Chocolate Cake Blues

I used to have a picky-eater for a colleague and somehow she's self-centered or self-important enough to insist on people buying food for her and treating her to lunch as much as possible. The food you get for her can't be too salty or too sweet or too soggy or too exotic or else she won't eat at all. She's in no way a pretty young thing, she had to be in her 50s and I don't know where she got that spoiled mentality of hers. I remember one day we were celebrating another colleague's birthday and I got a chocolate cake for him because he loves chocolate and I do too. When she saw we cut into the cake and it was chocolate she uttered in front of the whole staff: "Nobody loves me, you guys know I don't eat chocolate." in which the other staff and I dropped our jaws in shock. Really? Another person's birthday and it's about what you like? I mean, wow. So from then on, we have an inside joke with the phrase "Nobody loves me..."

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So I went out with Lucius on Thursday, we have been talking about going out for drinks for a long time and I did bring my Chicken Noodle Soup to him and he ate it right away. We sat around his living room watching sports and politics, two things that I'm really not interested but I am interested in the guy so it makes it a lot more tolerable, especially when I'm not really paying that much attention to the TV.

I tried my hardest to play it cool the whole time, trying to find some way to approach the issue without looking too desperate or acting too much like a doormat. We were walking toward a restaurant in the gayborhood until Lucius spotted a scary stalker of his, so we made our U-turn and headed to Old City which is like 20 minutes away. Lucius is apparently very well read and very intellectual, the conversation is about what he read from the New York Times, politics, his anesthesiology work, the places he would love to travel, Cuba, fair trade and cigars, planned obsolescence and its relationship with Henry Ford. While I'm marveled at how knowledgeable he is, I'm a bit intimidated at the same time. He's definitely on another level and I don't think I can catch up.

After some alcohol in my system, I got a bit more comfortable and on our way back home (he only lives half a block from me) I got the courage to test him out and ask him whether he has met anybody interesting lately and whether he was looking to date anyone. (Not very subtle, I know.) He responded that he wasn't really looking to date, he just want to meet some friends and have a good time. So I got my answer there.

I don't know if I was nervous or if the antibiotics I took earlier mixed with the alcohol were acting up, but all the sudden I wasn't feeling too good. So I excused myself around 10 and cut the night short. Before I left, we cuddled a bit on the couch and I blatantly said "Too bad you're not in the market for love, I would have date you in a heartbeat." which I got an "Aw, thanks" in response. He was supposed to go out of town for a training conference for the weekend, and in my imagination he might have asked me to go with him or maybe not, but I don't think I would pester him anymore. I don't want to get too clingy and scare him away, so I probably won't call him first either. Maybe the message will sink in and he'll want to date or maybe we will stay friends, but meanwhile I'll allow myself to pout for a few days and repeat to myself "Nobody loves me..." until it becomes numb. lol. aye...

Don't worry, I'll pick myself up.