What Are You Waiting For?

>> Thursday, July 31, 2008

Yesterday went by quite fast and I don't really have much to say so I thought I'd skip it, sorry. Actually, that's not entirely true. A subject came up in 2 podcasts and a lunch with a colleague and I thought I would write something about that, but it could be a bit offensive and I thought it wasn't such a great idea, so I scratched that. It's about lesbianism and obesity, maybe I'll leave it for some other day.

Work has been unusually busy lately, maybe because I know I'm leaving soon and I want to get as much done before I leave as possible. And maybe because my boss knows I'm leaving soon, so he's thinking the same way. I've also networked quite a bit lately, telling friends my situation and some offered to take my resume and give it to someone else they know or in the company they are working at. So far my resume is in two major pharmaceuticals, a start up IT firm and I have a friend who works at UPenn that offers help. I was really depressed last weekend, but after communicating with some friends I feel a lot better, some even gave me a pep talk. I have a lot of nervous energy, but I'm still not doing as much as fast as I can.

DC sent me some listing at his Pharmaceuticals, ES is interviewing at World Bank down in Washington, DC and sent me some links, I emailed myself some posting I found and I really need to go through everything and send my resume and application out the sooner the better, but I don't know why I'm putting them off. Cut to Gwen Stefani...



Amidst all this, I got a belated birthday card from Medic Guy which I totally didn't expect. Along with the card, there is a long letter lamenting how we have broken up and how he still don't know why. His life has gone for the worst because he's not getting along with his family and he'll be moving down to DC in a few weeks and wish that I was going with him. Could he be one of the Philadelphians reading this blog? If he is, he should know why we have broken up. I'm also a little disheartened by the fact that the reason we couldn't see each other as much back then was because he had to take care of his grandmother and now he's leaving her to his 'irresponsible' family.

I couldn't say that I'm not tempted by the aspect of starting anew somewhere else, but definitely not with an ex, it would be too complicated. And it would be hard to strive in a new city where I know no one and don't know where everything is. Well that's not entirely true either, ES and her family is in DC and I do know a few bloggers. (Sue, are you gonna spank me for not going to DC pride now?) The time required for me to find a new job in a new city would be a lot longer, it'll be okay if I have a lot of savings, but I don't. Although a new dating pool combine with my new attitude might work wonders.

I think Heather Headley's "In My Mind" said it best when it comes to old flames and crushes: "They say if you love something you've got to let it go, and if it comes back then it means so much more. But if it never does, at least you will know that it was something you had to go through to grow." That's what I think about Lucius anyway.

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Failure, I'm Not the Only One

>> Tuesday, July 29, 2008

Via Joe.My.God, the Fail Blog comes highly recommended if you need your daily dose of laughter. I was gonna keep that for my personal guilty pleasure but after reading the entry entitled McFail below, I can't help but pass the laughter on.

McFail
fail owned pwned pictures

By the way, this is not a photoshop job, it was taken near a town in Australia called Yass. Fail Blog put up really funny pictures of stupid things around us. So go check them out from time to time.


Spring-Toy Cat Fail
failtoycat.jpg

Donkey Fail
donkey.jpg

Protests Fail
protests_fail.jpg

Calculus Fail
calculus-fail.jpg

Math Fail I was really paying attention to the math and almost peed my pants on this one:
fail-owned-pwned-pictures

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Cosmic Slap

>> Monday, July 28, 2008



Not to be superstitious but I was thinking how funny that a month and a half ago I was saying how well June was treating me so far. Maybe that qualifies as the Gemini cycle, when Cancer came I was struck by Lucius and got my heart broken and now during the Leo cycle my whole world is crumbling down, fast. Maybe it doesn't have anything to do with astrology at all, but I'm still counting my luck to change for the better in a month. What else could happen? Me getting an incurable disease while not having health insurance? My apartment catching on fire and I have to live on the street?

My positive side would say that things happen for a reason. It might have been wrong for me to have settled in a non-profit environment for so long without any thoughts or goals or any ambition at all for my career. If I have to be positive, maybe the ongoing change is a cosmic slap in the face for me to be better and gain better control at my life in the long run. (Control? God forbid) But honestly, the cosmic slap in my face is smarting like hell.

I feel like going to the bookstore and getting myself a self-help book on relationship. Not to give it out on the first date? How do I find good people and make new friends? Somehow lately all the folks who had slept with me wants to be just friends... Is there something wrong with me? I've even had people who claimed that I'm the best they've ever had... Or is that the problem? I realized right now that I need as much friends as I can get (minus a few psychopaths or flakes of course) but it's exhausting. I guess there's no fast way to make friends.

So how many more lessons are there to learn until the cosmic let me be again? And what kind of person will I become at the end of the tunnel? I can't wait to find out... More like I can't wait to find a job actually.

Oh by the way, will those two mofo reading this in Philly start speaking up? I mean if you're really that interested in my life, you might as well be in it. Unless you're my exboyfriend or a stalker type, of course.

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Music Invasion: Enur feat. Natasja's "Calabria"

This one was featured in a pretty cute new Target commercial. I've only seen it 2-3 times so far, wait until it's blasting 24 hours and I'm hurling because I get so tired of it that I'm repulsed and convulse. I do like the artistic style of the video, although it's a bit NSFW, but the clapping beat is quite infectious.

By the way, without seeing (Well, even after reading) its lyrics the song makes as much sense to me as the words Enur, Natasja or Calabria... I'm just saying. (Whoop Whoop!)



Calabria

Easy now no need fi go down,
easy now no need fi go down,
rock that run that, this where we from
(repeat 2x)

Whoop Whoop
When you run come around,
Cu(z) I kno ur the talk of the town yea
(repeat 4x)

Easy now no need fi go down
Just walk it gently and no break nah bone,
Cool end-it-ly, you have a style of your own,
Me never kno you saw ya master the saxophone

cause u sound like the talk of the town yea,
imma look u when u run come around yea,
make me wobble, make me whole body bubble,
an me no say ya trouble, when ya ready for the double,
and n u hit that,
no ti-na the mickle
play with it a lickle, why you so na tickle
im tellin' you to, hit that
no ti-na the mickle
stay with it a lickle, why you so na tickle
im feelin' them
(whoop whoop)

easy now no need fi go down,
easy now no need fi go down,
walk it gently and no break nah bone

Whoop Whoop
When you run come around,
Cu(z) I kno ur the talk of the town yea
(repeat 4x)

Best shown overall, shiny and tall,
One touch make a gal climb whoever you are,
Brass hat, hatter than fireball
Whoop Whoop!
You not small you not lickle at all
Dat touch, just dip on me mind yea
The good feelin dip on rewind yea
make me wobble, make me whole body bubble,
an me no say ya trouble, when ya ready for the double,
and n u hit that,
no ti-na the mickle
play with it a lickle, why you so na tickle
im tellin' you to, hit that
no ti-na the mickle
stay with it a lickle, why you so na tickle
im feelin' them

Walk it gently and no break nah bone

easy now no need fi go down,
easy now no need fi go down,
rock that run that, this where we from
(repeat 2x)

Whoop Whoop
When you run come around,
Cu(z) I kno ur the talk of the town yea
(repeat 8x)

Whooop Whooop!!!

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Movie Review: The Dark Knight

>> Sunday, July 27, 2008



Lately I've been watching a lot movie than I used to, it might be because I don't have a boyfriend or maybe there's not much going on in my life and I feel the need to fulfill my blog quota. Whatever the reason maybe, The Dark Knight would have been a must-see.

Funny thing about superhero movies is that they usually have a strong existing storyline and the movies are usually peppered heavily with special effects that it would guarantee box office that sometimes they cast actors the resembles the characters and completely disregarding the acting skills of those said actors. I'm happy to report that The Dark Knight did not fall victim to that. Maybe because Batman himself is in a mask all the time, and Joker have heavy makeup on, so there is a lot more leeway when it comes to choosing the actors. All the main characters, well, all the characters in this movie seems to be quite brilliant.

As the fight against organized crime continues, Batman, young district attorney Harvey Dent and Lieutenant Jim Gordon became the force to be reckoned with. On the edge of destroying all thugs and gangs in Gotham, a psychopathic criminal called the Joker presented himself to the underground world claiming that he has the power of killing Batman.

Heath Ledger's performance as the Joker is surprisingly believable, it reminds me of Al Pacino in Scarface. I would say that he's giving Jack Nicholson a run for his money for being the best Joker ever. And if I didn't know who Harvey Dent is, I might have fallen for the charming and handsome Aaron Eckhart. There was a scene filmed in Hong Kong that did not show the city or its people in a bad light which I appreciated.

The big difference between this series of Batman and the previous ones is that, this Batman seems to be more martial arts-oriented than gadget-oriented. Not that there were no gadget introduced in this film, but I remember some batman do everything with some sort of gadget and this batman seems to fight a lot. Also, instead of the doom and gloom view on people of previous Batmen, this one seems to have a message in itself that if given the chance, people (including Batman himself) will choose to do the right thing.

The only thing that bothered me a little was that it was a little slow towards the end. Well, that and also Christian Bale's chin. A-


Rest in Peace, Heath. You were great. I would always have a fond memory of you.

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Attitude Adjustment, Pt. 2



I think with a change of attitude something within me clicked and I realized how lonely I actually am. I feel like I'm having a panic attack, I can't breathe. My heart is pounding in my chest. I'm desperately in need of people and I realized how stupid I was when I didn't fully treasure people around me. Why was I so jaded and put off? What's wrong with me? Now when I need people by my side, I have no one. I'm more than likely gonna scare the few new ones I've made because of my desperation.

I've always been so combative and proud that I go by principals instead of relationships and I've learned my mistakes. I think if possible, I'll devote the rest of my life getting to know people and making friends. I remember having a lot of friends when I was in Hong Kong but somehow something is holding me back when I got here. Maybe I was feeling insecure being different, maybe I thought that I was constantly being judged, but that obviously had to go.

Just one week and I'm already bent so out of shape, I wonder how I would survive. Principe used to say that he doesn't understand how I can stay home all day, but now I need to go outside to be amongst people to feel okay even though they are complete strangers. Even the TV is not helping much anymore, I feel like I'm going insane.

Maybe my head is purging what doesn't work for my life and reintroducing what makes sense. I hope it is not too late.

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Music Invasion: Nina Simone's "Trouble in Mind"

>> Saturday, July 26, 2008

Nina is a force that I admire and sometimes she's surprisingly uplifting, she is the high priestess of soul afterall.



Trouble in mind, I'm blue
But I won't be blue always,
'Cause the sun's gonna shine
In my backdoor some day.

Trouble in mind, it's true
I have almost lost my mind,
Never had so much
Trouble in my life before.

I'm gonna lay my head
On some lonesome railroad line
Let the two nineteen train
Ease my troubled mind.

Trouble in mind, I'm blue
But I won't be blue always,
'Cause the sun's gonna shine
My backdoor some day.

I'm gonna lay, lay my head
On some lonesome railroad line
Let the two nineteen train
Ease my troubled mind.

(Say) Trouble in mind, I'm blue
But I won't be blue always,
'Cause the sun's gonna shine
My backdoor some day.

I'm gonna lay oh my head
On some lonesome railroad line
Let the two nineteen train
Ease my troubled mind.

Trouble in mind, Yes I'm blue
But I won't be blue always,
'Cause the sun's gonna shine
in my backdoor some day.
'Cause the sun's gonna shine
in my backdoor some day.
'Cause the sun's gonna shine
in my backdoor some day.
'Cause the sun's gonna shine
in my backdoor some day.
(Oh boy) 'Cause the sun's gonna shine
in my backdoor some day.

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Weekend Meme: Fifteen Meme

Took this from Chris at My 2 Cents

What did you want to be when you ‘grew up’?

This is one of the tough questions. I remember having to answer this when I was 11 and I didn't know what to say so I copied a friend and said I wanted to be a cop. I thought that was what I ought to say. Later around 13, I said I wanted to be an actor or a singer but I realize that it's not really what I could be either. Now I just want to be comfortable and surrounded by people I love. Career-wise I like to do something with statistics.

What are you now?

Nothing much really. I'm doing IT in a non-profit, soon to be unemployed. Or like they say 'between jobs'.

What fictional character did you identify with as a child?

Nobita Nobi in Doraemon, he's a geeky kid that constantly get into trouble for being lazy. I guess that summed me up, I wasn't the best student either.

How about now?

Violet in the Incredibles? It sure feels like being invisible is my superpower sometimes.

What is your ‘Gay Pride’ Song?

Gloria Gaynor's I Am What I Am

What is your drag song (we ALL have one)?

I don't think I have one either, but if I really have to choose I'll probably go to Nina Simone or Ella Fitzgerald. Maybe something like Ella's Cry Me A River.

Earliest memory?

It would be at the doctor's office in Paris when I was around 3-4 years old. The doctor was a racist dick and didn't want to treat me and giving my mom attitude all the while.

Memory you’d like to forget?

I have a lot of embarrassing moments in my life that keeps haunting me, but the ones that I want to forget the most is probably losing a very good friend when he found out that I was gay. I was really depressed for a while.

If you ran for a seat in political office, what would be your platform(s)?

Alternative energy, somehow this country is really behind in developing them and I don't understand why. And even if it's not popular, I'll advocate for gun control, separation of church and state and also equal rights.

Winehouse. Want her to succeed or are you over her?

Extremely talented and extremely messed up, I would still want to pump a few albums from her though. So I want her to succeed.

The first person you thought you loved?

My cousin. Well, I was 3 years old then. Does that count?

The first person you actually loved?

In a romantic sense, it might have been Principe; My boyfriend of 6 years. I have had other boyfriends before him but I don't think I could call them love. I have a great time with them, and some are pure infatuation but not the same level as I love Principe.

The person you love now?

No one in particular, I wish the answer would be different but it's where I am now.

If you could be, do, have, own, or possess anything you wanted, what would it be?

I think I want to be rich. Money doesn't equate happiness but it provide comfort, freedom, accessiblity to the things that makes you happy. And if you can't be happy when you're rich, you pretty much deserve to be unhappy.

Even if you are in love with someone right now, who are you/could be crushing on right now?

Well, I'm always crushing on somebody. The good looking ones, the nice ones. Right now there's Lucius and Mr. CuteCub. Put some cute guys in front of me, I'm sure I'll be crushing on a few and sooner or later, all of them. :)

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Attitude Adjustment

>> Friday, July 25, 2008

Randy Pausch passed away today. It is quite sad really, I really quite enjoyed his inspiring lectures and I even bought his book and read it in two days. (Medic Guy got it in the "settlement" along with my much loved Keith Haring hoodie sweats.) To think, a man who is dying from pancreatic cancer still be able to laugh and joke around and inspire others. What have I done and what am I doing with my life?



In this period of time I feel like I have to reevaluate every aspects of my life. In the love front, there's little to nothing. In the job front, I'm losing what I have. It is a problem that I have to recognize. I need to readjust my attitude and throw myself out there. Meet new people, make new friends, find a new job. Maybe I've been in my shell for too long, maybe I've been scared of being rejected and haven't tried my hardest to make something of myself, but it has to change.

Stumbled across these people who promote themselves as Life Coaches for Gay Men, I always thought I needed a life coach/psychiatrist. They offer conseling sessions but more importantly and accessible are the articles they write: Free Yourself From Fear, Believe in Yourself and other self-help gems. Maybe ultimately I can recognize my current situation as an opportunity for me to grow and change but it is essential for me to find something real soon.

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Music Invasion: Nina Simone's "Nobody Knows You (When You're Down and Out)"

Let the melodrama begins...



Once I lived the life of a millionaire,
Spending all my money, just didn't care,
Took all my friends out for a mighty good time,
Buyin bootleg whisky, champagne and wine.
Then I began to fall so low;
Lost all my good friends, had no place to go.
If I get my hands on a dollar again,
I'm gonna hang on to it till that eagle grins,

Nobody knows you when you're down and out,
In your pocket, not one penny;
And all the friends, you don't have any.
If you get back on your feet again
That's when you find you long lost friend
It's mighty strange, without any doubt
Nobody knows you when you're down and out.

When you finally get back upon your feet again,
That's when you meet your long-lost friend
Said it's mighty strange, without any doubt
Nobody knows you when you're down and out.
It's mighty strange, without any doubt,
Nobody knows you when you're down, you're down and out.

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Making the Best Out of It

>> Thursday, July 24, 2008

My birthday was quite uneventful, other than spending some time with a very cute cub. For unknown reasons, I'm still feeling hopeful. Maybe it's because I'm still getting paid and dread has not officially sunk in yet. I'm applying to universities and hospitals around, hope I'll hear something from them soon. Mr. CuteCub works at one of the local institutes and told me that it took him almost a whole year to hear back from them for various reasons, I really hope it doesn't take me quite as long. I also told a few friends about my predicament so they can be on the look out for me. Funny because in the past 24 hours, I've got two different calls from some acquaintances that they both got the job they put me as a reference for, while I have to disclose I'm gonna lose mine.

Mr. CuteCub is a very attractive and sweet guy, he's also flirty as hell. He would have been a great guy to date other than the fact that he's already spoken for. His hubby is spending the summer somewhere else so I jokingly said that we're having a secret summer romance. We both need some companionship and we seem to get along real well and he is just about the cutest cub I've ever seen. Don't worry though, I know better than falling for him and my focus is on finding a job right now. If I can't even take care of myself, how am I gonna take care of a boyfriend? Still, fun is fun.

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33rd Birthday

>> Wednesday, July 23, 2008



I really didn't feel like celebrating this year since I have a lot in my mind, but I'm still surprised by the people who remember it. There is my cousin who was born the same day as me who IMed, a friend who mailed me a card and also IMed me, another friend who left me a message singing happy birthday, DC who called and said we should do something this weekend, Principe who texted me all the way from Argentina and Lucius who took me out last night because he's on call today. He also bought me a shirt from Banana Republic which I was going to buy, I guess we have similar tastes.

I think I'm just gonna buy a cupcake somewhere, put a candle on it and make a wish. I hope it'll come true.

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The Ship Has Sunk

>> Tuesday, July 22, 2008



All is not well in YvesPaulland, I just got news that I will be out of a job in 6 weeks. The funding that supports my position did not come through and although my executive director have known this for a while, he was too busy to tell me and he finally did after I ask him about it. I wonder when he was going to tell me if I haven't asked.

The economy is to blame, and so is the mismanagement, and then there's me who coasted for so long when I should have left way before. Needless to say I'm terrified, I'm also depressed that nothing seems to be going right in my life. It feels easier just to give up but I must remain positive. There's still time for me to find another job, in fact I just applied for one that sounds perfect for me at UPenn. Great benefits, especially when I can take courses for free if I get hired by them. Now they just have to move fast and like me enough to hire me.

At least I don't have time to obsess about Lucius anymore, although I saw him out there the other day and he insisted on buying me dinner tonight but I know now that he's not interested. I really need to limit my spending now that I might not have any income, maybe find a job waiting tables in Chinatown. My savings will only last me for a few months. The timing would be better after Obama get the presidency, at least people would feel a lot more hopeful. I'm gonna take the next few days off work to regain my sanity, after all I have tons of sick leave and vacation left, I might as well use them up. Think. Positive.

Wish me luck.

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Headphones



I'm in desperate need to get to an apple store to replace my headphones. The ones I'm using for my iPod has deteriorated again and now even I turned my iPod all the way up to full volume, I can only barely hear it. It is bugging the hell out of me. (did I buy an extra pair last time when I was there?) It's also infuriating that they charge me $30 for something that breaks every few months. I remember a time when good headphones only costs about $20 and last you a year or two. Steve Jobs is utilizing planned obsolescence to its core, he even made other colors inferior. I know it's stupid, but I have to have white headphones now.

I don't know how I got more particular for the things I have to have as I'm getting older. I don't like big head phones that covers my ears and squeezing my head. I don't like those earphones with a bud that stick too deep inside my ears, that's reserved for my boyfriend's tongue or my own finger, thank you. All I need is those simple earphones you see in the picture. I went to a music store and saw some imitation brand who's selling them for $3 a pair but the difference in quality is really obvious.

The apple store actually stopped selling the ones I like for a while, because they came out with all these other weird headphones that costs a lot more, a hook around the ear, the uncomfortable ones that penetrates deeper down and hurt my ears, the ones that hang around your neck. The range from $40 to $450 just for a pair of headphones. But later they figured that they can market them a lot more than they're worth anyway, or maybe people complained so they decided to sell them for $30. It is actually quite ridiculous but what can I do, I've already turned into an audiophile. I'm should look into the Chinese bootleg market and see if they have any good quality headphones, being so close to Japan, I bet they'll have plenty.

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Music Invasion: Bjork's "Play Dead"

>> Monday, July 21, 2008

I have always loved Bjork, well not always sometimes she does overwhelm me, but you have to say that Bjork has her unique sound and identity. I like her so much that I can overlook her going berserk at that Thai reporter for no good reason, I even like Dancer in the Dark though it made me nauseous and I loved the swan dress.

Her music is introspective, daring and personal. All reasons why I like female singers in a 85:15 ratio comparing to male singers, and also the reason I like R&B/Jazz/Soul/Blues music a lot more than I like Rock and Rap. But then Bjork introduces strange, though provoking concepts in her songs: "I thought I could organize freedom, how Scandinavian of me?" "All the modern things like cars and such have always existed. They've just been waiting in a mountain for the right moment." This song is from her earlier period around 1993 and it was recorded for the soundtrack of a UK movie called The Young Americans. It is one of my favorite songs of hers even the music arrangement is so not her electronica style, but the strings added a lot of drama in a little song like this, coupled with her lyrics it's a song that I listened to when I just want to act out.



Play Dead

Darling stop confusing me
With your wishful thinking
Hopeful embraces
Don't you understand?
I have to go through this
I belong to here where
No-one cares and no-one loves
No light no air to live in
A place called hate
The city of fear

I play dead
It stops the hurting
I play dead
And the hurt stops
It's sometimes just like sleeping
Curling up inside my private tortures
I nestle into pain
Hug suffering
Caress every ache

I play dead
It stops the hurting

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PIGLFF 2008, Part 4

Guess I need to count Mamma Mia as part 3 since that early screening was part of the festival, so this is part 4.



The first movie I saw this weekend is about two short films about art and bumped into a colleague of mine at the theater and that was kinda cool. The first short film is a documentary about photographer James Houston's project called Move for AIDS fundraising for education and prevention targeting youth. It is interesting to see a photographer using his own creativity to capture motions and body structures of dancers. Although the concepts are interesting, I still find it doesn't quite translate in stills and also you get a sense of awkwardness to have naked dancers and hiding their bodies in the documentary.

The main documentary is about Keith Haring, I have been a big fan of his even though I didn't know about him until after he died. The first time I've seen his work is through some street vendors selling his T-shirts in Hong Kong, bootlegged no doubt. Afterwards, I read about his work from a bookstore and gained more information about his motives. Soon I'm imitating those simple bold lines and colorful figures on my high school chalkboards. His images seemed so simple and easy to draw but yet it can convey so much. The documentary interviewed his family and friends to talk about Keith's life.

Although a little arrogant as any young talents would be, he's also generous or maybe he has a tagger mentality in which he not only signs autograph but he draws a picture in every kid's shirt or paint murials everywhere. In his early years, he provokes people by painting sex themed drawings on the wall, but later in life turned into painting angels and ballerinas for kids. Too bad AIDS took him away, we don't see any people like him in the art world anymore. Well, I have some faith in Banksy. Anyway, people who like Keith should probably give this short film a gander. C



When I think of a gay zombie film, in my mind it would either be a comedy or it could be a horror, if I'm really, really lucky it would be a combination of both, like Shaun of the Dead or at least do it a bit B-movie like make it campy or give me some flesh and make something like Hellbent. I did not like Otto; or, Up With Dead People.

Maybe I just don't get it, it's trying to theorize zombies and make it serious like a term paper. It's way pretentious and surreal, it's almost like the old SNL parodies on Calvin Klein perfume. "No... Yes...! Obsession by Calvin Klein" It's nonsense and ridiculous and worst of all boring. Although I have to say, I have never seen a zombie fucking a corpse from a hole in the gut before. That was the highlight of the parts I've seen, I walked out after about half and hour and decided not to waste my time with it anymore. I don't walk out on a movie often, but the whole mumble jumble, the pretentiousness, the boredom and it being so ridiculous repelled me from it. It's very upsetting but I'll have to swear off Bruce LaBruce movies from now on. F (ugh... never scored a movie so low before. I left Freaky Friday on TV for this?)



I'm glad I've got to see Dog Tags. It is a very well made film about two guys falling in love despite their surroundings being less than ideal. Nate joins the marine by the persuasion of his cheating and controlling girlfriend and his manipulative mother. Emo boy Andy is inspires to live a carefree life traveling the country in his beat up car but his life is tied down by his toddler son. The two met under some interesting circumstance and Andy helps Nate to find direction for his life and looking for Nate's father. It is a cute film despite some depressing details and the boys looked pretty good. C



The last film consists of a very sweet 18 minute short film from Brazil called You, Me & Him. I thought this was about polyamory as I thought the main feature The Houseboy was about that too. But this short was about a pair of lovers were about to move out and live together and all the sudden the parent of one of them, Danilo, died in an accident. Danilo is left to take care of his very young brother while balancing work and the boyfriend. His priorities changed and his relationship has to take the backseat as he's taking care of his young brother. I really liked this short film.

The Houseboy is about this kid Ricky who's in a pseudo-polyamory relationship in which he's more like a plaything and as the couple left for X'mas with their family, Ricky was left behind to take care of the house and the animals in it. Being kicked out of the house by his mom for being gay and knowing that his existing relationship will not last, Ricky is out looking for signs that his life matters to someone by having sex with strangers and telling them that he'll be committing suicide on X'mas eve. Most people were freaked out by his revelation, others don't care or believe Ricky. As X'mas is getting closer and closer, Ricky is desperate to find someone who would care.

The film is pretty dark but sexy and it struck a chord within me. I've always thought living is a bit meaningless and I'm sure I'm not the only one who thinks that there are too many people out there for me to make an impact but I'm starting to learn that meaning comes from being with the people around me instead of the work that I can accomplish. I guess it's part of why I'm getting more desperate as I age. To give some things away, Ricky finds a boy that cares about him at the end but then Ricky is 20, skinny, white and cute, while I am not. To have a meaningful life I'll have to surround myself with people I care for and people that would care for me as well. Create a social safety net, something for support and something that I can fall back on. C-



Although the festival has its ups and downs, I still really like the whole experience.

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Odd Bruises

>> Sunday, July 20, 2008

Latel I have noticed some bruises on my arms and thighs that I found really strange. Strange because at the position where my bruise is on the left, there's another one exactly the same on the right. One set is located on inner thigh two inch from my knee and the other set is on my inner arm between my wrists and my elbows. I don't remember being manhandled or any rough play and I haven't been to kung fu for a week or two and even I moved some furnitures, I don't see how I would have bruised up so strangely. They look like the points you would pin a frog down before dissecting it in a biology class.

Maybe I'm lacking some vitamins and minerals, or maybe I have been manhandled...

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Music Invasion: Diana King's "Shy Guy"

>> Saturday, July 19, 2008

While searching for Diana Krall, it led me into this classic. This is not a recent invasion, I have liked this song for as long as I've remembered. She's got a great voice, too bad her career didn't take off as far as it could. This video is the best out there but the music got cut off and changed a bit for the Bad Boys movie circa 1995. Anyway, enjoy.



Shy Guy

don't want no fly guy
I just want a shy guy

Oh lord have mercy mercy mercy
Di man dem in a di party party party
Di ole a dem sexy sexy sexy
Watch dem just a
Follow me follow me follow me

Everyweh me go di man dem a rush me
Yes a whole eep a pretty boy wah fi love me
A me dem love yes a me dem love

True them know me sweet and me sexy
Everywhere me go me say me ever ready
A me dem love yes a me dem love

But I don't want somebody
Who's loving everybody
I need a shy guy
He's the kinda guy who'll only be mine

Chorus:

Oh lord have mercy mercy mercy
Di man dem in a di party party party
Di ole a dem sexy sexy sexy
Watch dem just a
Follow me follow me follow me
Have mercy mercy mercy
But none a dem no move me move me move me
Shy guy a weh me wanty wanty wanty
Only him can make me irie irie irie

Roughneck man me no want none a dem
Beat up me body lick off me head top
Me no want none a dat
Me no want none a dat
Big things a gwaan fi all di shy man dem
Wat you fi me lover, me want you fi me my friend
Till the very end till the very end

But I don't want somebody
Who's loving everybody
I need a shy guy he's the kinda guy
Who'll only be mine

(Repeat Chorus)

Have mercy mercy mercy
mercy mercy come on

But I don't want somebody
Who's loving everybody
I need a shy guy
He's the kinda guy who'll only be mine

(Repeat Chorus)

Shy guy Shy guy Shy guy

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Fruit Basket



Am I a bad person if I laugh at that? It is quite comical and what's with the fruit baskets? I don't want a fruit basket and I don't think the way to the gay's heart is a fruit basket. Get me a cologne or an autographed nude shot of yourself, so we can discuss it with the girl you want to date. Fruit basket? Em... not so much.

The obvious joke would be: "Isn't he a fruit basket already?" but I've read on Joe.My.God that as a community, we should accept Chris Crocker because he is one of us and we shouldn't make fun of him because it would mean that we promote homophobia and it would mean we are being self-hating fags. So we should accept other gays to be as flamboyant and outrageous as they can be. Not that I'm hating on Chris but I have never equated gender expression to my sexual orientation. I realize that I am a lot more open-minded as other people because of my differences and although I agree with what Chris is saying minus the fruit basket part, I don't think his way of expressing himself represents me. He should really trademark the word Melodrama though, he sure does it a hell lot better than me.

Oh and if anyone is sending me a fruit basket, they should know to tread light on the berries. I'm not too good with acids. And they'll get extra points with mangos, barlett pears, pineapple, honeydew, watermelon and lychees. If they can find sugar-apples, I'll persuade the girl to do them on their first date.


Sugar-apple looks a bit like an artichoke or some people say like a buddha's head. The Chinese translation is "Foreign Lychee", because it taste similarly and they also have black seeds in the middle.

What's your favorite fruit? (Does this count as a Meme?)

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Music Invasion: Diana Krall's "You Go To My Head"

>> Friday, July 18, 2008

I've a few version of this song. Sarah Vaughan's version is good and so is this.



You Go To My Head


You go to my head,
And you linger like a haunting refrain
And I find you spinning round in my brain
Like the bubbles in a glass of champagne.

You go to my head
Like a sip of sparkling burgundy brew
And I find the very mention of you
Like the kicker in a julep or two.

The thrill of the thought
That you might give a thought to my plea
Casts a spell over me
So I say to myself: get a hold of yourself
Can't you see that it never can be?

You go to my head
With smile that makes my temperature rise
Like a summer with a thousand Julys
You intoxicate my soul with your eyes
Tho I'm certain that this heart of mine
Hasn't a ghost of a chance in this crazy romance,
You go to my head.

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Movie Review: Mamma Mia!



I have to admit that going into the movie I've had my reservations. I remember how I looked forward to seeing Chicago and ended up being slightly disappointed by Renee Zellweger and Richard Gere's singing. Also one of the leading lady was played by Amanda Seyfried, the same girl that played the (I'm sorry) dumb blonde in Mean Girls with flying colors and I was afraid that I couldn't shake her old character out of my head and although I'm listening to ABBA over and over again, but I still don't think I remember the lyrics that well, but the movie was surprisingly pleasant.

If you, like me, haven't seen the musical yet, the story is about a 20 year old girl who's about to get married and she really wanted her father to be there to give her away. She didn't know who her father was, so she found her mother's diary during the time she was conceived and found three names who's potentially her father and invited them to her wedding. The movie is about self discovery and it celebrates love, motherhood and the freedom of being a woman at any age. The whole movie was set in a Greek island. It's like Sex and the City, only more joyous, more celebratory and more dancing and singing to the soundtrack of ABBA's Gold.

I was expecting a sing-along but someone sitting close to me got shushed at the very start, so it wasn't as good as I thought it could be. I thought I would have the most fun with a movie like this would be with a gay audience, when did people become so stuck up? Amanda Seyfried is quite adorable from the very start when she was singing I Have A Dream she has already got the attention of the audience by her portrayal of innocence. Meryl Streep, playing her mother the inn owner, can sing! Like all musicals, the movie goes in and out of songs very often and it might be a little awkward at first but it's often done in a humorous way and we all loved the familiar ABBA classics. "You can dance, you can jive, having the time of your life, Ooh... see that girl, watch that scene, digging the dancing queen." Who doesn't love that? The Greeks were portrayed as eccentric people that love to sing in the background and do backup dance.

Pierce Brosnan seems to have suffered the Richard Gere syndrome as he can't really sing. Maybe he can, but let's say his a 80s Rock kinda guy and not really Musical or ABBA friendly, but I still can't get my eyes off of him. The guy is 55 and in marvelous shape and handsome as hell. His whole back is delicious and a really nice chest too, although I think he dyed his chest hair. I always like Colin Firth as well, but the ladies, Julie Walters and Christine Baranski pretty much stole the show. Dominic Cooper who plays the young fiancee has a pretty nice body too although he's a bit too young and I'm not into chickens. One thing that NeighborBear had advised me to do is too stay behind after they rolled the credit because they have a new trend of saving additional footage until all the credit has rolled. They did that with X-Men 3, Iron Man and Wanted and I've been kicking myself for missing some footage. For this movie, there are two song-and-dances at the end that accompanied the credits and they were really exciting and hilarious.

Although I didn't get my global chant karaoke moments and Pierce Brosnan's singing IS a bit awkward, I still had a mighty good time. The songs are very infectious and the cast charming. For some reason I thought the song Fernando was in it but it wasn't. Still, it's a solid B+

"Don't go wasting your emotion, lay all your love on me..."



*** Addendum ***

Apparently not everyone liked it as much, read what Victor and Kyle have to say.

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Still Heavy-Hearted

>> Thursday, July 17, 2008

I still can't quite get over Lucius, maybe I'm not obsessing over him but a caricature of him that I've created in my head. If I do see him again it might be quite different but it is still making me miserable. Following Jack Wrangler's documentary, he said he once got dumped and drank vodka whenever it hurts for 3 weeks and one day it just stopped hurting. Then he starts looking in the mirror and wonder what it would take to become a player and traded his geekiness for the some gym muscles. Maybe I could do the same? (yeah, right.)

My misery was further expanded when there was no internet at work, due to some scuffle with Verizon. They misplaced our service call and keep canceling our order because the status of our order shows differently in their systems. It's not the first time that happened to us, you really have to get on the phone for them to transfer you all over the place for an hour until a) they disconnect you by "accident" or b) they tell you what you want can't be done until a week later. Our office manger had to threatened them somehow and be on the phone for 2 hours until they succumbed. And I thought it couldn't be done but good for her. Seriously though, Verizon's customer service sucks big time.

To drown out my thoughts, I rented Girls Will Be Girls the Movie. I had some pretty big laughs, and I think I liked the shorts better although it was necessary to watch the movie because it did provide some clarity and background. Afterwards I watched Season 5 of Project Runway on TV, the Asian guy got kicked off on the very first episode. I have to say that his garment wasn't pretty and his personality probably wouldn't produce a lot of drama. I understood why they kicked him out even the other gal just sewn some black plastic bags together to cover the model up and pretend she was clothed. I still lament that he's the first one out because it is so rare to see an Asian guy on TV. (It's down to William Hung, Bobby Lee, Eric Mapa and him)




I like you Jerry but if you have lost the gloves, it would have been that much better already, the black trash bags might look nice with those shoes in a still shot but on TV it's clearly a WTF.

Tonight I'm going to see Mamma Mia, I'm still brushing up on my ABBA. It could be a lot of fun, I could be having a few nice gay global-chant karaoke moments. But still if I could freeze my heart and not feel for a while, I would have done it.

*** Addendum ***

Although I'd like to pretend I can bounce back real fast but actually I can't. It might sound good in theory but it's really not a competition to see who can forget who first. It shouldn't be like that anyway. When you felt a genuine connection with someone, what's the timeframe it should be to get over someone?

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Borrowing Japanese Game Shows

>> Wednesday, July 16, 2008

Having lived in Hong Kong, I've seen my share of Japanese game shows on TV. I find the Japanese culture to be very strange. In a sense they are very repressed and pressured; You always to be so proper and perfect and everything is a competition and you always have to follow order. That's probably why the suicide rate is so high. But I do admire the perfection they try to accomplish, the high level customer service, the crazy artistic gift wrapping skills, the animations, the food and all the other good stuff. They DO do it better than anyone else I've seen.

But with all the stress for perfection comes with strange ways to release these stress. There's a higher rate of suicide, a higher rate of sadomasochistic relationships, you can pretty much tell how messed up people are by watching their porn and things that they get off on, hence all the urban legends. Ultraman and Power Rangers, Pokemons, Harajuku Girls, they are all a little bit off-centered but it's not necessarily bad. Growing up, I enjoyed watching the Japanese game shows where different people compete on who can stand the spiciest food, who can sweat the most, or who can eat the most. (They always have something to do with food) Watching people eating sushi with huge wads of wasabi in it is as much fun as watching the Japanese traveling program showing every pristine little towns and the local eateries.

Well, I'm usually out learning Kung Fu Tuesday nights, but I felt like taking two weeks off, so that's what I'm doing right now. So I finally got a glimpse of Wipeout and I Survived A Japanese Game Show. Wipeout is basically Spike channel's MXC with American players. The show is a bit athletic, you have to go through a muddy track, walking on rolling logs, swing through a water way and all. They slow-mo it when the contestant fall to make people laugh. I Survived a Japanese Game Show pitched 10 contestants against each other and turn those regular Japanese game shows into a reality show (Does everything have to be one?), each week those contestants have to participate in some version of Japanese game shows and one loser get kicked off the show, the ultimate winner get half a million or something like that. In the summer when the regular shows are off-air, these shows are not so bad. It's kinda like those brainless comedies.


Wipeout

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Girls Will Be Girls Shorts

>> Tuesday, July 15, 2008

Since the Girls Will Be Girls short films are all available online, I figure I can post them all on my blog and have a little screening of our own. But then nothing beats seeing it on the big screen and having all the other gays laughing by your side. These clips (NSFW) below are in Vimeo HD, I hope you all can see it.

These few days we're just settling into the new office and I still don't have online access at work, so I'll be a little bit quieter than usual. Hope Verizon could activate our service sooner, it was suppose to be yesterday but nothing happened yet so far and I'm getting bored without the Internet.


Delivering CoCo, Part I



"I should have told you that B- is just a bloodtype, not a lifestyle choice." and a grossed out laughter moment at 3:01

Delivering CoCo, Part II



"I don't love you, there I said it! Ooh I feel so good I almost loved you, almost."

Girl Stalk, Part I



"Besides lesbians are sick, God says all gays are. Or else why would he make anal so painful and smelly?"

Girl Stalk, Part II



"Except I'm not a bigot, I even had an Asian boyfriend in college. Only he broke up with me because I kept sleeping with all of his friends cause I thought they were him."

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PIGLFF 2008, Part 2

>> Monday, July 14, 2008

Here are the first 5 (Well 6) reviews:

I was with the Gay Luck Club boys for a meeting discussing the logistics of hosting a pool party around mid August and I got to talk to the guys about the film festival. Every year there seems to have a particular hidden theme to the festival. One year there's like 7 Asian lesbian films, another year there seems to have an overwhelming number of Middle Eastern gay films. The difference could be from the film society getting in touch of a different distributor or maybe the interest of the organization or the contact person has changed, or maybe is the market or the film trend or the society in general has changed and different topics sprout out or maybe with age, my interests or the things that I notice or care about has changed.

This year so far I have noticed a few themes. Married Men and Momma's Boys.



The first movie I saw was Mulligans starring the handsome Charlie David. It's about a college boy Chase who's spending the summer at his best friend and his family's lakeside house. The family is a bit golf-obsessed and the youngsters are to work at the nearby golf course for extra cash. During their time together, Chase came out to his best friend Tyler. While Tyler is struggling to see how he should react, his dad Nathan told Chase that he too is gay. He's married only because he was too young and he got his wife pregnant. While they shared a few stolen moments together, they were seen kissing by his wife and problems ensued.

The movie is no way unpleasant, all the guys in there are all lookers and Thea Gill from Queer as Folks plays the compulsive, repressive mom who strive to portray the perfect family. The only complaint I have about the casting is that Thea Gill looks too young to be Tyler mom or maybe Tyler looks too young to be Thea's son? In a deja vu moment, there was a conversation in the movie that sounds eerily like the one in the dream I had. "You knew I was gay all along? Then why did you marry me?" "I thought you would forget about that and commit to your family..."

The only thing that I found weird is the ending, there are something out of sequence or not quite make sense. The father said goodbye to his wife, his son and his daughter. Went out to the garage and said goodbye to his daughter again. Drove to the golf course and said goodbye to his son again (???) His son drove the same car and said goodbye to his bestfriend and walked home. His dad drove the same car into the sunset (???) I'm a bit confused. Plus, my friend who met Charlie David told me that he has quite the attitude. C-



Well the same relationship sentiments got carried onto a movie that I just saw this afternoon about Jack Wrangler. Wrangler: Anatomy of an Icon is a semi-autobiography about Jack Wrangler, an inspired actor who eventually became the biggest gay/straight male porn star in the 70s. Jack grew up as an artistic type which his father disapproved. Jack grew up to be an aspired theatre actor and producer, eventually has his heart broken by a guy and inspired him to bulk up to be a player. He eventually get to be a stripper and became a big hit as a porn actor. Due to the bigger budgets and better production of straight porn and since Jack really wants to be an actor, so he start performing in straight porn movies. Jack wasn't repulsed by having sex with women and that brought him tremendous success.

Later in life, he met a women 20 years her elder (mommy issues?) and fell in love with her personality. Although he self-identifies as gay, he appreciated his wife Margaret Whiting for her talent, her humor and her companionship. Against all cynicism and fighting his own urge to have sex with men, they lived together for 15 years before getting married in 1994. (WTF?)

Excuse me not to understand why an openly (not closeted) gay man (not bisexual) can not only tolerate sex with the opposite sex but also marrying a woman. Being as cynical as I am, I thought it was because Margaret Whiting was loaded. But since they have been together for nearly 30 years, I guess there must be something more to it. I guess we do come in all sorts. The documentary was pretty well made but although Jack is indeed quite hot when he was young, I'm quite, quite disturbed by his life choices maybe it makes more sense in the sexual revolutionary period that is the 70s. It's a D+ not because of the production value, it's just because I can't quite wrap my head around this one. Jack did try to spend most of his life to make his father proud even after he died, whatever that means. D+



Another married man comes in the form of Scott Thompson in the surprisingly star-studded Another Gay Sequel: Gays Gone Wild. It's one of the brainless humorous movie that we all love to see every once in a while. (Honestly, there is no intelligent in this whatsoever.) The movie take place in Fort Lauderdale, it's kinda like Psycho Beach Party but a lot gayer. Well, there's no murder mysteries or pretend surfing sequence but it feels pretty much the same. A lot of gay sex teenage humor, some shocking body part shots every here and there the star-studded cameos include RuPaul, Lady Bunny, Amanda LePore (which I learned to appreciate), Colton Ford, Michael Lucas, Perez Hilton and Scott Thompson. It's funny, I had a good time but I can't help but agree with the other viewer who I overheard. "But it's the stuff you hate yourself for laughing at though." C



Boystown (or Chuecatown) is about a real estate agent (played by Pablo Puyol) trying to turn a neighborhood into the latest greatest trendy gay neighborhood by... killing old ladies and remodeling their house and selling them to gay couples. Two cute bears live right next to one of such old ladies which left Ray (the hunkier bear played by Carlos Fuentes) her apartment in her will after she died. Despite being offered a great sum of money and them being poor, Ray has decided to put his horrid mother there instead. While his bitchy mom is trying every trick in her book to break up the bear couple because Ray's husband Leo is not rich enough for her son, the real estate agent is still out there killing old ladies and have select the mother to be his next target.

The movie is interesting and funny at times but nothing too stellar. It's pleasant but at the end it was a bit strange as Leo escaped the killer and ran into a bathhouse. Why would you get into a bathhouse even take off your clothes when someone is trying to kill you? I've heard Madrid has a lot of hunky bears, maybe instead of going to San Fran, I should jump over there and see what's up. C+



The last two films came in a pair, well not exactly a pair but it's one short film called King Size and a quintuplet of short films from Girls Will Be Girls. King Size is a French movie about a polyamory relationship. Cute, and they jump in and out of song and dance sequences. It describes how friends get jealous and family don't except the increasingly offensive life choices. It's only an hour long, people laugh because it kinda weird how all the sudden the songs just starts and can I offer and observation that although they called it king size but the bed there's in look more like a queen? B-

I'm not really exaggerating about this, but I don't remember the last time I've had that much fun in the movies than watching Girls Will Be Girls. It is some short films produced during the writer strike. It's completely hilarious, if I haven't had gone to the bathroom beforehand, I would have peed my pants. I was glad that I didn't go around digging for iPhones with the other guys and watched these shorts instead. It's definitely obsession worthy. After seeing it I found online that they have had a movie out, I'm definitely going to get it online and I really hope Logo pick them up. It could make their channel really popular. All these shorts are actually available online, and I'll post them on here later. A-




Oh and Happy Bastille Day!

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PIGLFF 2008, Part 1

>> Sunday, July 13, 2008

In 24 hours, I managed to see 3 movies from this year's Philadelphia International Gay & Lesbian Film Festival (PIGLFF). After going to the movies, I realized that I do like this festival a lot better than I like Pride, there are a lot more substance in the films. Make us laugh, make us cry, right?

This year's PIGLFF trailer is really confusing. It's just a film roll on a little table while in the background there are quotes from some famous gay film playing (I assume) and then all the sudden the film roll caught on fire and fell down. It's a big WTF. Nobody knows what it signifies, are we burning gay films like those burning crosses?

I also saw one of my doppelgangers in the city. He hosts the event every year and I found out that his name is Lewis Tice, you can go online and check his mug out on Yahoo Images or his LinkedIn account and see if you can tell the resemblance. I find him looking very much like me and I'm me, so there has got to be some resemblance, no? Maybe I'll get the courage to ask him to pose for a pic with me, then I can post it on here.

I'm gonna post some reviews soon, but before I go for another two this afternoon there are two announcements.

1. SV from the Gay Luck Club and his LoveGAM website is giving out 2 new iPhones during their sponsored movie Bangkok Love Story tonight at 7:00pm, so if you want an iPhone, go to the movies and see if you can get lucky. Hint: There's something to do with where you sit.

2. I thought I was going to see On The Other Hand, Death but it turns out I'm going to see another one called Dog Tags:



It's a story about coming out in the marines, don't ask don't tell and homophobia. It's probably not going to be a happy movie, but they did tell us to go out of our comfort zones once in a while. Maybe it's compelling and it did fit my schedule.

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Weekend Meme: Youniverse's Dating Test

>> Saturday, July 12, 2008

Couldn't find any good Meme, so here's another entry from Youniverse. I like all those little test they have which uses pictures. I was deemed the Fearless Flirt (Moi? Really?) Here's my dating profile, go in for the complete diagnostic.

Youniverse dating TestYouniverse dating Test


Have a great weekend!

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My Rare News Observations

Apparently Jesse Jackson said that he wanted to cut off Obama's nuts for talking down to black people during an off-air comment on Fox News.



Are we sure Fox News didn't hire Jesse Jackson to say that on TV to create conflict amongst the African American population and Obama? Should we assume that it was a candid moment and nobody knew why the camera was rolling when they weren't supposed to be on air? Should we assume that someone just happened to be paying attention to what they were 'whispering' even though they weren't on air, tape it and later on use it to attack Obama? Should we assume that of all the news channel this could be happening to, it happened on Fox News, the crummiest wingnuts channel? Where is this faith based initiative speech taken place and how did Obama talk down to black people that enraged Jesse Jackson so much and how significant is that? ARe we sure that Jesse is not jealous that Obama might get to be the first remotely African American president instead of him?

I have thought about starting a boycott to the sponsors of Fox News channel, but I realize that the folks who sponsors American Idol are probably blackmailed into sponsoring Fox News as a package deal. Not that I'm into American Idol, mind you... They could cancel the whole show and I wouldn't blink an eye. But that channel is so shady and hate-filled, I wonder what hicks could tolerate it at all.

I'm actually happy at the thought the Bush will be gone in just a few months. Not fast enough, but it's almost over. And is it me or does Tony Snow's death seems oddly suspicious. Not to be insensitive but cancer my ass! It's more like the Bush Administration doesn't want another tell all book out there and poisoned the guy or expose him to radiation until he dies.

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Music Invasion: Katy Perry's "I Kissed a Girl"

>> Friday, July 11, 2008

Um... so she kissed a girl and she liked it. What's the big deal? I wasn't expecting this song to be such a hit but apparently it is. (Doesn't Cyndi Lauper's Same Old Fucking Story has more potential?) But then everybody around me have the song on their lips and all the clubs are playing this. I thought it could be easily be Kelly Clarkson or Pink singing this and I wouldn't know the difference. Tell you what though, it would be a huge deal if I kissed a girl and liked it, actually it's one of my fears.


I Kissed a Girl

This was never the way I planned
Not my intention
I got so brave, drink in hand
Lost my discretion
It's not what, I'm used to
Just wanna try you on
I'm curious for you
Caught my attention

I kissed a girl and I liked it
The taste of her cherry chapstick
I kissed a girl just to try it
I hope my boyfriend don't mind it
It felt so wrong
It felt so right
Don't mean I'm in love tonight
I kissed a girl and I liked it
I liked it

No, I don't even know your name
It doesn't matter
You're my experimental game
Just human nature
It's not what, good girls do
Not how they should behave
My head gets so confused
Hard to obey

I kissed a girl and I liked it
The taste of her cherry chapstick
I kissed a girl just to try it
I hope my boyfriend don't mind it
It felt so wrong
It felt so right
Don't mean I'm in love tonight
I kissed a girl and I liked it
I liked it

Us girls we are so magical
Soft skin, red lips, so kissable
Hard to resist so touchable
Too good to deny it
Ain't no big deal, it's innocent

I kissed a girl and I liked it
The taste of her cherry chapstick
I kissed a girl just to try it
I hope my boyfriend don't mind it
It felt so wrong
It felt so right
Don't mean I'm in love tonight
I kissed a girl and I liked it
I liked it

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The Dream that Woke Me Up

>> Thursday, July 10, 2008

So last night went pretty well, Lucius wasn't expecting the flowers when I showed up. He didn't even think I know when his birthday is. Well, I did made the effort to walk around town to find what I think to be cornflowers, but I couldn't find any. So I settled on a dozen of Gerberas, come to find that they are like 3 times cheaper from Whole Foods. At the end I found and bought some Agapanthus but they didn't really go well with anything, so they are now staying in a cup at my place.

We had a pleasant time, I've helped him trashed his old white couch and his living room is bare, so we went up to his bedroom and lied in bed for a bit and then we went out for dinner and then coffee afterwards. I specifically told the waiter for a dessert with a candle at the end of the meal before we even sat down and he delivered. Lucius said he actually don't enjoy birthdays as much, it reminds him of getting old. We went to a starbucks right next to an art school where students in their early 20s gather, and yes, I too feel older. I can never imagine myself dyeing my hair blue and go all emo. Funny how younger people make us feel older but older folks never make us fell younger. Went back to his place, cuddled a bit, I have had 3 strong drinks and I am pretty drunk, my heart was beating fast and thoughts are reeling through my head. In my drunken stupor, I delivered the ill-fated "Take Care of Yourself" line*, which he replied "Why wouldn't I?" so I said "Good." Lucius was pretty tired himself, so I left him in bed quietly and said one last "Happy Birthday!", cover him up with his blanket and left. He texted me to thank me for the night afterwards and said he'll buy me dinner when my birthday comes, I know that he'll be on call that night, so it really wouldn't matter.

I slept pretty well with that few drinks in me and I woke up around 6 but then I closed my eyes again because it's still too early for me to get started. We'll be moving furniture at work today and for that I dread. During that time, I dreamed that I was an usher of a concert happening in a big church by an european river at night. I guess the band chose the place because of its acoustics. An old lady was trying to get her husband down the stairs to get access to the entrance and I was to help her. The old lady was around 70 something, a bit skinny and short. The old man was in his 80s, taller and sitting in a wheel chair. As I was wondering how I could get him and his wheelchair down the stairs, the old lady explain to me that as long as her husband's soul is intact, his body will not break. (Dreams huh?) So we lifted up his soul in the form of a body by our shoulders and proceeded down the long stairways.

The crowd of people gasped as we walked pass them, as they only see his corpse following his soul rolling down the stairs hitting every ledges as it comes down. After entering the mausoleum, I located an angled bench for them to sit in and the old man's body reunited with his soul and he seemed fine, so I left. The microphones are echoing sharply in the hall and I think Def Leppard's Pour Some Sugar On Me was starting to play. The old man was staring at the columns and the ceiling, marveling the architecture...

Old Lady thoughtfully said: "You're gay, you know."
Old Man looked at her offended and replied: "Then why do you insist dragging me everywhere if you know that I can't provide you with the things you need?"

I woke up before I can hear the old lady's answer, maybe she didn't have one. Still in a daze, I kept thinking what it all means, who signifies who in my dream. Am I the old lady and the usher? Or maybe Lucius is the old lady and his couch was the old man's body. But at the end I decided that it is my dream so it only makes sense that they are all parts of me.

I don't plan on seeing Lucius anymore.

*That's usually the line I use when I'm breaking up with someone. In my vernacular Take care of yourself means Take care of yourself because I won't be there to take care of you. I guess I do assume the position of the caretaker. It's OK when you're saying it to a friend, but to a boyfriend/lover type it does take a different meaning. With that said, I still can't believe it when it comes out of my mouth. I guess my brain knows something that my heart doesn't.

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Happy Birthday, Lucius!

>> Wednesday, July 09, 2008

I don't know why I'm so excited as I probably shouldn't be, after all we're just friends. Although he didn't think I know it's his birthday, he had made plans to spend tonight with me. Since I offered to help him to move his sofa and I found his house keys, he had offered to buy me dinner and drinks. But I'll show up with flowers and take him out for dinner instead.

I don't really know what to get him, I've always been an overgifter. It is quite a delicate situation, since we're just friends and Lucius is a practical person and he pretty much has everything he needs. I couldn't find any good sports tickets and what do I know about sports ticket anyway, I don't think he's interested in Broadway shows and Cirque du Soleil had come and gone. Throw pillow for his new couch would be too imposing. A watch would be too much? So I'm still settling for a bouquet of flowers and dinner. I keep on thinking what I would want if it was my birthday but I couldn't come up with anything.

I passed by a flower shop the other day and saw a very exotic looking blue flower and when I passed by again yesterday, they were already all gone. I asked the owner and he didn't know what I was referring to, that makes me wonder if they were purple or pink... Color blindness is bad especially for the gays. It was like an overgrown dandelion with blue stems before it's blown. The blue stems are probably flowers that haven't bloom yet. I think the starry ball shape will be nice with a small aluminum balloon saying happy birthday. Lucius might not be a flower person anyway, but I guess it's the thought that counts. In order not to make a scene in the restaurant, I might just bring my own candle and lighter to put on whatever dessert we order.

Um, should sex come before or after the meal? lol.


I don't know if this was it, but it looked very much like it.

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The Tub of Lard

>> Tuesday, July 08, 2008



We have an administrative assistant in the office who's referred by a volunteer of ours. The volunteer is very sharp and hard-working, he also has a great personality, plus he's very handsome and flirty. So when we were interviewing his mom for the job, we thought she might be as charming or have the same working ethics. I wasn't thrilled to hire family members of other colleagues, I thought it's great if it works out, but if either of them turned sour, it might be hard to just get rid of one of them. But then it wasn't my decision to make.

The volunteer came and went, he found a nice job that fits him pretty well, he's a great person and we all wish him the best. The mom however stayed behind and still work here. We found out that when her son was with her she was actually delegating her duties to her son, and being the great guy that he is, he did everything for her. After he's gone, she has no clue where anything is but slowly but surely she is finding new volunteers to delegate her job again. It's more obvious now that we've moved to a new space and everything is out in the open. She's having some volunteers to answer the phone for her, some to open the door when there's visitors and some other to get her lunch for her. She basically just sit on her chair and all day and play games on her computer. The other thing that gets me too is that she complains about her food after someone else have nicely bought it for her. I've tried to ask the volunteers to stop doing that for her, but then they are all too nice. I mean, what's the point of being nice to someone if they take your kindness and make nasty remarks?

Given, she's an older lady and her boss though that it would be nice to hire someone older and she has passed her retirement age. I just don't get how she has problem walking the 20 steps to answer the door while she has no problem walking down to smoke her cigarettes. I also find she's highly manipulative, she's in no way a young pretty thing, but she got the male volunteers to do her bidding for her by pretending to be clueless of what she's doing and asking for suggestions and then it is "Can you help me with that?". She tried it on me but then I'm gay and I saw through it, so I'm quite immune. Although I guess that's a pretty good skill to have, imagine how rosy my life is if I can have guys doing things for me, shirtless.

We are moving to another office again and I was assigned a room and she successfully persuaded my boss that she needs sunlight and a window. So I got reassigned to another room. My boss has a problem with complains and he'll do anything to quite people down. I usually don't have a problem exchanging since I don't need much and people are already calling me easy, but I really don't appreciate people going behind my back instead of asking me nicely. It rubs me the wrong way and it shows a lack of respect, but I'll try to be the better person and let this slide. Word is that she's gonna be let go after August anyway.

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Movie Month: July

>> Monday, July 07, 2008

Other than Hancock, July will be another month of movie madness. Since PIGLFF is going to be in town and I've got a 10-pack. This event has been in existence for quite a while and this is their 14th year. I think I've been attending for the past 9 and although some films are not as stellar as the others and they charge market price for the tickets, I still go because I still find it to be quite the exhilarating experience to see that many gay men out for so many different gay films for the whole week. Come to think of it, I like this better than I like gay pride.

DC used to come to town when his boyfriend was working in Asia and he's alone and bored. So we used to hang out quite a bit during this season, but since his boyfriend came back, he has been quite understandably flaky. Oh well. Every year there's a different design and theme for the festival, this year they used the phenomenon of hanging a pair of sneakers on the powerline and hang a pair or ruby red slippers instead. I've heard that the hanging of sneakers signifies that there's a drug dealer on the block or some says it signifies an athlete graduated college, I wonder what the ruby slippers would mean.

So these are the 10 movies I'll be watching this year:

Another Gay Sequel: Gays Gone Wild!

I've seen Another Gay Movie 2 years ago. While it lacks substance, it's still gonna be a brainless jolly movie which will promise a few laughs. Compare to the usual artsy-fartsies, this is not too bad.


Boystown

Pablo Puyol is a major hunk, I loved him in 20 Centimeters (It was full frontal, people! And deliciously so.) This is a mystery thriller about hunky Spanish men being murdered in a gayborhood. Mmmm. Hunky. Spanish. Men.


Girls Will Be Girls Shorts

Usually I'm not that into drag queens, but then I like Miss Coco Peru (Right). She appeared in a cute gay film called Trick, she was in a bravo reality show where a gay guy has to find love between a group of gays and pretend gays. And she had her own standup comic broadcasted on Logo. I find her kind of humor hilarious, so I'm sure this is going to be another good laugh. "Ever get cum in your eyes? It BUUURRNNS!"


The Houseboy

This, hopefully, will satisfy my curiosity about polyamory and from the picture, all the character seems quite sexy. There's also another short film about the same subject with this.


Mamma Mia!

This might be a very exciting gay sing-along that the whole theater can participate in. Almost like Karaoke, haha. I better brush up on my ABBAs.



Mulligans

Starring the hunky Charlie David, this is a movie about a father falling for his son's best friend. Sounds like the gay version of American Beauty and I do have some daddy issues, so it'll be hot!


On The Other Hand, Death

This is the third installment of the gay detective Donald Strachey series. I remember watching the first one but I don't quite remember the second one. I do love detective novels and the CSIs. A little bit of gay twist here and there could be fun, but it's always the homophobic closeted senator who did it.


Otto; Or, Up With Dead People

Who's up for dark humor? I am. I loved Shaun of the Dead and Addams Family. Not only the main character is a zombie, but a gay zombie at that and the movie promised explicit zombie sex. lol. We'll see what happens.


The Universe of Keith Haring

I loved his work since I was a teenager, he's one of my hero. Although the location of the film suggested that the film itself is not that good or popular, I'll definitely be paying attention.


Wrangler: Anatomy of an Icon

Every year there are some porn related film or documentary out there and this is the one for this year. Jack Wrangler was a porn star in the 70s, I don't think I've seen any of his films but it would be interesting to find out more.


Other than the PIGLFF, I'll probably go see Hellboy II, the Dark Knight and one of the two Brendan Fraser films as well, I'll see which one of them he shows more skin. He's one hell of a hottie, his career should be so much better than it is.

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