Change of Hearts

Notice how the king is stabbing his own head

I've been thinking maybe I should go back to Medic Guy. I'm too tired of fighting and wasting time, it's not fair for me to hurt him. I asked him to come over Friday night so we can talk things through but then I woke up this morning with an understanding that love is not pity. There's a certain comfort in knowing that someone loves me, disillusioned or not. There's a certain comfort to dwell on a familiar environment, but then those comfort can only provide so much.

I also realize this morning that it is not necessarily about Medic Guy. It is about me being not happy or satisfied about my love life with him. Maybe he doesn't have to show signs that he's cheating on me, sooner or later would have left him because I'm tired of "us". I'm too headstrong and I want things my way, and he's too tied down to follow my lead. Principe was easy going and willing to bend for my will, I miss the guy. When I was with him, I have a strong sense that I was loved.

Since I text Medic Guy Tuesday to see how he was doing, he has been messaging me non-stop. Thinking that we'll get back together, but when he noticed I was being short, he's worried that I'll break up with him when we see each other. The truth is, I don't know where we're going and if we're not going anywhere then I don't want us to keep on seeing each other anymore. I guess I won't know what would happened until it is too late.