Social Oddities

Find it so hard to get out of bed this morning. We already went to bed 2 hours earlier than usual last night, but I just wanted to stay in bed. Cool weather has that kinda effect on me. How can you not linger within the warm sheets when everything else in your apartment feels so cold?

JH has become quite my buddy since he moved nearby my place these few months. We call each other in the morning to walk to work together, we go to the gym together. If his persona doesn't seem so much alike to the lazy uncle I dislike so much, I might be attracted to him. But JH is a nice guy, fun to be with. His nickname among his friend is "Crazy", he goes out and drink until he passes out and frequently forgets what had happened the night before. I wish I can be that casual, I think all my life I have been taught to think logically and act responsibly that I acquire too much self-control for my own good. I never have any real fun, I can never lose myself in a particular moment. So I consider JH a good influence.

He introduced me to a couple of his friends before and we held a weekly mahjong game before. Of course I had to teach them mahjong from the start, We played a few games and I think the whole thing lasted two to three months. But I guess I acted too uptight or courteous, we didn't really bound or maybe my sincerity didn't comes through or maybe I just can't relax and got disliked. I'm not good in social settings anymore, maybe I'm just too self-conscious these days.

Some people thinks I'm snobbish or arrogant. I have to admit that maybe I do act like I know better most of the time. But part of it is too that I have a very hard time warm up to new people. If I don't know if I can trust a person or if I don't really know a person's likes and dislikes, I would rarely show my true colors. There is an observation period for people I meet. Funny, cause I go to this video game store a lot and one time this staff came up to me and greeted me with his "knuckle". I think he was expecting for me to meet his knuckle with mine, which I did, but I felt very awkward. And he can absolutely tell that I was put off by the gesture. He made some small talk, but I can tell he was quite embarrassed by the whole thing. Given I did not mean to embarrass him, if anything I was flattered that he feel so at ease with me that he would greet me with such endearing gestures, I was just not used to it that's all.

I wish I can be more like JH in that he can just go up to anyone and talk and really warm up to that person. Or CA, my other colleague who seems to bump into tons of people on the street randomly and can chat with them for half a day everyday. My grandma always say be careful of who you are calling your friend. Maybe I should lower my standards now.