Hurdles

I thought love should be easy. When two people have feelings for each other, expressing the feeling should be the most difficult part of the deal. Why should there be so much more other hurdles?

I thought we were going to spend a weekend together and go to a few museums, and as always there are errands to run. So Medic Guy spent Friday night with me and then left Saturday morning for some home improvement tasks. He said he'll be back at night, but come late evening he called and said he needs to attend Sunday mass for Palm Sunday. He said he'll be over Sunday, but come Sunday night I called to a half awake Medic Guy claiming he somehow fall asleep while folding clothes around noon. He's very apologetic but he can't come over anymore because his grandma is home alone. Of course, I can't understand how a person claims to love me but don't want to be with me.

I confronted him and say that it is simply not enough for me to see him once a week. I was ready to break up with him during the weekend but we did have a good time out Friday night. He claimed to understand and said he was trying really hard but I don't know how he tried if nothing has changed. I'm pulling myself from this relationship slowly, while a text message or an email will pop up every once in a while beeging me not to dump him or saying how much he wants me and misses me. I'm confused, these mix messages are killing me. What good does "missing me" do? I'm not a porcelain vase, I don't need to be admired from afar. But then I don't have the heart to dump him. I could always say one more time of this bullshit and it's over, but I don't want to monitor his behavior until he messed up, neither he or I can live like that.

He keeps on saying "It'll be hard but we'll make it work.", I thought love would be easy. The line of sanity and insanity is getting blurrier. Maybe I should listen to his reasoning and believe what he told me is true. That everytime it's time for us to meet, there are always reasons to explain why we can't. But still, I wouldn't be able to want him less. I feel lonelier than when I'm single. I can't live like this.

Why can't things be simpler?