When Closure Needs To Be Slammed Shut

I was just thinking how good I am at writing people off of my life the other day. I've read during one of my psychology class that there are 6 factors in creating and maintaining a relationships.

- Physical Proximity: You can't build a relationship if you can't find ways to be close to that person.

- Similarity: You can't build a relationship if you don't have anything in common with that person. (That might include attitudes, interests, background, personality, values, social skills, social status and beliefs)

- Familiarity: You can't build a relationship if you don't see that person often enough or if you don't know anything about them.

- Reciprocity: You can't build a relationship if the person will not participate in the building.

- Physical Attractiveness: You can't build a relationship if the person repulse you physically.

- Benefits: You can't build a relationship with a person if you don't feel positive about it.

You'd be surpised on how easy it is to unbuild an existing relationship. Take my work for instance, once I've left the organization I've managed not to keep in contact with everyone that I used to deal with on a daily basis. Exboyfriends, friends with benefits, annoying teasers who's taken but still flirts like crazy and who'll sleep with you when their boyfriends are not around but completely refuse any of your advances when their boyfriends are and swear that they really like you a lot and want you to be their friends - just friends. All I had to do was not to contact them and presto, I don't have to deal with them ever again. Well, at least that's what I think. Every now and then there are those who persist.

Crazy 7 year long stlaker exboyfriend texting: "How could you live with yourself knowing how much I loved you." Um bitch, you took advantage of me while blaming your problems on everyone else, on top of that you made me miserable and I think you still owe me money, how could YOU live with YOURself? We went out for 3 years and I have not contacted him since we broke up, but the nut case is still leaving me angry messages when he's drunk from time to time.

Macho and Calico Guy, flings from a year ago are resurfacing. Both nice guys, both I can't see myself being with romantically. I can see they really want to pursue something but I don't think we are compatible enough, and say I don't want what I can have but I've been there done that and it didn't work. Same goes to Medic Guy, I've gotten a few emails and phone calls lately, but I've tried and didn't work. We broke up 5 times in 3 months, isn't that enough?

It's not like I really want to write them off my life. My problem is that I don't know how to transform an used-to-be sex buddy into a just-friend. I don't think it's possible and I feel awkward. Maybe I should break out of my mold.

Would gay men have any friends if they ignore everyone they had sex with?