Going Nowhere

I remember during high school, I was asked a question in regards of relationship: If you have to rank the importance between Love, Family and Friendship, how would you rank? During that time, I said friendship comes first, love second, family third. For me, family is annoying, love is a concept and friendship is what I had, I chose those people to be friends with, while family is something forced upon me. My sex-starved hound dog friend SW said love first, family second, friendship comes last, and best friend CY have a very supportive family said family first, friendship second and love third.

Of course, this is just another meaningless thing for kids to ponder and what you choose have very much to do with how you were brought up and what your hormone level is in that particular moment. Priorities changes in different stages of our lives and sometimes there is no first, second or third. And then other factors come along like work, sex, financial security and the meaning of family redefines from people who brought you up to your own wife and kids. I think over the years, love has become more and more important to me.

Medic Guy has sent me a very loving message, saying how he was sorry about not being able to be with me the whole week due to his ear infection and that he loves me and wouldn't want to lose me for anything. And as unforgiving as I could be I wrote an angry email saying how he might not be ready for a relationship and that I don't want to compete with the other elements of his life because I know I will not always be in his priorities and I don't want to feel rejected, and that I don't really know where this relationship is going but I didn't send it.

After he came over, we had a talk. Nothing conclusive. He said he'll try to make time to see me despite his schedule but he doesn't know where we are going either. I asked whether he want to eventually be together or live together and he replied it is too early to say. I was determined to break up with him this weekend if we can't work something out but undeniably there are deep feelings between us. I'll try to work through it and see.

Sorry to whine so much.