On The Plus Side

>> Tuesday, September 04, 2007

I guess what they say is right, "When you hit the bottom, there's nowhere to go but up." I might be in an emotional roller coaster but I am starting to feel better after communicating my feelings with DC, and ranting on this blog. After all there are honestly no way to get him back so what's the point, really?

I really feel like I could use a job change. I hate my job right now and maybe I could find something better now that I've got my green card. DC offered to send me some listing from his company. Getting me to Focus on my future helped. Being out of the house helped. Getting some sun helped. Drowning myself with TV shows and video games helped. Being in bed early and waking up earlier helped.

I thought my appetite will subside and maybe I will lose some weight in the process, but I still feel hungry around meal time. I don't feel like cooking anymore though, I'm by myself, cereal will do. They say some birds will die after their spouse, some old couple will wither away after one of them passes on. I doubt that I will have that luck. Losing weight would be a nice consolation prize.

I need to get a new job and save some money. Maybe immigrate to Australia and get a brand new start. Should I wait until I get my citizenship before leaving or does that even matter? If I could work hard for the next five years, my life could get a chance to jump start.

Or maybe it will just be as miserable anywhere else, I just need to change myself, my point of view in life. Maybe I am a failure and I should recognize it right now. Maybe whatever I do will not make a difference. Maybe I should just settle for the little pleasures in life, not that I thought I would make my mark in history but I really wanted to do something meaningful with my life, something that I am passionate about, but it doesn't seem like I'm heading that way. I wish I have the resource to do what I wanted.

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