Streak of Bad Luck

Well, not much as bad luck but I've been really busy this week.

Other than it being the deadline of two major time-consuming reports, everyone at work seems to just come to me for everything. I think since it's my first decent job for a while, I was too eager to prove myself and it results to a general acknowledged competency which in turn built a trust with a lot of people, so when they have some tasks that they want to accomplish, they come to me. The moral of the story is - it's best to act dumb. Other than that, I belong to a lunch club where 9 members each cook twice a month for the others, so we don't have to buy lunch outside. We have a pretty well equipped kitchen and we're surrounded by nothing but fast food for blocks, so it only make sense to this. Inadvertently, I have become quite famous for my cooking and whenever there are some activities that have something to do with food, they come to me. So I've spent the whole day last Sunday baking for Valentine's day candy gram at school for 60+ people, prepped for a class that I taught on chocolate, making chocolate truffles, chocolate covered this and that. More prepping on Monday, taught on Tuesday, cooking for lunch club on Wednesday. All the while working on my deadlines and other things that got piled on me. So I got sick.

I have learned to say no, but an old habit die hard. We're supposed to have a staff development day on Tuesday and they want me to make lunch for 15 people. I said no. Especially when the budget is $50, I mean what can you do for $50? They specifically said if I go over I'll have to chip in and I'm so tired of cooking at this point. I've said no. I'm sick. But a few people talked to me about it and sending me emails and stuff and I feel pressured. I don't want to become the Asian servant that everyone comes to for menial tasks and I don't want to be the one who had to sacrifice his days off doing these things while I'm already putting in 10 hours a day while others go on with their lives or their second jobs. I also don't want to chip in while I have to work at it already, I don't get paid enough as it is.

I'm sorry, I'm not particularly in a good mental space right now. I just paid $300 federal taxes because I worked two jobs this year. I was somehow expecting some money back for working so hard but it's not necessarily related. Mitt Romney got to pay 16% while people like me who worked 2 jobs get shafted. On top of that my state ID had expired and I found out that I might have misplaced or lost my green card which means that if I want it replaced I'll have to shelf out another $600. Everything is so discouraging. At least I have a job, right?

Sorry for the rant. On the bright side, I've learned that after a ranting session, things usually turns brighter. So here's to hope. I'll spend the rest of my long weekend thinking what I can do with $50.

Read more...

Reboot (pt. 2)

The break up happened very suddenly. It was supposed to be his birthday and we went out for lunch after I gave him some presents. He was acting strange the whole time which I took it as his usual birthday blues. At the end of the meal, I asked him what is wrong and he told me he wanted to break up. Two days later, he came over to take what he has in my apartment and two hours later I've erased all our online contacts. It's like we've never known each other but I guess there were always signs. Last time I saw one of our mutual friend and ask him if he wanted to join in the birthday celebration, that friend looked extremely guilty. When Adam Bouska's NOH8 Campaign was in town and I really wanted to go for a couple picture, he flatly refused. The abruptness of the breakup led me think that there's somebody else, which was confirmed by a friend who saw his profile on one of the online app. While it is all good, I'm just shocked by the lack of any communications. I was the fool who thought everything was going well.

Any break up is, of course, depressing. And since it happened, I have been submerging myself with work, which is plentiful. I have been picked up by a charter school in a sketchier part of the city; a charter school that caters to low-income, out-of-school youth, helping them to return to school to get their High School diploma. Even though, the pay is not ideal, I feel fortunate that I now have health and dental insurance. I have to admit that I didn't join the organization because I like help people, I was at a stage where the moral high ground was non-essential, I was willing to do almost anything, but I have to admit that it feels good to be able to find meaning in my job.

We are a progressive school and we install all kinds of measures to help kids graduate. Everyone is very involved in the education of these kids (18-21). Each of us mentor a few of these kids and each of them have a case manager to help out with their child care, financial health, mental health being and all social service needs. We give them gift certificates and subway card for them to come to school. We give them money for them to go to school. Do you know how long it took me to wrap my head around this concept? And yet, kids don't come to school. I haven't never heard of these things. And if a kid is failing a class, we drop their lowest perform session and average the rest. And we network them with various college and job site so that after they graduate, they will be either working or in college. I see the value of the school but how could we get them ready for real life by treating them like kings and queens?

Anyway, a job is a job and I sincerely don't hate it.

Read more...

Reboot

I have deliberately taken a whole year off this blog because of a few reasons. I wasn't really happy with my life at the end of 2010. Sure I had a boyfriend that I adore but after two years of unemployment starting at the end of 2008, I was met with the end of my unemployment compensation and I had to borrow money to keep up with all my bills and expenses and all I could find as a job with my work experience and my Master's degree is to be a manager in training at a Dunkin Donuts in a sketchy neighborhood catering to addicts and drug dealers, working 55 hours, 6 days a week for near minimum wage.

It was physical labor for a boss who was undereducated and all she knows about managing is to act loud and bossy. It wasn't her fault and at the end of her training, I did learn loud in my head on what is what in a store like hers. The business model of the company is to lower expenses and make everyone replaceable disregarding experience, so employees are treated like dirt. I think that may reign true in any fast food restaurants. You don't have to offer anyone raises since there will be tons of high-schoolers lining down the door waiting to replace you. I had done my damnest to be the best employee possible. Working almost 10 hours a day for 6 days unfortunately doesn't leave me enough time to blog.

I was very afraid that my boyfriend would leave me because I didn't have time for him and when I do, I'm thoroughly tired. Physically and mentally. Most days I have to go to bed at 8pm so I can wake up at 3am in the morning to make it to work by 4am, all the while having an unreasonably demanding boss on my back. I was transferred to a better neighborhood after 3-month of work and doing less hours which means that I get paid less but still enough to survive. To my boyfriend's credit, he didn't leave me, not until after I found a decent job.

I guess I cannot fault him. After being put in the bottom of the pit, I was determined to come back up, so I did not exactly quit the Donuts but move it to the weekend. With both the equally demanding new job and the Donuts, I think I have failed to shown as much passion to the boyfriend as before and it broke. That or it had long been broken and the now ex-boyfriend had just stayed with me until I got back on my feet. In my head, I thought I was working hard for our future together, I want to be an equal partner and not lagging behind. I guess that was foolish. Either way, that's the end of that. What's ironic is that after a few more months I quit the Donuts, I just don't see the point of working so hard any more. It doesn't seem that I have anything to work for anymore.

Read more...

Can I Help You, Sir?

I'm one of the 99ers that you've heard about, in the beginning of last month my unemployment compensation has ran out and since the economy wasn't picking up, the check that I get from the government is actually a lot higher than any job I can find out there, not to mention it's a lot easier just to process a claim form than actually got through the motion of finding a job and working, so why not just sit on my ass?

And of course I have been looking for work. It's just the longer I sit out, the less confident I am with my skills so it gets harder and harder. I was doing a three day project with a placement office that was only interested in me then and there. Went through a few interview and a training day with Macy's who wanted me to sell women's shoes for minimum wage. I almost gone through with it too, if it's not for a friend who recommended me to be a Manager in Training for a fast food/coffee shop chain. It doesn't pay much more, but unlike Macy's they want me to work more than 35 hours which is a salary that I can almost live by. The drawback about it is that I'm required to work more than 55 hours and 6 days a week to justify the salary they are giving me, which is still a chunk less than my unemployment checks but as the Chinese proverb goes "When your horse dies, you've got to walk on your own", so here's me trying to walk/crawl.

Since the day that I interviewed with the manager/trainer, she had informed me that I would be dealing with a lot of undereducated people, both costumers and employees alike. And since I don't have any retail experience, she intended to start me from the ground up. From day to day, I'm in charge of fixing coffees, restocking, displaying products, cleaning, mopping, washing. I also have to be on my feet for 10+ hours a day, I have been quite out of shape, so I'm just not used to this kind of physical activities. Waking up at 4:30 in the morning to go to work also means that at night I'll being falling asleep around 8:30-9:30. I find that it's not something that I can help, around that time my eyes will automatically close on their own and even though I might be watch TV or reading blogs, my focus is gone and I will need to be in bed or I'll zonked out sitting up.

The people are a colorful bunch as well. The store I work at is at a "bad part" of town, some might even call it the ghetto. The people I work with are mostly Asian who speak little English with one white college kid, a few teenage mom, a black guy and another mom who works two jobs. Most of them are nice but have some sort of attitude problems. The customers are mostly blacks who are either meek or seriously unhappy to start with, knowing that the customer is always right, my only self-defense is with being overtly courteous. I feel like I'm from the south. With any single transaction, I'm dishing out 4~5 "sir"s/"maam"s and a couple "thank you"s. Anything that can be perceived to be wrong, people will start yelling, screaming and asking for compensations.

Our daily usual customers include a group of about a dozen people who are drug users, ringlead by a guy with muscular dystrophy riding in a powered wheelchair which rides like a tank. He's a pretty good looking black guy with a cropped beard. One time, I got off the same bus as him and had to run to the shop because I was going to be a few minutes late and that wheelchair outran me, so I'm pretty sure he'll be able to outrun any cops. To interact with these drug users are a fun part of the day, all of them order either white chocolate with whip cream filled all the way like a frozen yogurt but the thing is that they are not really coherent like they are drunk or something like a bunch of zombies. They all seat at the same corner furthest from anyone and occasionally we'll see someone flashing some cash, which our manager will come out and tell them not to or she'll call the cops. On the sly though, my manager knows that the store somehow became one of their camps and they are paying customers, so there's nothing much she can do.

Last Monday, I needed to attend a orientation session with the local franchisee's headquarter which I was surprised to find out that the whole management is composed with all Cantonese-speaking Chinese. The trainer herself is a Cantonese speaker who spoke English better than mine, the CFO is a Chinese guy, so is a gaggle of office ladies in their cubicles, the only non-Cantonese person is a black receptionist named Leisha. The training session with about 30 people of different races happens in a large meeting room where along one of the walls lined pictures of their 34 branches and under each of these pictures was a small plague with the name of the person managing each of these stores. I scanned through the names of these people since one of them is my friend and the other is the store I currently working at, of these 34 people, 33 of them were Asian and later through my friend, I found out that the other is white. Also 33 of them were female. I'm sure the owner has some control issues and I can't help but wonder what were the thoughts in my fellow colleagues head when they found out that they will never become managers.

So that's my life right now, Wake up before the cocks crow, go to work, come back and go groceries shopping, cook, eat, watch and hour or two of TV and go back to sleep. I just finished a 12-day shift without rest and rest up on X'mas. I've gained a brand new perspective and a deep appreciation of the ways of people with low income. Instead odf settling for this or actually become a branch manager, I have to believe that there's a light at the end of the tunnel. With my persistent on job applications, I have received 4 phone interviews so far and I'm expecting to hear back from a few of them after New Year's. Maybe I'll have to go on a few more, face-to-face interviews to secure them, hopefully I'll get a new job come January or February. As much as I'm trying to be a good coffee seller, my hands are breaking up from touching too sanitizers all the time and my feet aches and throbs every night. The trick now is to be able to take off a day or two to go on interviews without raising suspicions. Wish me luck.

Read more...

$1,000 House

Came across this story when I was on Yahoo!:

Radical cheap: $1,000 homes

The real estate market is so awful that buyers are now scooping up homes for as little as $1,000. There are 18 listings in Flint, Mich., for under $3,000, according to Realtor.com. There are 22 in Indianapolis, 46 in Cleveland and a whopping 709 in Detroit. All of these communities have been hit hard by foreclosures, and most of these homes are being sold by the lenders that repossessed them.

"Foreclosures have turned banks into property management companies," said Heather Fernandez, a spokeswoman for Trulia.com, the real estate Web site. "And it's often cheaper for them to give these homes away rather than try to get market value for them."

In Detroit for instance, Century 21 Villa owner Randy Eissa has a three-bedroom, one-bath bungalow of about 1,000 square feet listed at just $500. It's a nice place with lots of light, but it needs a total rehabilitation inside, which Eissa estimates will cost between $15,000 and $20,000. But that's not bad, considering that the home last sold for $72,000 in late 2007, according to Zillow.com.

With prices this low, lenders aren't looking to make any money on these deals. They just want to get these houses off their books, so they don't have to bear the cost of maintaining them and paying property taxes.

In fact, the $500, $1,000 or $3,000 that a buyer forks over often goes straight to the real estate brokers as a commission. And often the lenders have to kick in extra cash to make it worthwhile for a realtor even take the listings, according to Eissa.

"Usually these homes are bank repossessions that the lenders have already tried to sell on the market, perhaps then put up for auction without success and then re-listed," he said.

Fixer uppers

These houses are almost always small fixer-uppers. Wiring, plumbing and heating systems have to be replaced, walls and ceilings sheet-rocked, plumbing and light fixtures installed and new kitchen cabinets and counters put in. Few come with working appliances.

Often buyers are legally required to rehab these homes to bring them up to code. In Detroit, buyers are required to sign Affidavits of Compliance Responsibility, which obligates them to make repairs outlined in an inspection report. Only after that can a certificate of occupancy will be issued, which makes the house legal to live in.

But even factoring in these costs, they're still bargains.

And as the housing crisis drags on, there are more and more four-figure listings popping up, as lenders try to unload their repossessed properties.

Cleveland is another city with many incredibly inexpensive homes. On Ardenall Avenue, in East Cleveland, McMullen Realty has a listing for a four-bedroom, one-and-a-half bath house for $1,900. It's been vandalized inside, but the outside is in good shape.

It features a deep front porch with Doric columns, double dormer windows and a separate garage. It's an excellent opportunity, according to agent Tonya Stoudamire. The last time it sold was in March of 2008 when it went for $16,677, according to Zillow.

"East Cleveland has a beautiful housing stock," she said. "These houses just need someone to come in and love them a little."

Another property for sale in Birmingham Ala. is priced at $1,900. The one-bedroom, one bathroom home was built in 1923 and has major fire damage, according to its listing broker, Tom Murphy Realty. The listing states that "Rooms are hard to distinguish."

But it's on a nice-sized lot, about 0.38 acre, close to downtown and transportation and has all utilities. Nearby, comparable homes in good condition sell for about $100,000, according to Zillow.

Rehab money

Most of these $1,000 homes can be renovated relatively inexpensively, and buyers can actually get government help to finance these repairs. The U.S. Department of Housing and Urban Development (HUD) has a special loan program for just such purchases.

Its rehabilitation mortgage insurance, available through FHA-approved lenders, was designed to encourage banks to issue a single, long-term loan to buyers that covers both the acquisition and rehabilitation of a property, according to HUD spokesman Brian Sullivan.

He adds that there may also be grant money available from the $4 billion Neighborhood Stabilization Program, which was a part of the massive housing rescue bill passed by Congress in July, to assist buyers with grants for down payments.

Buying homes like these is certainly a leap of faith; they're generally not in the best of neighborhoods and they're often surrounded by many other vacant and deteriorating homes. Still, some of these neighborhoods may turn around and provide residents with good, dirt-cheap housing.

"It's a sad time," said Stoudamire. "But it's also a time of opportunity, especially for low and moderate income people."

I didn't expect anyone to read the whole thing, hell I didn't, but I wonder want kind of a house you could get for $1000. Probably like a car that you can get for $200. Maybe this is one of the rare opportunities that happens once every couple decades where one can acquire properties, too bad I'm not in the position to invest.

A few nights ago in the $200 car, my straizian friend was explaining to me that actually most people acquire wealth by saving like mad, buying a property, paying it off fast and buy another one and rent it out. The details elude me. I think people weren't kidding about saving 60% of your paycheck in the bank and I haven't done so for the past decade. One of my friends actually does it and own a couple properties in South Philly, probably with the help of his parents. Also he's an accountant and does some side business. The discipline of it is what I admire. Principe actually had a very similar dream, he said he'd love to buy an apartment building and rent it out, then he won't ever need to work again. I never thought it was achievable.

Anyone feeling like moving to Detroit?

Read more...

The Dream That Broke My Fever

Last night I dreamt that my brother, my mother and I were escaping from some sort of dark force and some guy discovered our identity and blackmailed my mother. Strange, because I don't have a brother and my mom died a long time ago. It could have been the codeine speaking and it could be because I was watching True Confessions of a Hollywood Starlet on Lifetime.

In my dream, I was strangling the person who blackmailed us, trying to throw him in front of a train but missed. It felt real and I think I was calculating how to block the air of the person and I hanged on until the person passed out until my conscience gave mercy and I realized that I could never kill anyone. When I woke up, both my hands were asleep; one was under my head and the other one was between my knees.



So I decided that I feel well enough to go to work today and at the same time I have too much vacation on my hand that even this is my last day of work they will still owe me a week worth of pay. After digging through an employee handbook for my right, I find out that they actually owe me 6 months worth of severance. It's true that my boss told me that the company has no money left (while he's vacationing in Mexico), I wonder if I should pursue any legal action just to get what I'm due. From another colleague, I heard that the reason I'm not getting my vacation reimbursed is because he wants to pay my former boss, or his lover, to come in and act as a consultant. My current boss has been doing that for the past year but my former boss hasn't done squat to earn his keep.

I, as a believer of karma and brought up by the conservative Chinese culture, will believe that nothing good comes from law suits. All this fighting won't get me a new job or a good reference. Like strangling my blackmailer, I probably wouldn't have the gore to see it through. At the same time, I can't stand the thought of being taken advantage of in such high degree without making a sound, just because I'm nice and easy going doesn't mean you can step all over me. So I'm gonna seek legal aids and see what that will bring. I can surely use the money now that I'm going to be unemployed. Just because my boss thinks that the money will be better utilized by his lover doesn't mean that I should suffer for it. I wouldn't want to bring down the company with me, but more and more I think that it might be better if I do. It wouldn't have resorted to this if they have been more considerate.

Read more...

The Ship Has Sunk

All is not well in YvesPaulland, I just got news that I will be out of a job in 6 weeks. The funding that supports my position did not come through and although my executive director have known this for a while, he was too busy to tell me and he finally did after I ask him about it. I wonder when he was going to tell me if I haven't asked.

The economy is to blame, and so is the mismanagement, and then there's me who coasted for so long when I should have left way before. Needless to say I'm terrified, I'm also depressed that nothing seems to be going right in my life. It feels easier just to give up but I must remain positive. There's still time for me to find another job, in fact I just applied for one that sounds perfect for me at UPenn. Great benefits, especially when I can take courses for free if I get hired by them. Now they just have to move fast and like me enough to hire me.

At least I don't have time to obsess about Lucius anymore, although I saw him out there the other day and he insisted on buying me dinner tonight but I know now that he's not interested. I really need to limit my spending now that I might not have any income, maybe find a job waiting tables in Chinatown. My savings will only last me for a few months. The timing would be better after Obama get the presidency, at least people would feel a lot more hopeful. I'm gonna take the next few days off work to regain my sanity, after all I have tons of sick leave and vacation left, I might as well use them up. Think. Positive.

Wish me luck.

Read more...

The Tub of Lard

We have an administrative assistant in the office who's referred by a volunteer of ours. The volunteer is very sharp and hard-working, he also has a great personality, plus he's very handsome and flirty. So when we were interviewing his mom for the job, we thought she might be as charming or have the same working ethics. I wasn't thrilled to hire family members of other colleagues, I thought it's great if it works out, but if either of them turned sour, it might be hard to just get rid of one of them. But then it wasn't my decision to make.

The volunteer came and went, he found a nice job that fits him pretty well, he's a great person and we all wish him the best. The mom however stayed behind and still work here. We found out that when her son was with her she was actually delegating her duties to her son, and being the great guy that he is, he did everything for her. After he's gone, she has no clue where anything is but slowly but surely she is finding new volunteers to delegate her job again. It's more obvious now that we've moved to a new space and everything is out in the open. She's having some volunteers to answer the phone for her, some to open the door when there's visitors and some other to get her lunch for her. She basically just sit on her chair and all day and play games on her computer. The other thing that gets me too is that she complains about her food after someone else have nicely bought it for her. I've tried to ask the volunteers to stop doing that for her, but then they are all too nice. I mean, what's the point of being nice to someone if they take your kindness and make nasty remarks?

Given, she's an older lady and her boss though that it would be nice to hire someone older and she has passed her retirement age. I just don't get how she has problem walking the 20 steps to answer the door while she has no problem walking down to smoke her cigarettes. I also find she's highly manipulative, she's in no way a young pretty thing, but she got the male volunteers to do her bidding for her by pretending to be clueless of what she's doing and asking for suggestions and then it is "Can you help me with that?". She tried it on me but then I'm gay and I saw through it, so I'm quite immune. Although I guess that's a pretty good skill to have, imagine how rosy my life is if I can have guys doing things for me, shirtless.

We are moving to another office again and I was assigned a room and she successfully persuaded my boss that she needs sunlight and a window. So I got reassigned to another room. My boss has a problem with complains and he'll do anything to quite people down. I usually don't have a problem exchanging since I don't need much and people are already calling me easy, but I really don't appreciate people going behind my back instead of asking me nicely. It rubs me the wrong way and it shows a lack of respect, but I'll try to be the better person and let this slide. Word is that she's gonna be let go after August anyway.

Read more...

Volunteer Woes

I got appointed to be the trainer on computer issues in my office. Specifically since I'm the only "computer guy" in the office, I was asked to give classes on Microsoft Office. (How they linked the two together is beyond me.) We have approximately 8-9 volunteers in the office, they are volunteers but they get some sort of a cheque every two weeks. So they aren't exactly volunteering, so the program attracts low income individuals to spend some time helping around. But then we have not much for them to do, so we have to think of something and the class is a start.

It is difficult at times for me to explain how things work, I much prefer doing it by myself to save my time. So it is a different experience for me. Some basic functions like font changing or spacing is too basic for me to spend 15 minutes just to talk about it. But somehow that is required for this audience. They don't have basic office skills. They don't have some of the most basic concepts. During the class as I was explaining the function on word count, one of the volunteer asked "What do you mean by character?" As I was trying to figure out ways to explain it, she prompts "Like Bugs Bunny and stuff?" How do I begin?

After going through the program in about 3 hours, I asked them to do a simple flyer for Easter as a practice and just to show that they've learned something. This morning as I was helping one of them, she typed "Jesus died for your sin's, Happy Easter!" I was perplexed by the sentence and the way she spelled "sin's". while she was telling me that the word Jesus seemed to be spelled funny. That coming from a church goer who just attended service this very morning. And then when she spelled the word "luncheon", she wrote lunch and asked me whether it's followed by an "n" or and "on". Don't get me wrong, I'm not making fun of illiteracy or being a grammar police but all of these volunteers presumably had a GED or a high school diploma. And how the hell am I gonna teach English as well as the office suite when I'm not even a native English speaker?

The afternoon was even more exciting when a volunteer who thinks he is a friend of my boss police people about their computer use. He had been hiding power cables before when he found other people using his computer. "This computer is mine and who let them use my computer?" Um... OK... and then he proceeded to throw a fit and say he's gonna tell my boss about it. I can be very unprofessional when people pushed just the right button, so I let him have it and ripped him a new one.

Read more...

I'm a Hateful S.O.B.

In the beginning of my green card application process, my exboss told me that he's (or the company is) going to pay for the expenses. I offered to pay for it, because it is important to me, but he reassured me that the company is going to do that.

So yesterday morning I received and Email forwarded to me from my eboss saying that we still owe the lawyer $3,000 and we should discuss this when he gets in. "What is there to discuss?" I replied. So when he got in around 2pm, he summoned me to the meeting room and told me that there aren't anymore funding for the application and ask if i can pay for it. "Huh? What?" I got my green card back in July and haven't old him about it yet. So I guess he was trying to say "If you want your green card, you better pay for it yourself." From the same folks who promised me $6,000 consulting fee with another firm and pretended they never said anything like that after I fulfilled my duties. I wonder how much it would take for me to really start looking for another job.

Of course, I told them I don't have $3,000 to give and although the service is for me, the contract is between the lawyer and the company. (I got my stuff, see ya.) Then they say they'll try to work out a payment plan with the lawyer. (Good luck with that too.) There were rumors out there that our company will be closed in a few months. I wonder if I should stay for the severance and unemployment or just get the heck out. After all, they could fire me the day before the company closed so that they don't have to give me a severance.

I really don't hate my job, I just hate the people I work for. Those selfish, conniving bastards who don't have money for my green card applications, but have money for their consulting friends who do nothing and a trip for eight to a conference to Chile. Now I understand why people bring their shotguns to their post office jobs. I can be vengeful too, but I'm so much smarter that I can execute karma in a much more elegant way.

Read more...

My Days of Decadence

These days I'm really not doing much. After I get up and go out of the door, I get some Vietnamese hoagies for lunch. Check my e-mails and various on-going conversations with people online, respond to them. Read all the various blogs I'm following, maybe write another entry for my own. Reading some other articles of interest, maybe research a little bit about things that I have discovered. All this while listening to my music or some podcasts.

All the bakery in Chinatown sells Vietnamese hoagies now, it's a nice treat and they only sell them for $1.50 to $2.50 each. It got some thin slice of meat, pickled vegetables, cilantro and chilli inside soft crusty bread. not bad at all.

In the afternoon, I get on Puzzle Pirates and play my heart out. Obsessing about puzzles, especially the carpentry one, I can't stop thinking about it.

These days are completely unproductive and it's time that I would never gain back. Hey, but if they pay me to seat on my chair and play games. Who am I to complain?

Read more...

I Need a New Job

Yesterday I got into a fight with my pompous ex-boss again, which put me into a foul mood all day. I swear, if he dares to try something stupid like letting me go before I say, I'll get an interview with a local newspaper and expose all the fraudulent things he has been doing plus things that he doesn't want anybody to know about, plus sue his ass for anything and everything that he has done wrong. I don't know how he thinks he can still use that kind of attitude to talk to other people, like he's the king or something, a$$hole!

Anyways, it somehow makes me realize that in order to make my life good there is no time better than now. An acquaintance of mine, almost 10 years my junior, already own multiple property on his block. While I don't have as much resources as he has, I should still try to make something out of myself. I was waiting for my green card, but it doesn't really matter, I just need to find out what I want to do, what would make me happy. I have had trouble all my life finding out that part. I need to find somethin that I enjoy and I have to have the talent to back it up, also it needs to be able to generate enough revenue to support my living standards. Where do I find something like that?

Most people would seperate this three conditions into multiple jobs. One that support themselves financially but they don't necessarily enjoy, while they do something on the side that they truly like (like a hobby). But my work environment has become somewhat unbearable. And I don't have sufficient funds to go back to college for another degree and I'm pushing mid 30s.

Yet, the point right now is to change my attitude back from pessimistic to optimistic. I remember when I first joined this organization I was told that I was eager and dedicated, but as time pass I have lost my steam. Looking at the past 6 years, I don't think I have learned anything but not to trust people so easily. It is definitely sad.

Read more...

Mismanagement

Had dinner with DC last night and I showed him the weight loss study I'm about to participate in and he told me the drugs they are giving people are for combating depression and addiction. The dosage they plan to use on us are also alarmingly high. He convinced me not to participate in the study just because it will be potential harmful to my brain. So I guess I'll give up, I'm unusually cautious when it comes to my brain.

My green card application finally went in, although I had to go through a lot of hassles to get all the documents I need. It was really not that complicated, I was working on my green card with my ex-boss all along and now my new boss wasn't happy that he wasn't consulted during the process. He want to show me that he's the boss, so he try to make it difficult for me just to let me know. What a jackass? "The salary is too high!", "Shouldn't I be signing it?", "I don't think I've even read what the letter said yet!" Of course, everything is just an act... How can he know the mentioned salary is too high if he haven't even read the content yet? But I'll play along...

He demanded respect from everyone and he got really upset when he found out that some of our staff went to a job fair to look for other prospects. I thought all along that respect is earned but he's starting to run the organization like a dictator. It's like communism all over again. We are not suppose to ask him questions, just listen to what he has to say. He will not tell us what we needs to do, we are suppose to ask he for work when we have the time. He will not tell us when we have important meetings with dignitaries, we are supposed to be always free and ready. We don't have money for office supplies, but we can afford a hotel stay 50 miles away or a weekend trip to Jamaica. Poor communication, poor management is what it is, I wonder how long the organization will survive and which idiots will fund us and what it is based on.

Little meetings with intents to make things difficult for the staff will only create bad feelings. If that how he thinks he can get respect from his staff, he's crazy and stupid. Meanwhile, some of the staff are looking for job, some are about to go on leave soon and the good ones are getting wore out. With our financial state, none of us are gonna get a raise anytime soon and I haven't had gotten one for the past 4 years. Of course there were promises but nothing ever delivered, it has always been prosponed and prosponed. So we asked to do our best to the company but the company doesn't do good by its employee. Whenever there's money coming in, its always the head honchos that gets everything and we have to feel lucky and say thianks that we still have a job. When a staff doesn't see any benefits when we as a whole succeed, what motivations do we have to succeed? What luck is it that we have to work as hard as we can while suppressing any possibility of financial growth and be treated like imbecils everyday?

I thought in time of crisis, the attitude of management is supposed to change to a friendlier tone, after all we are all they have now. Communications are supposed to be as good as possible, hence the benefit of a smaller staff. But maybe it's the first time he's in a position to command the whole organization, his own inexperience leaves him astray. Anyway, I'm glad the application went in. It'll take 12 to 24 months to process, they say. Maybe I'll win the lottery in the meantime and get it over with.

Read more...

A Dish Best Served Cold

I just heard it from a TV show or a movie the other day saying that revenge is not about justice, it's just to make the former victim feel better. Frankly, I don't know what's so wrong about wanting to feel better.

Last Friday, my ex-boss and me had a fallout and it makes my already terrible mood even worse. It started with the website that he hired someone to put together and since it's not done yet, he wants me to do something about it. There's nothing I can do, since he hired the person behind my back and I don't know his contacts. The guy put together something real quick just to shut him up saying that it is only a temporary draft and the final finished product will be done in a month. My boss wanted me to give him suggestions, but I told him that it is just a rough draft, we have yet to see the finished design, so it is too early to give any critiques or suggestions. He called another consultants and the other consultant agrees on me and basically told him to shut up and wait. After that he has the gall to come to me and ask me why I'm not technical savvy enough to do what he wanted. Of course, I know he intentionally said something like that to me to piss me off just because someone told him to shut up and he got upset and needed to make others feel bad as well. All the time he's pushing me to critique a website or do an interim website for the few weeks that we'll be waiting and I bluntly told him no.

Then, he called me in the conference room and told me that I'm being very negative lately and suggest that maybe I should "do something else". I told him I'm being negative because I feel like I was scammed and that I will not go anywhere else before I get my green card. And I told him that at this point I am not doing much because I don't know what my responsibilities are after our reconstruction. I requested them to tell me for months but they never gave me anything concrete. And who is he to tell me what to do anyway, he got a huge severance pay to leave but he still acts like the boss in the organization. Given everybody knows it's just another scam, he's going to come back as our boss in another form. But he made his own bed, so he should really lie in it. He ask me how we can get pass this and I told him I don't exactly know that we can, I have too much resentment stored up in how they mismanage the company, I do have lots of doubts in how the company can survive anyway. They may reinvent and reinvent the organization, rename it andrename it, it's still managed by the same S-holes. They have offended enough people that the ill-wills are enough to destroy this company.

Later that day, he came back with a new job description and a new job offering letter for me to sign. The letter is offering a brand new position for me with the same pay, but has a three-month probation period. It means that if I don't work out for them, I can be fired in three months without any reasoning. I must have the word "dumb" written on my forehead. I have been working here for six years, all the sudden I need a probation period to see whether I work out? I know their tricks enough to know that it is the easiest way to fire someone. So I refuse to sign it, how many position do I need? I'm the director of MIS and planning, and then they gave me a card saying I'm the manager of data collection and data management and now I'm something else? how can I be three things all at once? Honestly I cannot participate in their scams.

I would have been fine if they would just let me be, but if provoked I have enough documentation evidence amongst others that would leave them into tons of trouble. They could go to jail for it, ruin the careers that they think they have and also other things that can ruin their families. I do have all the contacts but I don't really want to do it because it's not in my personality. But I can certainly dedicate a year or two just to make sure they will never make anything of themselves again. They always say that the quiet ones are the most dangerous ones. I have no qualms about making myself feel better but then as long as I got what I need from them, I'll be happy enough.

Read more...

Bully

I don't know if this has happened to you, but sometimes a single word or expression start suddenly appear in front of you a few times in a row. You could have forgot about it or haven't heard it for a while, but suddenly it just appears out of nowhere few times in a week. This time for me is the word "Bully", it's common enough, I've just haven't heard it for a while.

"Bully" is the title of one of the best PS2 game of the year that I planned to buy this week. "Bully" is the title of the new chapter of the online comic book of the TV show Heroes. "Bully" is something my colleague wrote in her notebook during our staff meeting. I wonder who she was referring to, is it me? My boss? Well, I would bet that it was my boss just because in the meeting he said that we are all very lucky to still have a job and if anyone who doesn't feel that way should go. And then he told us about a fundraiser he's putting together tonight and everybody should provide refreshments out of our own pocket. Can he spell S-H-A-M-E? It's quite short a notice and since I've already have plans for a 7 course dinner, I'm not gonna show up after work for an event that fundraise next to nothing with me working and paying out of my own pocket for it... I don't want to call him stupid but it's highly illogical. And if we do fundraise a small sum, he's probably gonna use it on his travels and meals anyway. So f#(k that!

So I had an attitude when I was in the meeting, given his tone... I don't consider myself lucky when I am forced to be with people I don't like, who scams me out of nearly $10,000 and wants me to pay for things like stationery and event supplies out of my own pocket. Maybe I shouldn't be here, but they are blackmailing me with my green card application. But with the attitude I'm putting out, am I actually the "Bully"?

Read more...

Bathroom Conversations

Since my office moved to another floor, we have to share the same bathrooms with another organization. This organization is a GLBT "youth-shelter" where kids, mostly still sexually confused teenagers, comes over after school to hang around. These kids are mostly from broken families and the organization is a great place for them to be to prevent them from being destructive. While this is excellent for the kids, it doesn't work well with people around them.

Kids can be so obnoxious. Before we were on the same floor, I just recognize them as a rowdy crowd that I've been forced to be with in the hallway or the elevators. they might listen to loud music, yelling and shouting at each other or even horsing around. But now it's a different story.

One time, I was waiting for the elevator in the lobby of our building and this little cross-dressing twinky wearing headphones playing loud disco music decided to come over and offer me a lapdance. I mean come on! I'm already the easily embarass type and just because I'm gay doesn't mean I like these girly men. So I yell security and he backed off, they worst thing is that the securities are sitting 5 feet away, but they never thought to get off their butts.

Yesterday when I went in the bathroom, I heard a conversation from two kids in the stalls. First, I thought they were having sex because according to the rumors that had happened before and all I heard at first were giggles. But afterwards one of the boys spoke up and I quote "You're having problem shitting because you eat too much of that string cheese shit! I don't have problem shitting over here!" I must be out of the kid's loop for a while, it was taboo to even talk in the bathroom for my generation. When did taking a dump become proper topic, -- in the bathroom, -- and while you are doing it? And does string cheese really make you constipated?

Read more...

I'm A Computer

Logically, I'm pretty pissed these days. Being cheated on and all. The difficult part is actually to have to come into work and see those people who cheated me being here. Hearing their voices, seeing their faces. Talked to DC and his career seems to be better and better, he just got another higher offer, although he doesn't think he's taking it because he'll have to be further away from JEW. I'm jealous, why can't my career and salary be better?

The problem is, after I got my degree in Information Technology I should have continuously improving my skills in this field. I suppose because my work really does not have much to do with it, I'm pulling myself further and further from my field. I'm like a computer that has passed its prime, with new model constantly coming out. Without upgrading, I'm out-dated, slow and passe, depreciated, worthless... I wonder what kind of job I can find, if I don't work here anymore. In this place, I'm a demigod, because everybody else is so clueless.

Right now, I should just plug in my headphones and ignore all these people. Perhaps, I won't even show up some days. Who cares, anymore? They have let a person who works here show up half the time and still pay her. There's no reason why I have to be here all the time.

Read more...

The Feeling of Being Cheated

I can't believe it, but my company cheated me out for $8,250. We had an outside contract which we accepted and I was one of the member who is assigned to this program. We discussed it before new year that it would be extra money for the people who worked on it and mine came to $8,250. We were all happy about it. But now came New Year and the project is in progress, and I was told that I would just get my regular salary. They said they never told me that and why would they give me extrea money? I confirmed with my CFO that they did say it would be extra, but the CFO also told me that it's not her decision to whether increase my salary or not. If my boss decides to use the money for something else, it is his choice.

So I worked extra for nothing... The point that really got me is that he pretended not to remember what actually was said and try to persuade me that I remembered wrong. I should have forced him to write it down on paper, no matter how rude or socially awkward it would have made him feel. I can never trust them ever again. Our CFO and I use to be very close, I looked out for her and I expect her to look out for me, but if she can't do that for me I don't think I should do that for her anymore. I thought about suing, but they are blackmailing me with my green card application right now. I think that's why they decided that they can keep the extra money for themselves anyway. I wish that I can win the lottery and sue the hell out of them. Ha!

I kept it civil, although I'm punching myself in the stomach now. I should have made a scene or something. But you know what? I learned that I can never be friends with them again and I learned not to trust anything that is not written on a piece of paper.

Read more...

Long Weekend Ahead

I've been wanting to go back on my diet, or going back to the gym. Given there's really nothing forbidding me to do so, but I just couldn't get myself together for it. i have realized lately how much i enjoy shopping or just spending money in general, I bought me and Principe that pair of G-Shocks, got a bunch of iTunes online and spent my Barnes and Noble gift card on a bunch of CDs. I really have to change my feeling associate with money spending. I need to somehow feel unhappy about it, so I would stop this trend. My dentist office is charging me $135 just for examining and X-rays... They said my insurance should cover it and I won't have to spend a dime, but if they are invoicing me, that means my insurance is not covering it, which they should. So I would need to call them and yell at them.

Thank god this weekend is a long weekend. I always enjoy long weekends.

Read more...

Week in Withdraw

We have been out of Internet in the office in the past week. Our CFO decided to change everything over to Verizon and of course, we have some complications during the transfer. Nothing is ever easy. They forgot to send us a modem, and then they sent us the wrong one, and then they say they have sent us the wrong one again, and now they say our service will not be turned on until the 10th. Well, I have expected it so I'm not surprised. It's always like that when you deal with telephone/web server/cable companies. They all have automated telephone responding system that put you through a series of number-pressing or keyword-recognition riddles and after five minutes of say-threes, press-fours, you'll be on hold to talk to somebody real for the next twenty-thirty minutes, you'll have to provide the same information you have provided the machine all over again. They treat you as if you are an idiot, and transfer you to another department. By then your call will be dropped somehow, and you have call back and do the whole routine again. What a waste of time.

I couldn't access my neighbor's wireless, so I'm forced to come out to this coffee shop to do whatever I need to do online. This includes banking, tracking my purchases, emailing, posting my blog and finding out information I have been looking for. Although when I'm in the office, I had to do real work. Thank god we are still in the process of moving, and there are things for me to do. Plus I find an old trial version of Word Mojo I downloaded from Yahoo that is still in my computer, so that helps me to pass through the day. The setup of our office is a lot more open now, I no longer have the biggest office anymore, I'm sharing a cubicle space with ES, but it is open to the whole office, so I have to get used to the noise and habits of other people. I hope I don't get irritated so easily, I have to build up my calm and collected persona. Like a monk, I have to be cool at all situations and all time. Build up my karma. I have to say lately I have been quite fiery. They say optimism and confidence is the key to success, I cannot allow myself to be negative all the time anymore. It's not attractive.

The problem is that I'm no good when I'm under stress and more times than not I find myself handling everything and everybody's problem. But I must find out a way to counter that and learn how to handle more responsibility without exploding and lashing out on everyone. How will I be able to accomplish that? How do I learn how to deal with situations like that and actually be able to be calm and collected at all times? It's a toughie for sure.

Read more...