Happy Mother's Day! (and The Heaviest Man in The World)

Well, Happy Mother's Day! It seems especially important this year by the commercials I see. Yes, subconsciously it registered early for me that mother's day is coming. Maybe it's all the mother's day episode on TV; CSI:Miami's coroner had to protect her son from being a murder suspect, Ugly Betty's Charlie and Desperate Housewives' Susan are giving birth. The waves of commercials are telling you to give your mom diamonds or gift cards or a camcorder so she can record and treasure the moments you are together. No that our mother doesn't deserve all that, but the greed from those companies are just a tad too obvious. Maybe the economy is getting really bad and they need the transactions to save themselves and they are all after our stimulus check.

Lately I discovered that I really don't have control of my actions. Other than the roller-coaster of a relationship that Medic Guy and I share, I've grown too stale in all the department of my life that I think I might need to hire a life coach to revive them. Last week, I have decided that I will go back to the gym, I've even given myself a schedule. I will join a Taichi Boxing class in Chinatown starting the coming Tuesdays, go and do my regular gym routine on Thursdays, and join a Capoiera class at the gym on Saturdays. It's part of my "Gayborhood protector" persona that I'm trying. Let's say the gay issue has almost come to a breaking point in the States and I feel like it might be useful for me to arm myself, just in case there might be some fighting to do before we get what we want. (Or maybe I just watched one too many Superhero movies.) But then Saturday rolled by and I just sat here in front of the computer debating whether to go or not until it was too late and I just sat here. How can I expect things to change when I don't get into gear?

Same thing with my job situation, I have been complaining how bad my work situation is for years, but then I don't go and look for another one. I just sit here and wait for things to crumble down, until I'm force to leave and by then I'll be unprepared and basically fucked. My social life is shit as well and when my friend called and ask for me to go out and have a drink, I'd rather be sitting here watching Graham Norton, MadTV and SNL. What is wrong with me?

I feel like I'm this 500-pound man that can't get out of the house for nothing. I feel like I'm addicted to this fake comfort, I can't be bothered to try anything new. There must be a lot of fear in me. Am I scared that people won't accept me? Am I scared of making a fool of myself in front of others? Where did this fear of abandonment come from? And more importantly, what can I do to fix it? I need a shrink.