Another Breakup

>> Monday, March 08, 2010

I will not say anything bad about him after our break up yesterday. Even though I think it was the wise thing to do in my head, in my heart I still have tremendous love for him. There were a lot of struggles between us, of me wanting more and him wanting his freedom, but there were also a lot of brilliant and tender moments between us. He was my best friend for a long, long time. I'm sure in the following week when his friend learns the news, each and everyone of them will tell him that he can do better and of course he could. In my mind, I still believe that he's one of the most intelligent, adorable and best looking people I've ever lay my eyes on. We're just not compatible, we just want different things and both our pride renders us unable to budge.

While I was trying to be strong, thinking we should end it sooner before all the resentment on each other start building up, I was also kicking myself for ending the best thing that has happened to me for a long time. I was also scared. we were unable to give what the other person wants, so it was the wise thing but the panic didn't set in until I realized the implications of it all.

For two random people, what exactly constitute a relationship? What is so unique that it differentiates from everything else? How do you know love truly existed? I have loved, gave my all and fought for it but it wasn't enough, I don't know how it could have turned out differently. I will love him always and I hope he finds someone good enough for him, it will be hard to live for myself again.

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