The Measure of Being A Friend

>> Tuesday, July 18, 2006

A friend recently wrote me an e-mail thanking me for being there for him when he's going through a difficult period. He was trying to get an apartment for him and his girlfriend and paid half of his down payment in a rush because the place he found was highly sought out. He was depending on his mom to help him with the rest but did not tell her in advance that he needs the money or that he was gonna move out for that matter. Understandably the mother was quite upset and refuse to help him out, and of course he got upset as well finding that his own mother would not help him and that he will lose his down payment if he could not come up with the other half. And so he turned to his friends.

Most of his friends did not offer to help him, or maybe they couldn't help him. We are not talking about a small sum of money. We, collectively, are in our late 20s and early 30s. If we are talking about savings, I doubt we have much to begin with. So I can understand why no one offered to help, besides, most of them are thinking about marriage and owning their own homes, so I couldn't possibly fault any of them.

When my friend came to me, I did offer to help him. I'm an only child and he is like a brother to me. We went to the same school together. I was there when his dad pass away, and he was there whenever I feel down. We see each other nearly everyday including weekends and holiday. He plays a huge part in my childhood/teenage period. Although I don't have much, I offered my help, but at the end his mom changed her mind and helped him out. And I'm glad she did.

Now, he feels offended and betrayed by his friends. In his e-mail to me, he's questioning why these people called themselves his friends when they won't help him when he's in trouble. Like I said, everybody has their own life and situation to take care of, it's not that easy to help somebody when you don't even know if you can take care of yourself. Friendships cannot be measured by money, thoughts should count. I think I live in the past a lot, especially after I moved to the other side of the globe, I'm constantly thinking about my friends and the good times that we had together. I hope I never lose that.

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