Thanksgiving Day Charade

So it's been 16 days since my last entry, I have been quite busy. Aside from knitting the blanket that I've been working on forever, I've been doing an oil painting and playing a video game called "Okami". It's quite crazy at work too. The transition into a new organization has commenced and there are lots to do. We have been scouting for a new office space, contacting real estate agents, visiting different buildings. I visited a space in a prime location and was really happy about it, because it was all ready to move in the rent is a $5,000 higher than what we are willing to pay, but at least the space is very "respectable". If a client or funder happens to stop by, at least we will look serious and professional. The first 7 floors in our building right now is occupied by a mental health agency, and let me tell you that the elevator scene are not pretty. But all my effort would prove to be in vain since we just got news that one of our doctor friend is very sick or as my boss has put it - "dying" and he says we might be able to sublet it from them and perhaps get two months rent free if we talk to the soon-to-be widower. I don't understand how low your morals had to be to take advantage of a woman who's husband is about to die. Doesn't that stay in your conscience? Don't you go to hell for this kind of things?
Anyway, I have to do a website for the new organization, translate our pamphlets, do inventory for furnitures and machines. I'm quite busy these days.

Principe Rana quits his new job a week into it. I knew it was gonna happen, it's too far and he never think about it before doing something drastic like this. There's no transportation for him to come home after a certain hour on weekends and he'll hae to rely on someone else to drive him to the station. So he has been 'unemployed' this week, and walking the streets looking for work. It hasn't been easy for him, he's bored and worried and those feelings got passed on to me as well. On top of it, he occupies space and take over the TV. Nothing I can do about it. To lift his spirit a bit, I took off Monday and bring him to DC with me. I didn't realize that it takes like 3 hours to get there and by the time we were there, it's already the afternoon. He being the photo-freak, we took pictures of almost everything we see. We stopped when it got dark.

For this year, I got a 'Thanksgiving Meal For Two' at a local supermarket. Everything is cooked so I don't have to slave all day for a meal that would be finished in 20 minutes. For $45 dollars, it has One and a half pounds of turkey, one and a half pounds od wild rice mushroom stuffing, one and a half pounds of mash potatoes, green beans, gravy and cranberry sauce and a small pumpkin pie. Given the green beans are a little on the raw side and the stuffing is a bit tough and it's no way as good as home cooking, but it's pretty good especially, again, you don't have to cook anything. The portions are more than generous. I'll just recook the beans and the rice, no big deal.

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Election Day

I have to say I really do hate politics. Politician nowadays are not working in government for the right reasons. Most politicians are corrupt and if they are not, they are child molesters or sexually deviant. Why can't they work for a just cause?

The negative campaigning commercials on Tv are design to make their opponents look bad. But it just make people lose faith in their government in general. Some politicians are beign criticized as too liberal, some are corrupt and made secret deals and give contracts to family members. Some voted 'No' for Armors for Soldiers in Iraq. Some of them are not even from the district that they are running from. All of which are information and gossip that I don't need to know. Why can't they just tell you what they stands for? Say "I'm for abortion, stem cells research and no war In Iraq" or "I will increase taxes for the rich and try to create more jobs opportunity and focus on increase welfare." it doesn't matter what the issues are, it doesn't matter if I agree with you or not, just take a stand! I don't want to vote for you because your opponents suck, I want to vote for you because I agree with you. But these candidates are too afraid to commit to a view, because they are afriad to lose the votes of people who don't agree with them. So instead of telling you what they are about, they just points out the mistake that the other person made.

It's also interesting how gas prices drop just before the election. Unregulated gas prices was a problem for the people. It was more than $3.00 a gallon half a year ago, oil companies have the largest profits margin in history. We all know the president and the vice president have heavy ties to oil companies, but nothing can be done about it because they are in power. So right before the election they are trying to lower the price to let people forget the problem exists. So when people go to vote, they will forget why voting for republicans is a problem. And after the election, the prices will increase again to $3.00 or even higher. Because, if they don't make profits when the Bush administration is still in power, they might not get the chance ever again. Mark my words, by X'mas the price of gas will go up to at least $2.90 per gallon.

It's funny how people's minds work. I have a colleague that swears by the Republicans. She supports the war in Iraq from the start and still support it after knowing that they did not have WMD. Supports torture. Thinks that the president does not have any responsibility towards Katrina or oil prices. Ignores the Mark Foley scandal. I think she only hears what she wants to hear and ignore all the other signs. these are the people who scares me the most. They are not reasonable anymore and she will still vote for Republicans even if the candidate kills someone in front of her and dangles the bloodied head in front of her face. and let me clear something up, there's a difference between a child molester and a homosexual.

Seeing all these idiots in office, I'm afraid for this country. Power corrupts, absolute power corrupts absolutely.

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Morning Sickness

DC called me on Saturday and told me that he's going to reject the offer from the other Pharmaceutical company in Delaware, so he doesn't have to move. "To save the marriage", as he put it. I don't know if it is as simple, him wanting to take a job with better offer somewhere else is a career move, it is a symptom but I don't think it's the root of the problem.

El Principe's new job allow him to have 2 days off. So we spent yesterday together and today I left him at home. Laying in bed together this morning, hearing him say "I love you forever." I can't help but wonder the sincerity of that expression. We both know that he'll eventually go back to his country. How does the word "Forever" comes to play? As the group Outkast has so adequately put it -"Forever-ever?"

From the start, I knew the fact that he'll eventually leave. I just want to be stupid for once and blind myself with love. You know, it' ok to get hurt. It's better to get hurt than never have loved. So I guess I was hoping to crash and burn, very self-destructive of me. So "Yes", I feel the great love between us but I also hear the heavy sadness in the background thumping louder and louder.

What is our relationship based on? He doesn't even speak any English when we first met. He works long hours each day and when he does we see each other 1 hour per day at most? Figure he leave the house before I wake up and comes back an hour or an hour and a half before I go to bed. Maybe it is this lack of communication taht makes us work. There's nothing to fight about. God knows I need my space. If he had been there with me every hour of the day, I would have gotten tired of him and break up within two weeks. I needed the attention and I need to feel needed as well. There's why I need him to be around, there's why I needed a boyfriend and you turn around another 5 years has passed.

Maybe all relationships are the same. Too much time has passed and we all got too comfortable to start again. That's why all my friends married with their first. I'm not denying that there is love in the relation, I just sense the fear to start again in everyone when the time comes, including my own.

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A Seemingly Relaxing Saturday

I was never a good painter. I did a shabby piece and got published in my high school yearbook, but it wasn't because I was extremely talented. It was because nobody else paid any effort. It was quite easy to get into my high school yearbook. I got a piece of writing in there too, and trust me it was crap, I'm so embarrassed when I read it now.

If you couldn't draw well like me but you want to make an effort, let me recommend you a product I found - "Oil Painting by Numbers". I don't know if you have ever played a game in some children magazine while you were young; A figure made of from a bunch of cells with different numbers or shapes on it. You are suppose to fill in the color with the corresponding cells; 1 is white, 2 is black, 3 is yellow, 4 is blue, etc. After you color all the cells, you'll find out that the cells form a fish or a giraffe or a clowns face. "Oil Painting by Numbers" is a more grown up format of this game, but you know what you are painting before hand. After filling the correspondent piece properly, you'll get a masterpiece! I just got "The Last Supper" and a fruit and lobster still, I can't wait to start painting them. They also have "Water Color by Numbers", "Sketches by Numbers" and "Color Pencils by Numbers". Try them out!

Tower Records are closing their doors forever and they are having a sale. Although, it is not a good sale yet. Only 30% off the regular price, but the regular prices are like $19 for CDs and $29 for DVDs. I can get better deals on Amazon. I guess people are downloading music and movies too much or shopping online, so music and book stores like Tower Records and Borders won't be making much profits.

Went to Pink Rose and got myself a giant size piece of Banana Cream Pie. Pink Rose is a nice pastry shop that features giant pieces of cakes and pies. I got a pot of Darjeeling to go along with it, the piece of pie is so big that I can't even finish the whole thing. I also got a haircut and a dye job. It's dark brown now. I always liked that color of hair.

El Principe got a job somewhere else now. The bad thing about it is that he leaves for work around 8:00 in the morning and don't come back until after midnight, which means my love life is officially dead. I wonder how he can make a decision like that without thinking about me. I wish he would look for a job nearer to the city, so he don't have to spend an hour traveling each way. Ayeeee, so he'll go to work the same time I do and when he comes back I'll be sleeping. Why do I even need him then?

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Worthy/Unworthy

I finally decided not to go back to Hong Kong. Of course, I would love to see my friends, but i would rather save my money. I figure if I go back I'll have to spend US$ 3-4000. Since I'm pretty sure I'll be entering a rather unhappy working environment, I want to have some money on the side just in case I need to quit.

Started doing a big blanket for my bed. Not that I need one, but my ultimate goal to learn how to knit is actually making a blanket and maybe making a sweater that I designed myself. So I'm knitting like crazy. I have a concept on making the blanket with coffee-toned, multi-long strips with different patterns, width and color. So I'm frantically knitting the strips right now. As of now, I've already spent $228 on yarn and the whole project will take around 20 weeks to finish, I suppose. And I need to buy another $100-200 worth of yarn to finish the whole blanket. With that kind of money, I can afford a drug habit. I figure that it is really not worth it to knit at all. If I go to Macy's or Lord & Taylor to get a big blanket, it'll probably cost me $200-250. It's more time-consuming and expensive to knit yourself. I best forget knitting after I finish this blanket.

I made Jambalaya my way on Wednesday and it was Good with a capital "G"! Usually you make Jambalaya on a same pot, pretty much like congee. But I was thinking, if I have a restaurant, I won't be able to make it ahead. It'll absorb all the liquid and turn into mush. So I made the sauce and rice seperately and put it into a baking dish and bake it right before it's served. it turn out to be great and delicious. Since Principe Rana don't eat shrimp I steamed some mussels, shelled them and put them in the Jambalaya. Anyway, trust me, it was Good!

El Principe is saying that the restaurant he works at don't want Hispanics working there anymore because they are afraid of the recent reinforcement of the illegal immigration law. Honestly, I think it's just talk. Where are they gonna find people that would work as hard a they do for next to nothing? Americans rather collect social security than work, and they get paid pretty much the same amount. And low income people are eligible for so much more social programs that actually it's better for them to not work than to work. But El Principe is looking for a new job now. He is notorious for making bad choices, but then he always seems to be able to land on his feet. I hope everything will be ok at the end, but I'm worried for him.

Gotta go back to my knitting, the blanket is not gonna finish itself. God, I need to get a machine.

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Marriage Debate

Since I know I'm gonna have a job after December, I have been thinking about going back to Hong Kong for my friend's birthday and my cousin's wedding. My pay will be the same, actually I will get an extra bonus from another organization for helping out with the closing of some contracts and I need to spend two and a half week worth of vacation time before the end of the year anyway.

But there are things to consider, given the current situation, I will still need to save money for my unstable future. Unstable, because I don't have much confidence in the organization, I think it may fold sooner that upper management thinks. I will be given the responsibility of the CFO, the director of Operations, the Planning and the IT. It's hardly fair, and I might be set up as the fall guy. So this is a situation where I should get what I want, naming the green card, document everything and get myself out of there as soon as I can.

Furthermore, El Principe is gonna go back to Argentina sometimes next year. He doesn't have to tell me, I know it. So I really want to spend as much time with him as possible. At this point he is truly the best boyfriend I ever had, and I doubt that I would have better down the line. So maybe two week will pass with nothing exciting happening between us, at least I would have spent the time with him. After we seperates, maybe I'll go back to Hong Kong to distract myself. It's not like I want to see my family anyway.

Although I do want to attend my cousin's wedding. Maybe because I'm an only child, I always liked my cousin's. There are 5 of us that are closer and we pretty much grew up together. Among us 5, I'm the oldest. Always terrorizing, abusing and misleading them, but they were all good company. The one who's getting married VM is the smartest one amongst us, she got a couple of 7 As and 1 Bs from A-Level and got into a good university in Hong Kong, which is a very hard task. She met aboy at school and fell in love. First boyfriend ever and now they are getting married. Actually, I kinda dispite that. How can you not look around before you decide on what you want? And it is for life. Later in life you'll meet different people, understand how different realtion works and resent that you got married too fast. A lot of my friends got married with their first girlfriend/boyfriend. I'm worried for them. Plus I don't like the boy so much. Don't get me wrong, he definitely seems like a decent guy, he bought me dinner once. Seems good-natured, kind, understand responsibility, my aunt told me his family is pretty well off, a lot of good quality really. But he does not seem that sharp and he got a J-Shaped neck and he's not that good looking. I keep thinking of him as a turtle, VM s pretty and she can do a lot better, at least that's what I think. But it is her life, I'm in no position to approve or disapprove her marriage.

I don't know what to get her. I was thinking maybe just to buy a banquet table, give her a US$500 check, I know that's what married couple really need but it seems tacky. Maybe a gift like a timeless pearl necklace that she can use for a long time and give it to her children, but my friend DC says it's too personal and I probably don't know her taste. What about the groom? I went to Tiffany's and there's really nothing in there that I would buy. They are all badly designed, cheap silver, over-priced junk. And I thought they would have been the best jewelers in US, I've been jewelers in Chinatown with more interesting stuff. If I don't fly back, I can send her a pricier gift. If I buy her something and fly back, it would be too expensive.

I'll have to think harder.

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Psychological Oddities

Happy Halloween! Although I don't know why you are supposed to be "Happy" on Halloween. Isn't this supposed to be the day where ghosts roam the streets? How happy should you really be?

I really wanted to update the blog for the past few days, but more and more I find myself with nothing to say. Life is life, it's pretty much a bunch of things occuring each day. There's no point of making a big deal out of them unless something happened out of the ordinary or we found a way to break the cycle.

I finally got to see the new space that we are gonna be in, It seems bigger and brighter. I'm quite excited about that. It's actually in the same building and it only occupies half the floor, but by the way it's divided somehow it seems larger. I have to do inventory for equipments and furnitures in order to get ready for closing. I can't believe that there are 88 chairs in our small office.

It was the birthday of someone I dislike yesterday. I got him a cake anyway, but I told the person at the bakery that I don't want any writings on the cake. But my colleague JH made me feel guilty, so I got some jelly beans and scatter them on top of the cake, just to make it decorative and cover the blank space. I ended up spending more money than I should for the guy I don't like.

It's funny how psychology works. I went to a videogame shop, ready to buy 2 new games for $50 a piece. But then the shopkeeper told me that they are available used for about $40 a piece and I can buy 2 used one and get one used one free. But then I looked around the whole store but could not find another used game I want. So I left the store without buying anything. Because I want to be able to get the deal. If I don't get the extra free game, I feel cheated somehow. It's funny because if he had kept his mouth shut, I would have been completely happy to get the 2 games in their original prices.

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Washington & Shalom

So I started knitting the blanket today. Started a fight on a "Haiku" forum in some random website. The whole thing is quite stupid, really. People spending time arranging what they want to say in 19 syllables 5-7-5s. I just told them to stop wasting time and do something more productive, something more beneficial to society - in Haiku form. Especially when you do it in English, it just loses the whole point and they were bad anyway.

Dinner at Susanna Foo's was lovely last night. We had 4 appetizers (Trio of Crab, Seafood Wonton in Lemongrass Broth, Chilled Buckwheat Noodles, Ahi Tuna Sampler), 1 dumpling sampler, 4 entrees (Crispy Jumbo Shrimp, Honey Walnut Chicken, Tea-Smoked Duck and a Beef and Scallop Stir Fry), 3 desserts (Chocolate Sampler, Apple Tart with Cinnamon Ice Cream, and a Banana Tartlet), 4 coffees and 7 cocktails and spent $86 dollars each. The food was really good. Great ambiance and service as well. I had the buckwheat noodles, the duck and the banana tartlet, although we had a taste of each others' dishes as well. We had a great time, at least I did.

DC just accepted an offer from another pharmaceutical company and he needs to move near the new company. So we drove around all day looking for an apartment around there. We couldn't find anything he likes and since his new company will help him relocate, we gave up. DC is a medical researcher and earning 6 figures right now. DC has been with his boyfriend JEW for 12 years, I always thought they were a great couple. JEW was the director of the Asia division of his company, earning near 7 figures, bought a 2-million dollar house which comes with a huge yard, a mini-lake and a few separate guesthouses. I go to their house at least once a year around X'mas or New Year. For work, JEW used to stay in Asia for work 90% of the year, leaving DC here in the big house all alone. We saw each other almost once a week, so I can keep him company. Now that JEW transfers back, we hardly see each other. He's only around today because JEW is in Amsterdam this week.

DC told me that they are fighting recently and words has been exchange about breaking up. I was totally shocked, because I really regarded them as the model couple. Both successful, rich, good looking, smart and skinny. But DC says they are just too different from each other. JEW is a yard work, home improvement kinda guy. His estate is so big that the work he wants to do is non-stop all year round. DC wants urban life, he likes to travel around, seeing new things and doesn't get why they need the big yard in the first place. After traveling for years, JEW seeks stability and DC is upset because for JEW's career he has made certain sacrifices, but the effort does not seem to be recipocated. Although I do think there's a power struggle between them two, one might resent the other for making more money or something. I did recommend DC to go for couple counseling. The fight might be due to the fact that the relation has changed from a short-distance relationship to a long distance and then back to a short distance again. Once you have too much freedom and space and now you are too close, it's hard to adjust and DC does seem to be too strong-willed at times. They are in their 40s, DC says it's too late for them both to start over and meet new people. I do agree but didn't want to verbalize, but being 40s is like being 80s in gay years. Anyway, it will definitely upset me if they call it quit.

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New Projects and Experiences

I finally finished knitting a hat and a scarf. Pretty happy about that. It's like going to the gym, once you finished you get a sense of satisfaction. The grueling process is over, now you can think of what you are gonna do next. My eyes are on a blanket, this is really what I want to make. A nice, big, soft blanket that looks cool and comfortable. I'll be spending lots of time and money and effort on it, I hope it'll be worth it. Yarns are expensive, I'm afraid with all the time I spend on it, it might be cheaper to just buy something at the stores. The color scheme of the blanket is set to be the various shades of coffee; From dark brown to khakis to light cream. I'll be knitting very long strips of them and then linking all of them together. It should be nice.

The people at the knitting classes are nice enough. They told me about a new Argentinean restaurant open nearby. I was pretty excited because El Principe came from Argentina and New York is the closest place if we want to eat Argentinean. So I went to that place after class and find out that while one of the owner is from Argentina, the food is focused around Spain. They feature a lot of small dishes when they say small they mean small. I ordered a butternut squash soup and some Ham croquettes, an oil-flashed shrimp and an open-faced rib-eye toast. Everything except the rib-eye toast is under-seasoned. The soup was ok but I needed salt. The croquette was blend and need some kind of sauce accompany it. The shrimp dish features "1" small size shrimp soaked in oil with a piece of roast pepper on top of it. I was gonna laugh when I see that one small pathetic shrimp laying on that small plastic sauce bowl. The best dish was the rib-eye toast, it was small but the flavor of the gruyere came through and the crunch of the toast was nice. The whole thing cost $20. I tried to eat as slow as I can appreciating the delicate size and the texture of the food. But everything was finished within a bite of two, and I only felt satisfied was an hour or two. I don't know if I'll ever gonna go back.

ES sent me two clips on YouTube that is quite eye-opening. One is about a giant marionette in London called "Sultan's Elephant" This giant doll was carried by some lifters and controlled by these puppetiers, to see that kind of movement and character from a puppet is absolutely amazing. The second clip is a dance performance on Chinese TV called "Thousand-Hands Kuan-Yin" the choreography is really amazing and I really like the whole traditional Chinese vibe I get from it, well that is, until I see three guys in the back around the 4:00 mark. But like they say, Kuan-Yin was originally a man, so I don't know what to think anymore. There is a kindness attached to Kuan-Yin that I find very soothing, she is so non-judgemental. She's like the mother of all things.

Some friends and I will be going to a great restaurant named Susanna Foo this evening. I'm pretty excited about that because the food over there is pretty awesome. It is a Chinese-fusion restaurant that caters to clients with a bigger wallet. I tasted their tea-smoked duck beofre and it was seasoned so perfectly that I almost cried. Earlier last month Susanna was on the news for beating up a parking maid for repeatedly harassing truck drivers that deliver supplies to her restaurant and causes that parking to have a miscarriage. The news says that Susanna repeatedly punched the women on her head and her stomach. It's very unfortunate that the woman had a miscarriage, but in some way I'm quite proud of Susanna, she's 63 years old and that parking maid is 38 and she can still kick ass. It sends out a message to the city: "Don't mess with the Chinese!" We were afraid that her food will suffer after she got arrested, but I hope it won't. My friend is gonna bring a camera to the restaurant. So maybe I'll get to share the pictures on this blog afterwards.

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Chop Sueys

I haven't got anything to write about these few days. I'm pretty much living my life like a zombie. Work is boring, so, so boring. Going to the gym every single day but haven't seen any obvious results at all, my muscles are aching though and I keep gaining muscle weight when I don't want any weight gain no matter good or bad. My waistline is still the same.

I was told that I'm gonna get a small bonus next year but my workload will increase. Considering half the people here will be gone after December, I guess it's not a bad position to be in. But, I'm working for a bunch of selfish, moraless people and on top of them they are dumb and lazy as well. What a combination? But I tell myself again and again: "Keep my eyes on the green card." After getting that I'm free to go wherever I please.

I'm due to go to a function tonight, so I'm all dressed up. Although I much rather be in my knitting class. I started to knit a hat already and I'm gonna spend most of my day finishing it. After knitting the scarf I'm actually getting tired of knitting because I spent a few days doing the same thing over and over again. Ultimately I want to make a blanket, that's my goal. Although they really don't offer those classes. Since big man winter is coming, I really don't think I want to start taking up Kung Fu yet. Especially when the place is in a dicier neighborhood, I guess I'll wait for Spring.

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Social Oddities

Find it so hard to get out of bed this morning. We already went to bed 2 hours earlier than usual last night, but I just wanted to stay in bed. Cool weather has that kinda effect on me. How can you not linger within the warm sheets when everything else in your apartment feels so cold?

JH has become quite my buddy since he moved nearby my place these few months. We call each other in the morning to walk to work together, we go to the gym together. If his persona doesn't seem so much alike to the lazy uncle I dislike so much, I might be attracted to him. But JH is a nice guy, fun to be with. His nickname among his friend is "Crazy", he goes out and drink until he passes out and frequently forgets what had happened the night before. I wish I can be that casual, I think all my life I have been taught to think logically and act responsibly that I acquire too much self-control for my own good. I never have any real fun, I can never lose myself in a particular moment. So I consider JH a good influence.

He introduced me to a couple of his friends before and we held a weekly mahjong game before. Of course I had to teach them mahjong from the start, We played a few games and I think the whole thing lasted two to three months. But I guess I acted too uptight or courteous, we didn't really bound or maybe my sincerity didn't comes through or maybe I just can't relax and got disliked. I'm not good in social settings anymore, maybe I'm just too self-conscious these days.

Some people thinks I'm snobbish or arrogant. I have to admit that maybe I do act like I know better most of the time. But part of it is too that I have a very hard time warm up to new people. If I don't know if I can trust a person or if I don't really know a person's likes and dislikes, I would rarely show my true colors. There is an observation period for people I meet. Funny, cause I go to this video game store a lot and one time this staff came up to me and greeted me with his "knuckle". I think he was expecting for me to meet his knuckle with mine, which I did, but I felt very awkward. And he can absolutely tell that I was put off by the gesture. He made some small talk, but I can tell he was quite embarrassed by the whole thing. Given I did not mean to embarrass him, if anything I was flattered that he feel so at ease with me that he would greet me with such endearing gestures, I was just not used to it that's all.

I wish I can be more like JH in that he can just go up to anyone and talk and really warm up to that person. Or CA, my other colleague who seems to bump into tons of people on the street randomly and can chat with them for half a day everyday. My grandma always say be careful of who you are calling your friend. Maybe I should lower my standards now.

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TV Oddities

There aren't a lot of good TV shows on Sunday nights. I know, it used to be worse now there's at least Extreme Makeover, Desperate Housewives and Amazing Race. When Exteme Makeover: Home Edition came on I was happy at first, especially since they made it about helping people in need, I'm all about that. By helping people on TV, you are promoting helping others and voluntarism to viewers. It is great, even the viewers are doing nothing but sit on their butts watching, they still get the instant gratification to know that somebody is being helped by viewing the commercials which funds these programs, but I'm getting a bit tired of the show.

I liked Ty Pennington when he was on TLC doing Trading Spaces. But now he turned into a TV personality making cheesy expressions that comes across less than sincere. Adds so much melodrama to the story that makes me feels like I'm watching the local news. The causes that they are helping are quite unnecessary. A family of seven lost a son to brain cancer living in a small house and needs a brand new house because the mother is pregnant. Have they ever heard of family planning and birth control? If you can't provide to your children, don't have any! Another family, the mother was trying to have children for the longest time and can't, so she go to the doctor and took some birth-induced drugs and out come eight children all at once. She says, if god wants her to have eight children, then she'll just have to try her best to take care of them. God did NOT want you to have children at all, that's why you had problems conceiving children in the first place. Now you get a new home, college funds and a car for giving birth to eight children, how bad am I supposed to really feel for you and your family? Others get their nice house destroy from a tornado or Katrina or other causes. "They lost everything!" There are so much more people that don't have anything nice to start with. I love how they goes to Philadelphia to help a family out and they are not even black. The majority of people in Philly are blacks, the majority of poor people in that city is also black. Ha! What about helping more people of color? Like Native Americans who are forced to live in trailer parks. What about helping people who are poor from the start, people who don't even have a piece of land to build a house on to start with? What about single people, or people who don't have 8 children because they are smart enough to know that they won't be able to feed all of them? Why is it the ones who cries the loudest who get help and not the ones who hurts the most?

I didn't understand why companies will pay so much money to advertise on TV or radio or even the internet for that matter. I always ignored commercials. Commercial time is actual channel flipping time for me to see what else is on TV. I know what I like and there's really little commercials can do to change my mind. Plus, I hate to be force fed information. Like junk mails are all trashed without being read at all. Pop-ups are blocked or closed at first sight. All commercials and product placement are ignored. Of course, I understand they are the main sponsors to good TV shows, without commercials, those shows I loved would not be able to be produced. But how do they know that all the money they invest in commercials are worth it? So I brought the question with ES during our little office break and she says actually only Men flip the channels during commercials. Women like her would actually watch through the commercials and see what's out there on the market. Weird. I guess after watching years and years of TV, I've learned to zone out during commercials, while people who doesn't watch as much would actually pay more attention. Could that be true? I guess people do come in different types.

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Change Of Hobbies And Habits

Well, I'm happy to say that my eye is getting better now. Thanks to the antibiotics I'm taking, I think there is still a trace of it somewhere but it has got rid of its ugliness. I blame the gym, I'm very much sure that the towels that they provide are dirty and their floors germ-filled. I laid low for the whole week, stayed home for a day and a half off work resting, no, knitting. My eyes were the excuse why I did not go to the gym. I don't think I've gained my weight back but I did feel a bit guilty.

I somehow got addicted to being out. Half a year ago, I would have been fine staying at home all day watching TV or playing video game. But nowadays since I picked up another hobby that requires the use of my hand, I haven't played video game for a while. My GTA: Liberty City Stories has stayed untouched for a while and I've just heard they are going to publish Vice City Stories soon, I think I'll need to catch up. It is the same reason why I haven't updated this blog for the past few days. I was knitting like crazy trying to make the Thursday class with a finished product. Of course when I showed up with my long, long scarf in class everybody was quite shocked. One, because it was really long and two, they did not even complete half of their own product. Some even asked whether I took off work to knit, I feel like such a loser. I like being outside now. Maybe I closed myself up too long and my body craves for some vitamin B, now I long to be sitting in the sun. My internet connection through my neighbor's wireless has been working, meekly but working, and I'm still dragging my laptop to the nearby Starbucks to steal another wireless connection nearby to go online and type my blog. I'm not a big fan of coffee, especially not starbucks coffee, but I like their giant windows where I can look at the cars and people passing by.

Principe Rana says he don't want to eat dinner at home anymore. He rather eat dinner at work so he won't just eat and go to sleep immediately afterwards. That means I only have to cook for myself at night. I think I'm gonna be depressed because of that. I think a lot of people equates food to love, especially people of color. El Principe already go to work before I wake up and comes home around 11pm at night, if we can't even eat together I would have to proclaim that my love life is non-existent. I can still understand why he don't want to get any fatter, especially with my cooking; it's not in anyway small-portioned and don't mind me saying that it is at times quite good. So in more ways than one, that's why we are both getting fat and he doesn't have the time to exercise, so if we eat every night around 11:30pm and go to bed immediately after, we are bound to get fat. But I will still feel that I'm being rejected somehow. I an remember a time that el principe is mor emuscle than meat unlike now he looks like Senor Porky Jr.

So maybe it's all my fault and maybe his idea is a good one and maybe I'll get over myself. Or he'll change his mind in a day or two and start eating at home again. But for the time being I think I'll just go back on Atkins or make congee everyday and just eat that. I think somehow congee maybe good as a diet, it 's mostly water. Although it might be too easy to digest and absorb... Any case I'll try it for a while. Saw the end of project runway, so ridiculous but that would be the topic of another entry. I also saw a flyer at my gym about some sewing class in the city, maybe I'll join up and try my path as a fashion designer. I did make a pretty nice scarf, "who knows", right? I think it's important to discover any hidden talent that I might have in this stage of my life.

Just talked to DC on the phone, I probably haven't done so for months. Whenever his boyfriend JEW is around, he doesn't want a social life. I find that very strange and irritating. It's not like we are in a love relation, why does he have to abandon his social life whenever JEW is around is beyond me. It's not like he's his slave (or maybe he is?). But I feel like we can't be friends when his boyfriend is around. JEW used to work as the director of Asia for his company and has to live in Asia for months and they only see each other a few times in a year. I acted as a good friend and keep him company on whenever I could. We would go to dinner or the mall together every week. But since his boyfriend came back to the States, he hasn't got the "time" to go out with me and I haven't seen him for months. I feel so used. They say the friendship of gentlemen are as weak as water, and DC always says that you should never feel obligated about friends, so I guess our friendship is based more on his needs than mine. Oh well, what can I do? And to think that we used to put each other down as our emergency contact person. I guess I need a class on people skills than anything else.

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"Eye"-Pod

There's something about the styes in my eye that are so unsettling. My doctor and ES told me not to rub my eye, but when it itches I found it very hard not to. So it's spreading now, it totally freaks me out. I see other little bumps around the original stye, my co-worker said they don't want to touch what I've touched and told me to go home. So here I am at home happy to find a workable connection, typing my blog. I hope it doesn't jumped to the other eye.

I keep having the image of an AK-47 shooting styes all over my eye. It'll be like popcorn popping all over the place. I got scared. I really need to not rub it and let the antibiotic works its magic. I would be very upset if Principe Rana got it. I should just cop out for the week. ES told me not to knit anymore, it'll stress out my eye and get worse. But I'm so obsessed with it now, I want to finish it before my next class. You know, wow the crowd with my intricate design. So I'm here itching, knitting and watching old episodes of Without a Trace, Numb3rs, CSI, CSI: NY and CSI: Miami.

Well, at least I'll keep myself from rubbing my eyes from now on. Instant gratification can only get us that far, right?

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Dwelling In The Past - Now And Forever

I don't know why I'm thinking about my mom that much these few days. Maybe I'm feeling quite motherly with my knitting projects, maybe because ES is pregnant, maybe all the gym session has my blood pumping to a part of my brain that's rarely visited, or maybe I just have some childhood issues to work out. But I'm quite used to dwell in my past, so I guess there's nothing too special about it.

My grandma used to use a very accusatory tone to ask me why I didn't cry when my mother died, as to say maybe I didn't love my mom enough to feel sad. I was enjoying myself at her funeral talking to the relatives that come to attend her wake. I guess it's because I haven't seen my mom with her being in the hospital all the time and the hospital don't allow children to go visit, I was quite lonely for the most part. So I guess I was excited to see that many people, friends and family of my mom all in one place, people that I haven't seen for a while. Another reason for why I wasn't as sad as I should be is because I guess I never understand the concept of death, I didn't believe that she really died.

My mom, uncles and grandma is always in the hospital leaving me alone at home. So I watched a lot of TV to keep from feeling alone. The themes of Hong Kong Television Shows are always around fairy tales or kung fu magic or police dramas. When I was told that my mom died, I thought that's just a lie. I thought that she's either going undercover or she'll revive just like Jesus did. That's a show a called "Treasured Lotus Lamp (寶蓮燈)" described a mother trapped under a mountain and was rescued by her son and become a deity or some sort of a god. I always thought my mom was somebody special, so I believed that she might somehow still be alive. So I wasn't as sad as I could be, I didn't cry as much as I should have. Big deal.

I do dwell in the past a lot. Thinking about my friends. Good times I had when I was in high school. It keeps me going, put a smile on my face. It's important to me to remember my past, although at times it's important not to dwell in the past as well. It's not productive to just think about the past. Life should be about here and now, maybe even the future or working towards a future. Sometimes, the past does not progress into a bright present and it could be disappointing. But like they say what's past is past, the only thing we can do is just to learn from it.

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Apple Of My Eye

Nice thing about living in the city is that there are so many things happening around you without notice like nice little surprise just waiting for you. I devoted today to do some knitting today, I was expecting to stay home today the whole day. But I needed to do some grocery shopping, so I stepped out of my apartment after doing laundry. Lo and behold there is a street fair happening right around the corner. I love street fairs, there are so many things to see and they all stuck together for you to browse as you will. The restaurants around are selling food on the street. Antiques, photographs, art, jewelries, clothings, there are even pet looking to be adopted. Clowns on stills, balloon shapers, different bands, you can feel the culture while you are walking on the streets. Plus it's a nice day, I can't help but smile while I'm walking.

I saw these sterling silver emblems at one of the antique booth that I really liked. I have no idea what I can do with them but I really like them because they are very tiny, colorful and cool-looking. Each of them represents an European country or a city or province in Europe. There are also ones for the States and Canada. But tiny though they maybe, each of them costs like $15-$25. I can probably fit 25 to 35 of them on my palm. It might be too expensive for me to collect. When I watch Cash In The Attic on BBC America, I used to envy how they can find forgotten treasures in their house that worth a bundle, while I look around my own place and everything is all junk from Ikea or Wal-Mart or Target. Nobody would want them even if I gave them all out for free. I don't have antiques, and I don't have money to invest in some.

I think another stye is developing along my right eye. It happened to me before and I went to an eye doctor to have it cut out. My doctor told me it's because I don't clean inside my eye properly and caused an infection. How do you clean inside your eye, really? It's like putting on contact lens, how do people do that exactly? It's so invasive. Normally I just wash my face and rub the sleep off of my eye. I never had a problem until now. My right eye lid is all bruised up like I'm been punched. Half of my head looks like a frog's which is appropriate given that my life lately revolves around frog so much. I think it's a stye but if not I must have got sucker-punched by Principe Rana in my sleep. I'm wearing my sunglasses everywhere so nobody sees, I should really just go and make an appointment with my doctor comes Monday.

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Flying Out Of The Web

There are days that my laptop can't connect to my neighbor's wireless connection, like today I have to drag my laptop to the neighborhood coffee shop to get some work done. But then the network connection of the coffee shop is not that reliable either, so I finished my Vitamin Water and walked over to the Starbucks nearby and start all over again.

I bought a bunch of CDs and DVDs from Amazon.com and YesAsia.com, so that's what I'm doing now. Importing songs to my iTunes. I needed an online connection so my iTunes can access CDDB and I don't have to type the song names of the whole album into the computer. Given that my typing skill for Chinese is slow and poor, it does give me tremendous convenience to be able to access stuff automatically.

I use my computer mostly to access on information right now. Whenever there's a word or a concept that I don't really grasp I go online and look for the information. Wikipedia.org is my latest friend, my latest searches include "Mace/Teargas", "Mason", "Marijuana" and "Stomach Ulcer". It gives you detail information as well as links to more resources. Of course I manage my bank accounts online. Savings, checking, loan and credit cards. I balance my account and check my expenses everyday. I shop online, but mostly for music, movies, books, comics and electronics. Ebay, amazon.com and yesasia.com. I don't buy clothes online, I like to be able to touch and see them in person when I shop for clothes. Occasionally, I'll look for recipes or chat with friends and look for things to do or places to go to and that's about it.

In some ways I'm glad I'm spending less time on the computer, it freed me up some time so I can go to the gym and do something good for my health and I really do enjoy my knitting class. It's not as hard as I thought and I'm very happy for knowing what I can do when I put my mind to it. I have to say me and knitting is a pretty good match. I have the patience for it and Craig from the yarn store just sent me a flyer for a gathering of men who knit and they get together once a month near my house. It will do good for my social life.

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In A Corner Of My Mind

[Original Posted on October 14, 2006 8:00pm EST]

I called my boyfriend Principe Rana not because he's green or anything, It's because his initials are FRG and he's my prince. So I need to knit my first scarf for the knitting class and I chose to do a frog-prince-themed scarf. They let us chose a color for the project and I chose dark brown, because I really like that color, but I also bought a bright red and an ivory white for some edges and graphics. I made a smiley face for my last project and when my classmates saw it, they were oohing and aahing. I have to admit that it felt good. But of course there were also some that got jealous.

So I was designing the graphics on excel at work and got a pretty nice result and all the sudden a tune were playing in the back of my head. It's amazing how one's mind works. My head starts playing a song called "Frog Prince (青蛙王子)" in Cantonese that I've heard when I was around three. It's a lullaby sung by a teenage girl that I used to idolize when I was in kindergarten. Of course, I've forgotten her name. We called her big sister something, but I'm very surprise that I can still remember this tune and some of its lyrics.

Last time when I went back to Hong Kong to visit, I found that tape inside one of my grandma's cupboard. She never throws anything out. Along with it I found a tape that recorded a rendition of a Chinese song called "Won't Go Home Tonight (今天不回家)" sung by my mom and her sisters. It was very funny, I think that made the tape when they were young. In the back of it I can hear my grandma saying something or maybe she was singing along as well. Sometimes I think about my mom and think of what would happen if she hasn't died of cancer. Would I have turned out any different? Would life been any easier? She's a Leo and she's the type of women that fights for what she wants and most of the time she gets it. She got heart broken when my father dumped her for a Polish woman named Barbara. My grandma was convinced that she died of a broken heart instead of cancer. Somehow I think it's a good thing that she passed away, who wants to keep fighting all their lives anyway? At least now she can rest. I'm sad that I think about my mom less and less these days, but she's still stay permanently somewhere on a corner of my mind.

I went to Montreal two year ago with DC and I was surprised how much French still remained inside of my head. I haven't used French ever since my mom got sick when I was 10 and we left Paris and go back to Hong Kong so my grandma can take care of my mom. And yet after 20 years of abandonment, somehow it resurfaced and I was able to communicate with Quebecois who don't speak English. I have no idea where it comes from. Like they say it's like I pulled it out of my ass or something. If there's a chance, I would love to learn French all over again, I would hate to see that goes to waste.

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Stereo Type B

I think my next conquer would be learning how to do Kung Fu. It might sound like it's fulfilling one's stereotype, but somehow being an Asian in the States I feel like I need to learn how to do martial arts in order to "represent". I really want to learn Kung Fu, just because it's Chinese. Much like mahjong, Kung Fu is one of the greatest art from of my country. But it's really hard to find a place to learn Kung Fu in the city I live in. I would love to learn some kind of grappling and also to play with some time of weapon. But if I can't find a place to learn Kung Fu, maybe I'll find a place to learn Judo, Karate or maybe even the Brazilian Capoeira. My gym teaches Capoeira Basics and Capoeira. Since I already belong to the gym, I don't even have to pay extra to learn.

I find it funny sometimes that people have an urge to fit in stereotypes about themselves. I don't even think it's a cultural thing, I think people just do it to fit into their own crowd. I was flipping channels the other day and saw a game show called Mega Match Sensacional on TeleFutura and I was surprised that one of competition was to see if they can fit like 40 people on a small platform. Why would any producers think that it was a good idea to do on a Hispanic show is beyond me? It's like watching Mind of Mencia where they have a bunch of contestants of different races eating watermelon and see if the black guy would win. I've befriended this Mexican guy once and we traveled in a small Buick with his whole family. I'm talking about 7 people in a small car. This kind of racial and stereotypical reassurance is funny for sure but it is also very unnecessary.

Dave Chappelle, Carlos Mencia and the "Blue Collar" boys are using stereotypes for comedy and made quite a name for themselves. I guess that makes for some wonderful comedy materials.

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Yet Another Day

I can't believe I missed an episode of Heroes last night just for watching the first season of Weeds. Not that Weeds wasn't worth it, I haven't laughed so hard for the longest time but I could have managed my time so much better.

Ran around in New York today. Principe Rana needed to go to the Argentinean Embassy, because his passport expired, but he accidentally mailed it to this family in Argentina, so he won't be able to get a new one until his family send it back to him. I told him so, but he wasn't gonna heed my warnings. I also told him not to tell the embassy that he's in the States illegally, but did he listen? Thank god they didn't detain him and ship him back to his country, that dumb m@t#er-f#(ker! Well, we found an Argentinean restaurant to have lunch. They had really good steak. Argentina actually is the only country that still have real cowboys till this day. Beef and Tango is pretty much their biggest contributions to the world.

Afterwards, we went to Mitsuwa so I can go return a clay pot for sukiyaki that I bought a week ago. It's was a bit too big and I really didn't have the space to store it. The store clerk didn't want to give me a refund because I don't have the receipt with me. So she got me store credit instead, and I picked a couple of bowls, maybe I'll give them away for X'mas. We were hungry for Japanese food after the parrillas and the churrascos at the Argentinean restaurant and I couldn't find my snacks, so I got some groceries and tons of onigiris for later. Got home around 10:30pm and between us two we had six onigiris already and of course the receipt for the claypot was sitting on my desk staring at my face. All and all I was quite happy. Although I do realize my habit of walking really fast and really far when I'm in New York. I wonder why.

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