Old Love, New Love

Ever since I've taught Principe to text me over the phone from Argentina, he has been doing so frequently. Apparently the economy down there has been quite bad and he has been unemployed ever since he went back in September. I have sent him a package for X'mas with some money that he desperately needed. But as much as I love him, I can't really do that forever. He texted me the other day saying that he might go to Spain and find a job there much like the way he came to the States and work illegally. While that is really not the best way to make a living, I can't fault him for trying to provide for his family. He has a sister working in Spain now and maybe her sister can help him along. He asked me if he can borrow money from me to get a flight ticket to go over Madrid. Not to be heartless but since the dollar has been going down, a roundtrip flight ticket will cost nearly $2,000, although he offers to pay me back it is not an amount that I can pull out of my ass easily. And we do need to get a roundtrip ticket, because if he only get an one-way, they would never let him in. As bad as it sounds, Principe is still the love of my life but I understand it is becoming a distant memory, one that still haunts unfortunately.

I have decided to give Medic Guy another chance, I know it might not be the wisest thing I've ever done but I've done dumber things. I like to believe that he's sincere and truthful, maybe it is really me who has trust/commitment issues, maybe I'm the one who looks for the first sign of how this relationship wouldn't work and run away. I'm trying to change that and put some effort into it. Medic Guy is the skinniest guy that I've ever been with, he doesn't even have pecs which I find to be the sexist part of a guy but he's endearing in his own way. We're still feeling thigs out and testing boundaries, I just know that I'm happier when I'm with him. I even changed from wearing briefs to boxers knowing that he likes guys who wears them. (Too much information?) What I wouldn't do to please my boyfriend?

Medic Guy also makes me worry a lot. Due to his work, he has to be in the helicopter a lot and somehow he ended up having a major ear infection and his left ear drum got torn. He has been getting these headaches and although his doctor will be able to fix it with a minor surgery, he'll have some loss of hearing for the rest of his life. It also sounds like he comes with a whole lot of family baggages, we're planning a small vacation at the end of this month. We'll see how that goes.

Love drives me crazy sometimes, I wonder if it's better to be drama-free like a monk. Are enlightenment and love polar opposites?