The Cancer Scare

So along with the streak of bad luck, this is what happened to me.

I'm prone to have skin problems in the winter, I don't know why. People usually have more skin issues in summer since you sweat more but not me. And since I've been having more gentleman callers as usual, I''m quite a closeted hypercondriac, I run to the doctor's screaming when I see anything unusual. There are some random pimples which I do recognize. Some small bumps near my hands that appears every so often because I do a lot of dishes sans gloves. A few dots on my face where I see the doctor's for thinking it could be herpes but he told me it's nothing but nervous tics. What the hell is a nervous tic and what kinda doctor would give that kind of diagnosis? I think my doctor is catching on to me being a hypochondriac and he took the time to explain to me the various conditions that I'm concerned about and trying to comfort me with reasons which I really appreciate.

And then there's this: Thank god that I'm a chronic masturbator, I'm pretty in tuned to how my body feels like. and about two-three weeks ago, I noticed that something feels different in my inner thighs. Given that my mother had died from ovarian cancer in her mid-thirties, I was a little alarmed. Maybe not exactly alarmed since sooner or later we'll all have to die from something but I was at least, for a lack of a better word, intrigued. It's not like I'm not feeling well. The doctor says it's probably nothing, it could be a lump of fat which sometimes grow on a human body and it's perfectly harmless, but he ordered an ultrasound anyway. When I got to the ultrasound, it's shaped like a small cheetos, it feels like it's made of plastic, as if someone injected me with a scanning tag in a futuristic sci-fi thriller. I was gonna make a "boy or girl" joke to the ultrasound technician, but he looked a bit stern and made me a bit nervous.

The doctor is supposed to call me or send me a letter with the results and I'm not overly concerned. Considering the alternative, I mean do I really want to be deemed so fat that even my balls are growing fat cells now? How do you exercise your balls that I'm not already doing? I rather have cancer.

Life's too short, enjoy your while you can.