My Gay Asian Mentality

>> Sunday, July 29, 2007

Throughout the years, I've met tons of people on gay social websites. Honestly and surprisingly, not everyone on those sites wants sex. Some of us really just want to make friends with similar backgrounds in similar situations, so I get to know a lot of people. Especially Asians, we have a respectable amount of Gay Asians here in the city but the majority of them lacks masculinity and they all wants to be picked up by some rich, older white guys.

I do understand part of it. When I first came out, I didn't know anything about 'being gay'. I knew I like boys, but that's about it. I don't know who's gay and where to meet them, I remember going to a gay club when they opened at 7:00 pm and nobody was there other than the staff and then rushed home thinking to myself that there are not really that many gay people around. I wandered around greenwich village looking for gay people and establishments but not finding any because I didn't have a gaydar back then.

An internet acquaintance was saying how he hates when othe Asians go to bar and stand in a corner acting all lonely and sad, how they don't socialize and avoid other Asians, like they are only their to cruise and nothing else. I have to admit I do act like that in a bar as well, that's why I hate going to bars, I simply don't know how to act. As a matter of fact, I still don't know how to 'cruise'. I usually do things for a purpose, and I'm taught not to look or stare at people on the streets and what other people do is none of my business. So I would never realize if othe people are looking at me. Sometimes, my friends would tell me that someone was staring at me after the fact, which I did not notice and probably would never know if they didn't tell me.

My first boyfriend was much older than me. He taught me pretty much everything about the gay culture. Now I know that people don't appear in bars until 11 at night or even later. But it comes with a cost, these "rice queens" are a special bunch of people. Generally, they have a pre-existing concept on how Asians are; docile, innocent followers and when they find out that this is not the reality they get disappointed. Some uses financial security to tie down an Asian trophy boyfriend in exchange of emotional support, given it is probably one of the most common version of marriage but that's far from real love.

Older white guys look for younger Asian boyfriends because they are much easier to acquire and the young gay Asians lack the self-confidence to find a younger counterpart and self-respect to rely on themselves financially. Maybe I'm just saying this out of jealousy, god knows it'll be so much easier to rely on somebody else, but then look at Anna Nicole and see how far it has gotten her. I just find being my own sugar daddy much more reliable.

The forementioned exboyfriend was a jerk and a racist, he first made a lot of racist comments about the Blacks and then towards Asians as well. He must be, how can you decide you will only be romantically interested with members of one race of people and not be racist? Just like Avenue Q's song "Everyone's A Little Bit Racist", I'm racist too, but my point is I rather be loved for the person I am and not for my skin color or the perception of who I am or how I should act.

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