Collecting the Ends

Lately I've been overwhelmed in the relationship department, it is hard to explain but it seems things are coming out of nowhere; new ones and old ones. I'm telling you, when you plan on things to happen, they don't and when you don't plan for them to happen, they all come out of the woodwork.

Principe texted me two nights ago and told me that he's going to Spain. I don't know why it haven't sunk in before, but he's not going to come back to me. I guess in some way I was hoping that he might consider it. They did pushed down hard on deporting illegal immigrants last year, but now it calmed down considerably. And I know I shouldn't be hoping for him to come back, since it's not going to be permanent and after a few years, he'll have to leave again, but he is the love of my life. But after he told me that he's going to Spain, I realized that I will not be able to see him ever again.

Another ex sent me an email saying that he's now broke and laid off and suing his former employer for discrimination. He's the same one who stalked me after we broke up and call me late at night to yell at me when he's drunk for the next 6 years. He's got anger issues and I'm sure they fired him not because he's gay and because he's an asshole. I think people like him give gay people bad names. He got HIV a few years ago and I do feel sorry that he's not doing good for himself, but I've learned to stay away from him because he's not really what I would call mentally stable. I've met a few people now that like to live by a certain standard even though their income doesn't allow them to do so, I wonder if that's the American way of living sometimes.

Still hasn't been able to shake off Medic Guy, maybe I wasn't trying as hard as I should. After break up with him a few times, I realized that the problem is that I got bored with him, he put too many restraints on himself, he's not adventurous in food, in the way he dresses, or any other aspects of his life. He also has a preconceived notion that I'm his "bear" which is something that I've never identified with. There's virtually no connection between us and I'm trying yet again to break up with him gently.

There are new things on the works here, a very funny story actually, but I want to wait til things settled to speak of them some more.

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The building down my block was on fire, I hope everyone's ok. I cannot imagine losing my place in th middle of the night even though I only rent the place. Poor folks.