Attitude Adjustment, Pt. 2

I think with a change of attitude something within me clicked and I realized how lonely I actually am. I feel like I'm having a panic attack, I can't breathe. My heart is pounding in my chest. I'm desperately in need of people and I realized how stupid I was when I didn't fully treasure people around me. Why was I so jaded and put off? What's wrong with me? Now when I need people by my side, I have no one. I'm more than likely gonna scare the few new ones I've made because of my desperation.

I've always been so combative and proud that I go by principals instead of relationships and I've learned my mistakes. I think if possible, I'll devote the rest of my life getting to know people and making friends. I remember having a lot of friends when I was in Hong Kong but somehow something is holding me back when I got here. Maybe I was feeling insecure being different, maybe I thought that I was constantly being judged, but that obviously had to go.

Just one week and I'm already bent so out of shape, I wonder how I would survive. Principe used to say that he doesn't understand how I can stay home all day, but now I need to go outside to be amongst people to feel okay even though they are complete strangers. Even the TV is not helping much anymore, I feel like I'm going insane.

Maybe my head is purging what doesn't work for my life and reintroducing what makes sense. I hope it is not too late.