The Distance Between Me and Everybody Else

As I have mentioned before I used to be a very sociable person, but somewhere along the line I have completely changed. I remember being with my friends and getting myself in every conversation possible, and I had an opinion for everything in everybody's life. I wonder what happened.

Maybe I was way less confident when I came over to the States with my language barrier, although I didn't think that happened. Maybe because I was depressed for a while and it changed my world view. Maybe I realized that whatever my opinion is or however much I voice my opinion, there are little people who cares, I can't change my surroundings, less the world. Maybe I was just getting older.

My life right now is traveling between two space; home and work. Sometimes I'll step into a coffee shop or two, the dry cleaner's place, the two supermarkets, the bookstore, the record store, the video store. Occasionally, a restaurant or two, or a bar, or the mall. One of my friendlier colleagues loves to go to bars and he's always inviting me to go along, while I feel immensely friendly toward him I fail to be enthusiatic about 'hanging out'. I don't see the purpose and that's really not my scene. The truth is my energy level is too low these days and I feel too comfortable being at home with my TV.

Human relationships can be so distant. I feel like a satellite or a sleeping cell in society. My linkage to the outside world is so trivial. I feel like one of the people who if dead nobody's gonna notice for days until their dead body starts to smell. But then that could not be the reason for me to start socializing. The thing is I don't have the patient for the drama of everybody else's life. I have a hard time keeping tracks of my friends already, why do I have to know things about strangers that I hardly know, like my colleagues cousin's or their son's girlfriend or their cats?