The Fool in Me

Since Lucius has a hectic and unstable working schedule, I haven't been able to see him lately to tell him how I feel. I haven't been able to sleep well, I'm tossing and turning thinking, driving myself crazy with different scenarios in my head, but I guess that's part of the fun.

A few friends have been telling me to proceed cautiously and I'm drawing back from my initial passionate rush to proclaim my love like I'm coming out for the second time. I remember a while back he had been telling me how he was taken aback by some guy who was a bit too clingy, who called and text him a bit too often. Of course, I have my share of these codependent individuals and I understand how much of a put off that can be. But then I don't have any games, so I wouldn't know how to play hard to get. I have certainly ceased my online stalker behavior, although it is a bit hard to fight the urge of looking desperate. As Doug had said, I would know when the time to act is right.

I was supposed to help Lucius move his couch yesterday but he had to work, so we postponed it into next week. We have been texting back and forth about getting some Margaritas some time this week. Naturally I'm enthusiastic about the idea but I didn't want to push the issue. He told me that we might go out tonight but he is feeling a bit sick, so he'll text me to confirm later. Since I got that message, I've been thinking whether I should knock on his door with homemade chicken noodle soup, that way I wouldn't have to say much and he would probably get the point.

I think I need to act less stalker-ish but please understand these things are all in my head and I haven't act on any of these yet, so in reality I'm still in the safe zone. For a person like me, there's only 2 choices in this stage. Go all the way or cut it off altogether, and I'll be damned if I give up before even asking.

It's a good thing I know how to make a good chicken noodle soup though. Since I don't have the ability to hide my love or slow cook a relationship that's the best game plan I've got. And if Lucius is really sick and won't be able to go out tonight, I think I would have it in me to just leave the soup there and leave. Since he's so far from home and nobody's around to take care of him, I hope he'll be touched by the gesture.