That's What I Keep Telling Myself

>> Sunday, March 11, 2012

I hate sounding like Debbie Downer but I'm getting tired of random hookups, I guess I should have listened to this teenage Asian queen sooner.


House Hunting

>> Thursday, March 08, 2012

I have always wanted to own my own place. Whether it is a condo, duplex, a trinity or a house, having something of my own had always been a lifelong dream.

Hanging out with my Asian crew, I've learned that owning properties is how people get to comfortably retire. My friend Alan, his wife and their parents invest to buy properties, spend tens of thousands to revamp and then either sell it for profits or rent it out. His retirement plan is to rent out about 6 properties and get paid a few thousand dollars a month, it's definitely more than my salary for sure. Since everyone is moving into the vicinity of my friend and I do want to be able to hangout with them often without being driven back and forth, I'm looking into the neighborhood in deep South Philly.

The couple is wired into the market in South Philly and every time something come into the market, they get alerted and go assess if that's something with investment potential. After telling them that I'm in the market for my first home, they scouted around and found this little gem with a drop dead price. It's advertised as a 3 bedroom with 1.5 bath for $70,000, less than $300 a month. Just for the price, I should definitely buy it. Alan told me that I could rent it out for at least $750 a month. I mean who could refuse earning $450 more a month?

But when I get there to look at the place, I wasn't exactly thrilled. Maybe it's my lack of house-hunting experience or an eye for things. Yes, the structure was sound but the place looks small and older like something from the era I was born in. I'm not into the wood panels and the old appliance, the decidedly small kitchen, the small linen closet size bathroom that opens to the small living room. The unfinished, bang-your-head-to-the ceiling, creepy, scary-movie-ish basement, ceiling fans from another era. The carpet needs to be changed, the neighbor had broke through the fence so his dog can shit on the backyard. When I'm inside the house, I can't help but feel saddened.

Maybe I'm too particular, I refuse to have a basement that's unfinished. It's a damned waste of space. Alan told me that it's a big hassle to finish the basement since there's no easy way to take the dirt outside but carry it one bag at a time. It's going to be a huge annoyance, so I'm really not inclined to buy it. Another friend that came with us thought he'd buy it to rent out so I politely conceded. I just can't imagine living there. Although walking down the street a couple of houses over, there's a family who renovated the whole thing and looked really nice. Maybe I just didn't have the patience or imagination for this stuff. Anyhow, the house was sold in 24 hours to another buyer, so the house market is really jumping right now.

Here's the listing and additional photos.


The Cancer Scare

>> Friday, February 24, 2012

So along with the streak of bad luck, this is what happened to me.

I'm prone to have skin problems in the winter, I don't know why. People usually have more skin issues in summer since you sweat more but not me. And since I've been having more gentleman callers as usual, I''m quite a closeted hypercondriac, I run to the doctor's screaming when I see anything unusual. There are some random pimples which I do recognize. Some small bumps near my hands that appears every so often because I do a lot of dishes sans gloves. A few dots on my face where I see the doctor's for thinking it could be herpes but he told me it's nothing but nervous tics. What the hell is a nervous tic and what kinda doctor would give that kind of diagnosis? I think my doctor is catching on to me being a hypochondriac and he took the time to explain to me the various conditions that I'm concerned about and trying to comfort me with reasons which I really appreciate.

And then there's this: Thank god that I'm a chronic masturbator, I'm pretty in tuned to how my body feels like. and about two-three weeks ago, I noticed that something feels different in my inner thighs. Given that my mother had died from ovarian cancer in her mid-thirties, I was a little alarmed. Maybe not exactly alarmed since sooner or later we'll all have to die from something but I was at least, for a lack of a better word, intrigued. It's not like I'm not feeling well. The doctor says it's probably nothing, it could be a lump of fat which sometimes grow on a human body and it's perfectly harmless, but he ordered an ultrasound anyway. When I got to the ultrasound, it's shaped like a small cheetos, it feels like it's made of plastic, as if someone injected me with a scanning tag in a futuristic sci-fi thriller. I was gonna make a "boy or girl" joke to the ultrasound technician, but he looked a bit stern and made me a bit nervous.

The doctor is supposed to call me or send me a letter with the results and I'm not overly concerned. Considering the alternative, I mean do I really want to be deemed so fat that even my balls are growing fat cells now? How do you exercise your balls that I'm not already doing? I rather have cancer.

Life's too short, enjoy your while you can.


Streak of Bad Luck

>> Saturday, February 18, 2012

Well, not much as bad luck but I've been really busy this week.

Other than it being the deadline of two major time-consuming reports, everyone at work seems to just come to me for everything. I think since it's my first decent job for a while, I was too eager to prove myself and it results to a general acknowledged competency which in turn built a trust with a lot of people, so when they have some tasks that they want to accomplish, they come to me. The moral of the story is - it's best to act dumb. Other than that, I belong to a lunch club where 9 members each cook twice a month for the others, so we don't have to buy lunch outside. We have a pretty well equipped kitchen and we're surrounded by nothing but fast food for blocks, so it only make sense to this. Inadvertently, I have become quite famous for my cooking and whenever there are some activities that have something to do with food, they come to me. So I've spent the whole day last Sunday baking for Valentine's day candy gram at school for 60+ people, prepped for a class that I taught on chocolate, making chocolate truffles, chocolate covered this and that. More prepping on Monday, taught on Tuesday, cooking for lunch club on Wednesday. All the while working on my deadlines and other things that got piled on me. So I got sick.

I have learned to say no, but an old habit die hard. We're supposed to have a staff development day on Tuesday and they want me to make lunch for 15 people. I said no. Especially when the budget is $50, I mean what can you do for $50? They specifically said if I go over I'll have to chip in and I'm so tired of cooking at this point. I've said no. I'm sick. But a few people talked to me about it and sending me emails and stuff and I feel pressured. I don't want to become the Asian servant that everyone comes to for menial tasks and I don't want to be the one who had to sacrifice his days off doing these things while I'm already putting in 10 hours a day while others go on with their lives or their second jobs. I also don't want to chip in while I have to work at it already, I don't get paid enough as it is.

I'm sorry, I'm not particularly in a good mental space right now. I just paid $300 federal taxes because I worked two jobs this year. I was somehow expecting some money back for working so hard but it's not necessarily related. Mitt Romney got to pay 16% while people like me who worked 2 jobs get shafted. On top of that my state ID had expired and I found out that I might have misplaced or lost my green card which means that if I want it replaced I'll have to shelf out another $600. Everything is so discouraging. At least I have a job, right?

Sorry for the rant. On the bright side, I've learned that after a ranting session, things usually turns brighter. So here's to hope. I'll spend the rest of my long weekend thinking what I can do with $50.


Does Anyone Know How I Can Acquire $1.25 Million Stat?

>> Saturday, February 11, 2012

I really want to buy this place:

Here's the listing details:
New Listing
Status: ACTIVE Listing
Type: Unit/Flat

Year Built: 1913
Style: Contemporary

Number of Bedrooms: 2
Baths: 2

Subdivision: OLD CITY

Perfectly located in a boutique building steps from Historic Independence Park and the best Old City restaurants and shops, The Penthouse consists of 2,250ft of interior space and an 800ft spectacular roof deck that provides a quiet oasis of sophisticated urban living. Private elevator access into the triple-mint, light filled unit w/hand-crafted details, high-ceilings, whole-house entertainment system + the finest materials throughout. Gourmet kitchen is complete with 50-inch Thermador Pro Range, Subzero refrigerator + wine cooler. The master suite includes large walk-in closet w/built-ins, gas fireplace and beamed ceiling. Both baths are spa quality w/marble, steam, whirlpool and awesome shower fixtures. The uber-private roof deck provides true outdoor living space w/hot tub, gourmet outdoor kitchen, gas grill and a must see outdoor movie theater. These amazing amenities combined with sunrise to sunset views are unmatched by any property at any price in Philadelphia. 1-yr prepaid parking at local lot.


It sits on top of a few really fine restaurants and overlooks some historic parks and buildings in Philly, I always wanted a loft, and what's better than this one? The only thing is, I don't see any storing space at all in the pictures and I wonder where people would put stuff, stuff like a mahjong table and I do need one to entertain my friends. After I win the lottery that is...


We British And Our Expressions

>> Thursday, February 09, 2012

So having grew up in Hong Kong - a British Colony - back in the 90s, even though I watched tons of American TV and didn't get the Queen's accent, I acquired a lot of British expressions, and one that I use most often is "not bad".

Habitually I would answer a "How was your day?" with a "Not bad" or "Not bad at all." I mean for me not bad means good and not good means bad logically, so I don't understand how people can mistaken it in any other way. How can not bad means bad?

Anyway, I think my own colloquialism has been in my way. So lately, I've caught myself using the word "Awesome" a lot.


Desperate Women and The Ordeals They Go Through

>> Tuesday, February 07, 2012

In the dumbest move I've seen in years, Susan G. Komen Breast Cancer Foundation withdrew their funding from Planned Parenthood during the Planned Parenthood political storm. They said they don't fund organizations that are being investigated but their new Senior VP for Public Policy, Karen Handel, ran a 2010 gubernatorial campaign in Georgia on the platform of defunding Planned Parenthood especially their breast and cervical cancer screenings. So go figure. Also the founder of Komen is also a longtime GOP donor.

I mean, just the fact that a foundation to have a women's disease as a cause but not supporting women's rights is completely mindboggling. I guess they let their political agenda blind them on everything. To think that a non-profit that largely depends on donations to actively seek out a controversy and let its fate decided in the hands of the public. Last year, Planned Parenthood received $650,000 for 170,000 screenings, that's less than $4 a pop amongst other additional things they provide. Oh did you know that the annual salary of the CEO at Komen is at about $460,000?

Within 24 hours, Bloomberg and other folks already made up the lost funding. Thousands of celebrities and us regular folks had sworn off Komen. Sure they've reinstated the funding and apologize but I think it a bit too late. Way to discredit a well-established organization in the shortest amount of time possible.


I know I don't need to but I do feel bad for Madonna. Her hunger for fame and recognition seemed never had faded; even after becoming the unrefuted Queen of Pop. There's a smell of desperation, as seen on the leg spreading cover of Hard Candy, the jeans commercial for GAP with Missy or the recent cheerleading song with teen star Nicki Minaj and M.I.A. You're 53, Madge. A teenage cheerleading song should be reserved for your daughter's debut. L.U.V Madonna, Y.O.U. You wanna? Sorry, but my answer is no!

True, she gave a very decent performance on the Superbowl Half Time show. It's obviously lipsynched, but she looked great and the music arrangement was superb. She better have a kick as album to follow up on her act. Acting young and do what the kids like is really not the way to go. Cher had her farewell tour that lasted forever and now still performing in Vegas occasionally. I think Madge should follow suite and age with dignity.


TV Round Up (Feb 2012 Edition)

>> Sunday, February 05, 2012

So I've yet to get back in to the groove of blogging. It's strange, I think once you lose something it's really hard to get it back and I count it as an experiment that went awry.

Work had been kicking my butt lately, I'm spending too much time at work and after working a few 12 hour days, My brain is frazzled and by Wednesday, I just don't know what to do anymore. I got so tired that it's hard for me to focus on anything. And then some asshole had to add more pressure on me that I'm resenting my job. When people know that you're capable on doing work, everyone starts coming to me for stuff and since we have 60 staff, it adds up quickly. I'm working lots of uncompensated overtime and I don't get pay much to start with. Maybe it's not a bad idea to start looking for another job. The non-profit world really don't pay. Or maybe I should stop making everything so personal and taking everything to heart.

Other than spending a huge amount of time with my Chinese cohort, I've been watching a lot of TV, both real time and downloads. The usual like Jon Stewart/Stephen Colbert which acts as my political moral compass. I also picked up on David Duchovny's Californication during a 72 hours Showtime OnDemand free trial. It's amazing on how many shows one can watch when ones Chinese upbringing steers him towards free stuff. I was pretty much on lock down. The story is pretty compelling. He plays a successful writer that has the ability to charm women off their panties, he seems to enjoy bring drama into his life.

SyFy had been doing pretty well for themselves of late, Face Off is on their second season. Some 12 special effects make up artist competing against each other on their skills, It's like sci-fi version of Project Runway. Lost Girl is another highly addictive series from Canada that combines mythology and detective series altogether in one nifty show Anna Silk (real name) plays Bo who's a naive succubus that got caught between the wars of Fae. Anna Silk sounds more like the name of a succubus than Bo but I digress. We got superpowers, strange creatures and half naked bodies of hot men. It's like Buffy but gayer and better special effects. Bo is also Bi who's torn between a hot lesbian doctor and a sexy werewolf. (Why does all these shows had to have a werewolf as if werewolf is a hyper form of masculinity?) It's fun to play a little detective while learning a new kind of demon every week. I've watched the whole Season 1 and half of Season 2 now. I'm eager to watch more.

Yeah, Project Runway All-Stars is on TV and so far I'm not really that impressed. Maybe I'm way out of touch on fashion but most of the winning looks kinda sucks. Even though I root for Mondo because he seems to be the one who really got gypped on his season his end product is not really that exciting either. Also RuPaul this season seems to have the most busted drag queens I've seen so far. I was gonna say something snide about even Philadelphia have better drag queens but we don't. Our gay scene here is as tame as a hospital cafeteria. I haven't been watching Glee for a long time but I'm excited about the new show Smash. Just saw their pilot on demand and it seems like a whole lot of fun. The whole Broadway is in full view from the sparks of an inspiration to song writing, to auditions, choreographing, production, funding and the whole politics of it. I thought it might be set in the past but the show is very modern day and we have some original scores to boot. And what? Debra Messing in a show being the best pal of another gay man? Will & Grace and being the first Project Runway celebrity judge, I wonder if one can be typecast in that particular light. Morticia Addams, is that you? Anjelica Houston where have you been all those years? I expect a lot of guest appearances from Broadway stars and legends. We'll see how likeable Katherine McPhee could be.

These and the Big Bang Theory should keep me pretty well occupied. I'm sure I'll be exploring another series soon, which doesn't do well for my healthy living challenge at work. I'm supposed to be more active but lately my motivation is low. Thank god I have a loads of interesting men to help me on the physical end of the spectrum. (Pun intended)


Weekend Meme: Chinese New Year Meme

>> Sunday, January 22, 2012

So Chinese New Year is really close by, in fact I think it's this coming Monday. Friday night I went to my friend's house for a lavish 15 course end-of-year meal that spanned out for hours. We just cook and ate as we go, a few course at a time and it was delicious and left me gut-bustingly full. The so called"End-of-Year" is also called the coming together meal, where you're supposed to get with your friends and family, sort of like the Chinese Thanksgiving. So it's also understandable that it the time of the year that I miss my family in Hong Kong the most.

I'm still worried about my grandma and her stroke incident. My family has a culture of always being over-critical of each other and since my grandma had been through a war, she is stringent and a bit of a hoarder. Most of my family brought up by her had been tired of her ways. I'm sure with her 6 remaining children, somebody is bound to be taking care of her, but I'm not there. And I wonder if I'll ever get the chance to see her while she's still alive.

Well sorry for the holiday blues. No, my life is not about being sad all the time. Most of it is stuffed up with work and hanging out with friends. I just went to my friends for a meal that start on early Friday evening and we played mahjong all night until the sun came up Saturday morning where I went out to a thick blanket of snow and got home to sleep until late afternoon. Tonight, there's another Chinese New Year dinner with another group of friends. Life is good.

Today I decided to write up my own meme. There seems to be a lot of meme about all other holidays, so I'm gonna try asserting my culture here and hope some other people will follow.

Chinese New Year Meme

1. What is your Chinese zodiac sign
I was born on a year of the rabbit.

2. What are the traits and do you identify with any of them?
Rabbits are supposed to be clever and friendly. I think I'm pretty friendly.

3. How often do you order Chinese food? Where from?
About once every two weeks I have some Chinese food in Chinatown somewhere.

4. What is your favorite Chinese dish and what is so good about it?
Crab meat on snow pea shoots. Snow pea shoots being my favorite green vegetable ever (only in season during winter). And the creamy crab meat just add to the whole silkiness of the dish.

5. Look around for the closest thing around you that says "Made in China", what is it? (Made in Hong Kong, Taiwan or Macau would also count)
My alarm clock.

6. It is customary that during Chinese New Year we wish others "Prosperity in the New Year" or "Better Health". What is the one aspect in your life that you wish could be better?
Right now I'll go for prosperity.

7. It is also customary that kids receive red envelops with money in it for good luck. What's the best gift you've ever gotten? From whom?
I think it's the keyboard I got one year from a good friend. I took piano lessons with it so I enjoyed being able to be artistic. Another friend gave me an $100 giftcard for my birthday during my unemployment years which helped me out quite a bit. I thought that was really thoughtful of him.

8. What do you associate with the color red?
Blood, passion, loud, bold, attention seeking.

9. Look around for the closest red thing, what is it?
My red and white polo shirt, my curtains.

10. If you ever own a Chinese restaurant, you'll name it? (I'm expecting some cheese here)
Golden Dragon. It sounds traditional.

11. Name the Asian person who you have the closest relationship with and his/her role in your life.
My grandmother. Enough said.

12. Name your favorite Asian movie.
I think it's the Wedding Banquet. It's this movie about a Gay Taiwanese that had to pretend to be straight for his parent's sake.

13. Have you ever been racially discriminated? What happened?
Not blatantly. Although this one time a couple of kids were riding in my college campus and yelled out for directions, when I approach them they said "Not you, where are you gonna get us to? China?"

14. What observations/stereotypes are Asians that you believe to be true?
We are usually meeker and smarter.

15. How many languages do you speak?
English, Cantonese, Mandarin, a bit of Spanish and French.

16. If you're ever getting a Chinese Character as a tattoo, what do you want it to mean?

17.When's the last time you traveled abroad? Where to?
I think it's to Mexico about 4 years ago. Just crossed the border to Tijuana, didn't fly or anything.

18. Have you ever had sex with someone Asian? Would you?
Yes. On many occasions.

I guess that's it. Have a great weekend!


Music Invasion: Azealia Banks' "212" (NSFW)

>> Tuesday, January 17, 2012

No thanks to Mr. Jervis at Joe.My.God, the very first song that got into my head and won't leave this year belongs to this girl - a cute, foul mouthed, Naomi-Campbell-esque Azealia Banks with her awesome pigtails. I'm usually not into rap, especially with such language! (fake gasp) But that beat just won't stop!

212 - Azealia Banks

Hey, I can be the answer
I’m ready to dance when the amp up
And when I hit that dip, get your camera
You could see I been that bitch since the Pamper
And that I am that young sis, the beacon
The bitch who wants to compete and
I could freak a 'fit, that pump with the peep and
You know what your bitch become when her weave in
I just wanna sip that punch with your peeps and
Sit in that lunch if you're treatin'
Kick it with ya bitch who come from Parisian
She know where I get mine from, end of season
Now she wanna lick my plum in the evening
And fit that ton-tongue d-deep in
I guess that cunt getting eaten (5x)

I was in the 212
On the uptown A, nigga you know what’s up or don’t you?
Word to who made ya
I’m a rude bitch, nigga, what are you made up of?
I’m-a eat ya food up, boo
I could bust your 8, I’m-a do one too, fuck ya gon' do?
I want you to make bucks, I’m a look-right nigga, bet ya do want to fuck…
Fuck him like ya do want to cum
You're gay to get discovered in my two-one-deuce
Cock-a-licking in the water by the blue bayou
Caught the warm goo in your doo-rag too, son?
Nigga you’re a Kool-Aid dude
Plus your bitch might lick it, wonder who let you come to one-two
With ya doo-doo crew son… fuck are you into, huh?
Niggas better oooh-run-run
You could get shot, homie, if ya do want to
Put ya guns up, tell your crew don’t front
I’m a hoodlum nigga, you know you were too once
Bitch I’m 'bout to blew up too
I’m the one today, I’m the new shit, boo, young Rapunzel
Who are you, bitch, new lunch?
I’m-a ruin you, cunt (4x)

Ayo (ayo), I heard you're riding with the same tall, tall tale
Telling them you made some (made some)
Saying you're grinding but you ain't going nowhere
Why you procrastinate girl? (-nate girl)
You got a lot, but you just waste all yourself
They'll forget your name soon (name soon)
And won't nobody be to blame but yourself, yeah

What you gon' do when I appear?
W-when-when I premiere?
Bitch, the end of your lives are near
This shit been mine, mine (x2)

[Verse 3 - Azealia Banks]
Bitch, I’m in the 212
With the fifth cocked nigga, its the two-one-zoo
Fuck you gon' do, when your goon sprayed up?
Bet his bitch won't get him, betcha you won't do much
See, even if you do want to bust, your bitch’ll get you cut and touch you crew up too
Pop, you're playing with your butter like your boo won’t you cock
The gun to where you do eat poon, hon?
I’m fucking with your cutie-q
What’s your dick like homie, what are you into, what’s the run, dude?
Where do you wake up? Tell your bitch keep hating, I’m the new one too, huh?
See, I remember you when you were
The young new face, but you do like to slumber, don’t you?
Now your boo up too, hon
I'm-a ruin you cunt

What you gon' do when I appear?
W-when-when I premiere?
Bitch, the end of your lives are near
This shit been mine, mine (x2)


Weekend Meme: Lucky 33 Meme

>> Saturday, January 14, 2012

I don't know what happened but since Blogspot updated the blogging interface, my blog posts had been looking a bit weird. I don't feel like I have control over this thing anymore. Maybe I'm still not used to back blogging again and I just can't find anything interesting to talk about. I'm sure this phase will pass, that or I should get an iPhone and migrate to Tumblr.

Lucky 33 Meme

1. Can you cook?
Yes, you better believe it. I'm a member of a 9 members lunch club at my current job and everytime I cook, there are dozens of people waiting to see if there are any leftovers.

2. What was your dream growing up? 
I dreamed about being a singer.

3. What talent do you wish you had?
I wish I was a lot more athletic and be good at sports. My energy level has never been that high.

4. Favorite place? 
Restaurants, coffee shops, gift shops, my hometown, my apartment, my friend's house.

5. Favorite vegetable
Snow pea shoots,  all kinds of mushrooms.

6. What was the last book you read. 
James Patterson's 11th Hour

7. What is your sign?
I was born on the day where Cancer meets Leo, I had been more Leo in my younger years but nowadays I feel like a 100% Cancerian.

8. Any Tattoos and/or Piercings?
Nope, never felt like I needed to get one.

9. Worst Habit?
Picking my nose and I like to procrastinate.

10. Do you personally know anybody on Blog? 
Yes, I knew a few people who blogs.

11. What is your favorite sport?
Swimming, baseball.

12. Negative or Optimistic attitude? 
I'm generally pessimistic. Optimistic people usually get disappointed, but pessimistic people usually get pleasantly surpised

13. What would you do if you were stuck in an lift with someone of the desired sex? 
I think nothing would happen.

14. Worst thing to ever happen to you?
I can't really point to something and say it's the worst thing that ever happened to me. I believe everything happened for a reason and it brings me to the place I am right now.

15. Tell me one weird fact about you: 
I have never taken a picture of my butt before. I don't actually know if I have seen it before either.

16. Do you have any pets?

17. Do you know how to do the macarena? 
I think I actually do but let me rush over this one so I don't have that song ringing in my head all day.

18. Is the sun shining where you are now?
No. It's a wintry windy day.

19. Do you think clowns are cute or scary?
More scary than cute

20. If you could change one thing about how you look, what would it be?
Less fat, definitely and more toned

21. Would you be my good angel or bad angel?
Even though I try to be good all the time, it's more entertaining to be bad, ain't it?

22. What color eyes do you have?
Dark brown

23. Ever been married?
Never. Not legal yet and nobody would take me.

24. Bottle or Draft? 
Neither, don't like the taste of alcohol and so I don't like beer. It has to be fruity and sweet for me to drink.

25. If you won £10,000 today, what would you do with it? 
Put it in the bank. Saving it for a down payment for a nice house.

26. What kind of bubble gum do you prefer to chew?
Watermelon, though I rarely chew gum nowadays.

27. What's your favorite bar to hang at?
There are two/three places in the city that I like to go but I think my ex had taken them after the break up. I have yet to be motivated enough to go out

28. Do you believe in ghosts?
I used to believe in ghosts and I like to keep that belief too.

29. Favorite thing to do in your spare time?
Reading blogs and watching TV.

30. Do you swear a lot?
Nope. I still do occasionally but not habitual.

31. Biggest pet peeve?
People who are arrogant, lateness and people who block my way.

32. In one word, how would you describe yourself?

33. In two words, how would you describe yourself?
Fucking Boring

Have a good weekend!


Oh! The Places You'll Go... At Burning Man!

>> Wednesday, January 11, 2012

Saw this video inspired by Dr. Seuss and Burning Man. A friend goes to Burning Man every year and even though I've heard good things, I've never truly understood what Burning Man is. I think after watching this, I'd be inclined to go if I ever get a chance.


Can I Just Tell You How Much I Like This?

>> Monday, January 09, 2012

 This sums up the difference in gender expectations.


Weekend Meme: New Year's Meme 2012

>> Sunday, January 08, 2012

I guess a year of non-blogging does strange things to a person. I'm not used to putting away a chunk of my time to write and I don't really know how to go about it anymore, so excuse me for my infrequency. I'm still trying to get used to blogging again. Same thing with work.

After being a 99er in 2010, I have to say that I'm still getting used to the concept of working. When I was at the Donuts, I didn't have any time off; I worked through the holidays, working 6 days a week non-stop and even on call when I needed to be. Now I work a job where there's vacation, it just seems odd and unfamiliar somehow. I guess I just don't know what to do with my free time. I'm bringing back my Weekend Meme section to slowly introduce myself back in the world of blogging. After my year-long sabbatical, I have accumulated quite a bunch of meme to play with. So let's get to it:
New Year's Meme 2012
1. What did you do in 2011 that you’d never done before?
Work two jobs. After getting my new job at the end of May, I actually work Donuts on the weekend and that was something.
2. Did you keep your new year’s resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
I don't think I did. I forgot what it was already, maybe I didn't have any. I made some resolutions this year, lose weight, fuck more.  

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
Nope, nobody other than some high school friends.  

4. Did anyone close to you die?
Nope. Thankfully.
5. What countries did you visit?
I haven't visited anywhere overseas this year.  

6. What would you like to have in 2012 that you lacked in 2011?
I think I'd like to have a new boyfriend or at least a few dates with the same person.
7. What dates from 2011 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
May 31, the first day of my new job. The ex-boyfriend's birthday, which is also the day we broke up.
8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
Getting a job that pays a lot better than Donuts, with insurance and benefits.
9. What was your biggest failure?
My love life, I guess. If I'm an optimist then I'll see that as ending something that didn't and couldn't work.  

10. What was the best thing you bought?
A few new coats that I like. I actually spent a day at the mall and bought tons of stuff. I needed a change of wardrobe badly.  

11. Whose behavior merited celebration?
Throughout my ordeals, I remained true to myself. I think I'm pretty proud of that.  

12. Whose behavior made you appalled and disgusted?
A relative of a close friend refuse to pay my friend after he renovated her new house which is truly horrible.  

13. What song will always remind you of 2011?
My friends are into trashy songs and from working at the Donuts, I think the songs of 2011 would be: Nicki Minaj "Super Bass" Selina Gomez "Love You Like a Love Song" LMFAO "Sexy And I Know it" Maroon 5 "Moves Like Jagger"  

14. What do you wish you’d done more of?
Sex, exercise, go out drinking.  

15. What do you wish you’d done less of?
Stay home, work.  

16. Did you fall in love in 2011?
No new love.
17. What was your favorite new TV program?
Dexter, True Blood, Whitney, New Girl, Jon Stewart, Stephen Colbert, etc.  

18. What was the best book you read?
I can't remember reading any books this year.  

19. What one thing would have made your year measurably more satisfying?
Having a boyfriend? Seriously I'm not that boyfriend hungry, but maybe I am.  

20. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2011?
Bought a coat from Kenneth Cole that resembles a bit like a Mao suit jacket. Other than that, I got some new sweaters and new pants. I guess, it's modern oddity that intrigues me.  

21. What kept you sane?
I have no idea. I don't know where the resiliency comes in but I'm glad it's there.  

22. Who did you miss?
I'm not gonna lie. I do miss the ex-boyfriend but lately I'm worried about my grandma. I got news that she had a stroke two days before New Year's and half her body is paralyzed. I don't really know what to say or do.
23. Who was the best new person you met?
People at work. I also have this big old crush with this big hunky bear who's married with children but it's just a crush, nothing more.  

24. Tell us a valuable lesson you learned in 2011?
Nothing is forever, nobody is not replaceable.  

25. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year.
That might be hard to do. "On and on it seems to go..."

Well, I'm still not feeling 100% back yet, but hopefully I'll find more and more things to post.

Have a great day!


Reboot (pt. 2)

>> Thursday, January 05, 2012

The break up happened very suddenly. It was supposed to be his birthday and we went out for lunch after I gave him some presents. He was acting strange the whole time which I took it as his usual birthday blues. At the end of the meal, I asked him what is wrong and he told me he wanted to break up. Two days later, he came over to take what he has in my apartment and two hours later I've erased all our online contacts. It's like we've never known each other but I guess there were always signs. Last time I saw one of our mutual friend and ask him if he wanted to join in the birthday celebration, that friend looked extremely guilty. When Adam Bouska's NOH8 Campaign was in town and I really wanted to go for a couple picture, he flatly refused. The abruptness of the breakup led me think that there's somebody else, which was confirmed by a friend who saw his profile on one of the online app. While it is all good, I'm just shocked by the lack of any communications. I was the fool who thought everything was going well.

Any break up is, of course, depressing. And since it happened, I have been submerging myself with work, which is plentiful. I have been picked up by a charter school in a sketchier part of the city; a charter school that caters to low-income, out-of-school youth, helping them to return to school to get their High School diploma. Even though, the pay is not ideal, I feel fortunate that I now have health and dental insurance. I have to admit that I didn't join the organization because I like help people, I was at a stage where the moral high ground was non-essential, I was willing to do almost anything, but I have to admit that it feels good to be able to find meaning in my job.

We are a progressive school and we install all kinds of measures to help kids graduate. Everyone is very involved in the education of these kids (18-21). Each of us mentor a few of these kids and each of them have a case manager to help out with their child care, financial health, mental health being and all social service needs. We give them gift certificates and subway card for them to come to school. We give them money for them to go to school. Do you know how long it took me to wrap my head around this concept? And yet, kids don't come to school. I haven't never heard of these things. And if a kid is failing a class, we drop their lowest perform session and average the rest. And we network them with various college and job site so that after they graduate, they will be either working or in college. I see the value of the school but how could we get them ready for real life by treating them like kings and queens?

Anyway, a job is a job and I sincerely don't hate it.



>> Tuesday, January 03, 2012

I have deliberately taken a whole year off this blog because of a few reasons. I wasn't really happy with my life at the end of 2010. Sure I had a boyfriend that I adore but after two years of unemployment starting at the end of 2008, I was met with the end of my unemployment compensation and I had to borrow money to keep up with all my bills and expenses and all I could find as a job with my work experience and my Master's degree is to be a manager in training at a Dunkin Donuts in a sketchy neighborhood catering to addicts and drug dealers, working 55 hours, 6 days a week for near minimum wage.

It was physical labor for a boss who was undereducated and all she knows about managing is to act loud and bossy. It wasn't her fault and at the end of her training, I did learn loud in my head on what is what in a store like hers. The business model of the company is to lower expenses and make everyone replaceable disregarding experience, so employees are treated like dirt. I think that may reign true in any fast food restaurants. You don't have to offer anyone raises since there will be tons of high-schoolers lining down the door waiting to replace you. I had done my damnest to be the best employee possible. Working almost 10 hours a day for 6 days unfortunately doesn't leave me enough time to blog.

I was very afraid that my boyfriend would leave me because I didn't have time for him and when I do, I'm thoroughly tired. Physically and mentally. Most days I have to go to bed at 8pm so I can wake up at 3am in the morning to make it to work by 4am, all the while having an unreasonably demanding boss on my back. I was transferred to a better neighborhood after 3-month of work and doing less hours which means that I get paid less but still enough to survive. To my boyfriend's credit, he didn't leave me, not until after I found a decent job.

I guess I cannot fault him. After being put in the bottom of the pit, I was determined to come back up, so I did not exactly quit the Donuts but move it to the weekend. With both the equally demanding new job and the Donuts, I think I have failed to shown as much passion to the boyfriend as before and it broke. That or it had long been broken and the now ex-boyfriend had just stayed with me until I got back on my feet. In my head, I thought I was working hard for our future together, I want to be an equal partner and not lagging behind. I guess that was foolish. Either way, that's the end of that. What's ironic is that after a few more months I quit the Donuts, I just don't see the point of working so hard any more. It doesn't seem that I have anything to work for anymore.


Happy New Year 2012

>> Sunday, January 01, 2012

2011 Has been quite the year with lots of ups and downs, maybe 2012 will be better. Crossing my fingers.

For the ones who are still visiting or following this blog, thank you. Hope to catch up with you all soon.

Happy New Year! Best wishes for all.


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