Hating On Food Network

>> Wednesday, June 03, 2009

Yes, I had watched Food Network for years and I understand what the term food porn means but as much as I love the channel, there are certain personalities that I hate. And after much discussion with friends, it's concluded that those views are shared by many people.

Damien from 2 Cents Worth Down Under introduced a blog called Food Network Humor that further had its own humorous opinions of some of these TV chefs. I'm compiling them and adding the opinions of my friends and me for your viewing pleasures:

The 2 chefs that I truly dislike are:

1. Bobby Flay - I cannot stand Bobby Flay. He's the most arrogant, douche-y person on that network. Tons of people would agree with me on that. I don't really know what he thought he had done to render himself in a position so much better than anyone else. I change the channel every time I see him come on. He lost to the Iron Chef by disrespectfully stepping on his own cutting board, an instrument that he uses to prepare food for his customers. Lost, and then ask for a rematch... Who does that? Having a show where he goes to other people's restaurant and challenge their chefs doesn't help... and that Next Food Network Star commercial is revolting. I wouldn't want to eat his food even if it's free. Fire him!

2. Sandra Lee - I always confuses her with the brand Sara Lee, which I grew up eating. While my snobby side would shun a food network show based on the idea of everything being "Semi-homemade", my gay side would shun the atrocious table-scape that Sandra pride herself on designing. That's quite beside the point. Other than looking quite disingenuous and stuck up, her appearance on the 700 Club with Pat Robertson is what really enrages people. Her shows and her are totally lame. Fire her!

The others:

Alex Guarnaschelli - The boyfriend and I watches a new show called Chopped where they have different chefs using wacky ingredients to make dishes and Alex is one of the judges. She aspired to be the Simon Cowell of the show by making very vicious comments and take everything personally. Where as Simon still tries to make a fair decision, she seems to make her decisions based on pure hate. What a total bitch.

Alton Brown - What a whack job... I enjoyed his science-oriented program Good Eats, where they teach you some skills on cooking. I have enjoyed some of his recipes immensely. BUT (and that's a big BUT) his strive of perfection is a bit too much at times. Are we really gonna buy some metal steamer, disassemble them and make it into a 3 tier chicken wing stand to ensure each wing has it's own evenly heated space on their way to become the best buffalo wings ever? I think not. Some ideas are just too preposterous, too time and effort consuming to be deemed worthwhile. It's almost like watching a weird scifi video. Besides, doesn't he look just a little bit off sometimes?

Giada De Laurentiis - I loved watching Nigella Lawson and I think Giada is the Italian-American version of her. Giada is a true beauty and she's got some skills in the kitchen. Very enjoyable to watch, I especially like the fact that she's a chocoholic. Food Network Humor pointed out that on her show the camera tends to pan on her boobs a lot and we all loves to make fun of how Giada likes to emphasize on her Italian pronunciation of certain ingredients.

Guy Fieri - Apparently there are some people who dislikes Guy because he seems stupid and has a huge ego. I have not really seen his shows, so I can't really comment. His real name is really Guy Ferry. lol.

Ina Garten - One of my Food Network faves. The boyfriend and I get into the intrigue that is Ina. She seems a little too stuck up for my taste, I wonder if she's really that stuck up in real life. She probably is, living in Long Island and all. The nervous giggles and her mannerism make me wonder how genuine she is as a person. She seems to hang exclusively around gays and lesbos, and she only sees her husband Jeffrey on weekends? Weird.

The Neelys - Get a room! Leave the flirting at home, I don't want to imagine you guys having sex. I've lost my appetite before figuring out whether I like what you're cooking. Even though I find the husband quite handsome, I wouldn't be able to stand the wife and her blindingly glossy lips that keep flapping.

Paula Deen - I kneel before the southern queen and her hot princes. Hot! I think Paula is the response to the end of Two Fat Ladies. The charming southern accent and white hair, the abundant amount of sugar and butter on every dish. She once put a single leaf of cilantro on one of her dish and proclaimed "You've gotta have your vegetables." Who says that? Priceless. Even though I'm sure I won't cook anything on her books, it's still entertaining as hell. Too bad the boys don't take off their shirts in that hot kitchen of hers. Hot!

Rachel Ray - If I have to hear her making up words like Stoup (Stewy-Soup) or Peasto (Pesto with Peas) and repeating them 9-10 times during a 24 minutes period again, I'll fly to her New York studio and smack the shit out of her. Annoying... God annoying. Yes she's perky, quirky and upbeat but enough is enough. I'm getting a headache just thinking about her.

Sunny Anderson - She's so cute and wholesome, I'm engaged with her show. But what is this?

Ted Allen - I think he's more of a foodie than a chef. Back to the days of Queer Eye, he had to rely on a recipe to cook. I don't know...

Tyler Florence - I like watching his show. He's arguably the best looking guy on the network. He taught me how to sear a good steak and I'll always be grateful. He did put on a lot of pounds between his old show How To Boil Water, Kitchen 911 and Tyler's Ultimate. He's also an Alumni of Johnson & Wales. Some people thinks he's really obnoxious too but I don't think so.

Seems to me that all these TV chefs are getting filthy rich from their shows and their own products and books. I guess good for them.

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