Hump Day Review

>> Wednesday, October 31, 2007

God help me, last night I gave up sex so I can play computer game. Sex! How sick is that? I thought I had a mild addictive personality but this has crossed the line.

So they found out that the fire in California was started by a little boy playing with matches. Eh, really? Why is it always the usual suspects? I'm not buying it. All the destruction aside, imagine how bad the kid would feel if it was really him. The trauma, I don't think anyone could grow up normal with this in the back of his conscience. They are considering to bring the kid to court, but it is likely to be dismissed as an accident. Ultimately that's why I doubt that the fire is really started by a kid. Everyone plays with matches, I know I did when I was a kid, burning little pieces of paper or ants. Fire is pretty and magical. (Is it just me? Or is it the arson in me?)

I've been reading a lot of blogs lately and enjoying the thoughts and writings of other people. But I grew afraid of leaving comments, somehow my comments are often misunderstood as malintent when most of the time I'm either joking or my comments are unclear. I remember one time on Sagat's blog he was writing on how he thinks he's a 'normal' guy and he wants to be normal and I left a comment saying 'How could you even consider yourself normal, look at you! lol' and Francesco left a message curse the hell outta me. I always consider Francois to be one of the hottest person I've ever seen, so I didn't understand why he wanted to be normal. It was meant to be a compliment but I see how it could be mistook for an insult. Being yelled for it was quite upsetting. I guess a lot of people are quite defensive when it comes to other people's comment, I can understand that. Incidents like this makes me realize how bad I actually write, and I tried to lighten the mood of my comments by adding some emoticons, so people won't take as much offense.

Vanessa Marquez's 'Good Girl' is playing continuously in my head and I don't know why. I hope she'll have an album coming soon.

Oh and Happy Halloween!


Another Test

>> Monday, October 29, 2007

I'm a water sign too, at least I think I am. (Born on the cusp) Are we ideal lovers?

You Should Be With a Water Sign!

Your best match is a Cancer, Scorpio, or Pisces

Why? You crave intimacy and connection in your relationship
And while most guys can't open up enough for you, a Water Sign can
Not that you're whole relationship will be soul gazing
A Water Sign matches your goofy sense of humor - and desire to help others.



>> Friday, October 26, 2007

I just realize something yesterday: "I'm single now, I can do whatever I want!" I don't know how this has gotten past me, but there's no rules anymore. I don't need to stay at home if i don't want to, I can go out whenever I want. As long as i show up at my job on time and leave on time, I can pretty much do whatever I want.

I don't understand why I have never felt this way before.


Death and Seperation

>> Thursday, October 25, 2007

It is not meant to be a serious topic, not the in-depth kind anyway. It just seems to be fitting for yesterday.

One of my colleague got a call from her vet to tell her that they need to put her cat to sleep. She burst into hysteria, cried and ran into a conference room to lock herself in. Of course, we didn't know what was going on until she came out still crying. It was quite dramatic. I think if I had a cat for years and had to put her to sleep, I would be quite upset as well but I don't think I express emotion the same way she does, so I don't quite "get it". It was also her last day before her spinal surgery and she'll be out for a month and for that I'm jealous.

Talk to Macho yesterday about us not being boyfriends, I just can't do it, and although he seems to understand it was still heartbreaking. He cried and I was a bit scared. After all, we only knew each other for 5 days. I like the guy and find him attractive but then we are totally different. He called me three times and he was a bit drunk and I see some traces of my stalker ex-boyfriend in him. I really can't deal with another one. Maybe I'm a psycho magnet, who knows? I promise to call him again, but I'm hesitant.

I planned to go to San Diego, Tijuana and perhaps LA in Mid November with DC, but with the wildfire going on I really would hate to have to cancel my plans. I've never been to that area and I really like to see and maybe get into some trouble over there and I already paid for some tickets that are non-refundable. Things usually would turn out ok, even with death and seperation, people learn to deal.


I'm Superman!

>> Wednesday, October 24, 2007

I guess due to the nature of the questions, a lot of us would be superman! I wish...

Your results:
You are Superman

You are mild-mannered, good,
strong and you love to help others.

Green Lantern
The Flash
Wonder Woman
Iron Man

Click here to take the "Which Superhero are you?" quiz...


Exhaustion (The Good Kind)

>> Monday, October 22, 2007

I have a confession to make... On my way of becoming a prostitute, I have acquired my graduation certificate. Yes, folks, I am now officially a whore. During the past week, I have screwed with 2 guys I've met online, fooled around with 3 guys when I was out at a bar, and commenced a 24 hour threesome session with two other guys that I invited back to my place. So let the stoning begin.

I'm completely exhausted, coz' other than the sex I've managed to stay up nearly every night of the week playing computer games, recording a TV marathon, had dinner with DC, doing house chores, groceries shopping. I'm sleeping less than six hours a night.

Am I acting out? I'm not on drugs (pity) and I'm quite proud of myself. I've never had this much fun. I feel like I'm breaking out of my shell. I feel like I might even be able to approach someone in a bar now. The anonymous sex somehow is giving me confidence (don't worry, I'm being safe too). Two of them guys want me to be their boyfriend... lol. Well, one of them is really my type. Macho, a ultra-masculine muscle bear, a divorcee with a 15 year old daughter, but he's only realized that he like guys for the past year and we're in a totally different economy bracket. While he's sweet and a bit emotionally clingy, I don't really think we could work out.

I remember going out to dinner with a few friends when I was still with Principe and they told me one of their requirements of choosing a mate is to have compatible financial status. I didn't really understand back then, but I guess I do now. I made the mistake of taking Macho to dinner at a fancy restaurant not knowing that he might not be able to pay for it. Of course, I offer to pay in the very begining as I do all my 'dates', but I can see the discomfort in his face. We still had a very good time, but bad feelings would harbor in the long run, I can tell. He is really attractive, and he's very easily attached. When I'm with him there were connection, a bond, he's already planning to see me a few times a week just to hang out. How should I handle this?


Music Alert - Ben's Brother

>> Friday, October 19, 2007

I guess if you watch as much TV as I do, you might have heard a great song featuring in the cheesiest Dentyne commercial yet. The party responsible for this song is a British band called Ben's Brother. Honestly, what's with the British bands and their great music?

I've heard another comple of songs from this band and I kinda like it. Their new album "Beta Male Fairytales" is suppose to come out Nov. 6. I'll definitely get it and then write a full report.


My Crush's First-Born

>> Thursday, October 18, 2007

GS had a son, another addition to the cabbage patch amongst our high school friends. What is it? two boys and one girl now? GS' wife named him Anson, where do people come up with these crazy names?

At some point, I forgot how old I am. We are in our early 30s and all of us have passed the optimum age to have children. Somehow the news of GS having a son really brought it home the fact that I may never have children.

Brought up in the traditional Asian mind set, one of the greatest purpose in life is to carry our name over to the next generation. It is part of the reason why there are so many abandoned female orphans after China's one-child policy. I don't really mind if the bloodline ends with me, although I think I do have some half-sisters or half-brothers somewhere, but I can't help but be disappointed that I might not be able to experience the joy of children, the 'unconditional' love. Maybe I'll just find someone with children and go through the 'this man is your dad's best friend' thing.

I used to have such a crush on GS, the sunny, good looking, athletic star. It's great that we still maintained a friendship. Hope life is good for him on the other side of the fence.


The Cinderella Complex

>> Wednesday, October 17, 2007

I was chatting with a few people online yesterday who gave me advice on finding that someone special. Funny thing is, I didn't ask them for it. It just naturally follows my 'Yes' to their "Are you single?'.

I have been chatting with this opera singer from Germany for quite a while and he was sweet enough to say that the one I'm looking for is out there, I just have to look for him. I told him that I don't have enough self confident and don't feel that I am good enough. He told me that he used to have the same problem but he told me that I can't seat and wait for someone to come find me. Am I just sitting here for someone to come find me?

The morales of children's stories are often "Work on yourself, inner beauty and honesty will be rewarded", but it's frustrating when it doesn't happen in real life. The ones who get rewarded are the ones who can scream the loudest, the pretty ones, the already rich and powerful or the ones who befriend them. The quiet, reserved ones and the self-sufficient ones seldom get noticed. What exceptional qualities does one have to possess to be found and rescued? When will my fairy godmother show up with her magic wand and make me pretty enough to get noticed? And how vain can I be to make myself appealing when vanity is shunned upon?

A wise man would stop playing victim, slay the cruel stepmother-turn-dragon and rescue another waiting princess. Unfortunately, the world is filled with too many damsels and not enough prince who has the courage to ride on the pretty white steed.


To A Great Night

>> Monday, October 15, 2007

I haven't been to a bar for months and last Friday, JH invited me to go to an outing with the boys. It was country line dance Friday in one of the biggest local gay bar and I'm only too happy to oblige.

So we were out around 9:30 at night, JH, his boyfriend Kim, AL, and Betty. Tons of people already started line dancing. I mean, I think I've seen people line-dance before, but somehow it just cracks me up. It's a good ole time!

Bunch of people memorized the dance to dozens of song, where they actually learned in classes during the day so they can demonstrate at night to (cheesy) catchy country music. Don't get me wrong, I'm not ridiculing it. In fact, I haven't smiled so much in a very long time, my chin muscles hurt the day after. I just find it very funny. I saw two Asians and a guy with a blue mohawk doing it too. It sure has a multi-cultural following and everybody is doing the same choreography, it's almost like a cult.

I can't get over what a good time I've had. Surely it's not just the doings of the two martinis, although I am an easy drunk. AL was avoiding Betty the whole night because Betty got himself a ridiculous haircut and AL was too embarrassed to be seen with him. Ha! (It was very 'distinctive' though, and not in a good way)

Afterwards, I headed to another gay bars where they had an once a month Asian party. I know the people who hold the party, I got some appetizers and got pulled to do a long electronic survey for a study they were doing and got $40. Paid for all my expense that night and more. Pretty cool, huh? I wouldn't mind doing this more often.


Music Invasion: Jamiroquai's "Too Young To Die"and Galliano's "Prince of Peace"

>> Thursday, October 04, 2007

I have loved Jamiroquai since around 1995, and I think this is the first song that have drawn me to them and introduced me to Acid Jazz, that and Galliano's Prince of Peace. They seemed to be especially fitting for this moment with our war in Iraq.


I Just Don't Get It

>> Wednesday, October 03, 2007

I really don't get it. On my way to work this morning, a bunch of anti-abortionist was outside showing passer-bys pictures of dead fetuses and shouting their interpretation of the word of god. The thing that gets me though is that these people who shouts are all men, of the ten to fifteen anti-abortionist strategically planted in the three block radius, there is only one female, a ten-years old girl at that. For me, it is way less convincing to me since it's so much easier for them to yell anti-abortion slogans when they can't even get pregnant at the first place. What do I care anyway? As a gay man, it's almost a non-issue for me so can you just spare me with the disgusting pictures of dead-anything?

One of the giant posters features a cute baby on one size with the word "Life" on it, and when the crafty holder flips it over it is is a dead fetus with the word "Death". Honestly you can do the same with pictures of a dog or an adult, does it really mean anything? Of course, things that are dead are always more horrifying than when they are alive.

The horrible thing is that they drag their children to participate in their own cause. Anti-abortion, anti-gays, KKK, they are all building a whole new generation of hate, if they are so concerned about people who have abortions, why don't they offer the pregnant mothers to take care of their children after they are born? Protest about the war, it's killing tons of people, grown ups at that.

Francesco said something very buddhist on his blog: "It's not up to us to dole out rewards and punishments." That would be ideal in an ideal world, but I've learned that bullies exist in the real world, there are people who comes around only to cause harm for their personal gains or just to feel superior and I can't help myself to be vindictive. I'm not into petty score keeping, but when those malice becomes a habit or a trend, it's hard not to notice and take caution. Somebody has to shut them down, somebody has to do it so why not me? If everybody let things go, we wouldn't need the police, or the whole jurisdiction system. There wouldn't be Superman, Batman or Spiderman.



>> Monday, October 01, 2007

Besides, if I don't think people are replaceable, will I be able to survive?


It's Been Fun

I realized that it has been a month since Principe has left and I'm thankful that time seems to have passed by very fast. As I woke up this morning I felt the season changed and I felt that my state of mind changed as well. I felt happier, maybe it is really not a measure of happiness but I feel ready or maybe content, which for me is a great state to be in.

Maybe I'm ready to move on. Is it a bit heartless of me to get over someone that I have been with for 6 years in merely a month's time? There is really no point dwelling on something that's unsalvageable. It'll be a good memory and we'll always have a long distance friendship or love even, but that's about it. I will need someone who's physically in my life.

I think my refusal to get depressed and obsessed about this seperation had paid off, I have managed to drown myself in World of Warcraft and managed to gain a few friends in the process. It's been fun.


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