Prudence, Caution, Deliberation.
The Hermit points to all things hidden, such as knowledge and inspiration,hidden enemies. The illumination is from within, and retirement from participation in current events.
The Hermit is a card of introspection, analysis and, well, virginity. You do not desire to socialize; the card indicates, instead, a desire for peace and solitude. You prefer to take the time to think, organize, ruminate, take stock. There may be feelings of frustration and discontent but these feelings eventually lead to enlightenment, illumination, clarity.
The Hermit represents a wise, inspirational person, friend, teacher, therapist. This a person who can shine a light on things that were previously mysterious and confusing.
I was surprised to see on Joe.My.God that Paris Hilton had an official viral video response to McCain comparing to Obama to her. It was pretty well produced and I like the writer she hired to write her speech. It made her likable even though I still cringe whenever I saw her face.
In other news, Bush is touring the country for the devastation his presidency has caused according to the Onion.
(Other than eating this and not getting fat...)
ES called Friday night at 1 am and proceed to talk my ears off for the following 90 minutes. I'm really not complaining, in fact I'm glad that she feels comfortable enough to do that although sometimes I wonder if she'd been drinking... lol. It's nice to catch up with her and she's a great gal pal.
Losing my job, low financial security, boyfriendless, and a small social circle have rendered me to be lost in life. I think ES sensed my lost of direction and asked me what I want in life and I had to think really hard to come up with anything at all, so she laughed. It's a good thing that you're still in your early 30s, you'd still have time to think, if you're in your 40s and still don't know what you want then it'd be too late.It is a valid point and I have to dig deep.
In life, she wanted kids and a family, to be able to work in the HIV/AIDS field and that's exactly what she did. Me, I want to meet a good guy to settle down with, I want a house and adopt before 40 or at least get a puppy. (Sorry if you find me lumping babies and dogs together offensive, but you know what I mean.) I just turned 33 that means I have about 3 years to find a mate and have 4 years of alone time with that guy to build a solid relationship before getting married (Unnecessary but it'd be nice) and get a kid. If my partner have the heart and we have the space and money, and even as unrealistic as it sounds I can seeing myself adopting a whole bunch of kids throughout my life.
Career-wise is a toughie. Another friend asked me what my passion is and I have no idea. I enjoy video games, music, movies, cooking but I think my upbringing do not allow me to see that these things are in anyway practical and those are not things that would yield a decent income unless you have connections and real talent which I would have to say I lack. Sometimes I would wish that I actually have studied culinary during my undergraduate years since I was studying at in a college famous for that program. Although those jobs are all high stress jobs and I can be quite nasty when I'm stressed.
Thinking back to the reason I chose IT was partly because I had a great time working at A.C. Nielsen, a survey research company. I like to get to know what people like and the reason behind it, and since I like math and statistics and now that I know how to deal with data it might just be the field I want to explore. If, with luck, I get a job at UPenn, I'd be able to take class in survey research, SAS (since most statistics job require experience in that program, even my friends swear that it's as easy as Excel.), and perhaps marketing. Maybe it'll allow me to acquire an MBA. That wouldn't be too bad, right?
I think I'd like market research. Took me some time but I'm glad I've figure it out. Although I'd be interested to learn about music production and all that but it'd be a bit unrealistic and unstable, that could wait until later in life as a hobby, no? And I'm still enthralled with my idea of opening up a non-profit restaurant but that's a bit too far fetched as well. I'll just have to see where life takes me.
This was an unexpected busy weekend. I got pulled for this mahjong game after work Friday night and played until midnight. I almost enjoy mahjong even though it's a little bit high stakes. The most wonderful thing about that night is that the engaged couple who played with us made us a home cooked meal. I can't tell you when the last time it was that someone have cooked for me, especially a Chinese home cooked dinner. The last person who did that for me is possibly my grandma 7 years ago. Of course, I was very touched by it. It's a complete meal with 3 dishes and a soup; Stir fried hollow vegetables (one plate spicy and the other one not), steamed pork with pickled vegetables, steamed fish with ginger, scallions and soy sauce, and chicken ginseng soup with abalone. While the humble host said that it's just a simple quick dinner because we're playing mahjong so there's no time to do anything more extravagant. Are you kidding me? What were you gonna do otherwise, a full banquet? I was floored already. Afterward, ES called and we talked for 90 minutes and I didn't go to bad until around 2:30am.
Newspaper tablecloth for easy clean up. Now that's what I called authentic.
Saturday, I went out to get a pool party outfit. Shopping is such a nice work out, lol. I was aiming to get my mid-life crisis/middle age Hawaiian shirt and a pair of bright red hibiscus print shorts but after 2 hours of store browsing I settled for a nautical themed t-shirt with a pair of brown bold banana leaf graphic shorts that I swear I will not wear it anytime else but summer and not anywhere else but around water. Afterwards I went to a guy's place who I met on Craigslist's Strictly Platonic section. Like me, he was looking for new friends to hang out with, and he especially mentioned scrabble. He's a pretty good looking guy and I can see that's he's of German decent. Although child, let me tell you I whooped that boy's ass twice on scrabble. I almost feel bad for being that competitive, but his scrabble skills are really questionable. His average score is around 220 and mine was 350, I felt so bad.
At night, I went out with Mr. CuteCub for a drink. I have to say that he is one of the (not handsomest or sexiest, although he is handsome and sexy too but he's) cutest persons I have seen for a long while. Complete with dimples and squinty eyes and a nice hairy body, he looks like one of those Japanese G-men character. He is also very intelligent, kind and he has a great sense of humor. I swear if he isn't hitched already, I might actively pursue him. Lucius texted me after I was out and ask if I want to go out for a drink, so I pointed him over to where we are. Lucius and CuteCub are both outgoing type, so they chatted for a long while until Lucius left after two big jugs of beer. I would have loved to be with Lucius one on one, but he still pulls at my heartstrings. Thankfully CuteCub was there to soften the blows. He told me that Lucius was looking at me affectionately at times and that he must like me a lot, but I told him that I have been openly pursuing Lucius a few times but either got rejected or ignored so if he does have feelings for me, he would have told me already. CuteCub also explained that the reason he himself didn't want to get too close to me before was because he was afraid that he'll fall hard for me and that he loves his boyfriend a lot and didn't want to jeopardize that relationship but that he likes me a lot. I really appreciated his honesty and his effort to explain himself, the last thing I need is another "What's wrong with me?" session. I remember bumping into his boyfriend once at an Asian event and he was really good looking, so I can't blame him.
So after the bar closed, we headed back to his place because he wanted to show me his Wii. It's a harder control then I'm used to, you really have to pay attention and be alert the whole time, which is really tiring after lack of sleep and a few drinks. We didn't go to bed until 3:30am and woke up around 8, fall back to sleep and wake up every half hour until 11. Went to a steak house of bison burgers, walked around and dove into a few thrift stores looking for books, CDs and T-shirts. CuteCub seems to be a really great guy and really, really cute, I always have a really great time when I'm with him. Went home to do laundry, cleaned up a little and it's time for the dress rehearsal for the pool party. I would have paid the Gay Luck Club $50 if I could have taken a 2-hour nap before joining them.
The dress rehearsal of the pool party turned into a meeting, nobody went down to swim and I, sticking to my original plan, just manned the grill. I don't know if we as a group are getting older or some of us have just worked in the corporate world for too long, but I used to remember when there was a time when planning for a party was easy. Teenagers do it, hi-schoolers and college students plan parties all the time too, I mean how complicated could it be? But it seems that everything is dragged out of proportions and we have to vote on every issue. We are on our 20th hour of the process and it just seemed too bureaucratic, while the fun factor is slowly disappearing. At least some of us got a good laugh at it afterwards and a few even said there are other things happening on that weekend and might consider switching gears.
Checked out a new bear event later on and there were like 10 people in there including me and BL. We were joking that the Asians are very well represented at this bar. I discovered that I can drink lite beers (they're like water and I can probably chuck 6 of these down and pretend to be a big drinker), we chatted with a person that organized the Gay Film Festival, gave him my WTFs for Otto and in exchange I got more information on Girls Will be Girls materials. I got home after midnight.
It has been an unusually busy weekend, which is nice, I would have loved to add a good night sleep somewhere in between and maybe a long job search session. But right now, I'm in desperate need of a huge ice cold glass of orange juice.
Just ranting here but I'm starting to be slightly offended by a site on my blogroll called Stuff Asian People Like. It's all fun and good when you were using stereotypes to poke fun at Asian Americans, some of the things they mentioned do have some nostalgic values. Yes, my uncle did use a plastic cover for our leather couch and it's extremely uncomfortable in summer when we're all sweating while siiting on it. Yes, when Asian folks go on vacation, we don't necessarily go to have a great time, we go so that we can take tons of pictures, so we can brag to our family and friends and SAY that we had a great time. But after a certain point it because slightly offensive. Topics like Child Labor and Arranged Marriage can't really claim to be what Asian people like. If given a choice, I doubt that people actually would like that, it's like saying Asian people like the bird flu; just because it happens in Asia doesn't mean that we like it. The T-shirt they sell, featuring one person with a rice paddy hat is kinda bad as well. Maybe they are running out of ideas, or maybe they are testing a new writer out, but I'm getting a little irked. I even find Topic like Magosteen is a bit obscure and only reflect the opinion of a very small percentage of Asians. I guess it is hard to find a common thread to reflect the views of all Asians, and they have found almost 100 things so kudos. I just hope their next topic won't be things like Communism, the Black Organ Markets, Pollution and the Triads. If any of those things come out, I'll have to delete them from my blogroll.
Read more...
This is a preview of the Cho Show coming to VH1 on August 21st. Um.... Wow! I'm so gonna stay at home when it airs. It sounds a little bit like My Life on the D-List and not that I don't love Kathy Griffin but I love Margaret and her family much more. She's just brilliant and I wish her nothing but the best. Spread the word!
Took this from Kyle at Strange Relationship is this week's Meme. Bold the ones that you've done before and leave the rest alone. As always, I'm not gonna tag anyone, but you're more than welcomed to play.
1. Bought everyone in the pub/bar a drink
2. Climbed a mountain
3. Held a tarantula
4. Taken a morning shower with your man
5. Been in love
6. Broken someone’s heart
7. Had your heart broken
8. Done a striptease
9. Bungee jumped
10. Watched a lightning storm at sea
11. Stayed up all night long, and watched the sun rise
12. Seen the Northern Lights
13. Gone to a huge sports game
14. Grown and eaten your own vegetables
15. Slept under the stars
16. Changed a baby’s diaper
17. Taken a trip in a hot air balloon
18. Watched a meteor shower
19. Gotten drunk on champagne
20. Given money to charity
21. Looked up at the night sky through a telescope
22. Had an uncontrollable giggling fit at the worst possible moment
23. Had a food fight
24. Bet on a winning horse
25. Taken a sick day when you’re not ill
26. Had a snowball fight
27. Photocopied your butt or any other intimate body part
28. Held a lamb
29. Gone skinny dipping
30. Taken an ice cold shower
31. Seen a total eclipse
32. Ridden a roller coaster
33. Hit a home run
34. Been arrested
35. Visited all 50 states
36. Taken care of someone who was drunk
37. Stolen a street/highway sign
38. Backpacked in Europe - I was a student in Paris, but I don't think that counts.
39. Taken a road-trip
40. Taken a midnight walk on the beach
41. Gone sky diving
42. Milked a cow
43. Alphabetized your records
44. Sung karaoke
45. Lounged around in bed all day
46. Gone scuba diving
47. Danced in the rain
48. Gone to a drive-in theater
49. Started a business
50. Gotten married
51. Been in a movie
52. Crashed a party
53. Gotten divorced
54. Had sex in an unusual place
55. Made cookies from scratch
56. Gotten a tattoo
57. Been on television
58. Had sex in a public place - What about in a car, does that count as public?
59. Got so drunk you don’t remember anything
60. Recorded music
61. Had too much to drink at a party
62. Bought a house
63. Shaved or waxed your pubic hair off
64. Been on a cruise ship
65. Spoken more than one language fluently
66. Bounced a check
67. Called or written your Congress person
68. Picked up and moved to another city to just start over
69. Sang loudly by yourself in the car
70. Wrote articles for a large publication
71. Piloted an airplane
72. Helped an animal give birth
73. Been fired or laid off from a job - Not yet, but I would have by the end of the month.
74. Won money on a T.V. game show
75. Broken a bone
76. Ridden a motorcycle
77. Had a body part of yours below the neck pierced
78. Fired a rifle, shotgun, or pistol
79. Ridden a horse
80. Had major surgery
81. Had sex on a moving train
82. Slept through an entire flight: takeoff, flight, and landing
83. Visited more foreign countries than U.S. states
84. Visited all 7 continents
85. Eaten sushi
86. Had your picture in the newspaper
87. Parasailed
88. Changed your name
89. Dyed your hair
90. Been a DJ
Only 37/90..., I'm so xeroxing my butt now.
Have a great weekend everyone!
I'm setting up a playlist on my iPod for an upcoming pool party that the Gay Luck Club is hosting, so I'm going through some songs and come across this gem.(Is that why I'm having a Dance fit, recently?) Sophie Ellis-Bextor's Murder on the Dancefloor circa 2001. The video is really not that great, I especially hate the announcer speaking and interrupting the song, but it's kinda funny.
Murder...
It's murder on the dancefloor
But you better not kill the groove
DJ, gonna burn this goddamn house right down
Oh, I know I know I know I know I know I know
About your kind
And so and so and so and so and so and so
I'll have to play
If you think you're getting away
I will prove you wrong
I'll take you all the way
Boy, just come along
Hear me when I say
Hey
It's murder on the dancefloor
But you better not kill the groove
Hey hey hey hey
It's murder on the dancefloor
But you better not steal the moves
DJ, gonna burn this goddamn house right down
Oh I know I know I know I know I know I know
There may be others
And so and so and so and so and so and so
You'll just have to pray
If you think your getting away
I will prove you wrong
I'll take you all the way
Stay another song
I'll blow you all away
Hey
It's murder on the dancefloor
But you better not kill the groove
It's murder on the dancefloor
But you better not steal the moves
DJ, gonna turn this house around somehow
Murder on the dancefloor
But you better not kill the groove
Hey hey hey hey
Murder on the dancefloor
But you better not steal the moves
DJ, gonna burn this goddamn house right down
Don't think you'll get away
I will prove you wrong
I'll take you all the way
Boy, just come along
Hear me when i say
Hey
It's murder on the dancefloor
But you better not kill the groove
It's murder on the dancefloor
But you better not steal the moves
DJ, gonna burn this goddamn house right down
It's murder on the dancefloor
But you better not kill the groove
Hey hey hey hey
It's murder on the dancefloor
but you'd better not steal the moves
DJ, gonna burn this goddamn house right down
It's murder on the dancefloor
But you'd better not kill the groove
Atari_Age over at Ready, Reset, Go posted a musical clip called Dr. Horrible's Sign-Along Blog. It's directed by Joss Whedon staring the most prominent gay actor in Hollywood - Neil Patrick Harris. I have to say I'm starting to find him very adorable, especially after knowing that he has a good sense of humor.
In the clip he plays the anti-superhero - Dr. Horrible, he can sing really well. There's a cute storyline to it but the whole show is about 45 minutes long and divided into 3 parts. If you find the time to watch it, I sincerely recommend it. It's just pretty cute and it's nice if you want to kill some time. Maybe they can turn it into a play or something, it'd be kinda nice. And for a new Sing-along, I demand lyrics!
By the by, the folks at Girls Will Be Girls put my blog on their blogroll to thank me for mentioning their short clips. That's kinda cool, no?
Yesterday went by quite fast and I don't really have much to say so I thought I'd skip it, sorry. Actually, that's not entirely true. A subject came up in 2 podcasts and a lunch with a colleague and I thought I would write something about that, but it could be a bit offensive and I thought it wasn't such a great idea, so I scratched that. It's about lesbianism and obesity, maybe I'll leave it for some other day.
Work has been unusually busy lately, maybe because I know I'm leaving soon and I want to get as much done before I leave as possible. And maybe because my boss knows I'm leaving soon, so he's thinking the same way. I've also networked quite a bit lately, telling friends my situation and some offered to take my resume and give it to someone else they know or in the company they are working at. So far my resume is in two major pharmaceuticals, a start up IT firm and I have a friend who works at UPenn that offers help. I was really depressed last weekend, but after communicating with some friends I feel a lot better, some even gave me a pep talk. I have a lot of nervous energy, but I'm still not doing as much as fast as I can.
DC sent me some listing at his Pharmaceuticals, ES is interviewing at World Bank down in Washington, DC and sent me some links, I emailed myself some posting I found and I really need to go through everything and send my resume and application out the sooner the better, but I don't know why I'm putting them off. Cut to Gwen Stefani...
Amidst all this, I got a belated birthday card from Medic Guy which I totally didn't expect. Along with the card, there is a long letter lamenting how we have broken up and how he still don't know why. His life has gone for the worst because he's not getting along with his family and he'll be moving down to DC in a few weeks and wish that I was going with him. Could he be one of the Philadelphians reading this blog? If he is, he should know why we have broken up. I'm also a little disheartened by the fact that the reason we couldn't see each other as much back then was because he had to take care of his grandmother and now he's leaving her to his 'irresponsible' family.
I couldn't say that I'm not tempted by the aspect of starting anew somewhere else, but definitely not with an ex, it would be too complicated. And it would be hard to strive in a new city where I know no one and don't know where everything is. Well that's not entirely true either, ES and her family is in DC and I do know a few bloggers. (Sue, are you gonna spank me for not going to DC pride now?) The time required for me to find a new job in a new city would be a lot longer, it'll be okay if I have a lot of savings, but I don't. Although a new dating pool combine with my new attitude might work wonders.
I think Heather Headley's "In My Mind" said it best when it comes to old flames and crushes: "They say if you love something you've got to let it go, and if it comes back then it means so much more. But if it never does, at least you will know that it was something you had to go through to grow." That's what I think about Lucius anyway.
Via Joe.My.God, the Fail Blog comes highly recommended if you need your daily dose of laughter. I was gonna keep that for my personal guilty pleasure but after reading the entry entitled McFail below, I can't help but pass the laughter on.
McFail
By the way, this is not a photoshop job, it was taken near a town in Australia called Yass. Fail Blog put up really funny pictures of stupid things around us. So go check them out from time to time.
Spring-Toy Cat Fail
Donkey Fail
Protests Fail
Calculus Fail
Math Fail I was really paying attention to the math and almost peed my pants on this one:
Not to be superstitious but I was thinking how funny that a month and a half ago I was saying how well June was treating me so far. Maybe that qualifies as the Gemini cycle, when Cancer came I was struck by Lucius and got my heart broken and now during the Leo cycle my whole world is crumbling down, fast. Maybe it doesn't have anything to do with astrology at all, but I'm still counting my luck to change for the better in a month. What else could happen? Me getting an incurable disease while not having health insurance? My apartment catching on fire and I have to live on the street?
My positive side would say that things happen for a reason. It might have been wrong for me to have settled in a non-profit environment for so long without any thoughts or goals or any ambition at all for my career. If I have to be positive, maybe the ongoing change is a cosmic slap in the face for me to be better and gain better control at my life in the long run. (Control? God forbid) But honestly, the cosmic slap in my face is smarting like hell.
I feel like going to the bookstore and getting myself a self-help book on relationship. Not to give it out on the first date? How do I find good people and make new friends? Somehow lately all the folks who had slept with me wants to be just friends... Is there something wrong with me? I've even had people who claimed that I'm the best they've ever had... Or is that the problem? I realized right now that I need as much friends as I can get (minus a few psychopaths or flakes of course) but it's exhausting. I guess there's no fast way to make friends.
So how many more lessons are there to learn until the cosmic let me be again? And what kind of person will I become at the end of the tunnel? I can't wait to find out... More like I can't wait to find a job actually.
Oh by the way, will those two mofo reading this in Philly start speaking up? I mean if you're really that interested in my life, you might as well be in it. Unless you're my exboyfriend or a stalker type, of course.
This one was featured in a pretty cute new Target commercial. I've only seen it 2-3 times so far, wait until it's blasting 24 hours and I'm hurling because I get so tired of it that I'm repulsed and convulse. I do like the artistic style of the video, although it's a bit NSFW, but the clapping beat is quite infectious.
By the way, without seeing (Well, even after reading) its lyrics the song makes as much sense to me as the words Enur, Natasja or Calabria... I'm just saying. (Whoop Whoop!)
Calabria
Easy now no need fi go down,
easy now no need fi go down,
rock that run that, this where we from
(repeat 2x)
Whoop Whoop
When you run come around,
Cu(z) I kno ur the talk of the town yea
(repeat 4x)
Easy now no need fi go down
Just walk it gently and no break nah bone,
Cool end-it-ly, you have a style of your own,
Me never kno you saw ya master the saxophone
cause u sound like the talk of the town yea,
imma look u when u run come around yea,
make me wobble, make me whole body bubble,
an me no say ya trouble, when ya ready for the double,
and n u hit that,
no ti-na the mickle
play with it a lickle, why you so na tickle
im tellin' you to, hit that
no ti-na the mickle
stay with it a lickle, why you so na tickle
im feelin' them
(whoop whoop)
easy now no need fi go down,
easy now no need fi go down,
walk it gently and no break nah bone
Whoop Whoop
When you run come around,
Cu(z) I kno ur the talk of the town yea
(repeat 4x)
Best shown overall, shiny and tall,
One touch make a gal climb whoever you are,
Brass hat, hatter than fireball
Whoop Whoop!
You not small you not lickle at all
Dat touch, just dip on me mind yea
The good feelin dip on rewind yea
make me wobble, make me whole body bubble,
an me no say ya trouble, when ya ready for the double,
and n u hit that,
no ti-na the mickle
play with it a lickle, why you so na tickle
im tellin' you to, hit that
no ti-na the mickle
stay with it a lickle, why you so na tickle
im feelin' them
Walk it gently and no break nah bone
easy now no need fi go down,
easy now no need fi go down,
rock that run that, this where we from
(repeat 2x)
Whoop Whoop
When you run come around,
Cu(z) I kno ur the talk of the town yea
(repeat 8x)
Whooop Whooop!!!
Lately I've been watching a lot movie than I used to, it might be because I don't have a boyfriend or maybe there's not much going on in my life and I feel the need to fulfill my blog quota. Whatever the reason maybe, The Dark Knight would have been a must-see.
Funny thing about superhero movies is that they usually have a strong existing storyline and the movies are usually peppered heavily with special effects that it would guarantee box office that sometimes they cast actors the resembles the characters and completely disregarding the acting skills of those said actors. I'm happy to report that The Dark Knight did not fall victim to that. Maybe because Batman himself is in a mask all the time, and Joker have heavy makeup on, so there is a lot more leeway when it comes to choosing the actors. All the main characters, well, all the characters in this movie seems to be quite brilliant.
As the fight against organized crime continues, Batman, young district attorney Harvey Dent and Lieutenant Jim Gordon became the force to be reckoned with. On the edge of destroying all thugs and gangs in Gotham, a psychopathic criminal called the Joker presented himself to the underground world claiming that he has the power of killing Batman.
Heath Ledger's performance as the Joker is surprisingly believable, it reminds me of Al Pacino in Scarface. I would say that he's giving Jack Nicholson a run for his money for being the best Joker ever. And if I didn't know who Harvey Dent is, I might have fallen for the charming and handsome Aaron Eckhart. There was a scene filmed in Hong Kong that did not show the city or its people in a bad light which I appreciated.
The big difference between this series of Batman and the previous ones is that, this Batman seems to be more martial arts-oriented than gadget-oriented. Not that there were no gadget introduced in this film, but I remember some batman do everything with some sort of gadget and this batman seems to fight a lot. Also, instead of the doom and gloom view on people of previous Batmen, this one seems to have a message in itself that if given the chance, people (including Batman himself) will choose to do the right thing.
The only thing that bothered me a little was that it was a little slow towards the end. Well, that and also Christian Bale's chin. A-
Rest in Peace, Heath. You were great. I would always have a fond memory of you.
I think with a change of attitude something within me clicked and I realized how lonely I actually am. I feel like I'm having a panic attack, I can't breathe. My heart is pounding in my chest. I'm desperately in need of people and I realized how stupid I was when I didn't fully treasure people around me. Why was I so jaded and put off? What's wrong with me? Now when I need people by my side, I have no one. I'm more than likely gonna scare the few new ones I've made because of my desperation.
I've always been so combative and proud that I go by principals instead of relationships and I've learned my mistakes. I think if possible, I'll devote the rest of my life getting to know people and making friends. I remember having a lot of friends when I was in Hong Kong but somehow something is holding me back when I got here. Maybe I was feeling insecure being different, maybe I thought that I was constantly being judged, but that obviously had to go.
Just one week and I'm already bent so out of shape, I wonder how I would survive. Principe used to say that he doesn't understand how I can stay home all day, but now I need to go outside to be amongst people to feel okay even though they are complete strangers. Even the TV is not helping much anymore, I feel like I'm going insane.
Maybe my head is purging what doesn't work for my life and reintroducing what makes sense. I hope it is not too late.
Nina is a force that I admire and sometimes she's surprisingly uplifting, she is the high priestess of soul afterall.
Trouble in mind, I'm blue
But I won't be blue always,
'Cause the sun's gonna shine
In my backdoor some day.
Trouble in mind, it's true
I have almost lost my mind,
Never had so much
Trouble in my life before.
I'm gonna lay my head
On some lonesome railroad line
Let the two nineteen train
Ease my troubled mind.
Trouble in mind, I'm blue
But I won't be blue always,
'Cause the sun's gonna shine
My backdoor some day.
I'm gonna lay, lay my head
On some lonesome railroad line
Let the two nineteen train
Ease my troubled mind.
(Say) Trouble in mind, I'm blue
But I won't be blue always,
'Cause the sun's gonna shine
My backdoor some day.
I'm gonna lay oh my head
On some lonesome railroad line
Let the two nineteen train
Ease my troubled mind.
Trouble in mind, Yes I'm blue
But I won't be blue always,
'Cause the sun's gonna shine
in my backdoor some day.
'Cause the sun's gonna shine
in my backdoor some day.
'Cause the sun's gonna shine
in my backdoor some day.
'Cause the sun's gonna shine
in my backdoor some day.
(Oh boy) 'Cause the sun's gonna shine
in my backdoor some day.
Took this from Chris at My 2 Cents
What did you want to be when you ‘grew up’?
This is one of the tough questions. I remember having to answer this when I was 11 and I didn't know what to say so I copied a friend and said I wanted to be a cop. I thought that was what I ought to say. Later around 13, I said I wanted to be an actor or a singer but I realize that it's not really what I could be either. Now I just want to be comfortable and surrounded by people I love. Career-wise I like to do something with statistics.
What are you now?
Nothing much really. I'm doing IT in a non-profit, soon to be unemployed. Or like they say 'between jobs'.
What fictional character did you identify with as a child?
Nobita Nobi in Doraemon, he's a geeky kid that constantly get into trouble for being lazy. I guess that summed me up, I wasn't the best student either.
How about now?
Violet in the Incredibles? It sure feels like being invisible is my superpower sometimes.
What is your ‘Gay Pride’ Song?
Gloria Gaynor's I Am What I Am
What is your drag song (we ALL have one)?
I don't think I have one either, but if I really have to choose I'll probably go to Nina Simone or Ella Fitzgerald. Maybe something like Ella's Cry Me A River.
Earliest memory?
It would be at the doctor's office in Paris when I was around 3-4 years old. The doctor was a racist dick and didn't want to treat me and giving my mom attitude all the while.
Memory you’d like to forget?
I have a lot of embarrassing moments in my life that keeps haunting me, but the ones that I want to forget the most is probably losing a very good friend when he found out that I was gay. I was really depressed for a while.
If you ran for a seat in political office, what would be your platform(s)?
Alternative energy, somehow this country is really behind in developing them and I don't understand why. And even if it's not popular, I'll advocate for gun control, separation of church and state and also equal rights.
Winehouse. Want her to succeed or are you over her?
Extremely talented and extremely messed up, I would still want to pump a few albums from her though. So I want her to succeed.
The first person you thought you loved?
My cousin. Well, I was 3 years old then. Does that count?
The first person you actually loved?
In a romantic sense, it might have been Principe; My boyfriend of 6 years. I have had other boyfriends before him but I don't think I could call them love. I have a great time with them, and some are pure infatuation but not the same level as I love Principe.
The person you love now?
No one in particular, I wish the answer would be different but it's where I am now.
If you could be, do, have, own, or possess anything you wanted, what would it be?
I think I want to be rich. Money doesn't equate happiness but it provide comfort, freedom, accessiblity to the things that makes you happy. And if you can't be happy when you're rich, you pretty much deserve to be unhappy.
Even if you are in love with someone right now, who are you/could be crushing on right now?
Well, I'm always crushing on somebody. The good looking ones, the nice ones. Right now there's Lucius and Mr. CuteCub. Put some cute guys in front of me, I'm sure I'll be crushing on a few and sooner or later, all of them. :)
Randy Pausch passed away today. It is quite sad really, I really quite enjoyed his inspiring lectures and I even bought his book and read it in two days. (Medic Guy got it in the "settlement" along with my much loved Keith Haring hoodie sweats.) To think, a man who is dying from pancreatic cancer still be able to laugh and joke around and inspire others. What have I done and what am I doing with my life?
In this period of time I feel like I have to reevaluate every aspects of my life. In the love front, there's little to nothing. In the job front, I'm losing what I have. It is a problem that I have to recognize. I need to readjust my attitude and throw myself out there. Meet new people, make new friends, find a new job. Maybe I've been in my shell for too long, maybe I've been scared of being rejected and haven't tried my hardest to make something of myself, but it has to change.
Stumbled across these people who promote themselves as Life Coaches for Gay Men, I always thought I needed a life coach/psychiatrist. They offer conseling sessions but more importantly and accessible are the articles they write: Free Yourself From Fear, Believe in Yourself and other self-help gems. Maybe ultimately I can recognize my current situation as an opportunity for me to grow and change but it is essential for me to find something real soon.
Let the melodrama begins...
Once I lived the life of a millionaire,
Spending all my money, just didn't care,
Took all my friends out for a mighty good time,
Buyin bootleg whisky, champagne and wine.
Then I began to fall so low;
Lost all my good friends, had no place to go.
If I get my hands on a dollar again,
I'm gonna hang on to it till that eagle grins,
Nobody knows you when you're down and out,
In your pocket, not one penny;
And all the friends, you don't have any.
If you get back on your feet again
That's when you find you long lost friend
It's mighty strange, without any doubt
Nobody knows you when you're down and out.
When you finally get back upon your feet again,
That's when you meet your long-lost friend
Said it's mighty strange, without any doubt
Nobody knows you when you're down and out.
It's mighty strange, without any doubt,
Nobody knows you when you're down, you're down and out.
My birthday was quite uneventful, other than spending some time with a very cute cub. For unknown reasons, I'm still feeling hopeful. Maybe it's because I'm still getting paid and dread has not officially sunk in yet. I'm applying to universities and hospitals around, hope I'll hear something from them soon. Mr. CuteCub works at one of the local institutes and told me that it took him almost a whole year to hear back from them for various reasons, I really hope it doesn't take me quite as long. I also told a few friends about my predicament so they can be on the look out for me. Funny because in the past 24 hours, I've got two different calls from some acquaintances that they both got the job they put me as a reference for, while I have to disclose I'm gonna lose mine.
Mr. CuteCub is a very attractive and sweet guy, he's also flirty as hell. He would have been a great guy to date other than the fact that he's already spoken for. His hubby is spending the summer somewhere else so I jokingly said that we're having a secret summer romance. We both need some companionship and we seem to get along real well and he is just about the cutest cub I've ever seen. Don't worry though, I know better than falling for him and my focus is on finding a job right now. If I can't even take care of myself, how am I gonna take care of a boyfriend? Still, fun is fun.
I really didn't feel like celebrating this year since I have a lot in my mind, but I'm still surprised by the people who remember it. There is my cousin who was born the same day as me who IMed, a friend who mailed me a card and also IMed me, another friend who left me a message singing happy birthday, DC who called and said we should do something this weekend, Principe who texted me all the way from Argentina and Lucius who took me out last night because he's on call today. He also bought me a shirt from Banana Republic which I was going to buy, I guess we have similar tastes.
I think I'm just gonna buy a cupcake somewhere, put a candle on it and make a wish. I hope it'll come true.
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