DVD Review: The Forbidden Kingdom

If the Chinese would ever produce the Lord of the Rings, the Forbidden Kingdom would be it. Well, no. If you can ever translate American Chinese food into a movie, the Forbidden Kingdom would be it. Yup, that's more accurate.

The story utilized quite a few Chinese Taoist fairy tales and folk stories; the infamous monkey king which is also utilized by the Japanese for Dragonball Z; the Jade Warrior who guards the gates to heaven; the 8 dieties who reminds the world that everyone could be a deity no matter rich or poor, young or old, man or woman; the cherry blossom utopia; and the white bride which has been another movie from Hong Kong cinema. Throwing in the two biggest Asian Kung Fu star in Hong Kong and Hollywood, you've got here a guaranteed blockbuster. I should be thrilled to see so many Chinese reference in one movie, but I've got a beef with it. There are tons of Taoist fairy tales out there that would be great translated to a movie all on it's own, these kinda chop suey style pulling a character from this story and another from somewhere else and make them fight is not only disrespectful but borderline sacreligious. It's almost the same as Disney rewriting our childhood fairy tales.

The wed between HK cinema and Hollywood is a bit ridiculous as well. How do you explain a boy traveling through time to ancient China and all the sudden everyone in it is speaking English? It's Back To The Future meets Lord of the Rings meets Karate Kid. Yes, it's exciting with all the fighting and chasing around, but at some point it gets to be too much and unbelievable.

The secret is that all Hong Kong movie stars like Jet Li, Jackie Chan, Chow Yuen Fat, Stephen Chou and everyone else take pride on making it to Big Time Hollywood. But a lot of times they are used to producing lower budget films and don't quite know what to do with a bigger budget, so they make up these big ideas that they think will guarantee a box office sell but end up being mediocre. I remember a time Jackie Chan shined just with his moves and his personality and people overlooked the lower grade productions, now it seems to be the other way around, the productions have overshadowed his talents. But then both Jet and Jackie are aging, I wonder where are the newer generations of Kung Fu masters.

Other than Jet Li who played the monkey king and a monk, and Jackie Chan who played one of the immortal deities, the other younger cast members are actually quite charming. Michael Angarano of Sky High fame plays our protagonist, a young man who's in charge of returning a weapon to the monkey king. He's very likable and I think I spotted chest hairs. Yum! Liu Yifei is quite pretty and I think I mentioned her on this post, well maybe not but she's the girl on the poster. Her character kept refering to herself as a third person in the movie which was weird. Li BingBing was quite good playing the white bride, deliciously evil.

Like my view on American-Chinese food, I'm not saying that this movie is bad. I'm just saying that it's terribly unauthentic and 3 hours after watching it, I'm left with not much memory of it. There is no substance, no nutritional value. C

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Kid-napped

I remember I wanted kids before this weekend. I'm not saying that I don't want them anymore, but I guess during the weekend I've come to realized that there is a difference between reality and fantasy. There are a lot of details and logistics involved with kids and it will force me to be the adult permanently if I ever adopt or get a kid.

The weekend with ES and her family has been pleasant but exhausting, I've had a taste of life in the lands the heteros. Their schedule is wildly different from mine, they have responsibilities, they have chores and errands, they have kids. It is a big contrast of what I used to. School, day care, Japanese schools, a huge minivan, a four bedroom house with a two car garage and two car seats, troller, juice boxes, toys made of plastics, breast feeding, Dora the Explorer and Diego; It's like a whole other language. And the kids cry because they want to be picked up, and the kids cry because they want to walk on their own, and then they cry because they don't want to take a nap or because their mom is in the next room, or because they want that particular toy. I'm glad I'm just visiting, I can be the seemingly patient uncle Paul.

I was hoping to sleep in my own bed last night but dinner and dessert have made me missed my last bus home. I have mountains of laundry to do that I've been pushing it back. And my Mahjong buddies have just called to arrange a game later today, but I reckoned that everyone is busy during the week and I could use that time to do it, if I don't get too lazy.

By the way, it is also Mid-Autumn Festival today, so if you haven't had a chance to look out in the sky last night, do it tonight and stare at the full moon, it is said to be the clearest visible full moon in the year. Enjoy.

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Weekend Meme: The Last Meme

This week's Meme is found at Sue's pal, Large Tony's blog. Large Tony has recently discontinued his blog which is quite a shame and this meme is literally the last one he ever posted.

Last Kiss: I believe it's CuteCub, although being the slut that I am, I might be wrong.

Last Good Cry: I have no idea on this one. It could be 13 months ago, when Principe finally left for good.

Last Crush: I think that belongs to CuteCub too.

Last Alcoholic Drink: It might make me sound like quite the alcoholic, but I mixed my own Apple Martini at a party last weekend. It was huge and I got drunk through 2/3 of it.

Last Phone Call: Talked to BL, he asked me some questions about his new toy the 7" thick... mini laptop.

Last Text Message: To ES, telling her that I got to Washington, DC.

Last TV Show Watched: Almost finishing season 2 of Dexter which I've just bought. Well, actual TV program would be a rerun of Graham Norton on BBC America, the episode with Julian McMahon and Joan Rivers.

Last CD Played: CD I've played? Well... I don't remember playing any CDs lately. I've burned some on my iPod, the last one I burnt is probably some dance mixes.

Last Book Purchased: Illiterate here... I think I bought some Goodnight World series for ES' kids a few months ago.

Last Book Read: I can't tell you this one either, I think it might have been a Chinese Kung Fu novel.

Last Movie Seen In A Theater: From my last review that should be the House Bunny.

Last Movie Rented: Penelope

Last Download: A shitty software called Iofy.

Last Curse Word Used: Is "Shit" a curse word? If not, then it's gotta be "Fuck".

Last Beverage Consumed: Tea

Last Food Consumed: Banana tapioca pudding, not that great.

Last Item Purchased: Does food count? If not, it'll have to be a black sweater from Express.

Last Word Spoken: "Okay." That's always on my lips, I'm a yes-man.

Last Annoyance: I'm at ES' place for the weekend and somehow ES and her husband is fighting openly and loudly. I think I might have to shorten my stay.

Last Disappointment: It always have to do with some relations which I won't dwell too much into it. Well, unless you count this afternoon where I was trying to transfer Pimselur French into my iPod and that shitty software Iofy didn't work.

Anyway, have a great weekend!

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Music Invasion: Adele's "First Love"

Reporting straight from my bunker, I pulled this song out amongst quarreling couples and screaming kids. Feeling like Carrie Bradshaw, reminding myself why being single ain't so bad.



First Love

So little to say but so much time,
Despite my empty mouth the words are in my mind.
Please wear the face, the one where you smile,
Because you lighten up my heart when I start to cry.

Forgive me first love, but I'm tired.
I need to get away to feel again.
Try to understand why, don't get so close to change my mind.
Please wipe that look out of your eyes, it's bribing me to doubt myself;
Simply, it's tiring.

This love has dried up and stayed behind,
And if I stay I'll be alive,
Then choke on words I'd always hide.
Excuse me first love, but we're through.
I need to taste the kiss from someone knew.

Forgive me first love, but I'm too tired.
I'm bored to say the least and I, I lack desire.
Forgive me first love,
Forgive me first love,
Forgive me first love,
Forgive me first love,
Forgive me,
Forgive me first love,
Forgive me first love.

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Confidence Booster

Out of curiosity I posted my picture on a kid site called HotorNot.com, of course it's purely out of vanity purposes. It's hard to explain but I have had some confident issues ever since I've moved to the States, before that I was a happy go lucky loud mouth and I have no idea what changed in between.

Well believe it or not, little old me got a 9 out of 10, so I'm pretty thrilled. Of course, I know that one is one of my best pic with great lighting and good pictures of me comes far and few in between, and my score is dropping slightly but it still boosted my ego and morale a little bit.

Speaking of confidence boosters, it's a weird ritual of mine but whenever I'm planning to go out for a trip somewhere else, I want to go shop for clothes. I don't know why I feel the need to look my best in front of strangers, as if I need to convince others that this is how I usually look like. I could care less when I'm in town though, but no, since I've met more and more friends I've realized that as comfortable as I am in T-shirt, shorts and sandals, it's still not enough.

I'm not a person of style. I have three pairs of jeans and two pairs of shorts. I usually stick with my favorite and don't change until it needs to be replaced. The stores I go to are also quite standard, Macy's, Banana Republic, J. Crew, Express. Yesterday as I was doing my rounds looking for things to buy, I found nothing. Well, they are already selling fall/winter stuff and all I bought is a sweater that looks okay but too cheap to pass up.

I can't believe I can't find anything out there. I saw a red short sleeve shirt at Macy's but it costs $80. Banana Republic has a nice t-shirt, but they don't have my size and their website didn't even list it. Maybe I can find it somewhere else. Lucky Brand taught me to layer a long sleeve white t-shirt with a flannel shirt, but I'm not too sure it's the weather to get that or if I'd spend $40 for a plain white long sleeve t-shirt and I'd imagine that outfit would look more proper if I'm working at the docks of Seattle.

Went to the doctor and he told me I managed to lose 7 pounds just sitting on my ass last month. Maybe if I lose more pounds then, I can look better in clothes. I'm going to Washington, DC for the weekend to be with ES and her kids, hopefully I'll find some outfits down there.

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Taste of Homelessness

Yesterday, I was online as usual killing my time and suddenly all the lights and electrical equipments in my place were flickering. (Well, actually my ipod to speaker contraption was ok, which I still don't understand why.) The first thought that comes to my head was that something I'm using was short circuiting. Maybe a mousy was chewing on some cable and get electricuted during the process. I called my landlord and thankfully they're there, so they said they will investigate it. I was prosponing my trip to satisfy my "find things to buy" urge, but I thought, what the heck, I don't need this Exorcist style epilepsy inducing bullshit. So I shut off all the electronic devices and went out. Turns out the problem extends to the whole building and in fact the whole block.

Some electrical device in the pothole exploded and fumes were coming off it. A fire truck and some hunky firemen arrived along with and ambulance and like 6 patrol cars. After the fume rised, dark smoke followed and soon my building along with others in the one block radius were evacuated until further notice. I went and bought a wrench from the hardware store, getting ready for the heist. Somehow the sizes are not quite right, even after one exchange. Walked around aimlessly on South Street, I usually go out with a purpose and seldom go out just because, so it bugged me somewhat. I wouldn't know what to do all day if I have to live on the street.

Went to a dinner to have a very early dinner and by that time it's getting dark, so I walked up to a police officer who's standing guard around my block and asked for details and he said it will be hours before it's fixed and offer to walk me back to my building so I can pack up my laptop and go somewhere else to wait. He's pretty nice and perhaps I should have lead him back to my place and have my way with him or at least ask for his number. I got back to an empty pitch black apartment building. It looked like the scene for the next Resident Evil game. some people left their door open and I was thinking how easy it must be to take their stuff from them, but I didn't. I packed up my laptop and headed out to seat in a coffee shop with Wi-Fi. It's impossible for me to go without TV and the internet now. I'm too dependent even addicted.

BL got out of class and texted me to meet him to watch him eat and then we headed to his place to watch episodes of Golden Girls. After that, I headed back to a place with electricity but no cable or internet. I thought I'd just go to bed and pray for the best in the morning, but I pulled out my Hedwig and the Angry Inch DVD, watched the whole thing and noticed everything turned back to normal around 2am.

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The Asian Queens on TV

Well, you guys know I'm Asian, right? So maybe you'll understand my excitement of spotting some mainstream TV programs that feature Asian faces or in some case, the program itself is even Asian themed. (Can we not count Shot of Love with Tila Tequila?)



I thought I would get to watch The Cho Show (Thursdays 11pm) and write a proper review piece, but I've been quite busy on Thursdays playing Mahjong with my friends and missing out on some episodes, thankfully they do reruns and there's always the online clips. It's hard for me not to compare it with My Life on the D-List with Kathy Griffin. Unlike Kathy's show who dig up fun with Kathy's relatively normal day to day life, Margaret's show is more staged.

The first episode is about Margaret going to receive the Korean of the Year award which celebrities often do, but the whole dress picking process is unconvincing. The second episode deals with Margaret image problem, so they decide to stage a "mother-daughter" beauty pageant that everyone ends up winning. The third episode Margaret experiments with camping in the name of environmentalism and return to a time where people uses recyclable energy, so the whole casts were wearing settler's costumes. And it seems like there's always a life lesson somewhere. As much as I like Margaret, the show feels a bit made up. Although the real stars are Margaret's parents, they seems genuine, wise and hilarious. Still, I've decided to love the show and watch it religiously and I'm already booking tickets for my crew to see her live show coming up next month.



There was a 6 episodes mini-series called Samurai Girl aired two episodes per night over the past three-day weekend on ABC Family. I caught a glimpse of it on Sunday, so I've probably missed the first four episodes. It might have been aired that way because ABC wasn't sure that it would generate enough viewership and they are testing the territories, or maybe it's a special way to gain cult status and it might go big time, but it sure feels like a strange move.

The main character Heaven is played by a pretty girl named Jamie Chung, who is actually Korean and not Japanese. You can see that she doesn't have any martial art trainings by her moves - it's a bit clumsy. After a little digging, I found a surprising amount of sexy pictures online that reminds me of Tila Tequila, and after more digging, I found out that she used to be in Real World: San Diego, I think I've seen that season but I have absolutely no recollection of her. Anyway, the show is pleasant even she plays the only good Asian, everybody else seems to be in a gang or an evil ninja or something. I believe if I was an actor in Hollywood, my career would probably be like Kenneth Choi's or playing an extra in a Choi Yun Fat movie.

And then there's this guy, Mr. Wisit Parapong from this season's Top Design:

I should stop making fun of my fellow gay Asian brother, he does seem incredibly talented. Wisit is a fashion designer who wanted to be an Opera singer who's trying out to be an interior designer. But he did busted out singing Opera in the middle of his self-introduction, and his mannerism is just too funny. (Not because of the effeminacy but more like because he smiles but then he's too shy to even smile. lol) The guys from Project RunGay are calling him not your average queen but the Grand Empress, I laughed so hard. I really have to give it up for the producers at Bravo for finding these unique individuals.

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Modern Zodiac

It's amazing that even how generalizing Chinese Zodiac and Western Zodiac is, I still believe it in some levels. I wonder if the zodiacs fulfill their own prophecy, I'm a rabbit, so I must be nice. I'm a cancer, so I should stay home all the time. Honestly horoscope itself is like fortune cookies; best ignored. But then I guess there are other ways to predict and perhaps change the future, there are other weays to know yourself better and find out how you can relate to others better, perhaps even improve your life with the things you learn, and that mechanism, which I have already used and putting it aisde all this while without further exploring it is called the Jung/Meyers-Briggs Personality Test.

There are four dichotomies and each dichotomies are measured and signified by its polar opposite characteristics. Attitude: Extroverted (E) versus Introverted (I), Information Gathering Function: Sensing (S) versus Intuition (N), Decision-Making Function: Thinking (T) versus Feeling (F), and Lifestyle: Judging (J) versus Perceiving (P). Four dichotomies and each have 2 choices, it means that there are 16 different combinations which represents 16 personalities in general.

You can pretty much find the test in tons of different sites. I did mine here, but you can find it here and here as well.

I'm an INTJ, which makes me The Scientist/The Mastermind. Surprisingly or unsurprisingly, the INTJ profiles describes me to the tee. The problem is that only 2.1% of the population is INTJ, and only 1.8% of the population is ENTJ who serves as the perfect personality for my mate. and given only half of the population are men and 10% of that population is gay. It means that 1 out of 1000 I meet will be my ideal mate. Kinda a low chance, no?

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Rain Songs

It was pouring down pretty hard yesterday and I guess the same happened at Lexington where my friend Cubxotic is. We both like the rain, so we got to talking about songs that we like to sing when it rains.

Obviously:


I was singing this one yesterday. Cheesy, can't help it.

Before that, there was this gem:


One of my favorite movie, since my drama teacher showed me during high school.

And this is my all time favorite:


It's Madge and I'm gay after all and it's one of the rare spot where you can see Asians.

--- Addendum ---

Oh and I forgot this one too:

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Weekend Meme: 40 One-Word Meme

Post No. 541 is this week's meme, this one comes from cb at The Mangina Monologues, I've seen it at My 2 Cents as well but the questions are not quite the same.

The rules are quite simple, you can only type one word to answer each questions. There are no rules on whether you can repeat the same answer or not, but for the sake of making it more difficult and more fun, let's say you can't. As always, I'm not gonna tag anyone but feel free to play along. :)

1) Where is your cell phone? Reachable
2) Your significant other? Waiting
3) Your hair? Spiky
4) Your skin? Buttah!
5) Your father? Deadbeat
6) Your favourite thing? Music
7) Your dream last night? None
8) Your favourite drink? Juice
9) Your dream/goal? Homeowner
10) The room you’re in? Studio
11) Your ex? Stalker
12) Your fear? Catatonia
13) Where do you want to be in 6 years? Love
14) Where were you last night? Uncle's
15) What you’re not? Ambitious
16) Muffins? Chocolate
17) One of your wish list items? Condo
18) Where you grew up? Intercontinental
19) The last thing you did? Ate
20) What are you wearing? T-shirt
21) Your TV? Nanny
22) Your pets? Nonexistent
23) Your computer? Laptop
24) Your life? Flatline
25) Your mood? Hopeful
26) Missing someone? Fling
27) Your car? Nada
28) Something you’re not wearing? Shoes
29) Favourite store? Supermarket
30) Your summer? Miserable
31) Like someone? Always
32) Your favourite colour? Blue
33) When is the last time you laughed? Today
34) Last time you cried? Forgot
35) Who will/would re-post this? Willing
36) Whose answers are you anxious to see? Everyone's
37) Most disliked vegetable? Omnivore
38) A lovely Person? Sue
39) Country I want to visit? Greece
40) Lucky number? Secret

Have a great weekend!

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Don't Block The Box

Hanging out with Lucius again and we get to talking about his crush on a straight friend who they nicknamed The Box due to his shitty car - The Shitbox. Through the years they have maintained a pretty good friendship and 10 years later The Box had gone and married a great girl but at times Lucius would still think about his friend and perhaps reminisce and fantasize just a little. While coming across a street sign, Lucius thought The Box would be thrilled to receive that as a gift:



Me being the schemer, the rebel and the people pleaser, I'm excited to take the project to hand. We walked past several of these signs around the neighborhood and to see which one is at its best condition. Lucius had yanked a smaller street sign down before, and even these Don't Block The Box (DBTB) signs are a bit bigger and stbler, one or two pairs of pliers or an ordinary hex screwdrivers should do the job.

The only trick to this is to find the a time to do it without getting caught. These DBTB signs are usually around busy intersections, so if we need to do this it'd have to be during the wee hours of night when no cop car patrols. The whole ordeal cannot exceed more than 5 minutes or we might end up getting caught and arrested.

I went on Ebay but nobody's selling it or any replicas of it. So if I really want one we'd have to do it myself. It'd certainly add some excitement to life. I wonder if I can pay any kids to take down one for me though.

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Sick Day Rant

Woke up all tired and achy yesterday, I thought it was from a hangover I've got hanging out with BL the night before. He wanted me to see an Asian crime thriller called the Infernal Affairs. I have been really out of touch with Asian cinema, the last movie I've seen was Stephen Chow's Kung Fu Hustle which was hilarious. But honestly other than films done by Wong Kar Wai or Zhang Yi Mou or some of the kung fu movies, I have not much interest in Asian movies and by the time we were talking about it, it was already 10:30pm, so we decided to go for a drink instead.

So we ventured out, as much as I hate to miss watch the Daily Show especially during the RNC, I am thrilled to have human contact and a social life. We went to a small neighborhood bar where I met a bartender who I've had a huge crush on 7 years ago - a very nice baldheaded guy with wearing glasses. It has been a long time now and he moved from one bar to another and he's not as slender as he was back then, but I adore the guy. I remember everytime I see him he'll come in to give me a kiss on the mouth, I'm not used to that kind of expressions and I can't help but brush a little everytime I see him.

After two drinks, I'm drunk. I can't decide whether it's because my bartender crush thought that he was being nice to me by giving me more alcohol in my glass or not. Alcohol is so not the reason why I go out to drink. BL have had 5 beers and two Malibu Pineapple and he's making fun of me for getting drunk so easily. We were talking about Chinese food that we love and he hasn't had any dinner so we decided to go to Chinatown to get a bowl of wonton soup. BL is kinda tall and husky like me, well, not as husky and he loves to eat so we click in different levels. One of the most famous late night hangouts closed for the month, so we ventured to another place and got some mediocre noodle soups. At the end I was so drunk and tired that I can't even be bothered to chew, BL laughed as he walked me home.

So I went back to Chinatown yesterday for lunch so I can find some real wonton noodle soups. And along the way I picked up some tonics that supposedly helps with maintaining physical balances. I have been having too much fried food and maybe my not feeling well have something to do with the Chinese Medicinal theories of my body being too heated. The banquet food, ordering pizza and fried chicken during the late night mahjong session, staying up too late, boozing more frequently and eating durian all contributed to me feeling unwell.

Right now I have a temperature of 102 and I have a lump in my throat. There's nothing a couple of tylenol can't fix, I just hope that it's not strep throat again. That or Lyme disease. God, I'm such a hypochondraic


Found this trendy shoestore in chinatown where they hang the shoes up right next to some fake roast ducks. I thought it was a pretty cool concept.

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On Sarah Palin as Our Potential Next Next President

Yes, I said President. John McCain is 72, and the life expectancy of U.S. males is 75. If John McCain somehow miraculously gets the presidency and crooks in the next 4 years, voila, Mrs. Palin there will be our next next president. Chew on that, well, don't, some heads might explode.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not against a female veep and I totally expect McCain to nominate someone other than the stereotypical older white men. But doesn't he do a background check before nominating someone as his veep? Current scandals about Palin's pregnant teen daughter, or the fact that she fired her brother-in-law out of spite? There's her lack of experience and her views on gays and abortion and then there's her going on tape saying that she doesn't know what the vice president does. Aren't there other minorities around that would work or are there no other female Republicans with better experience? Or are all Republicans scandal-ridden that makes a former beauty queen like Palin seems like the best candidate?

As always Jon Stewart and his crew provide the most valid point in the funniest way:



Nominating Palin kinda guaranteed McCain's lost, unless the G.O.P. rejects that nomination or McCain changes his mind. Is that still possible?

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DVD Review: Spice World

Rewind back to Friday night, the night before A&Y's big day, BL came over with shooters, wine, beers and DVDs so that we can have a movie night in. BL is a young Vancouver born HongKongese who became part of the Asian group in Philadelphia. He's a lot of fun, because he knows how to party and he knows how to drink, I especially appreciate the way he dresses. (One of his T-shirt features Freddy from Nightmares on Elm Street, Jason from Friday the 13th and Michael from Halloween jumping ropes and counting "1, 2, we're gonna come get you.") Even though he's not natively born in Hong Kong, he knows all the cultural references and expressions and I adore him for that. Being the rare 6 feet Asian guys that we are, we have became fast friends in a short period of time. I secretly wished that I was as intelligent and young as he is.

So after going to see The House Bunny with me, he felt the need to prove to me that he's not an art film buff and that he watches trashy movie as well. So he brought over Matthew McConaughey's Failure to Launch and his trash movie favorite Spice World. I'm afraid to admit that when the Spice Girls first came out, I swooned. All 5 girls portraying 5 different personality, it's like an RPG game. There wasn't much girls band back then and they were quite good until they got overplayed to the max and became a trend not to like them. I loved their first album, I just thought that they didn't have the material to make a good second one.

Well, I think Spice World is created as a response to the mass Spice Girls fanatics. The movie itself have not much of a plot and the whole thing seems to be quite ad-libbed. It sorta reminds me of Help by the Beatles when the paparazzi chase the girls around the city of London. There are a lot of celebrity cameos (Elton John, Roger Moore, Alan Cummings, Elvis Costello...), there are a lot of landmarks scenes, there are a lot of song and dance, but everything seems disjointed and there are not much substance.

BL says it's so bad that it becomes fabulous and he thinks even the girls know it's bad so they are really not trying to be anything. But I think it's so bad that it's terrible and I'm wondering if it's a form of BL's revenge for me to have dragged him to see the House Bunny. Although the movie is kinda shitty, I still had a great time watch DVDs with BL, We watched the Joy Luck CLub before this one which is a masterpiece and we finished with watching episodes of Weeds, I don't think I can ever get tired of that show. Now that BL is starting to be the TA and working on his PhD program, I'm afraid that we might now get to hang out as much. D-

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The Cheese-Filled Day, Pt. 2

5:00pm - Picked up another set of buttoniers after Y plead and stuck a $100 dollar bill in my pocket before rushing off from the Art museum. Me and the 4 bridesmaids were the only people there in the restaurant. We thought there would be Mahjong at the restaurant as in every other banquet but apparently we were wrong. A's dad rented a separate place for it, but the girls deemed the place to be a little complicated and refused to go. We're not saying it's triad owned but it's not that far apart. They are all trembling under the air conditioning, one of them asked me if they can use my jacket and then started sniffing after I handed it to her which I thought it was rude.

6:00pm - Helped with setting up and carrying cases of Remy Martin to the banquet hall. I'm starting to get pooped. Thank god two familiar faces came up, my recently turned best buddy BL and a very nice and charming girl WJ whom I've met once before came over. I'm so relieved, I immediately switched seats.

7:00pm - We're starving and the fruit plate, the cookie plate and the candies are not helping much. More people got there but the hall is just half filled. Since the invitation said 7:00pm, I've decided that everybody else coming in from that point are late and we should start the banquet without them.

7:30pm - Still starving. I suggested that we might want to get a bowl of wonton noodle soup around the corner and then come back later. BL countered by saying it could start soon and we don't want to miss the first few courses.

8:00pm - I'm famished and started to wonder if I can find some prosciutto somewhere to wrap around the melons. it won't be much better but at least I'll be entertained and feel somewhat proud of myself.

8:20pm - Finally the MCs of the night started to get people to sit down and introduced the families of the bride and groom to some kinda house music. And the bride and groom came in. We clapped and cheered. Apparently the father of the groom is quite famous amongst the Chinese community and the mother of the bride works at the restaurant. So the owners and everybody else who's someone in Chinatown got introduced as VIP guests. The owner of the restaurant gave the groom a gold plaque and the bride a huge jade pendant and a huge pearl pendant. It's a bit My Big Fat Chinese Wedding-ish. I was waiting for the car and the deed of a house to come out, but no. I was wondering why they can't serve us food and talk at the same time.

8:40pm - Finally food. I was expecting loud cheesy traditional Chinese music and there it was. SV's family was supposed to come but they are running an hour late, BL and me cheered at the thought that we can have huge portions of the dishes before they arrived. We each got 3 huge deep fried stuffed crab claws. BL had 4 beers and hid our Remy Martin under his chair. Apparently he's a lush and we have no shame.

9:00pm - We're not the only people who have no shame. Apparently people think it's alright to sing to the married couple as a sign of their good will, even though they can't freaking sing and I have sensitive ears. One of the MC in a yellow dress works as an entertainer for weddings and all, and she sings so out of tune. And then all the relatives and friends went out one by one and sing -- badly.

9:30pm - I'm enjoying the shark fin soup and covering my ears between sips. I can still hear everything perfectly because the speakers are way loud. I feel like I was being slapped every time someone sing out of tune or mispronounce a Chinese character.

10:00pm - SV's family arrived, I stuck the last piece of squid down my face. The yellow dress MC is singing and doing the twist and she started another song by screaming Everyone Let's Cha-Cha, BL and I have decided that she's fierce and we must have her! The way she's smiling is just unnatural, no one can pull out that brainwashed grin, not even the little girl in the Olympics who lipsynched.

10:15pm - The yellow dress MC started playing games with the groomsmen and the bridesmaids by dancing the chicken dance and the macarena with her extra hyper happy face. The bride yelled for me and BL to go out. I pretend I didn't hear her, BL waved and smiled.

10:30pm - I'm stuffed. The wait staff are handing out boxes and bags and SV's family is wrapping every dish up. I barely got a taste of the rest but I figured I have had the ones that I really wanted. There should still be half a dozen of dishes coming out but they have started singing karaoke again and I don't think it's worth staying and get tortured by the sounds. BL reminds me of the delicious braised noodles at the end and I sighed.

10:45pm - How come there are no eye candies around? SV came by half drunk all shit-faced. He's usually very dark and tanned, but somehow he managed to turn a purplish color.

11:00pm - Finally it's over. I really wanted to take the fried rice home but SV's brother got it from underneath me. We took the bottle of Remy though. A line is forming to take pictures with the bride and groom. It felt like we've just been on one of those rides and we survived. Waited with WJ for her ride and walked BL home. Before we part, we decided it was a very unique experience and we'll be making fun of it for years to come.

11:30pm - As I'm walking back to my place I saw Lucius on his way to a bar, he said I looked good and asked me if I want to go have a drink with him. I was too tired and I'm not going to a leather bar in a suit but a compliment is all I needed after a long day.


I can't complaint about the food other than it being late, this is one of the best dishes of the night. Shrimp, Scallop, Squid, Sea Cucumber stir-fried with Chinese Broccoli in a taro bowl. Yum.

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The Cheese-Filled Day, Pt. 1

8:30am - Having been asked to be one of the best men and I'd be picked up at 9:30am, I begrudgingly left the warmth of my bed. Why me? SV said A (the groom) doesn't have much single friends, him and I are probably it. We asked around and nobody wants to participate in the embarrassing bride receiving ceremony and I can understand why. But poor schmuck.

9:30am - I'm ready to go, SV called and said he won't be able to pick me up until an hour later and apologized. I said "It's not my wedding, you don't need to apologize to me." I took off my jacket and start browsing for porn.

10:30am - Finally, SV picked me up and we are heading to the A's place. SV told me that he want us to color coordinate and asked me to wear my red shirt and a silver tie. I did but apparently he changed his mind, so I'm the only one looking like a triad member. Down the street a lady is hanging her sheets to air dry in the middle of the street, blocking the whole block. Maybe she's crazy.

11:00am - At A's place. A got a few married friends to help out, we drove over to Y's place to "kidnap" the bride. I just realized that SV had shaved his goatee, not good, his face needs it.

11:15am - We got there, the photographers asked us to back out and drive in again so they can shoot again. They have us waved like we were all hyper and crazy while yelling "Hands higher" and "More action". The crazy Chinese photographer are the pits of the Asian Tourist Syndrome. I thought they will do it paparazzi style and capture a moment, but no, we have to act them all out like some sort of play. It's too contrive for my taste.

11:25am - The games have commenced. In the Chinese tradition, it is the bridesmaids' duty to play hard to get. The groom and his men needs to perform tasks, give money and pretty beg for them to release the bride. The bridesmaids will try to embarrass the groom as much as possible, I've heard horror stories about eating disgusting things or wasabi straight from the tube to show your sincerity, sing stupid songs, answering questions that other people have no business knowing. We have prepared red envelopes with money in them to bribe the girls, who are all behind the closed gate, but we are meant to negotiate the price down.

11:35am - SV is sweating like a madmen, partly because he doesn't know how to speak Chinese clear enough to negotiate anything. The girls had received some money and now we have to do push-ups one by one. Only 10 per person and it seems incredibly easy, the groom did it, SV and another best man did it, it comes to my turn and I don't have much upper body strength. The girls are complaining how I don't lie all the way down. One of them opened the gate, maybe she was going to push me down, but I caught the gate with my left hand and yanked it open. The girls screamed and receded to the second floor where they kept the bride. We marched in, I got one for the boys.

11:40am - All there's left between the groom and the bride was a wooden door. And the girls didn't even close it they just stood before it like we couldn't get passed them. Amateurs. They wanted the groom to sing songs until they are satisfied enough to let us in. What a joke. A few of us just rammed, and we got in. They stood aside and complaint about non-existing bruises. All the sudden, I have became the brute, the aggressor, the Mob Boss.

12:15pm - We got back to A's house with the bride. They did the tea ceremony for Y's parents at Y's house and they're doing the same for A's parents at A's house. We ate some stuff that A's family prepared and started playing Mahjong. To make the bridesmaids happier, we have given them another set of red envelopes. That would teach them to be such amateurs. All the sudden 5 of the 8 bridesmaid are playing Mahjong with little old me and I felt immensely popular. (I have to agree that there were not much eye candies amongst the groomsmen.)

2:15pm - We headed out to the art museum to take more pictures and the photographers are making us do more cheesy poses. Four girls were in the back of SV's huge Jeep in skimpy dresses. I'm helping them get in and get out of the car, carrying their bags. All the sudden my outfit made sense, not only was I the Mob Boss, I was also the Pimp.

2:30pm - "Move in slow motion", "carry that bag for me", if the photographers weren't Y's uncles I would have punched them until they see stars. But then I'm there to help, even though it was 90 degrees out there and everybody were sweating like hell, we were just there to help and play extras. "Put out your hands and say Tada", "Put out your hands and form a bridge so the bride and groom can go underneath them", all the sudden I realized I am no Pimp, I'm just a clown performing cheesy acts. I hope my intolerance for cheese don't come across in my pictures.

4:00pm - Back in the car, SV's dropping me home so I can take a shower and change into something more toned down for the banquet. I think I'll save my silver tie until I need to scare some kids straight next time.


YvesPaul working the Triad look.

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Weekend Meme: Smut Meme

Dug this up from Kyle's old blog Atomic Pop, the sexual tone of this blog might have increased a bit, since I have a lot of free time on my hand. My new straight friends A & Y, are having their traditional Chinese wedding ceremony done today and I've been selected to be one of the best men. As like most other Chinese, they didn't register anywhere, so I'm thinking of getting them some sex toys as part of their wedding gifts. Nothing too scary, just a blindfold, some restraints and a bottle of whipped cream. Y doesn't like chocolate much.

1. chocolate or whipped cream: Um... chocolate for me, high calories but whipped cream doesn't hang on as good as chocolate. lol.

2. leather or pvc: Definitely leather, I love the intoxicating smell and PVC doesn't breath at all. And I hate the smothering feeling and the sweat not being able to go anywhere.

3. outdoor sex or indoor sex: I don't think I've ever tried outdoor sex and I don't think I have the urge to try it.

4. in the jacuzzi or in bed? Never tried the jacuzzi, so I wouldn't know. I think I like the bed better though.

5. bad sex or no sex: Um... how bad are we talking about? I mean how bad could it be? No sex is kinda harsh, no?

6. dominate or be dominated: Be dominated, dominate can be fun too but then I'm a pleaser.

7. thigh highs or bodystocking: What? Neither... Well, I can see myself wearing boots more than stocking.

8. fast or slow: Both, that's skill. The perfect sex usually starts slow and then speeds up.

9. rough or gentle: It's like fast or slow. You would want a mixture or both, maybe not in the same session but the perfect lover should be able to do both.

10. bite or suck: Are we talking about nipples? Then both, well I agree with Kyle and say nibble.

11. role play or reality: Reality, role play is good every now and then but it's too much work.

12. dirty talking or dirty talking to: Dirty talking to, love a verbal partner.

13. edible panties or no panties: No undies, I don't need a snack, there's plenty other things to keep my mouth busy as it is.

14. spanking paddle or bare-handed: If I have to choose, it would have to be bare-handed, although It doesn't interest me much. Unless my partner is into receiving, then it's his choice.

15. landing strip or kojak: I had to google who Kojak was. Assuming we are talking about pubes, it doesn't really matter much to me. Just don't come with a rainforest with animals and snakes lying around.

16. multiple sessions or one good fuck: Multiple sessions. That's a no-brainer.

17. moaning or screaming: Moaning, screaming is a bit hostile isn't it?

18. older men or young men: Both. All of them. Now!

19. threeway or no way: Threeway! Forgies! Fun is fun. I'm capable of being monogamous, but I can be into polyamory.

20. swing or so swinging: Swing as in swingers? I don't know never tried. I never tried the other kinda swing either, so again, I don't know.

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Wish you are having a fun-filled weekend!

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When Closure Needs To Be Slammed Shut

I was just thinking how good I am at writing people off of my life the other day. I've read during one of my psychology class that there are 6 factors in creating and maintaining a relationships.

- Physical Proximity: You can't build a relationship if you can't find ways to be close to that person.

- Similarity: You can't build a relationship if you don't have anything in common with that person. (That might include attitudes, interests, background, personality, values, social skills, social status and beliefs)

- Familiarity: You can't build a relationship if you don't see that person often enough or if you don't know anything about them.

- Reciprocity: You can't build a relationship if the person will not participate in the building.

- Physical Attractiveness: You can't build a relationship if the person repulse you physically.

- Benefits: You can't build a relationship with a person if you don't feel positive about it.

You'd be surpised on how easy it is to unbuild an existing relationship. Take my work for instance, once I've left the organization I've managed not to keep in contact with everyone that I used to deal with on a daily basis. Exboyfriends, friends with benefits, annoying teasers who's taken but still flirts like crazy and who'll sleep with you when their boyfriends are not around but completely refuse any of your advances when their boyfriends are and swear that they really like you a lot and want you to be their friends - just friends. All I had to do was not to contact them and presto, I don't have to deal with them ever again. Well, at least that's what I think. Every now and then there are those who persist.

Crazy 7 year long stlaker exboyfriend texting: "How could you live with yourself knowing how much I loved you." Um bitch, you took advantage of me while blaming your problems on everyone else, on top of that you made me miserable and I think you still owe me money, how could YOU live with YOURself? We went out for 3 years and I have not contacted him since we broke up, but the nut case is still leaving me angry messages when he's drunk from time to time.

Macho and Calico Guy, flings from a year ago are resurfacing. Both nice guys, both I can't see myself being with romantically. I can see they really want to pursue something but I don't think we are compatible enough, and say I don't want what I can have but I've been there done that and it didn't work. Same goes to Medic Guy, I've gotten a few emails and phone calls lately, but I've tried and didn't work. We broke up 5 times in 3 months, isn't that enough?

It's not like I really want to write them off my life. My problem is that I don't know how to transform an used-to-be sex buddy into a just-friend. I don't think it's possible and I feel awkward. Maybe I should break out of my mold.

Would gay men have any friends if they ignore everyone they had sex with?

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Music Invasion: Jennifer Hudson's "Spotlight"

A few months ago there was a sneak peek of Jennifer Hudson's upcoming album cover and a controversy followed on whether they have photoshopped her picture down to a size that's more pleasing to the general population or at least to the records executive. It reminds me of the Margaret Cho story in which her body was being criticized and she was on all kind of diet, her weight go up and down and her self-confidence get shattered. Hopefully, she's not going through that.

I hung out at the bar Tuesday night and they were playing this latest video from Jennifer and she looks good. Not that I didn't like her before, her personality outweighs her body type. She does look like she slimmed down a lot, but I didn't think it was necessary nor did I felt that Missy Elliot needed to lose weight, but if it makes them feels better than I guess it's ok.

Love her voice, I think after her performance in Dreamgirls, a lot of us gays are anticipating her album. Co-produced by NeYo, you can really hear his beats in this song. Not extremely catchy, but it's still a pretty nice song. Can't wait for the album to come out on September 30.



Are you a man who loves, cherishes and cares for me?
Is that true? Is that true? Is that true?
Are you a guard in a prison, maximum security?
Is that true? Is that true? Is that true?
Do we stay home all the time cuz you want me to yourself?
Is that true? Is that true? Is that true?
Or am I locked away, had a feeling I’d find someone else
Is that true? Is that true? Is that true?

[Chorus]
Well, I don’t like living under your spotlight
Just because you think I might find somebody worthy
Well, I don’t like living under your spotlight
Baby if you treat me right, you won’t have to worry

Is this relationship fulfilling your needs as well as mine
Is that true? Is that true? Is that true?
Or is this just my sentence, am I doing time?
Is that true? Is that true? Is that true?
If this is love, real, real love, then I’m staying no doubt
Is that true? Is that true? Is that true?
But if I’m just your prisoner, then I’m busting out
Is that true? Is that true? Is that true?

(Chorus)

Oh, you oughta be ashamed of yourself
What the hell do you think you’re doing?
Loving me, loving me so wrong.
Baby, all I do is try
To show you that you’re my one and only guy
No matter who may come along
Open your eyes cuz baby I don’t lie

(Chorus x2)

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Annoyances

It seems that I've got this reputation in the building I live in. One online friend just told me that he knows someone who lives in my building and his impression of me is "That stud who brings people back to his place all the time." Funny, I'm sure my friend used the word "stud" to be nice, the guy probably used the word "whore" instead. What is he talking about anyway? I didn't think I was that promiscuous, although I seldom go out if I do meet someone, I prefer the comfort of my own home and I dislike the walk of shame. But seriously I hook up once a week or less in average and that's kinda pitiful for a gay man. It's not like I don't know the means of hooking up, going to bars, going online, etc... But I don't know how to cruise online, at the bars or on the streets, I'm practically useless. When friends tell me their sexual conquest, I'm surprised and intrigued, jealous but at the same time studious on the hows. Although that bizarre reputation of mine is fascinating, maybe he had mistaken me with someone else, or maybe he thought Medic Guy was a trick, NeighborBear and the one lived below me thought I was straight for the longest time.

Another building complaint is that my kitchen ceiling is leaking water now, I have to put a bucket around to collect the water. It happens whenever the person two floors above me wash her dishes. Disgusting. And it makes my apartment smell, I thought it was because I made shrimps the other day and it might be my trash, but I've taken the trash out and the place still smells, not that bad, but I can still detect it. I've been spraying my Polo Blue everywhere in hopes to get rid of the smell but it didn't help much.

Other than that, it seems like someone had stolen my credit card number and used it around Home Depot and a Supermarket far away from me. My credit card company called, they've caught it but had to cancel my credit card. I think I need to get a shredder for my financial trash and watch where I use my credit card. It's not the first time it happened to me. Since I don't have to swallow the expenses, it's mostly just the inconvenience of waiting for the brand new card and change all my online shopping account to the new number.

I wonder if all these annoyance or bad luck can be trace back to me. I brought the guys home, I chose to live here, I didn't shred my bills when I throw them away. I also stayed at my job all those years and didn't look around, I'm too anti-scoial to make friends or hook up and I fall in love too easily and get my heart broken time after time. My crazy ex is also texting me to taunt me even after years of excommunication of my part. Maybe I can't blame anything on anyone but me.

Well, life is actually not that bad. I'm in perfect health. My laptop is working fine. And I have a few leads to prospective jobs. Not a single interview yet, but since my friends are both insiders, it's very possible that I could get a job soon and I'm still officially on vacation. Hopefully things will look up. (Cross my fingers)

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