>> Friday, February 29, 2008
I've been going crazy the past few days, thinking about Medic Guy. I just can't seem to shake him off. I find myself really want to believe what he told me was true. Maybe his friend and him do talk that way, maybe I didn't give our relationship enough chance. I keep thinking that it wasn't so bad, maybe I was overreacting. I haven't formally dated anyone before so how do I know how normal dating is? I am missing the guy like crazy. That love feeling is so addictive.
I want him back but at the same time I don't. I love the guy but the crazy hours and the unavailability will drive me nuts. Yet, I can't stop thinking about having him sleeping next to me, holding him in my arms. I'm going stir crazy, wishing that I can talk to him again, get things out of my chest, maybe even start anew.
I've become a stalker, an internet stalker. Checking every five minutes to see if he's online. What if he is? What would I say? Beg him to take me back? It's too late, I've breached our trust, I should have never snooped. He had mentioned that it was up to me, but I doubt that it would be that easy. If it was me I would be quite pissed off, he has the right to slam the door on my face.
I can't help but think about him all day at work and not getting a lot of work done. Sighing. Finally, although not wise but who knows, I texted him and ask him if he mind talking to me. I had texted him all my concerns when we broke up, so we were past that. When he called I asked him how he was doing, he got an ear infection and need surgery to get it drained, plus all the flying caused his ear drum to tear. His grandmother is in the hospital for a bronco infection, she's 87 has Alzheimer's and they live together with his sister so he can take care of her. Seems like everything happens all at once. I try my best to pay attention to what he was saying but selfishly I care more about where we stand.
"Are we back together?" He asked. That was all I needed to hear. "That easy?" I thought to myself. I made sure that he knows how much I love him and he expressed he was really upset and I shouldn't have dropped him like a hot potato and we both have things we needed to work on but as of now all is forgiven.
I still have no idea whether I did the right thing or not. He'll still be very busy and hardly have the time to be with me, but then gambling IS a Chinese sport.