where he met Michelle Williams in 2005. The two had lived in Brooklyn and had a daughter, Matilda, until they split up last year.

He most recently appeared in "I'm Not There," in which he played one of the many incarnations of Bob Dylan — as did Cate Blanchett, whose performance in that film earned an Oscar nomination Tuesday for best supporting actress.

Ledger was to appear as the Joker this year in "The Dark Night," a sequel to 2005's "Batman Begins." He's had starring roles in "A Knight's Tale" and "The Patriot," and played the suicidal son of Billy Bob Thornton in "Monster's Ball."

Ledger grew up in Perth, and began doing amateur theater at age 10. At 16, he moved to Sydney to pursue an acting career, quickly landing TV movie roles and guest spots on Australian television.

After several independent films and a starring role in the short-lived Fox TV series "Roar," Ledger moved to Los Angeles and costarred in "10 Things I Hate About You," a teen comedy reworking of "The Taming of the Shrew."

Offers for other teen flicks came his way, but Ledger turned them down, preferring to remain idle than sign on for projects he didn't like.

"It wasn't a hard decision for me," Ledger told the Associated Press in 2001. "It was hard for everyone else around me to understand. Agents were like, `You're crazy,' my parents were like, `Come on, you have to eat.'"

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Jamie Lynn is Pregnant

I'm usually not into celebrity gossips and perhaps this is old news, but I listen to Jonny McGovern's podcast and they brought my attention that Britney's 16 year old sister Jamie Lynn is pregnant.

They haven't revealed who the father is, it is rumored to be her 18 year old boyfriend Casey Aldridge. But recently Casey's breaking up Jamie Lynn and another rumor had surfaced in that the father is actually one Nickelodeon executive, someone that had given Jamie Lynn her show. Either way, it will be statutory rape.

Frankly this sounded like a cry for help. Is it about sibling rivalry? Does she feel the need to outdo Britney? Is that a cry for attention? What's happening with that family? I'm sure the parents should feel so responsible for that, pimpin' their children out at such a young age.

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Santa Saturday

Borrowed from Joe.My.God

So Thanksgiving is quite uneventful for me since I'm single I pretty much won't have a chance to cook turkey. I did some light shopping Friday, Macy's didn't really have as big a discount as I hoped. I'm still having some difficulty deciding what to get my friends for X'mas, I guess clothing would be the most conventional thing or maybe an architectural coffee table book?

These few days, AL has been telling me about Santa Saturday, a fund raising event happening in New Hope, PA where tons of gay men who's into the leather and the bear scene attends. I have seen troops of bikers delivering toys to the Children's Hospital around X'mas, so I thought this might be where they get the toys but I wasn't too sure. Since AL is in between moving, he didn't think that he'll be able to go. Another online friend was also trying to persuade me to go to that event, he added that it can be really fun since people can loose and wild after a few drink and he had heard stories about people actually doing it in the parking lots. (It actually sounded more like he had done it himself) That bit of information did sway me a bit, but I don't know how to drive so there was no way for me to go there and the weather was gonna be freezing cold, so I thought no one would be there and there wouldn't be much flesh to be seen. Fastforward to 1:30pm Saturday afternoon when AL called and asked me to be ready in 20 minutes 'Coz we're going'.

So AL and JH drove all the way to New Hope and found 2000 bears trotting about the Raven, a nice size bar with capacity for around 200 people, there were tents in the yard and all but it was so crowded and hard to move about. I have never seen so many gay men in one place before and 90% of them were bears. When I say bears, you have to understand it doesn't mean fat hairy people. There are also plenty of great looking hunky muscle bears there, it was quite overwhelming for me though, in a good way I guess. Although I find it is not so welcoming for Asians in the American gay circle, plus there are tons of guys with attitude just like any gay bars.

After two strong drinks, I was pretty buzzed. I tried to meet and greet the other few Asians in the crowd to find some comradery, but they acted like I was coming onto them which cannot be further from the case. Although later I got hugged and squeezed by this attractive muscle dude, by I was too shy to take it further and backed away. And AL got a comment from a friend who says he loves Gaysians and I'm the only Gaysian amongst us.

We left around 5pm and went to the McDonald's across the street to get some food because we were starving. AL just had a drink and he's the designated driver, I really applaud how he can hold back and be the sane one, while JH was obviously drunk out of his mind and insisted he should be the one driving, then proceed to make crank calls to his friends. Anyway, I did have a pretty good time. Too bad that's the only bear event around my neck of the wood.

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Superkids?

Watching the Today show this morning another 4 year old has saved her mom by pressing the on-star button. Apparently her mom was driving her and her 2 year old baby brother and suddenly passed out. I don't know how this has become a trend, because I remember hearing a 2 year old calling 911 and saying "Momma, owie..." not long ago.

Are children more informed of what they should do during an emergency situation? Are they more capable of performing those tasks? When asked if the car were moving when the child pressed on-star for help, the mom says when she woke up, the car was miraculously parked in a parking lot. The 2 years old who called the cops sounded quite differently in real life and has too much control over her voice. Of course, being a cynic it raises a flag for me.

Given both of their mothers are very overweight and they might have serious health issues, but I wouldn't rule out the possibility that they made up the stories just for attention. It's the same mentaility as the parents who enroll their kids in children pageantry, some people just seek attention throught the wrong medium. The two year old doesn't even seem to be able to talk. And should we not focus our attention on these overweight mothers who have fainting spells while driving their children around? Should we not even consider to put them in hospitals and monitorize them? I'm not saying put their children away, but at least get them some help.

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YAL

ES finally gave birth on May 15th, 2007 to a healthy 7 lb 3 oz baby boy. She decided to name her second boy Yujiro way ahead. She liked the name even though it was similar to the name of a well known old style actor in Japan. Part of the reason why she chose Yujiro, is that she can nickname the kid "Eugene" or as MP called him "Geno", which is good since he'll be raised in US. His middle name would be Apollo which I thought is very strange but I'm in no place to protest. It was better than her husband's choices which were Naruto and Musashi. It would be quite embarassing to be named after cartoon characters who is named after food products. Well, if people can be named after clothings and cars like "Cartier" and "Mercedes", I guess "Fish-Cake" is not so far fetch.

But all jokes aside, the baby is "Tres-Cute". I dare not hold the baby, a brute like me could have easily broke some bones or drop him. It's a nightmare that plays over and over in my head. I know it's probably not gonna happen, but what am I gonna do to repay them if it does? It's funny that the first thing ES wanted was a chocolate-covered banana from an Italian pastry shop. She hasn't eaten for days, they won't let her eat 8 hours before the surgery and 12 hours after and they kept pushing her operation back. Well, now Yujiro or "YAL" from now on, will share the same birthdate as my best friend. YAL is so cute with his little feet and little hand... even when he cries, he sounds so cute. It really makes you want your own.

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Meet The Parent

I went to Dim Sum with ES and her family on Sunday. Since she's soon to give birth to her second child, her mom flew all the way from Tokyo to be by her side. It's the first time I've ever met her mom, I have to say that I don't see a lot of resemblance other than their personality.

ES is a great person, but sometimes she has to remind people how rich her family is, how rich Japan is and others countries cannot compare to it that sometimes limit our topics. That, I guess, comes from her mother who has just met me but constantly mentioning "If you are rich, you can get anything in Japan" or "They make special travel guides for Japanese and list only the most expensive places" or even "Atkins is an expensive diet". There is a certain pride into her attitude, but it's funny to listen to it. I feel bad for ES' husband PL though, he comes from Cambodia as a refugee, although well-educated and earns a good salary, he won't be able to compare himself to ES' father who is a nuclear scientist and Cambodia is considered by many a third-world country, no wonder he doesn't where the pants in his marriage. ES is always joking about leaving him after she has her third child and move back to Japan with her parents. Poor guy... I hope he doesn't get suppressed too much and become one of those serial killers... lol

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Kevin's Hair Salon

I think I have mentioned the disapperance of my barber, KH. Last time when I go to the barbershop that I always goes to, his colleagues says he's on vacation and by the tone of his colleagues, I knew something was up. KH never goes on vacation, at least the seven years of our customer/hairdresser relation, he never did take any vacation. That's the life of an illegal immigrant.

So while feeling lost not knowing where the person in charge of my hair went, he called me two weeks later, informing me that he's opening his own barbershop down the very same street. Well, in the two by three blocks of our chinatown there's at least 10 barbershops, ok? So I was wonder how profitable it is to open a barbershop with such high competition. Do Asians grow their hair faster than any other race? And more importantly, how can he afford to open his own barbershop? Where did all his money come from?

I am never a person to save up, so I guess I'll never get the concept that with time the pay of a non-immigrant can enable him to open up his own shop. Of course, I'm also a pessimistic person. After he called me, I tried to refer him as many clients as possible. Throughout the years, I've already seen him as a friend. I gave him some money as a gift for his wedding, for his first born and now for his new store. I helped him with his computer, he lives in this little room with his wife in a Chinese owned complex. I guess the rent must have been cheap too. They have to share the bathroom and the kitchen with a few other families. I always thought you should own your own property before you own your own business, it tells you how naive I am.

After they gave birth to their first son, they sent him back to be brought up by his parents in China, so they can focus making money, now that is a sacrifice that I would never envision making myself. The wife left her waitressing job in a Chinese buffet to help around in the new store. I first thought his store will be smaller than the one he worked on originally, but it turned out to be much bigger and cleaner. So I went there for a coloring and cutting even though I didn't need it yet. And he tried to charge me less as to 'give me a discount'. But I refused and gave him a huge tip. But KH: "Can you give me a dark borwn color like I've asked you to? Why do you have to add that much red everytime???" Haha... *sigh*

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A Passive-Aggressive Letter To My Upstairs Neighbors

Dear Neighbors,

I haven't been able to sleep much at night lately. It has been going on for weeks, but I just got around to express my feelings in this letter. I haev no clue on what career paths you both lead, so allow me to tell you that most of the population around the world goes to sleep before 4 in the morning. Me and my boyfriend for instance usually goes to sleep before midnight. I notice that you do not.

As another neighbor has told me before that we are living in an old building with very thin walls and I usually don't mind it that much; it is what I'm willing to pay for rent right now, so I understand that it couldn't be a perfect living environment. But it never cease to amaze me that you both could wake up around 8 while staying up so late. How do you do it? I always find it more ideal to sleep for at least 8 hours, sometimes even more on weekends.

One more thing, although it is not of my choosing, I can hear every word of your conversation clearly living beneath you. It's not that I want to intrude on your life, but I can hear the messages on your answering machine, the radio channel that you listen to when you are in the bathroom, your late night chatters and gossips, the movie that you are watching last week (was that Harry Potter?) and when you play video game (I have PS2, which console(s) do you have?)

Sometimes it got me thinking how close people are actually living with each other, it is so powerful that it shatters my own concept of individuality.

Have a nice day, I'm sure I'll hear about your day tonight.

Faithfully,

Your Downstairs Neighbors.

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Office Theft

Yesterday there were a lot of people around the office for the doctor, for the trainings and all. It was relatively quiet later in the afternoon, I was helping ES with her training materials and in a split of a second, ES has lost her phone. I was convinced that since we were stocking some shelves that she had accidentally put it in one of the shelves, but since she wasn't carrying it around and she's not as forgetful and mindless as I am, she knows that it was stolen. Other than that we found out that two bags of tokens are also missing. I didn't see anyone around except I've let a patient in through the front door not long ago, so we went over at the doctor's office to find that the person has just left. So we thought that he must be the person who stole it.

Although all this while I was thinking to myself, it could have been somebody else. It was kinda out in the open, it could have been a staff or a volunteer, or even me. I don't know what wrong with me but everytime something has gone wrong I would go and think whether it is my fault first, even though I have nothing to do with it. I think it has something to do with my general lack of confidence in myself and trust in others. Need I to say that I have issues?

After that we decided to call ES' cell phone but it has already been turned off. We called the guy's cell phone and it was off as well. Then we called the guy's home phone, whose sister has picked it up and we told her what her brother has done and if he did not return it by this morning we will call the cops on him. Given there's no proof whether the guy has done it or not, but we pretended that he has been caught on tape even though we don't have a single camera in house.

I felt a little schadenfreude and tried very hard to suppress a smirk. I would feel so upset if it has happened to me. But what kind of a person will steal from his own doctor's office. He may be a drug addict trying to make a quick buck for dope, but one should never bite the hand that he's fed from. Plus, we have all his information on file, it's not like he could hide. From all the detective comics and novels I've read, this is the stupidest way to commit a crime.

He returned what he took this morning and for that I'm glad, and I also feel guilty to have suspected other people. I have decided that he will not be allowed to come back to see his doctor ever again, I hope he find another doctor, because we won't be letting him in even if he is crawling on the floor and dying. That's for stealing from the people who are helping him, stupid.

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The Grass Is Greener

I had lunch with DC yesterday who has just gone to Singapore and Sydney with his family and boyfriend for Chinese New Year. We get to talking about his brother and his wife who became Australian and just had a baby girl. "They have no jobs..." He says and the govenment give them money $2,000 a month. Apparaently Australians are quite different, tax are progressively higher, it ranges from 30 - 45% and the more money you make, the higher the percentage it is, so nobody are eager to make lots and lots of money. "Everything closes at 5:30 pm and most people don't have jobs, they just hang out around the beach and surf..." Sounds like a great life to me. "And Australians men are so cute..." Hey, where do I sign up?

DC also told me that his brother's wife grandparents have land in the middle of Shanghai and some developers just bought it from then for couple millions of dollars. So their family is gonna get US$1 Million right off the bat, and they didn't even know their grandparents have land until recently. "Life's not fair"DC laments, "Do they know how hard I have to work to earn a million dollars???" How hard you have to work? How about I probably won't ever earn $1 Million dollars in my lifetime? Although I do agree on the "life's not fair" part.

He's planning to retire in Singapore with JEW. despite being a country boy, JEW loves the attention he gets for being white in Singapore, and DC loves the city. "There's so many good food, and they are all so cheap," DC says. I, too, have fond memories about Singapore, everything is kept clean and health conscious. The outdoor food bazaars with the smoke from satay vendors, congee, fresh fruit juice, indian bread and all kind of oriental snacks. Yum. Although the gay policies is still "Don't ask, Don't tell."

I finally got all the information and documents I need for my green card application. Although, I don't really know where I'd be. Maybe once I get my green card, I'll move to a whole different country all together. Australia sounds good, but I'm so afraid of snakes and all the most poisonous snakes in the world are in Australia.

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The Funerals of Rats

Yesterday, one of my colleagues' printer had a paper jam and when she opened up the paper drawer, a mouse jumped out of it. I think that was really funny and it has me cracking up for most of the day. I didn't know what happened at first, my colleague was yelling and hollering, and I thought she was having a big fight with someone else. I was relieved that it was just a mouse. But she was an affirmed christian, and another colleague was catholic and a vegetarian and all I hear from them was "Kill it!!!" and "Step on it!!!" I thought god created everything and you're supposed to love all creatures, I guess not.

ES and me who has some Buddhist background were the only two that says "Let it go!" Well, they finally find it and killed it today. ES says maybe because we have mice at our homes and that's why we are not as shocked as they are. I do feel bad when my mouse trap gets a mouse. I wish all species can get along, but it doesn't work out that way. We have to kill some things sometimes.

I filled out an immigration form yesterday, my lawyer's paralegal finally got the package to me. In the forms there were a bunch of questions asking whether I was a former Nazi or if I have used, buy or sell illegal drugs. Also they asked me about the birthdays and the city that my parents were born, would it be strange that I didn't know any of these information? I have a concept that my mom was born in August of 1950, but I don't know which day. I think she was born in Macau. Forget about my dad, he's a deadbeat and I don't have a clue on where and when he was born. So I made it up. At the end, I have to sign that I didn't lie of make up anything on my responses, oh well...

I asked my grandma to mail me my birth certificate, there might be information on my parents' birth. It's always interesting to find out about your past. I'm so self-centered at times that I think life begins with me and forgot that there are tons of information about me and my family that I don't know. I wonder what my mom sees in my dad at the first place. I wonder if he's still alive and if he's not, shouldn't I at least benefit from his death?

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Resolutions... Not!

I've planned a day between me and my computer, but it didn't turned out as such. The reason why I've planned a day with my computer is because I've just found out that my labor certification went through. A very good news for me indeed, that means very soon after my application for my green card goes in, I will be a free man. I will be able to quit my job here and go to another company. Possibly changing my outlook in life drastically in the process. I need a fresh new start, a blank canvas where hopefully I can achieve my ultimate goal of happiness. (I'm sure in many ways this is bull, I don't need a brand new life, I just need to adjust my attitude this very moment...)

ES called me out for dim sum with her son KEL and husband PL (Hey, we got the same initials...) I just discover that like me, she can be quite the control freak sometimes. She's always telling her husband what to do and he mostly listen to her. When he doesn't, they get into these little fights that I think is common between couples. ES is always saying that she will one day leave her husband and go back to Japan and she's also says that she thinks she can't handle attractive boyfriends and that's the reason why she married PL. I guess in many ways, she's ashamed of her husband. It shows, she practically treats her husband like a help or a slave. I wonder why they got married in the first place.

So we had dim sum and after that we went to see the Mummer's parade. We both got our cameras and was shooting away. I think I can't make up my mind when I'm shooting pictures. I'm too indecisive and when I'm ready to shoot, I've lost the moment and it's already too late. I think in some ways, photography is very much like hunting. I guess that's why they use the word "shoot" for photography in general. But I'm more interested in shooting architectures and objects than people and animals, I just need to take more practice.

Nobody I know mentioned any new year's resolutions this year, which I think it's pretty odd. I guess year after year we create some goals that we never follow through and people are getting pretty tired of that. I do still want to lose weight but since JH has left my company, no one gets me motivated enough to go to the gym everyday. I should start exercising and perhaps on a diet soon, I know I won't be able to accomplish much. But "Optimism is the key to success", this should definitely be my new motto.

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On Abortion

I once told a girl to abort her child. We were in college and she was seeing this boy in school, I think she had a crush on me for a while and I didn't tell her that I am gay until much later. But she was really friendly and she picked on me constantly, writing things on my hand and stuff. She was from Hong Kong too. After I told her my sexuality, we still remained friends and one day we went out to have steak at one of those Australian-themed chain restaurant, she told me that she couldn't eat much because she was feeling sick, especially in the morning, she thought she might have gotten a flu. So I asked her some more and she told me that her body has been acting weird and she has been missing her period for a while. So I thought she could have been pregnant. So I ask her who she has been hanging out with and if they have had sex and if they have been using protection. So she told me about this boy whose family owned a cane farm in Malaysia, and that they did have sex and she was vague about protection. So I told her to buy a home pregnancy test kit and test it at home. She asks me how do I know so much, I don't know how either, but I do wonder why she can be that clueless, especially when you are a girl you run bigger risks.

That night, she called me up crying, saying that she tested positive and asked me what she should do. I told her to talk to the boy and find out if they want to do something about it. If the boy doesn't, there's no point of keeping the child. Since it's very early in the stage, she can get an abortion if she wants to. And if I were her I would abort the child no matter what. She was still in college studying her undergrad, it's too soon to abandon her studies, give birth to a child and struggle to find low-paying job and feed an extra mouth. You'll grow to resent your child/husband for keeping your life in struggle.

Later on, somehow the boy and her got married and moved to Malaysia. She sent me picture of the kid, it's a girl. I don't quite know how her life turned out to be, but in some ways I was glad that she didn't take my advice. I was glad that the boy is responsible enough to wed her, most guys in his age would just run away. The term "baby's daddy" wasn't invented for nothing. Being one of the children who has a deadbeat for a father, I understand how unfair to be in a loveless family. In any rate, I wish her and her baby well.

Now my friend is pregnant and she is really worried that her child might have down syndrome since she's way over 30. She got her test done and she'll now the result come Thursday. I can tell she's nervous. On our way to Mitsuwa, yet again, this past Sunday. She was telling me if the results come out positive, her husband and her are going to get it aborted. Since she already has one, she feel that it is the right thing to do. Because right now it is much more crucial for KEL to have a healthier environment to grow then having a fetus with down syndrome. I'm reassuring her that the chance of her baby having down syndrome is slim to none and she should just relax. Along with the test, she will find out about the child's gender, she was really hoping for a girl, she even have the name picked out. I wish her all the best too.

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Marriage Debate

Since I know I'm gonna have a job after December, I have been thinking about going back to Hong Kong for my friend's birthday and my cousin's wedding. My pay will be the same, actually I will get an extra bonus from another organization for helping out with the closing of some contracts and I need to spend two and a half week worth of vacation time before the end of the year anyway.

But there are things to consider, given the current situation, I will still need to save money for my unstable future. Unstable, because I don't have much confidence in the organization, I think it may fold sooner that upper management thinks. I will be given the responsibility of the CFO, the director of Operations, the Planning and the IT. It's hardly fair, and I might be set up as the fall guy. So this is a situation where I should get what I want, naming the green card, document everything and get myself out of there as soon as I can.

Furthermore, El Principe is gonna go back to Argentina sometimes next year. He doesn't have to tell me, I know it. So I really want to spend as much time with him as possible. At this point he is truly the best boyfriend I ever had, and I doubt that I would have better down the line. So maybe two week will pass with nothing exciting happening between us, at least I would have spent the time with him. After we seperates, maybe I'll go back to Hong Kong to distract myself. It's not like I want to see my family anyway.

Although I do want to attend my cousin's wedding. Maybe because I'm an only child, I always liked my cousin's. There are 5 of us that are closer and we pretty much grew up together. Among us 5, I'm the oldest. Always terrorizing, abusing and misleading them, but they were all good company. The one who's getting married VM is the smartest one amongst us, she got a couple of 7 As and 1 Bs from A-Level and got into a good university in Hong Kong, which is a very hard task. She met aboy at school and fell in love. First boyfriend ever and now they are getting married. Actually, I kinda dispite that. How can you not look around before you decide on what you want? And it is for life. Later in life you'll meet different people, understand how different realtion works and resent that you got married too fast. A lot of my friends got married with their first girlfriend/boyfriend. I'm worried for them. Plus I don't like the boy so much. Don't get me wrong, he definitely seems like a decent guy, he bought me dinner once. Seems good-natured, kind, understand responsibility, my aunt told me his family is pretty well off, a lot of good quality really. But he does not seem that sharp and he got a J-Shaped neck and he's not that good looking. I keep thinking of him as a turtle, VM s pretty and she can do a lot better, at least that's what I think. But it is her life, I'm in no position to approve or disapprove her marriage.

I don't know what to get her. I was thinking maybe just to buy a banquet table, give her a US$500 check, I know that's what married couple really need but it seems tacky. Maybe a gift like a timeless pearl necklace that she can use for a long time and give it to her children, but my friend DC says it's too personal and I probably don't know her taste. What about the groom? I went to Tiffany's and there's really nothing in there that I would buy. They are all badly designed, cheap silver, over-priced junk. And I thought they would have been the best jewelers in US, I've been jewelers in Chinatown with more interesting stuff. If I don't fly back, I can send her a pricier gift. If I buy her something and fly back, it would be too expensive.

I'll have to think harder.

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