There Are Enough Slackers In The World

I'm still flirting and seeing CuteCub, he's like a drug that I can't get enough of and we seemed to have pretty good chemistry. I know, it's kinda dumb and dangerous to be with someone that I can't have. I'm watching my steps and hold myself back bit by bit which is easier said than done. I'm looking out for flaws to focus on to bring him back down to size, but in my infatuated state, I can't find any, well maybe little things that can be easily looked over and I'll consider myself lucky if I have to live with those flaws. It's especially cruel that now he's using his webcam when we chat online.

Last night after a few beers, he revealed to me that his boyfriend will be graduating in the coming summer and that since he's a foreigner and given the current job market, he'll probably have to return to his native land afterward. CuteCub has no plans to move away, so they eventually will have to break up. It sounds horrible and it reminded me of my breakup with Principe, but I can't help but glimpse a spark of hope and invoke a series of what-ifs. I'm infatuated with him enough that I don't wish them any sadness though.



At the same time, Calico Guy which I've had a little fling with in late spring resurfaced to tell me that he is now living in the great NYC and got a new boyfriend. He had been unemployed and living with his ex the doctor in the same bed for a year and since his ex found a new beau and decided to move down to North Carolina to take on a new job in a new hospital. Calico Guy was forced to move and find a job for himself, which he did for a few months. Now he's in NYC worked part time and lived with his new boyfriend for a month before being fired. Now his new boyfriend is threatening him with a breakup if he doesn't get his act together. Calico Guy has a weak mind so that's probably just the jolt he needs, although it's kinda cruel to say something like that right before X'mas. I can understand the stress of living with a partner who's not contributing, especially while you're living in a big city with higher living expenses. I seemed to remember being the sugardaddy for all of my relationships, no matter how much older my exes are.

At least these kinda stuff give me some perspective to put my life back together. If I can't even support myself, how can I be there for someone else? Finding a job will be the number one item on my new year's resolution. I think I'm ready now.