Godfather

I went all the way up to Queens, NY today with some friends, one of them told us that the Chinatown up there is bigger than the one in Manhattan and they have tons more good food. It turned out to be true.

On my way back, we passed by Bowery and Canal and I spotted a little storefront that happens to be a temple for my godfather - WongTaiSin.



My family is all inclusive when it comes to religion; better safe than sorry seems to be my grandmother's motto. Us Chinese are mostly buddhist, if not in practice at least in lifestyle. There are plenty of buddhist temples in Hong Kong, heck we have one of the largest buddha statues in the world. My grandma also practice Taoism, so much so that I often confuse the two. Until this day, I couldn't really tell you what the difference is between Buddhism and Taoism. They both requires the burning of incense, they both believe in the living dead, both related to some sort of Kung Fu. Although Taoist stories are often more colorful since they believe in a lot more deities and ghosts.

I grew up going to a Protestant primary school, and then a Catholic boarding school and high school. Our family went through a phase of Shintoism from Japan which I still don't know why. Our neighbors down the hall are Indian Muslims. So I guess I inherited that mentality, in that in anything you do you should expect karmic consequences. In reality I would categorize myself as agnostic or borderline atheistic, mostly because I'm anti-authority and organized religions are seedy and unnecessary.

That brings me back to the story, my grandma actually brought me to the WongTaiSin Temple when I was a baby and prayed to him to took me in as his grandson. It was so forced, ha. But it is our family's tradition to go to the temple every year to pray for things during Chinese New Year. My godfather here also perform some special functions. There are all these bamboo containers that holds a hundred bamboo sticks in there, and each stick corresponds to a poem. So every year, we prepare a long lists of questions and then we bring it to the temple. For each of these questions, grandma would shake the bamboo container until one of the sticks falls to the floor and the corrsponding poem is supposed to be the answer.

I asked my godfather about Medic Guy today, he seems to like him.

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Music Invasion: Tori Amos' "Time"

I know she's not everybody's cup of tea, but I have always loved Tori Amos. All of her CDs are in my iPod and she constantly pops up. This popped up today and it's a very beautiful rendition of Tom Waits' "Time", I hope you enjoy.



The shadow boys are breaking all the laws
And you're east of East St. Louis
And the wind is making speeches
And the rain sounds like a round of applause
Napoleon is weeping in the Carnival saloon
His invisible fiance is in the mirror
The band is going home
It's raining hammers, it's raining nails
Yes, it's true, there's nothing left for him down here

[Chorus:]
And it's Time Time Time
And it's Time Time Time
And it's Time Time Time
That you love
And it's Time Time Time
And they all pretend they're Orphans
And their memory's like a train
You can see it getting smaller as it pulls away
And the things you can't remember
Tell the things you can't forget that
History puts a saint in every dream
Well she said she'd stick around
Until the bandages came off
But these mamas boys just don't know when to quit
And Matilda asks the sailors are those dreams
Or are those prayers
So just close your eyes, son
And this won't hurt a bit
[Chorus]
Well, things are pretty lousy for a calendar girl
The boys just dive right off the cars
And splash into the streets
And when she's on a roll she pulls a razor
From her boot and a thousand
Pigeons fall around her feet
So put a candle in the window
And a kiss upon his lips
Till the dish outside the window fills with rain
Just like a stranger with the weeds in your heart
And pay the fiddler off till I come back again


I swear this is not turning into a music blog, I just have a very high affinity with music. (90%) lol. Plus the melodramatic me says I'm quite physically and emotionally drained. So I'll need to veg a bit until I can see pass myself and see what's happening around me again.

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Music Invasion: "Total Eclipse of The Heart"

My latest obsession:



Turnaround, Every now and then I get a little bit lonely and you're never
coming round
Turnaround, Every now and then I get a little bit tired of listening to
the sound of my tears
Turnaround, Every now and then I get a little bit nervous that the best
of all the years have gone by
Turnaround, Every now and then I get a little bit terrified and then I see
the look in your eyes
Turnaround bright eyes, Every now and then I fall apart
Turnaround bright eyes, Every now and then I fall apart

Turnaround, every now and then I get a little bit restless and I dream of something wild
Turnaround, every now and then I get a little bit helpless and I'm lying like a child in your arms
Turnaround, every now and then I get a little bit angry and I know I've got to get out and cry
Turnaround, every now and then I get a little bit terrified but then I see the look in you eyes
Turnaround bright eyes, every now and then I fall apart
Turnaround bright eyes, every now and then I fall apart

And I need you now tonight
And I need you more than ever
And if you only hold me tight
We'll be holding on forever
And we'll only be making it right
Cause we'll never be wrong together
We can take it to the end of the line
Your love is like a shadow on me all of the time
I don't know what to do and I'm always in the dark
We're living in a powder keg and giving off sparks
I really need you tonight
Forever's gonna start tonight
Forever's gonna start tonight

Once upon a time I was falling in love
But now I'm only falling apart
There's nothing I can do
A total eclipse of the heart
Once upon a time there was light in my life
But now there's only love in the dark
Nothing I can say
A total eclipse of the heart

Turnaround bright eyes
Every now and then i fall apart
Turnaround bright eyes
Ever now and then i fall apart
And I need you now tonight
And I need you more than ever
And if you'll only hold me tight
We'll be holding on forever
And we'll only be making it right
Cause we'll never be wrong together
We can take it to the end of the line
Your love is like a shadow on me all of the time
I don't know what to do and I'm always in the dark
We're living in a powder keg and giving off sparks
I really need you tonight
Forever's gonna start tonight
Forever's gonna start tonight

Once upon a time I was falling in love
But now I'm only falling apart
Nothing I can say
A total eclipse of the heart
A total eclipse of the heart
A total eclipse of the heart
A total eclipse of the heart


I wasn't aware that there is a second verse or even a third verse, anyone know how it was came to be? Um... nevermind.

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Sipping on Sizzurp

Intentionally or unintentionally I have started ignoring text messages from Medic Guy. The "I miss you"s or "Thinking of you"s don't do me any good, and i figure if he really needs me he would call or come see me. I understand that he will not change but hoping I would accept his ways. I'm not sure I can do that so eventually we will be apart but I have yet to have the resolve to break up with him.

I have been having this cough for two weeks, I went to the doctor last week and he prescribed me some antibiotics that didn't do me any good, so I went back today for another console. He prescribed me some promethazine with codeine and ask me to get a chest X-ray just in case it's pneumonia. I took some after lunch and was just told that codeine is related to Opium and Morphine, it makes you sleepy. I can feel it now, the sweetness of sleep is taking over me. One can get addicted to this feeling. In fact, I just found out people mix this medication with Sprite and it's called Purple Drank or Sizzurp.

Sweet codeine, let me fall asleep, take my pain away.

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Hurdles

I thought love should be easy. When two people have feelings for each other, expressing the feeling should be the most difficult part of the deal. Why should there be so much more other hurdles?

I thought we were going to spend a weekend together and go to a few museums, and as always there are errands to run. So Medic Guy spent Friday night with me and then left Saturday morning for some home improvement tasks. He said he'll be back at night, but come late evening he called and said he needs to attend Sunday mass for Palm Sunday. He said he'll be over Sunday, but come Sunday night I called to a half awake Medic Guy claiming he somehow fall asleep while folding clothes around noon. He's very apologetic but he can't come over anymore because his grandma is home alone. Of course, I can't understand how a person claims to love me but don't want to be with me.

I confronted him and say that it is simply not enough for me to see him once a week. I was ready to break up with him during the weekend but we did have a good time out Friday night. He claimed to understand and said he was trying really hard but I don't know how he tried if nothing has changed. I'm pulling myself from this relationship slowly, while a text message or an email will pop up every once in a while beeging me not to dump him or saying how much he wants me and misses me. I'm confused, these mix messages are killing me. What good does "missing me" do? I'm not a porcelain vase, I don't need to be admired from afar. But then I don't have the heart to dump him. I could always say one more time of this bullshit and it's over, but I don't want to monitor his behavior until he messed up, neither he or I can live like that.

He keeps on saying "It'll be hard but we'll make it work.", I thought love would be easy. The line of sanity and insanity is getting blurrier. Maybe I should listen to his reasoning and believe what he told me is true. That everytime it's time for us to meet, there are always reasons to explain why we can't. But still, I wouldn't be able to want him less. I feel lonelier than when I'm single. I can't live like this.

Why can't things be simpler?

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The Country That Never Learns

Reading 8Asians and Watching BBC, there are a lot of mention of recent development of China. With the approaching Olympics and their vibrant economy, China has become the focus of the world. Understandably, some people cease this opportunity to voice their opinions of the country.

Tibet has always seen themselves as being invaded by the Chinese government. Their spiritual leader Dalai Lama, has long fled to India and settles in the US. The Chinese has named a new Lama to control Tibet but was rejected due to religious lineage. The Tibetian has been waiting for an opportunity to take back control of their own territory. Protests and riots can be seen on the street of Lhasa, police cars has been set on fire, stores owned by Chinese have been destroyed and people who look more Chinese than Tibetians have been beaten up.



Instead of using tact and showing people how great a nation China is, they are using violence. The Chinese are not letting journalists to go into Tibet to report what is actually happening. It is more like a "Close the doors and beat your kids" kinda deal. While I'm all for beating your own kids, I draw the line when the kids start dying. Unofficially, 80-100 deaths so far has been estimated. It's Tiananmen all over again.

Add to that, no protests will be allowed en route of the Olympics torch relay. The air of Beijing is so polluted that the athletes are considering wearing breathing masks. That is, if they show up at all. Lots of them might just not show up for health reasons or in protests for human rights, violence in Tibet and loads of other reasons. It is a shame for a country with such rapid economy development to stay behind at so many other departments. Instead of admiring what China has to offer to the world, now athletes will have the violence in Tibet, the lack of human rights, media censorship, lead in children's toy, and the pollution in the back of their minds.

At least in the US, if you don't like the person in charge you can wait for their turns to expire or die. In China, there are a whole group of old folks and when they do die, there are tons others just sitting there. Nothing ever change.



"Welcome to the 2008 Beijing Olympics! We'll beat you if you don't behave!"

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I'm Not Your Bitch, Bitch!

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Going Nowhere

I remember during high school, I was asked a question in regards of relationship: If you have to rank the importance between Love, Family and Friendship, how would you rank? During that time, I said friendship comes first, love second, family third. For me, family is annoying, love is a concept and friendship is what I had, I chose those people to be friends with, while family is something forced upon me. My sex-starved hound dog friend SW said love first, family second, friendship comes last, and best friend CY have a very supportive family said family first, friendship second and love third.

Of course, this is just another meaningless thing for kids to ponder and what you choose have very much to do with how you were brought up and what your hormone level is in that particular moment. Priorities changes in different stages of our lives and sometimes there is no first, second or third. And then other factors come along like work, sex, financial security and the meaning of family redefines from people who brought you up to your own wife and kids. I think over the years, love has become more and more important to me.

Medic Guy has sent me a very loving message, saying how he was sorry about not being able to be with me the whole week due to his ear infection and that he loves me and wouldn't want to lose me for anything. And as unforgiving as I could be I wrote an angry email saying how he might not be ready for a relationship and that I don't want to compete with the other elements of his life because I know I will not always be in his priorities and I don't want to feel rejected, and that I don't really know where this relationship is going but I didn't send it.

After he came over, we had a talk. Nothing conclusive. He said he'll try to make time to see me despite his schedule but he doesn't know where we are going either. I asked whether he want to eventually be together or live together and he replied it is too early to say. I was determined to break up with him this weekend if we can't work something out but undeniably there are deep feelings between us. I'll try to work through it and see.

Sorry to whine so much.

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The Most Evil TV Show in History

Speaking of ill will, much like I believe Extreme Makeover: Home Edition is a TV show with good intentions and often good results, I believe that the new Fox show Moment of Truth is a show aimed for nothing but bad.

The basis of the whole show is for a contestant to answer 21 questions truthfully to win $500,000. Not trivia questions to prove intellect, but personal embarassing questions that can potentially break a family or a marriage apart. As the contestant prepares for this show, family and friends of that person are interviewed to scratch up dirty little secrets that the family has and a list of questions are compiled and the contestant will be asked of these questions while attached to a lie detector. And then 21 questions from this list will be chosen for the actual on-air taping.

The game is divided into 6 different levels, each levels with one less question but more and more personal. The first level consists of six questions that is usually work related like "Have you ever stole money from your job?" and these are as impersonal as it gets. As the levels progress "Things like have you ever slept with you wife's sister?" or "Do you think your in-laws are better parents than your own mom?" are asked, and rest assure that your wife or your mom will be seating right in the audience awaiting your response.

The show runs on the premise of being truthful as common people like myself mistakenly values truth above all. But you can see as the contestant struggling to answer each and every single question in front of vultures of an audience that want to hear more and more dirt from someone they hardly know. And then when you look at the contestants family, you can see their heart breaking apart more and more. You are practically selling your family and loved ones out for how much? $25K? $100K? Don't they know why money can be spent, they will stuck with their family members their whole lives?

Don't get me wrong it is extremely entertaining, it triggers the schadenfreude in me and I will be watching this filth as long as they are on the air. But you can almost feel the evil sip through the tv screen and enters your living room. Nobody really gains froma a show like this and the dirt while very juicy, is about a person that nobody knows, so what's the point?

Here's the now-famous dumb bitch, um I mean Lauren, destroying her marriage right in front of a TV audience:



Maybe politicians should enter this test before they can become elected officials.

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Harbor No Ill Will

Mr. Big: "You see the thing is: she can get ahold of me but I can't get ahold of her."

Aidan: "That's fucked up."


That's exactly the way between me and Medic Guy.

Ever since we started dating I have managed to get him on the phone once. Other than that we communicate mostly through texting and he calls me about once or twice a day and the conversation is mostly short. We spend more time apart than together, there is the busy and important medic job, there is the grandma with Alzheimer's that need to be taken care of which the irresponsible sister can't manage, there is the grandmother's hospital visits, there is the pregnant cousin, the dog that chews up pillows when he's away, his own doctor's visits and evaluations, the antibiotics that makes him tired, the job that makes him tired, the job interviews and I wonder how I could compete with all that.

I guess I have been practicing the "lesbian" kinda love for too long and I have no recognition what normal courting looks like. As unhealthy as it sounds, I'm after the smothering, spending-every-waking-moment-together kinda love and I don't think Medic Guy can provide that. (Or maybe no normal people can) Actually my exes are all quite independent from their own families and manage to move in with me rather quick.

After getting back together with him after being apart for a week, I made an effort and got him a drawer and some clothes for changing so he can spend more time with me instead of going home because he doesn't have clothes to change, but I guess that only solves part of the problem. I tried to be less skeptical and believe that he is really not feeling well with that serious ear infection, but he just went to some job interviews and got a brand new job at a hospital the opposite way of where I live. I am increasingly doubtful on how this would work. Sadly, I have consciously stop saying the 'I love you's.

Of course I have my doubts on this since the beginning, but when it is my own problem it is hard to see it objectively. And I want to make sure it is not me, that I'm not sabotaging myself. I still want to wait a few more weeks, especially when we planned on a mini vacation at the end of this month. Maybe things would change for the better. The new job he got would give him a shorter, much stabler schedule, but then still wants to work part-time as a flight medic at his current location and his family and dog would still be there. I don't think I can win either way but maybe I'm driving myself crazy by thinking too much, maybe normal couple don't see each other every single day or even every other day, maybe I'll win the lottery tonight and none of us have to work anymore.

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PSP Revelation

I finally caved in and bought myself a PSP. I swore I wouldn't, I told DC not to get me one the X'mas before last because I know that it will consume all my time. But I got one anyway, which I took it as a bad sign because I really shouldn't have that much free time since I just got myself a new boyfriend. But that topic would need to be reserved for another post.

SL is a kid 10 years younger than me who really, really wants me. But as flattering as it is, he is 10 years my junior, skinny as hell and I don't want to feel like a pedophile. The whole mentioning about SL is because he lives in NYC and we hung out the weekend before last, going to Mitsuwa yet again, I just friggin' love that place, and as we were en route to Mitsuwa he was playing with his PSP. One of my guilty pleasures is strategic computer games; I love RPGs, MMORPGs, tactics... etc, and one of the common interests I have with SL is Yu-Gi-Oh!

I should really feel ashamed, since I'm 30-something now and I can't possibly waste my time on games. I should be obsessing about the stock market, plans for my retirement and such, but no, no inkling on those life-changing topics but games. Yup, I'm still spending money on things that doesn't matter, investing time into voids. Well, since I got the game on Sunday afternoon, I have spent at least 16 hours on it learning the rules and such. I took yesterday off from work, partly because there's an overwhelming feel of sadness around the topic of Medic Guy, I'm coughing, I don't like being at my job and because I got a new toy.

Last night, while staying up until 2am playing my PSP, I kinda have a revelation about how a waste of time games are. I hope it will inspire me to quit them and do something else more productive, like knitting or something else that I have something to show for. I wish I have learned that lesson before I spent $3-400 on it.

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My Six Quirks

1.Link to the person who tagged you.
2.Post the rules on your blog.
3.Share six non important things/habits/quirks about yourself.
4.Tag six random people at the end of your post by linking to their blogs.
5.Let each random person know they have been tagged by leaving a comment on their website.

Alrighty then. Yes, Toni. I'll play. ^^

My quirks:

1. If possible, I rather stay home all day.
2. My favorite place to go when I'm outside is the supermarket.
3. If possible, I would wear the same pair of pants all week and it's possibly because I was brought up wearing uniforms.
4. My shirt and pants ratio in my wardrobe is about 7 to 1, which is somewhat intentional. (I don't think people pay attention to the lowrer half of the body of other people, at least I don't)
5. I usually don't buy a new pair of shoes unless one of my old pairs in breaking apart.
6. I don't want to learn how to drive because I'm afraid I might accidentaly kill someone.

Um... I just realized that I'm slowly turning into Sean Connery in Finding Forrester. Scary...

Since everyone who reads my blog has already been tag one way or another. I'll make this voluntary.

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Old Love, New Love

Ever since I've taught Principe to text me over the phone from Argentina, he has been doing so frequently. Apparently the economy down there has been quite bad and he has been unemployed ever since he went back in September. I have sent him a package for X'mas with some money that he desperately needed. But as much as I love him, I can't really do that forever. He texted me the other day saying that he might go to Spain and find a job there much like the way he came to the States and work illegally. While that is really not the best way to make a living, I can't fault him for trying to provide for his family. He has a sister working in Spain now and maybe her sister can help him along. He asked me if he can borrow money from me to get a flight ticket to go over Madrid. Not to be heartless but since the dollar has been going down, a roundtrip flight ticket will cost nearly $2,000, although he offers to pay me back it is not an amount that I can pull out of my ass easily. And we do need to get a roundtrip ticket, because if he only get an one-way, they would never let him in. As bad as it sounds, Principe is still the love of my life but I understand it is becoming a distant memory, one that still haunts unfortunately.

I have decided to give Medic Guy another chance, I know it might not be the wisest thing I've ever done but I've done dumber things. I like to believe that he's sincere and truthful, maybe it is really me who has trust/commitment issues, maybe I'm the one who looks for the first sign of how this relationship wouldn't work and run away. I'm trying to change that and put some effort into it. Medic Guy is the skinniest guy that I've ever been with, he doesn't even have pecs which I find to be the sexist part of a guy but he's endearing in his own way. We're still feeling thigs out and testing boundaries, I just know that I'm happier when I'm with him. I even changed from wearing briefs to boxers knowing that he likes guys who wears them. (Too much information?) What I wouldn't do to please my boyfriend?

Medic Guy also makes me worry a lot. Due to his work, he has to be in the helicopter a lot and somehow he ended up having a major ear infection and his left ear drum got torn. He has been getting these headaches and although his doctor will be able to fix it with a minor surgery, he'll have some loss of hearing for the rest of his life. It also sounds like he comes with a whole lot of family baggages, we're planning a small vacation at the end of this month. We'll see how that goes.

Love drives me crazy sometimes, I wonder if it's better to be drama-free like a monk. Are enlightenment and love polar opposites?

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1943 Guide to Hiring Women

My colleague DV is an older female educator that has a similar sense of humor than mine. We always joke around and when she sent me this reprint from Savvy & Sage magazine, I laughed so hard I almost have Vitamin Water squirt out of my nose:

The following is an excerpt from the July 1943 issue of Transportation Magazine.

This was written for male supervisors of women in the work force during World War II.

Eleven Tips on Getting More Efficiency Out of Women Employees: There's no longer any question whether transit companies should hire women for jobs formerly held by men. The draft and manpower shortage has settled the point. The important things are now to select efficient women available and how to use them to the best advantage.

Here are eleven helpful tips on the subject from Western Properties:

1. Pick young unmarried women. They usually have more of a sense of responsibility than their unmarried sisters, they're less likely to be flirtatious, they need the work or they wouldn't be doing it, they still have the pep and interest to work hard and to deal with the public efficiently.

2. When you have to use older women, try to get ones who have worked outside the home at some time in their lives. Older women who have never contacted the public have a hard time adapting themselves and are inclined to be cantankerous and fussy. It's always well to impress upon older women the importance of friendliness and courtesy.

3. General experience indicates that "husky" girls - those who are just a little on the heavy side - are more even tempered and efficient than their underweight sisters.

4. Retain a physician to give each woman you hire a special physical examination - one covering female conditions. This step not only protects the property against the possibilities of lawsuit, but reveals whether the employee-to-be has any female weaknesses which would make her mentally or physically unfit for the job.

5. Stress at the outset the importance of the time the fact a minute or two lost here and there makes serious inroads on schedules. until this point is gotten across, service is likely to be slow up.

6. Give the female employee a definite day-long schedule of duties so that they'll keep busy without bothering the management for instructions every few minutes. Numerous properties say that women make excellent workers when they have their jobs cut out for them, but that they lack initiative in finding work themselves.

7. Whenever possible, let the inside employee change from one job to another at some time during the day. Women are inclined to be less nervous and happier with change.

8. Give every girl an adequate number of rest periods during the day. You have to make some allowances for feminine psychology. A girl has more confidence and is more efficient is she can keep her hair tidied, apply fresh lipstick and wash her hands several times a day.

9. Be tactful when issuing instructions or in making criticisms. Women are often sensitive; they can't shrug off harsh words the way men do. Never ridicule a woman - it breaks her spirit and cuts off her efficiency.

10. Be reasonably considerate about using strong language around women. Even though a girl's husband or father may swear vociferously, she'll grow to dislike a place of business where she hears too much of this.

11. Get enough size variety in operator's uniforms so that each girl can have a proper fit. This point can't be stressed too much in keeping women happy.

It is so wrong, I can't even imagine that it is appropriate at its time. DV's favorite one is #3 because her doctor says she's obese. My favorite is a toss up between #6 and #8. Women are so helpless without the direction of men and who doesn't need time during the day to reapply lipsticks, really?

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Cheerful Designs

Since Toni, Francesco and Francois has recently changed their websites up, I figured I can be a cool kid too. So here's the new look for my website, it will require further tweaking, maybe changing of the picture and the colors a bit. If I don't screw the HTML up or get too lazy, maybe the look will change again within the week.

Stupidly, my side bars materials didn't get transferred. So I tried to remember all my links and input them one by one back into the blogroll. If I'm missing anyone, please forgive me and remind me to add you on the comment section. If you don't want to be on my blogroll, too bad... It's really not up to you. lol

Yesterday was the finale for Project Runway, I was rooting for the small kiebler elf, Christian before seeing the whole runway show. He does has the most talent and potential out of the three finalists. Watching the show with my online buddy Frank, we both though Rami's collection is the best because it waws very marketable and wearable and we thought he would win if the judges pull those criteria out of their asses like they did before. But they didn't and Christian won! This episode is honestly the best episode of Project Runway ever. Although Victoria Beckham looked like she was made out of plastic and her skintone, outfit and forehead was all too scary, but the designs that come out of the contestants were fantastic. Best season yet.

Here are my favorites from Jillian:





My favorites from Rami:





And my favorite from Christian:





Given, Christian's collection was costume-y, the pieces were either black or with feathers or black with feathers, but it is the most artistic collection through the whole show. Like he said "It was fierce!" To think that I have to wait another 9 months for the next season is unfathomable.

And doesn't he look like he belongs in a Harry Potter movie?



P.S. I've been to the WB studio in LA and met "the sorting hat" and he said I was a Hufflepuff. What the hell does that mean?

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Movie Review: Juno

I have finally seen Juno. I was thinking about going to see this movie for a long, long time and I'm glad I did. Since it has been out for such a long time and everybody pretty much know the storyline (plus I'm lazy), I won't go into much details, but I was really impressed with Ellen Page.

Young Ellen Page has a very natural way in portraying a pregnant teenager, probably because she is a teenager herself, but she also has quite a resume to her back. One of the most memorable apperance is Kitty Pride (Shadowcat) in X-Men III. I can see why she was nominated for Best Actress during this year's Oscar.

For me, the best movie is always the ones with a simple, interesting story with good writing and Juno achieved that. I'm sure it'll come out with a DVD before we know it. Go and rent it if you haven't seen it yet. It's a breath of fresh air. It's full of funny, witty quotes and it seems that they could easily be transformed into an amzing sitcom. And all the eccentric little songs in the movie are charming and adorable, I want the soundtrack! B+

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Drag on Steroids

Feeling lazy and don't want to write about Medic Guy yet, so here!

Chris March, dubbed adoringly by the RunGays as "Sissy Bear", has great talent in costume designing as shown here:



Here:



And especially here:



The costumes are simply brilliant, he designed the complete thing with each individual hair style that goes with it and his expressions in the pictures are priceless. He might not have won Project Runway, but he got the love from the gays for sure. Whoever can design things like this deserves love and respect, I say.

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Gotta Have My Soaps

Ok, you guys can make fun of me all you want but I'm gonna try to open up a bit despite how easily embarrassed I can be. I have a very strange soap habit, ever since I can remember I have loved bar soaps. Our family has always been one of the disgusting kind which the whole family from the eldest to the youngest everyone uses the same bar of soap to shower.

In my very tiny studio apartment, I don't have space to stock much but you better believe soaps and shampoos are one of the things that takes up places. It's nothing manic, there are about 20 to 30 bars at my place. And it's not like Jack Nicholson in As Good As It Gets either, I don't have OCD (not noticeable anyways) I don't use them once and throw them away. The most unusual thing would probably be putting them in my dresser to make my clothes smell good.

Growing up my favorite ones were Zest (very refreshing and always manage to wake me up for school) and a Chinese brand called Bee & Flower their soaps comes in Sandalwood, Jasmine and Rose scent and they are available in most Asian markets. Olay and Dove were pretty good too, they have extra moisturizing benefits.


B&F Soaps

I used to use this round soap from Body Shop that has these seaweed bits in it for scraping dead skins off your body and it smelled really good, but they stop manufacturing them. It's really too bad, both me and the sales person loved it. Right now my resident soap is Tom of Maine's Calendula, I used it for the past 5 years, I think the smell just oozes out my pores naturally now. It's around $4 a bar at Whole Foods. But I've just discovered another series of soap that took my breath away - South of France French Milled.


South of France - Lavender

I have actually kept them in my dresser for the longest time and I opened one the other day for a change of pace, lavender, and I am in love with it. It is really silky, but the thing that got me most is the smell, after using it I understand what aromatherapy means. It's intoxicating. South of France also carries soaps with other exotic aroma like pineapple, lychee, almond and mango. I got some and put it in my dresser, I wonder if they will attract bugs though. At $6-7 a bar, they are not cheap, but it seems like I just found a website that sells them for half the price. I wonder if that would work.

It's the little things in life I tell ya...

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The Bus and The Moon

I was 6. My mom and I were living in Paris. Our living expenses were pretty much covered by my father but my mom still worked in a sweatshop. She's a good sewer and whatever money she makes, she uses it to take French classes and travel around Europe. I long for those days, for what I remembered those days were the happiest times of my life. It was so carefree. I was in an elementary school then, since my father lived with his wife/mistress, I get dragged out of school a whole lot and traveled with my mom. Even my teachers get annoyed but who else would take care of me if she's gone?

We would go on these bus tours. They sold tickets in some Chinese travel agencies. We would wake up in the middle of the night and go to a gathering place and hop on these coach tour buses. I would always be the first one to jump on it and run to the end of the bus. My seat has always been the middle of the last row, because then I would be able to run back and forth in the aisle. We have been all around; Marseille, Nice, Lyon, Mont St. Michel, Amsterdam, Brussels, Luxemberg, Munich, Monaco, Roma, London, we've done it all. My mom gave me the job of finding our way back to the bus when we were let out to sightsee. I always thought it all depended on me and somehow I've developed this great sense of direction since, but more often then not the things that I remember was what happened while we're in the bus.

We were always on the bus. There were always interesting people on the bus. I remember hippies; young French white boys that sings and play guitars, nerdy Asian tourists with their camera and zoom lenses, usually in grey suits and wearing glasses chitchatting with one another smiling and excited all the way. I remember having nose bleeds all the time during winter when it's cold and dry, one of the passengers told us that if you put some cold water behind the ears it'll stop, and it worked. I remember passing farm lands with cows as far as the eye can see. At times, a big round moon will be in the sky shining down during the night, they always had to drive overnight. I asked my mom "Why did the moon keep following us?" "It's not following us, it's just so big that you can see it no matter where you go."

Now whenever I'm on a coach, my mind keep going back to those days when I have my mom next to me. We didn't have a chance to spend much time together and my memory of her fades more and more, but I still misses her. Come August she would have passed away for 22 years now.

"No matter where I go, huh?"

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Gambling is a Chinese Sport

I've been going crazy the past few days, thinking about Medic Guy. I just can't seem to shake him off. I find myself really want to believe what he told me was true. Maybe his friend and him do talk that way, maybe I didn't give our relationship enough chance. I keep thinking that it wasn't so bad, maybe I was overreacting. I haven't formally dated anyone before so how do I know how normal dating is? I am missing the guy like crazy. That love feeling is so addictive.

I want him back but at the same time I don't. I love the guy but the crazy hours and the unavailability will drive me nuts. Yet, I can't stop thinking about having him sleeping next to me, holding him in my arms. I'm going stir crazy, wishing that I can talk to him again, get things out of my chest, maybe even start anew.

I've become a stalker, an internet stalker. Checking every five minutes to see if he's online. What if he is? What would I say? Beg him to take me back? It's too late, I've breached our trust, I should have never snooped. He had mentioned that it was up to me, but I doubt that it would be that easy. If it was me I would be quite pissed off, he has the right to slam the door on my face.

I can't help but think about him all day at work and not getting a lot of work done. Sighing. Finally, although not wise but who knows, I texted him and ask him if he mind talking to me. I had texted him all my concerns when we broke up, so we were past that. When he called I asked him how he was doing, he got an ear infection and need surgery to get it drained, plus all the flying caused his ear drum to tear. His grandmother is in the hospital for a bronco infection, she's 87 has Alzheimer's and they live together with his sister so he can take care of her. Seems like everything happens all at once. I try my best to pay attention to what he was saying but selfishly I care more about where we stand.

"Are we back together?" He asked. That was all I needed to hear. "That easy?" I thought to myself. I made sure that he knows how much I love him and he expressed he was really upset and I shouldn't have dropped him like a hot potato and we both have things we needed to work on but as of now all is forgiven.

I still have no idea whether I did the right thing or not. He'll still be very busy and hardly have the time to be with me, but then gambling IS a Chinese sport.

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Music Invasion: "Good Morning Heartache"

Can we focus on talent like her instead of what Britney is up to this week?



Good Morning Heartache

Good morning heartache
You old gloomy sight
Good morning heartache
Thought we said goodbye last night
I turned and tossed 'til it seemed you had gone
But here you are with the dawn
Wish I'd forget you, but you're here to stay
It seems I met you when my love went away
Now everyday I start by saying to you
Goodmorning heartache, what's new?

Stop haunting me now
Can't shake you nohow
Just leave me alone
I've got those Monday blues
Straight through Sunday blues
Good morning heartache
Here we go again
Good morning heartache
You're the one who knew me when
Might as well get used to you hanging around
Good morning heartache
Sit down

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Music Review: Jill Scott's "Live in Paris+"

Oh how I love this album! I can't express with words, I overwhelmed with a sense of joy that comes deep down within like I've witness something so great that I'm glowing afterwards. It's odd, because this is an album with a DVD from a live performance in Paris and I have heard all the song before. I bought it just because I have a gift card from Best Buy, so it is in other words, free. But Jill has managed to breath new life in all the songs through new arrangement and that voice of hers is pure heaven.

It's reminiscent of Nina Simone, she went to France and claimed it as her own. Jill Scott differs herself as an artist and not an entertainer. She clarifies by saying that there are no backup dancers on stage just "voices", "musicians" and while pointing at her musicians "talents" and talented they are. Her performance is expressed through a raise of her hand, a flick of her voice, a squint on the corner of her eyes, while the multiracial crowd swooned and intoxicated. "Sing it girl!" shouted one audience. Her subject range from sex, love, parenthood, gang violence. Her voice at times sweet, at times strong, brought out an sophisticated urban sound. I can never imagine Philadelphia, the city that I live in can produce something so beautiful or expressed in such a deep, meaningful way.

Soul is such a deep and beautiful form of music, it's a truth within so true that is waiting to come out. Jill can definitely give Aretha a run for her money. I decided then and there that Jill is my new queen, of course she doesn't need my recognition. Sweating profusely in her Jill Scott afro T-shirt, preaching her gospel to the crowd, she's already a queen. A+

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The Goodbyes

ES is finally going to move to Maryland near DC this week, we had a potluck party for her yesterday. There was an unfathomable amount of food. I made a vegan pasta primavera with no butter, no chicken broth and no cheese, since someone in the office is a vegetarian and she gave up dairy for lent. Surprisingly, it came out okay. ES has been an amazing friend and it's hard to see her go. I got to play with the kids for one last time. I wasn't particularly sad because I don't think it has hit me yet and I was quite preoccupied with the Medic Guy dilemma. But at the end when she left with her kids and they hugged me it hit me a bit hard. I'm so bad at saying goodbyes.

So yesterday I spent the whole day pretty much like a living dead. My head is in the fog, but honestly I don't have much capacity to bottle myself up, sooner or later I would explode. Supposedly Medic Guy is having an ear infection and can't get together last night, so when I see him online I IMed him and asked how he was feeling all the while going back and forth with myself on how or if I should break up with him. I finally got the courage and sent him a message dishing out how while I was looking to see what he did with the picture I sent him of myself and found out that I'm not the only one sending pictures to him. He argued that it was his other medic friend sending him before and after pictures of himself losing weight (10 pounds).

I also told him that other than the picture, I saw messages of him going to the other person's place while he was supposedly going to dinner to console his divorced girlfriend and he told me that his medic friend went with him and I shouldn't have snooped through his cell phone, and that there is no other guys and that I was the one afraid of commitment and then offered to give me his friend's phone number to prove his innocent. Could the whole thing be explained logically, and he was telling me the truth? Since I've gone this far the relationship is not salvagable anyway, so I said "It wouldn't work anyhow, you're too unavailable and I'm too insecure". We IMed our goodbyes in our civil manner. I spent the rest of the night watching TV in bed fidgeting if I should ask him to take me back, balancing in my head whether having a cheating boyfriend is better than having no boyfriend.

Maybe I'm the stupid ass who's looking for the very first sign on how this relationship wouldn't work and sabotaging own love life, too afraid of being hurt. Maybe he's the player who's collecting boyfriends and instilling self doubt on me to make himself the victim. Either way, it ended. And I did mourn. But I read somewhere "If this happened to a friend of yours what advice will you give?" and I say "Dump him".

Still, I feel like shit...

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An Open Relationship

This viral prank is so elaborate that I'm shocked. (NSFW)





Brad Pitt, Don Cheadle, Macy Gray, Robin Williams, Harrison Ford, Josh Groban and Cameron Diaz,? Are you kidding me?

Someone counted Joan Jett, Pete Wentz, Perry Farrell, Benji Madden, Joel Madden, Lance Bass, Huey Lewis, McLovin, Christina Applegate, Rebecca Romijn, and Dominic Monaghan, and Meatloaf and probably a few more.

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Pinocchio, If It Wasn't For Your Nose...

So while I'm snooping through Medic Guy cell phone, (I know it's wrong but...) I found out he's actually seeing another person at the same time. So that's the reason why he cancels our dates and claimed that he needs to see his divorcing girlfriend and such. Conniving little twat.

So I was laying in my bed, thinking about how to break it to him or break up with him. All the "I love you"s were pretty much a big lie, huh? I have to give it to him though, his ability to lie is quite uncanny. The bit about his best friend getting a divorce and he wants to have both of us for dinner is superb. How did he know I wouldn't say yes? And when I'm with him he knows how to make me feel like I'm the only one, like we are really boyfriends. I have so much to learn from it, not that I want to have several boyfriends at once. (Unless it's a poly, of course.)

I didn't sleep well all night, struggling with the fact that he's cheating already. Maybe I wasn't good enough for him? Then found myself dosing off and waken up by sex. Sex has such calming effects, but the whole time I was thinking about it might be our last time, that guy have no idea I'll be breaking up with him soon enough. I thought to myself, might as well make it a good one.

After that we got up and out to get some breakfast and all the while I was looking for a chance to say it out loud, so he can pack up his stuff and go. I didn't have the heart. He was saying WE should find a weekend and get out of town TOGETHER. Maybe WE can go up to New York for a long weekend. WE. WE? What about that other guy? I'm all for a poly if it started out honestly, but now I don't think I can ever trust him again, when he says he's working long hours or when he needs to do some grocery shopping. WE? Is there a WE? I never learned how to dump a person, I don't know how to tell him that I found out about the other guy(s) either. (Look, I snooped on your cell phone while you're taking a shower, but...) I guess I just have to make myself unavailable until he gets the point.

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Flakes

So it snowed yesterday and no one went to work except me. Our office are composed with various people with histories of bad backs, joint problems and spinal injuries. So I guess I can understand. I'm picking up my knitting project again, my blanket knitting project that spans through years. I guess I must be bored.

I have no idea how to deal with Medic Guy, he asked me to be his boyfriend after our very first date, said 'I love you' after only 5 days we've known each other but then his work does not allow us to see each other much. I understand the importance of his work and the good salary he's making with all his overtime and compensation, but it does not make up for how many times he cancelled our dates, or promise he'll come by but then decided he was too tired or that he rather not. It kills me when he has a choice between being with me and be home, he rather stay home. What does it say when the passion is supposed to be new and high and that's what I get from him? Through this two weeks that we know each other , he cancelled our dates four times. We were supposed to get together today and go to a museum around lunch time, and he called me and say that we should meet for dinner instead and then called later saying his friend just got her divorce paper through the mail and we might need to have dinner with her. Of course, I bowed out of that since I don't even know her and these are more private matter and I will only be awkward. He sounded apologetic, but somehow I don't really believe that's what really happened. We ended our conversation with him saying 'What would I do without you?', I was thinking 'You'll soon find out'.

I feel so foolish now that I've fend off all the other guys and tell my friends that I found myself a boyfriend. If he really love me like he said he does, wouldn't he want to be with me as much as possible? Or is there something wrong for me to feel blown off everytime he cancels on me? How many chances should I give him until it's time for me to dump him? Since it is a rather new relationship, I think the earlier I end it, the less pain it'll be.

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Fiending For Stewart

Just when I thought the writer's strike is over and i'll get treating for some long awaited comedy genius from the Daily Show. Jon Stewart left for California to rehearse for the upcoming Oscar awards show. Reruns, I hate reruns... and I was so looking forward to new materials. Fortunately, Andy over at TowleRoad found some YouTube clips about Larry King interviewing Jon last night on Larry King Live. Ah, the soothing comical genius that is Jon Stewart. It is pure classic...



For the rest of them, click these: Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5, Part 6, Part 7.

P.S. I must apologize for adding the music thingee. Just trying something new. I'm sure I'll take it off soon when I'm tired of it.

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Racism in Gay Culture

Maybe the next generation would produce so many mixed race individuals that race doesn't matter anymore, but until then racism is an issue. Of course, people have the right to like what they like. Appearance is everything or else there won't be need for gyms but it shouldn't keep you from being nice to someone.

Stereotypes exist for a reason, it's up to each of us to stand out on our own. Yes, we have a hill to climb to get accepted but everyone have their own issues.

I'm a 6 feet Chinese cub with a hairy chest and a full beard and god helps the ones who thinks I'm docile.

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Asian Artist Introduction: Ivana Wong

I have been out of the Canto-pop loop for a while, but with my friend's high recommendation I gave this girlie a chance and loved her work. She writes all of her song and I'm a sucker for girlie sing-a-song writers who write sappy songs.

I found this one on YouTube that showcases her talent before she was famous, so she still looked like a housewife. I used to idolize the guy who sings with him, not because of his looks but because of his voice. Bad haircut on him though.



This is after she got famous and got a much better haircut and make up styling. She looks quite ethereal. Sweet voice really, and apparently she can write. Forgive the quality of the audio though.



Go Girlie Go!!!

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The Schedule Conflict

Thursday, Medic Guy worked from 9am to 9pm. I went out to have dinner with ES, MP and EK. It's probably our last time having dinner all together before ES move down to Washington D.C. Medic Guy told me he'll be working all day, so I wasn't expecting anything.

Friday, Medic Guy worked from 9am to 9pm again. I'm surprised on how much he works, he told me he'll probably stay at the hospital for the night because he has to work the exact same hours on Saturday and then call me after work saying that he'll go home because he forgot to bring clothes.

Saturday, same hours, he told me he might come by at night. I made some soup, got him flowers. And then he texted me around 6 saying he 'loves' me. I was quite shocked, we only knew each other for a few days. He doesn't even know me that well, how can he love me? An hour later he texted me again saying he can't come because he's exhausted.

Sunday, I walked around town looking for a vase to put his flowers in, he told me he's gonna be coming over at night and spend the night with me and since he don't need to work tomorrow and I got off for President's day, I really looked forward to spend our first whole day together. Went to buy some steak and potatoes which he said he liked. I plan to make my famous steak au poivre with a marsala reduction, scalloped potato gratin and salad. Got hom around 4 and got a message from him saying he had a really bad day and he won't be able to come by and he just promised the hospital to work tomorrow. I texted him back saying 'okay', but by now I'm fuming.

The flowers are sitting in a corner all wrapped up in their new vase. I made some soup that he told me he likes. I blown off a few guys just because I thought we had plans and I even told them that I'm seeing someone. But my boyfriends don't feel like coming by and yet sends me message saying he loves me and misses me. What's wrong with this picture? I feel worst than when I was single. Given I must care about him enough or else I won't be so pissed off, but we only know each other for a week. If this uncertainty will continue to exist in our relationship, I rather do without. What good is the "I miss you"s if later on he decides he don't need to see me? Of course, he pleas for me not to be mad, but it is not something I can control.

When somone promises me something and not deliver, I get upset and disappointed. Maybe I should stop investing so much in it, that way I won't expect as much. After all, we only knew each other for a week.

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Happy Valentine's Day!

Medic Guy got summoned to work last night. He was really debating it because he wanted to stay the night with me. But with all the OT and the add-ons for covering a shift he'll be making roughly $150 an hour on a 14 hour shift. He was very apologetic but I understand. If I were my money hungry grandma, I would have pushed him out the door while he's still half naked and yell "Grab that dough!"

Two nights ago I was made aware by a bank teller that my ID has expired, so I went to the DMV to get a new one this morning. I kinda liked my picture on my last ID and really wasn't looking forward to taking a new one. I find out that I don't know how to smile in front of a camera. I thought I was smothering out a smirk but I end up looking bored. My collar was crooked too. Why can't they put a mirror in the DMV?

There was a choice on the form of whether you want to be an organ donor. I checked 'yes' and then got these quizzical looks from the officer and the one who took my picture. "Do you really want to be an organ donor?" asked the officer and the one who took my picture. I can't figure out if they just want to make sure or if that does not happen often. I know it used to be a big deal with the Chinese to be buried 'completely'. But even we had commercials telling us how important it is to help others. Once you're dead, you're dead. Right?

I bought these gorgeous cupcakes for the office, they have tiny rosebuds planted on top. I haven't called Principe for a while so I called and got a pretty warm greeting from him. I have sent him a package for X'mas and he just got it not long ago. We talked and I remembered how nice it was to have him by my side. He told me that he love me like 10 times, and I know that he meant it but what's the point if he is all the way in Paraguay? I told him to take care of himself and hung up then I cried.

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Learning the Quirks

Medic Guy is allergic to raw tomato.
Medic Guy doesn't like fish, calamari or mushrooms. (I don't know how I keep dating picky eaters)
Medic Guy lives with and take care of his grandma who has Alzheimer's.
Medic Guy is a Black Irish.
Medic Guy is a flight medic, so he wakes up at 5:15 every day and have strange working hours.
Medic Guy is cold all the time.
Medic Guy is confident, caring with a slight hint of arrogance and can have a mean streak.
Medic Guy snores and turns clingy when he's sleeping.

I'm not allergic to any food.
I eat pretty much everything, except some stuff featured in Fear Factor.
I stay as far away from my aging grandma and other family members as possible.
I'm Chinese.
I'm an IT guy, wakes up around 8:30 and works 9 to 5.
I'm warm all the time.
I'm not as confident but I am caring with a slight hint of arrogance and can have a mean streak.
I snore so loud that DC had to rent another room for me when we were in San Diego and usually I can't sleep if someone is touching me.

- - -

Medic guy showed up yesterday in a Snufkin get up; with a cowboy hat, a big scarf hiding his face and a pea coat. We went out for dinner for a change and talked. He is a very nice guy. We went back to my place, watched TV and he fell asleep around 10:30. I stayed up to watch Jon Stewart and tried to sleep, but woke up a few times at night. I don't know since when I can't sleep with someone is by my side. I have lived with Principe for 6 long years and I was fine, but actually I did better than I thought last night. Maybe I was too self-conscious and didn't want to snore in his presence. He's a comforter-hogger though. He didn't have to work today but he left around 7:30 this morning. I feel the compulsion to get my hands on some sort of ID proving he's who he said he is, does that make me an untrusting little person? I guess I should add insecure to my list, huh?

P.S. If he's Snufkin, does it make me Moomin? I know Medic Guy has been calling me his "Bear" but I don't want to be Moomin...

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"Will You Be My Bear?"

That's the question Medic Guy left on my cell phone after the Grammys. First of all, what bear? Second of all, how come everyone I've met move this fast? I'm not really experienced in dating, so I don't understand.

Medic Guy has been texting me all day yesterday telling me he wanted to come by again at night, and against my best judgment I said 'Yes'. I'm always cautious when people are moving too fast, when they don't know me that well. Do you really like me or you like the idea of having me as a boyfriend? But on the other hand, I really like the guy. So we are in my place, with me making Chicken Parmesan and him watching the Family Guy DVD set. I guess I have to blame myself for creating too much of a nurturing environment. We ate and I quizzed him on what is that he wants when we end up half naked on the bed yet again.

"Someone to share life with." He said. So this is not just sex. I guess I needed that to knock me upside the head. Then he followed with "What do you want?"

"I don't really know what I want right now. But you look very good." That's my now honest and official answer but the last part was true and not a line.

"I guess I can take that." He responded which surprised me.

We decided we would try to be boyfriends. The thought shocked us both. We haven't even met 48 hours ago. How did this happen? My life just got ten times more complicated but the idea of holding hands with him on the streets sounds very sweet, plus he has a huge... I mean a "great personality". So let's give this a try.

He texted and said he's gonna come by again tonight. I wonder how long it is until he gets tired of me. Maybe he just wanted someone to spend Valentine's day with... maybe I'm being too cynical and analytical.

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Medic Guy and the Grammys

OK, so I'm a "Hooah" (Whore), what's new? Met Medic Guy online and we started chatting last week. Last night, he said his family has left him and went to dinner so he's all alone at his house. (No, he's not married) So I offer for him to come over and watch the Grammys with me. I told him I have been anticipating this for a while, and I'm not leaving my house for nothing.

Medic Guy is not only a medic, but he's the flying kind who jumps into a chopper and rescue people. I find honor in that. He also told me that there's paperwork proving that he's within a 100 people next to succeed the British throne. I've just met a pathological liar not long ago who bored me to death with his stories being a stage producer in Hollywood, having a Brazilian boyfriend with a 12-inch cock, one after another... but Medic Guy does not seemed to be lying.

So we laid in bed together with all of our clothes on, ordered a pizza and watched the Grammys. Medic Guy claimed that he's not a big music fan, but he recognizes tons of musicians from the past. This year's Grammys is very performance heavy and not a lot of awards given out live. I think it might be an active effort to reduce the long speeches. The performances are not really impressive either. The duet with a dead person thing that Alicia Keys and Frank Sinatra did was kinda tired. Jimmy Jam and Rihanna Medley wasn't that great either, although watching Rihanna in that dress looking like a kiwi bird reminded me of the Bjork swan fiasco at the Oscar. Cirque du soleil's performance was really impressive, both me and Medic Guy were impressed by the singing especially they weren't stars. Kanye West performed a touching rap about his dead mother. Tina Turner and Beyonce was ok. Andrea Bocelli and Josh Groban was quite superb, Medic Guy said a night in bed with Josh Groban would be a perfect birthday present, well Josh IS mighty cute. I'm just amazed that Fergie manage to have John Legend to play piano man for her and kept his mouth shut. Musically, she barely has the talent to be his background vocals for pete's sake.

By the time it's Amy's turn to perform, me and Medic Guy are already half naked in bed. (What's that no sex on the first date rule again?) He's a little too skinny for my taste, but what's too skinny? Amy's obviously inebriated, she barely managed to get through her songs looking all dazed and confused, pupils dilated, the whole lot. I find it disappointed and hilarious at the same time. Changed her lyrics to "my Blake"... who's in jail. Why does she has to be such a mess? And her acceptance on the Record of the Year award is just too classic. If the curse of the Best New Artist was true, I'm afraid we won't be seeing much of Amy from now on.

I think the award went to the right people, but the performance are kinda horrid. Do we have to do duets all the time? Must we do all the songs that have long been tired out? "Umbrella"? "Before He Cheats"? "Rehab"? Really? Don't they have other songs they can perform? Thank god the sex was good.

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The Gay Black Asian Mahjong Brigade

I got invited to a birthday party by an online friend. He's Black and all his friends are Black and Asian mixed race couples. (If people who like white guys are called "Potato Queens" and people who like Asian guys are called "Rice Queens", what do you call people who like Latino guys and Black guys, "Taco Queens" and "Collard Green Queens"?) I have never met him in real life before but I was very interested to meet him because he has traveled half of Asia and he can speak Mandarin and Cantonese, plus he whispered the magic word: "Mahjong".

I'm a game addict, Mahjong is where it all started. When I was an infant, my grandmother used to have me on her back while she plays Mahjong. My first words may well be "Red Dragon", at least that would probably be the first Chinese character that I recognized. It is a family game, it helps with Alzheimer's, it IS one of the treasures of China.

Dinner was good, I met some very interesting people. The group is consists of non-profit workers, IT guys and doctors. It's the general stereotypes. Oddly enough, amongst these gay men there is this straight Chinese couple who is very, very reserved. The wife is this very submissive type that don't even dare to eat without permission from the husband and the husband is said to be very interested in gay men.

After dinner, we went back to my online friend's home had the birthday cake and started our game. In between, we discussed politics and watched Sixth Sense and had a lot of fun. It's intellectually stimulating and I'm thrilled to meet some nice people. I can never find gay Asian friends in Philly, if you go up and talk to them they either think you're interested in them or they think you are their competitors for the few white men who likes Asians. Phooey...

I leave you with this miraculous invention:



It's sold for around $1,500, looks very impressive and maybe very cool for a while. But the excitement would eventually fade. Looks very hard to repair if it breaks down and it does take part of the fun away. I wish it wasn't so hard to find mahjong players in Philly.

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Mass. Hysteria!

If Massachusetts allows gay marriage and Massachusetts is one of the most educated states. Does it mean people who want to ban gay marriage are dumb? According to this clip, "Yes!"

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Happy Chinese New Year

It's the year of the rat. People born in the year of the rat are said to be hardworking, patient, systematic, assertive, they can also be cheap and manipulative.

One of the tradition I missed the most is parents or elders giving out red pockets with money in it. Chinese New Year is pretty much the X'mas of Chinese kids. I'm from Hong Kong, so I've got the best of both worlds. X'mas gifts and red pockets. I actually like the red pockets better, because I can use the cash for whatever I really wanted. But there's work involved, I actually have to go to the elders house to collect them and that takes time and patience.

It's comforting to know that ever since I left Hong Kong ten years ago, my grandma has been collecting red pockets in my name for her own us... lol. Come to think of it, she was born in the year of the rat, it would make her 84 this year, no wonder she's such a cheap skate!

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The Ideal Relationship

I was catching up with DC last night and we talked about relationship and my recent dates. Although monogamous, DC has the same thought as I did in grade school, in that it is hard to imagine spending the next 50 years with one and only one person. More like he has a hard time imagining having sex with one and only one person.

Understandable, I have been with Principe for six loving years but near the end our sex life was reduced to once or twice a week, comparing to the hot start we had. Sex up to a point will get mundane and routine and it cannot support a relationship on its own. While love may grow, sex dwindles. So it is important to recognize them as two different things.

Instead of cheating behind your lover's back, some couple choose to have an open relationship. Once a trust and understanding has been established firmly, they could sleep around with other people as long as it is okay with their partner. That way they still get their affection and love from their partner while getting their needs for sexual adventures fulfilled from someone else. Of course, that might invite doubts and jealousy, or maybe you go out and meet someone better and ruined the existing relationship.

Some couples insist on playing together when they invite a third sex partner, it could spice up the love life and there would be less chance for problem. Or playing with other couples, that way everyone know who they belong to, minimizing the chance for problems and gain some friends.

Polygamy is another interesting topic. It's illegal in the states, but so is gay marriage. So for us homos, we don't have to conform to the traditional format of "Marriage is a sacred institution between a man and a woman". For us, it could be whatever we want it to be. Personally, I have been in a relation with a gay couple for a year. I recognized that this kind of relationship has a great potential, you'll be in a high income household, the sex is more interesting with the various combinations, it's not as easy to be bored, but it is a very difficult balancing act. If the participants are not mature enough, there would be jealousy and insecurity. "Oh, you like him more than you like me!" It's hard to find equal grounds and it's hard to be attracted to each other equally as much either.

Maybe it's my fondness for RPG games, I can fantasize myself being in a polyamory relationship. Ideally, having 5 participants just like any good RPG games and just enough to fit in a car. Everyone should have different things that they are good at, whether it's cooking and cleaning, car and home repair, gardening, accounting, computers and such... Four of them would have jobs and the other one can be the homemaker, and of course equal parts of tops and bottoms. Better yet, one of each race. And most importantly all of them should be drama-free and know how to play Mahjong or if not, Texas Hold'em. I like the self-sufficient brotherhood/friends/lovers combination of a relationship. I realize it is quite selfish and hard to find but it is, of course, just a fantasy.

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Super Tuesday/Mardi Gras

This week sure seems to be a busy week for me, unintentionally, but I went on a date with a guy last night and after the date Calico Guy called and say he needed a place to stay for the night because his roommate had a guest over for the night and the guest didn't know that his roommate was gay and living with another guy. So I couldn't sleep all night, and stayed up playing computer game until 7am this morning.

The date went pretty well. I haven't had that much good, stimulating conversation for a while, I have a lot in common with the guy and he's outgoing enough that we both had a good time. The only thing is that I'm not really that physically attracted to him. He's the same age as I am and somehow looks 10 years older and quite out of shape, but he's mature, successful, respectful, everything else that I'm looking. I wonder if we can somehow be friends.

Today, I'm going to lunch with ES who's moving to DC come the end of the month. Dinner with DC tonight who's visiting my other hometown Paris this weekend, maybe I can persuade him to take my dad out, he's only going there for a weekend, he could get out of it scott free. And later tonight, I'm meeting up with Tattoo Piercing Guy for Mardi Gras. Tomorrow I have a happy hour date. Thursday is Chinese New Year. Saturday I got the another poker game with the gay team.

Since it's Super Tuesday, it's only right to talk a bit about politics. I was a follower of Hillary until recently, I find that she stuck too much in the middle of the road and can't quite commit to any solid positions. Obama being the new guy is more exciting although he doesn't seem that much better than Hillary either. Not that I can vote anyway. But some people are worried that he might be assassinated by white supremacy groups, hmm....

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What Wouldn't We Do To Be Sprung Free?

I think this research has become the hot topic amongst our community:

GENEVA (AP) -- Swiss AIDS experts said Thursday that some people with HIV who meet strict conditions and are under treatment can safely have unprotected sex with non-infected partners.

The proposal astonished AIDS researchers in Europe and North America who have long argued that safe sex with a condom is the single most effective way of preventing the spread of the disease -- apart from abstinence.

''Not only is (the Swiss proposal) dangerous, it's misleading and it is not considering the implications of the biological facts involved with HIV transmission,'' said Jay Levy, director of the Laboratory for Tumor and AIDS Virus Research at the University of California in San Francisco.

The Swiss National AIDS Commission said patients who can satisfy strict conditions, including successful antiretroviral treatment to suppress the virus and who do not have any other sexually transmitted diseases, do not pose a danger to others. The proposal was published this week in the Bulletin of Swiss Medicine.

The Swiss scientists took as their starting point a 1999 study by the U.S. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, which showed that transmission depends strongly on the viral load in the blood.

The other studies had also found that patients on regular AIDS treatment did not pass on the virus, and that HIV could not be detected in their genital fluids.

''Let's be clear, the decision has to remain with the HIV-negative partner,'' said Pietro Vernazza, head of infectious diseases at the cantonal hospital of St. Gallen in Switzerland and an author of the report.

The studies cited by the Swiss commission did not themselves definitively conclude whether people with HIV and on antiretroviral treatment could safely have unprotected sex without passing on the virus.

The World Health Organization said Switzerland would be the first country in the world to try this approach.

''There is still some concern that you can never guarantee that somebody will not be infectious, and the evidence I have to say is not conclusive,'' said Charlie Gilks, director of AIDS treatment and prevention at WHO.

''We are not going to be changing in any way our very clear recommendations that people on treatment continue to practice safer sex, including protected sex with a condom, in any relationship,'' he added.

In any case, of the 2 million people worldwide now receiving HIV treatment, only a very small number receive medical care comparable to that in Switzerland, Gilks said.

The information itself is great, but to publish it in this stage might be quite irresponsible. We do not know those criteria and I'm quite sure there are no self testing kits available to know whether the person still fits those criteria in any given time. CD4 count and viral load can change quite rapidly and patient can build up resistance to drugs periodically so there's no true way to find out if the risk has increased.

I stumbled into a chat room where people are discussing about the news and one openly positive person said sarcastically that he might just "go to a bathhouse to celebrate".

I have also heard somewhere that HIV- people are taking HIV medications before sex as a way of prevention. Does it work? If it does, good. But the medications will eventually wear off and you're basically building a tolerance to a drug that you may one day need. And isn't HIV medications expensive to start with? Pfizer is conducting a study to put their new HIV drug Selzentry to use as a preventive medication for Women. Imagine a birth control pill with Selzentry, it almost sounds like Tide with a dash of Downy, doesn't it? And why just for Women? Do you hear homophobia or even sexism? I guess we are really trying to get read of condoms quick.

The thing is: Yes, barebacking feels a lot better for everybody, but there are other STDs. So until we find a definitely answer or a cure, it's still best to wrap it up. On the other hand, it might be nice to have a preventive medication if it works. If it doesn't, you're looking at a huge settlement from one of the pharmaceuticals.

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Pizza Concoctions

More fast food commerical extravaganzaa. I don't know why Pizza is taking such a strange turn, with the recent Oreo pizza, the stuffed crust and all. Here are two more:





Well, you know how every large corporation modify their products according to the taste of the locals. For us Asians, pineapple has been a staple ingredients for pizzas. The Japanese had curry pizzas and a fucking awesome McDonald's Teriyaki Burger named Shogun. The Koreans have Kimchi pizzas. I found a place that makes ranch chicken pizza in my neighborhood and a gourmet pizza place that makes seafood pizza and peking duck pizza. These new pizzas are almost going too far, although I love the thought of having hot dogs and pizza at the same time. It does look very tempting.

I'm going on a diet with all my colleagues starting Monday, that's probably why I'm posting about food lately, sorry.

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The New Faces of Mickey Dee

I finally finished all 41 hour-long episodes of Return of The Condor Hero, I think I'm hearing Mandarin even when I'm watching regular TV and yes, I cried like a bitch at some point during the series.

And speaking of McDonald's commercials, I found some interesting once from Japan. It's like if Ronald McDonald went through a makeover:


"Oh, girl. You put way too much make up and hid your handsome face."

And this one is like a Project Runway assignment:



I can't help but think that the look still screams 'clown'. Unless we do a bikini or a well built Ronald wearing nothing but a striped speedo. Years of reprogramming "Yellow + Red & White Stripes = Clown". Since clowns scare children, maybe a Ronald McDonald Jr would be a better icon. But this one is really funny as well, it's a Japanese intepretation of Chinese Kung Fu movies, from the costume to the "I'm lovin' it" at the end is purely stereotypical. Quite funny, really.

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