Trouble In Mind

"Trouble in mind. I'm blue, but I won't be blue always. Coz' the sun's gonna shine in my back door someday." Nina Simone

Recently my work environment has worsened, I really feel like I'm being treated unfairly. We talked about the new structure of the organization after December. I feel like I'll be working more while getting paid less while other people who do not contribute would get to stay. I might be working with or even under people that I don't like, although there's nothing I can do about it right now. I'm applying for my labor certification and maybe a little later - the green card. My boss is telling me to focus on the application, so in other words I'm being blackmailed.

I don't quite see a way out of this. I need to remain here at least until my green card application is filed which hopefully it can be done by next April or May. Trust me, I'll be counting the days. The bad thing about this is that the more able ones will be leaving here and all who remain will be those slackers. But I have made up my mind to slack as well, I see no point to be the hard working one if nobody else do anything around the office. Either that or negotiate a four-day work week and perhaps pick up waitering on the side and get paid under the table. Either way, the future does not look good.

People say misery feels a lot longer than happiness does. Also people are more likely to complaint than they are to praise. The theory is that tension is human/animal instinct to respond to stress or danger while happiness is just a feeling and does not serve any real purpose. It is a natural response to potential threats to our lives on our race to be the alpha male/female. It explains why people like drama so much, everybody is looking for happiness but they can never be happy for long, they get consume by what they do not have instead of what they have. It's just human nature. It's like when I got my iPod, I was ecstatic about it. But once the excitement fades, I'll be consume by the next new toy I have my eyes on, the happiness that my iPod brought me is temporary while my wants linger and expand forever. So, to be human actually is to be miserable for more than half of your life.

I wonder who's the happiest human in the world and how one can achieve that kind of happiness. With money? Good looks? Fame and recognition? Power? Religion? Contribution to society? Companionship? Or just plain old ignorance, naivety and drugs? Surely a healthy combination of those ingredients would help. I'm pretty sure Bill Gates is happy, Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie should be happy too. I doubt that Tom Cruise or Mel Gibson is happy. I don't really know if the pope is happy, and I don't really know if Mother Teresa was happy. She's helping a lot of people and that sure is rewarding , but from day to day she's face to face with people who are suffering, I don't think that can provide much joy to know and see first hand that there are so much suffering in the world. Is George W. Bush happy? He must be getting a lot of money and deals out of his current presidency but to be thought of as an idiot and being hated by more than half of the world and more than half of his own country. Well, he can just ignore them.

If happiness is a plateau that everybody can reach and tension is the reason people cannot reach it. Then the key to happiness must be to learn the ability to reduce tension. But if it is human instinct for tension to exist, to acquire this ability is to go against human nature, to reprogram oneself could be the most unnatural thing. It must be even impossible to achieve especially in this society where commercials are everywhere begging you to acquire what you don't have. New car models are out every year, even if you don't want or need a new car you can't help but compare. To feel content is not an easy task and to feel happy is even harder. My bet is on the drugs.