The Dream that Woke Me Up

So last night went pretty well, Lucius wasn't expecting the flowers when I showed up. He didn't even think I know when his birthday is. Well, I did made the effort to walk around town to find what I think to be cornflowers, but I couldn't find any. So I settled on a dozen of Gerberas, come to find that they are like 3 times cheaper from Whole Foods. At the end I found and bought some Agapanthus but they didn't really go well with anything, so they are now staying in a cup at my place.

We had a pleasant time, I've helped him trashed his old white couch and his living room is bare, so we went up to his bedroom and lied in bed for a bit and then we went out for dinner and then coffee afterwards. I specifically told the waiter for a dessert with a candle at the end of the meal before we even sat down and he delivered. Lucius said he actually don't enjoy birthdays as much, it reminds him of getting old. We went to a starbucks right next to an art school where students in their early 20s gather, and yes, I too feel older. I can never imagine myself dyeing my hair blue and go all emo. Funny how younger people make us feel older but older folks never make us fell younger. Went back to his place, cuddled a bit, I have had 3 strong drinks and I am pretty drunk, my heart was beating fast and thoughts are reeling through my head. In my drunken stupor, I delivered the ill-fated "Take Care of Yourself" line*, which he replied "Why wouldn't I?" so I said "Good." Lucius was pretty tired himself, so I left him in bed quietly and said one last "Happy Birthday!", cover him up with his blanket and left. He texted me to thank me for the night afterwards and said he'll buy me dinner when my birthday comes, I know that he'll be on call that night, so it really wouldn't matter.

I slept pretty well with that few drinks in me and I woke up around 6 but then I closed my eyes again because it's still too early for me to get started. We'll be moving furniture at work today and for that I dread. During that time, I dreamed that I was an usher of a concert happening in a big church by an european river at night. I guess the band chose the place because of its acoustics. An old lady was trying to get her husband down the stairs to get access to the entrance and I was to help her. The old lady was around 70 something, a bit skinny and short. The old man was in his 80s, taller and sitting in a wheel chair. As I was wondering how I could get him and his wheelchair down the stairs, the old lady explain to me that as long as her husband's soul is intact, his body will not break. (Dreams huh?) So we lifted up his soul in the form of a body by our shoulders and proceeded down the long stairways.

The crowd of people gasped as we walked pass them, as they only see his corpse following his soul rolling down the stairs hitting every ledges as it comes down. After entering the mausoleum, I located an angled bench for them to sit in and the old man's body reunited with his soul and he seemed fine, so I left. The microphones are echoing sharply in the hall and I think Def Leppard's Pour Some Sugar On Me was starting to play. The old man was staring at the columns and the ceiling, marveling the architecture...

Old Lady thoughtfully said: "You're gay, you know."
Old Man looked at her offended and replied: "Then why do you insist dragging me everywhere if you know that I can't provide you with the things you need?"

I woke up before I can hear the old lady's answer, maybe she didn't have one. Still in a daze, I kept thinking what it all means, who signifies who in my dream. Am I the old lady and the usher? Or maybe Lucius is the old lady and his couch was the old man's body. But at the end I decided that it is my dream so it only makes sense that they are all parts of me.

I don't plan on seeing Lucius anymore.

*That's usually the line I use when I'm breaking up with someone. In my vernacular Take care of yourself means Take care of yourself because I won't be there to take care of you. I guess I do assume the position of the caretaker. It's OK when you're saying it to a friend, but to a boyfriend/lover type it does take a different meaning. With that said, I still can't believe it when it comes out of my mouth. I guess my brain knows something that my heart doesn't.