Love In Limbo

I have to admit that I've been quite obsessed of my blog stats, lol. I found people who has linked to my blog that I didn't know before, so I added some new links to my blogroll. I have even thought of going to Dairy Queen again to try the newest brownie bite waffle bowl sundae and write another piece. Haha. Maybe not, but it sure has inspired me to write more entries.

Well, Medic Guy wrote me a long email saying how much he was hurt and that he loves me very much and he'll "be a punk and wait for me". I was really touched, I have never believed that he was a bad person, even if he has or hasn't been cheating on me. I replied back an email detailing why I don't think we will work. It has always been a trust issue with me, over the course of three months he's the one who always comes around. He tells me about his life but there's really nothing for me to grasp on. What I know about him is from his word of mouth, all I have on him is his phone number and email address. If any of that changes, I would have nowhere to find him.

The other problem I have is that we stay at my place way too often. We rarely go out because he's always broke and when we do go out I have to pay for our ways all the time. He told me it's because he has to pay for his grandma's house tax and the renovation and his sister never chips in. While helping his family is all fine and good, I wonder what my future would be like. He's a high-level medic and he earns way more than I do, and I don't want to support us for the rest of my life. I'm tired of being a mule. Is that too selfish a way to think?

I mentioned part of this in the email in hopes not to sound too harsh, and I told him not to wait for me because I don't have a clue how to fix these problems I have and I have a lot of growing up to do. Somehow he replied me back ignoring all my concerns and says we could fix these and get back together. Optimistic, indeed. I don't feel the same way though, I told him to give me a week to decide. Somehow I feel more loved during separation. If I do get back with Medic Guy, I think that would be it, I'll just shut my trap and take whatever comes my way and stay with him forever. (Forever is such a strong word, isn't it?)



After that I went out for a walk. Equality Forum was hosting an event called SundayOut. It's like Pride Fest, a few blocks of Market Street, our major street, was closed down for booths set by different gay supporting business and organizations. It's a great event, I got Hepatitis vaccinations, won some free porno from the video rental booth, got a tarot reading. I was looking for answers but the woman is apparently full of shit. There was a great reader who does reading at some restaurant, maybe I should go and pay him a visit sometimes. I need a push in the right directions.