Another Person's Wit

Saw a person's post on a social networking site and he had posted a few tests and found it quite clever so I wanted to share them with you.

The English language

Let's face it... English is a crazy language. There is no egg in eggplant, nor ham in hamburger. Neither apple nor pine in pineapple. English muffins weren't invented in England, or French fries in France. Sweetmeats are candies, while sweetbreads, which aren't sweet, are meat. We take English for granted. But, if we explore it's paradoxes, we find that quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square, and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea, nor is a pig. So, why is it that writers write, but fingers don't fing, grocers don't groce, and hammers don't ham? If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn't the plural of booth beeth? One goose, 2 geese. So, one moose, 2 meese? One index, 2 indices? Doesn't it seem crazy that you can make amends, but not one amend? -If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but one of them, what do you call it? If teachers taught, why don't preachers praught? If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat? Sometimes, I think all the English speakers should be committed to an asylum for the verbally insane. -In which language do people recite at a play, and play at a recital? ...Ship by truck, and send cargo by ship? Have noses that run and feet that smell...? How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man and a wise guy are opposites? You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language in which your house can burn up as it burns down, in which you fill in a form by filling it out, and in which an alarm goes off by going on... English was invented by people, not computers, and it reflects the creativity of the human race, which, of course, is not a race at all. That is why, when the stars are out, they are visible, but when the lights are out, they are invisible. So, why doesn't 'Buick' rhyme with 'Quick'?

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The English language Part II


I cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd waht I was rdanieg. The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid, Aoccdrnig to rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, is taht it deosn't mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoatnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit a porbelm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe. Ptrety amzanig huh?

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Alzheimers Eye Test

Count every "F" in the following text:

FINISHED FILES ARE THE RESULT OF YEARS OF SCIENTI
FIC STUDY COMBINED WITH THE EXPERIENCE OF YEARS...

How many did you get?

There are actually 6.

Why? Because the brain cannot process the word "of"

(I failed this one.)

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Tricky Arithmetic

This must be done in your head only.

Do NOT use paper and pencil or a calculator.

Take 1000 and add 40 to it.
Now add another 1000 .
Now add 30.
Add another 1000.
Now add 20.
Now add another 1000.
Now add 10.

What is the total?

Did you get 5000? The correct answer is actually 4100.

(I got this one right!)