Gambling is a Chinese Sport

I've been going crazy the past few days, thinking about Medic Guy. I just can't seem to shake him off. I find myself really want to believe what he told me was true. Maybe his friend and him do talk that way, maybe I didn't give our relationship enough chance. I keep thinking that it wasn't so bad, maybe I was overreacting. I haven't formally dated anyone before so how do I know how normal dating is? I am missing the guy like crazy. That love feeling is so addictive.

I want him back but at the same time I don't. I love the guy but the crazy hours and the unavailability will drive me nuts. Yet, I can't stop thinking about having him sleeping next to me, holding him in my arms. I'm going stir crazy, wishing that I can talk to him again, get things out of my chest, maybe even start anew.

I've become a stalker, an internet stalker. Checking every five minutes to see if he's online. What if he is? What would I say? Beg him to take me back? It's too late, I've breached our trust, I should have never snooped. He had mentioned that it was up to me, but I doubt that it would be that easy. If it was me I would be quite pissed off, he has the right to slam the door on my face.

I can't help but think about him all day at work and not getting a lot of work done. Sighing. Finally, although not wise but who knows, I texted him and ask him if he mind talking to me. I had texted him all my concerns when we broke up, so we were past that. When he called I asked him how he was doing, he got an ear infection and need surgery to get it drained, plus all the flying caused his ear drum to tear. His grandmother is in the hospital for a bronco infection, she's 87 has Alzheimer's and they live together with his sister so he can take care of her. Seems like everything happens all at once. I try my best to pay attention to what he was saying but selfishly I care more about where we stand.

"Are we back together?" He asked. That was all I needed to hear. "That easy?" I thought to myself. I made sure that he knows how much I love him and he expressed he was really upset and I shouldn't have dropped him like a hot potato and we both have things we needed to work on but as of now all is forgiven.

I still have no idea whether I did the right thing or not. He'll still be very busy and hardly have the time to be with me, but then gambling IS a Chinese sport.

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Music Invasion: "Good Morning Heartache"

Can we focus on talent like her instead of what Britney is up to this week?



Good Morning Heartache

Good morning heartache
You old gloomy sight
Good morning heartache
Thought we said goodbye last night
I turned and tossed 'til it seemed you had gone
But here you are with the dawn
Wish I'd forget you, but you're here to stay
It seems I met you when my love went away
Now everyday I start by saying to you
Goodmorning heartache, what's new?

Stop haunting me now
Can't shake you nohow
Just leave me alone
I've got those Monday blues
Straight through Sunday blues
Good morning heartache
Here we go again
Good morning heartache
You're the one who knew me when
Might as well get used to you hanging around
Good morning heartache
Sit down

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Music Review: Jill Scott's "Live in Paris+"

Oh how I love this album! I can't express with words, I overwhelmed with a sense of joy that comes deep down within like I've witness something so great that I'm glowing afterwards. It's odd, because this is an album with a DVD from a live performance in Paris and I have heard all the song before. I bought it just because I have a gift card from Best Buy, so it is in other words, free. But Jill has managed to breath new life in all the songs through new arrangement and that voice of hers is pure heaven.

It's reminiscent of Nina Simone, she went to France and claimed it as her own. Jill Scott differs herself as an artist and not an entertainer. She clarifies by saying that there are no backup dancers on stage just "voices", "musicians" and while pointing at her musicians "talents" and talented they are. Her performance is expressed through a raise of her hand, a flick of her voice, a squint on the corner of her eyes, while the multiracial crowd swooned and intoxicated. "Sing it girl!" shouted one audience. Her subject range from sex, love, parenthood, gang violence. Her voice at times sweet, at times strong, brought out an sophisticated urban sound. I can never imagine Philadelphia, the city that I live in can produce something so beautiful or expressed in such a deep, meaningful way.

Soul is such a deep and beautiful form of music, it's a truth within so true that is waiting to come out. Jill can definitely give Aretha a run for her money. I decided then and there that Jill is my new queen, of course she doesn't need my recognition. Sweating profusely in her Jill Scott afro T-shirt, preaching her gospel to the crowd, she's already a queen. A+

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The Goodbyes

ES is finally going to move to Maryland near DC this week, we had a potluck party for her yesterday. There was an unfathomable amount of food. I made a vegan pasta primavera with no butter, no chicken broth and no cheese, since someone in the office is a vegetarian and she gave up dairy for lent. Surprisingly, it came out okay. ES has been an amazing friend and it's hard to see her go. I got to play with the kids for one last time. I wasn't particularly sad because I don't think it has hit me yet and I was quite preoccupied with the Medic Guy dilemma. But at the end when she left with her kids and they hugged me it hit me a bit hard. I'm so bad at saying goodbyes.

So yesterday I spent the whole day pretty much like a living dead. My head is in the fog, but honestly I don't have much capacity to bottle myself up, sooner or later I would explode. Supposedly Medic Guy is having an ear infection and can't get together last night, so when I see him online I IMed him and asked how he was feeling all the while going back and forth with myself on how or if I should break up with him. I finally got the courage and sent him a message dishing out how while I was looking to see what he did with the picture I sent him of myself and found out that I'm not the only one sending pictures to him. He argued that it was his other medic friend sending him before and after pictures of himself losing weight (10 pounds).

I also told him that other than the picture, I saw messages of him going to the other person's place while he was supposedly going to dinner to console his divorced girlfriend and he told me that his medic friend went with him and I shouldn't have snooped through his cell phone, and that there is no other guys and that I was the one afraid of commitment and then offered to give me his friend's phone number to prove his innocent. Could the whole thing be explained logically, and he was telling me the truth? Since I've gone this far the relationship is not salvagable anyway, so I said "It wouldn't work anyhow, you're too unavailable and I'm too insecure". We IMed our goodbyes in our civil manner. I spent the rest of the night watching TV in bed fidgeting if I should ask him to take me back, balancing in my head whether having a cheating boyfriend is better than having no boyfriend.

Maybe I'm the stupid ass who's looking for the very first sign on how this relationship wouldn't work and sabotaging own love life, too afraid of being hurt. Maybe he's the player who's collecting boyfriends and instilling self doubt on me to make himself the victim. Either way, it ended. And I did mourn. But I read somewhere "If this happened to a friend of yours what advice will you give?" and I say "Dump him".

Still, I feel like shit...

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An Open Relationship

This viral prank is so elaborate that I'm shocked. (NSFW)





Brad Pitt, Don Cheadle, Macy Gray, Robin Williams, Harrison Ford, Josh Groban and Cameron Diaz,? Are you kidding me?

Someone counted Joan Jett, Pete Wentz, Perry Farrell, Benji Madden, Joel Madden, Lance Bass, Huey Lewis, McLovin, Christina Applegate, Rebecca Romijn, and Dominic Monaghan, and Meatloaf and probably a few more.

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Pinocchio, If It Wasn't For Your Nose...

So while I'm snooping through Medic Guy cell phone, (I know it's wrong but...) I found out he's actually seeing another person at the same time. So that's the reason why he cancels our dates and claimed that he needs to see his divorcing girlfriend and such. Conniving little twat.

So I was laying in my bed, thinking about how to break it to him or break up with him. All the "I love you"s were pretty much a big lie, huh? I have to give it to him though, his ability to lie is quite uncanny. The bit about his best friend getting a divorce and he wants to have both of us for dinner is superb. How did he know I wouldn't say yes? And when I'm with him he knows how to make me feel like I'm the only one, like we are really boyfriends. I have so much to learn from it, not that I want to have several boyfriends at once. (Unless it's a poly, of course.)

I didn't sleep well all night, struggling with the fact that he's cheating already. Maybe I wasn't good enough for him? Then found myself dosing off and waken up by sex. Sex has such calming effects, but the whole time I was thinking about it might be our last time, that guy have no idea I'll be breaking up with him soon enough. I thought to myself, might as well make it a good one.

After that we got up and out to get some breakfast and all the while I was looking for a chance to say it out loud, so he can pack up his stuff and go. I didn't have the heart. He was saying WE should find a weekend and get out of town TOGETHER. Maybe WE can go up to New York for a long weekend. WE. WE? What about that other guy? I'm all for a poly if it started out honestly, but now I don't think I can ever trust him again, when he says he's working long hours or when he needs to do some grocery shopping. WE? Is there a WE? I never learned how to dump a person, I don't know how to tell him that I found out about the other guy(s) either. (Look, I snooped on your cell phone while you're taking a shower, but...) I guess I just have to make myself unavailable until he gets the point.

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Flakes

So it snowed yesterday and no one went to work except me. Our office are composed with various people with histories of bad backs, joint problems and spinal injuries. So I guess I can understand. I'm picking up my knitting project again, my blanket knitting project that spans through years. I guess I must be bored.

I have no idea how to deal with Medic Guy, he asked me to be his boyfriend after our very first date, said 'I love you' after only 5 days we've known each other but then his work does not allow us to see each other much. I understand the importance of his work and the good salary he's making with all his overtime and compensation, but it does not make up for how many times he cancelled our dates, or promise he'll come by but then decided he was too tired or that he rather not. It kills me when he has a choice between being with me and be home, he rather stay home. What does it say when the passion is supposed to be new and high and that's what I get from him? Through this two weeks that we know each other , he cancelled our dates four times. We were supposed to get together today and go to a museum around lunch time, and he called me and say that we should meet for dinner instead and then called later saying his friend just got her divorce paper through the mail and we might need to have dinner with her. Of course, I bowed out of that since I don't even know her and these are more private matter and I will only be awkward. He sounded apologetic, but somehow I don't really believe that's what really happened. We ended our conversation with him saying 'What would I do without you?', I was thinking 'You'll soon find out'.

I feel so foolish now that I've fend off all the other guys and tell my friends that I found myself a boyfriend. If he really love me like he said he does, wouldn't he want to be with me as much as possible? Or is there something wrong for me to feel blown off everytime he cancels on me? How many chances should I give him until it's time for me to dump him? Since it is a rather new relationship, I think the earlier I end it, the less pain it'll be.

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Fiending For Stewart

Just when I thought the writer's strike is over and i'll get treating for some long awaited comedy genius from the Daily Show. Jon Stewart left for California to rehearse for the upcoming Oscar awards show. Reruns, I hate reruns... and I was so looking forward to new materials. Fortunately, Andy over at TowleRoad found some YouTube clips about Larry King interviewing Jon last night on Larry King Live. Ah, the soothing comical genius that is Jon Stewart. It is pure classic...



For the rest of them, click these: Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5, Part 6, Part 7.

P.S. I must apologize for adding the music thingee. Just trying something new. I'm sure I'll take it off soon when I'm tired of it.

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Racism in Gay Culture

Maybe the next generation would produce so many mixed race individuals that race doesn't matter anymore, but until then racism is an issue. Of course, people have the right to like what they like. Appearance is everything or else there won't be need for gyms but it shouldn't keep you from being nice to someone.

Stereotypes exist for a reason, it's up to each of us to stand out on our own. Yes, we have a hill to climb to get accepted but everyone have their own issues.

I'm a 6 feet Chinese cub with a hairy chest and a full beard and god helps the ones who thinks I'm docile.

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Asian Artist Introduction: Ivana Wong

I have been out of the Canto-pop loop for a while, but with my friend's high recommendation I gave this girlie a chance and loved her work. She writes all of her song and I'm a sucker for girlie sing-a-song writers who write sappy songs.

I found this one on YouTube that showcases her talent before she was famous, so she still looked like a housewife. I used to idolize the guy who sings with him, not because of his looks but because of his voice. Bad haircut on him though.



This is after she got famous and got a much better haircut and make up styling. She looks quite ethereal. Sweet voice really, and apparently she can write. Forgive the quality of the audio though.



Go Girlie Go!!!

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The Schedule Conflict

Thursday, Medic Guy worked from 9am to 9pm. I went out to have dinner with ES, MP and EK. It's probably our last time having dinner all together before ES move down to Washington D.C. Medic Guy told me he'll be working all day, so I wasn't expecting anything.

Friday, Medic Guy worked from 9am to 9pm again. I'm surprised on how much he works, he told me he'll probably stay at the hospital for the night because he has to work the exact same hours on Saturday and then call me after work saying that he'll go home because he forgot to bring clothes.

Saturday, same hours, he told me he might come by at night. I made some soup, got him flowers. And then he texted me around 6 saying he 'loves' me. I was quite shocked, we only knew each other for a few days. He doesn't even know me that well, how can he love me? An hour later he texted me again saying he can't come because he's exhausted.

Sunday, I walked around town looking for a vase to put his flowers in, he told me he's gonna be coming over at night and spend the night with me and since he don't need to work tomorrow and I got off for President's day, I really looked forward to spend our first whole day together. Went to buy some steak and potatoes which he said he liked. I plan to make my famous steak au poivre with a marsala reduction, scalloped potato gratin and salad. Got hom around 4 and got a message from him saying he had a really bad day and he won't be able to come by and he just promised the hospital to work tomorrow. I texted him back saying 'okay', but by now I'm fuming.

The flowers are sitting in a corner all wrapped up in their new vase. I made some soup that he told me he likes. I blown off a few guys just because I thought we had plans and I even told them that I'm seeing someone. But my boyfriends don't feel like coming by and yet sends me message saying he loves me and misses me. What's wrong with this picture? I feel worst than when I was single. Given I must care about him enough or else I won't be so pissed off, but we only know each other for a week. If this uncertainty will continue to exist in our relationship, I rather do without. What good is the "I miss you"s if later on he decides he don't need to see me? Of course, he pleas for me not to be mad, but it is not something I can control.

When somone promises me something and not deliver, I get upset and disappointed. Maybe I should stop investing so much in it, that way I won't expect as much. After all, we only knew each other for a week.

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Happy Valentine's Day!

Medic Guy got summoned to work last night. He was really debating it because he wanted to stay the night with me. But with all the OT and the add-ons for covering a shift he'll be making roughly $150 an hour on a 14 hour shift. He was very apologetic but I understand. If I were my money hungry grandma, I would have pushed him out the door while he's still half naked and yell "Grab that dough!"

Two nights ago I was made aware by a bank teller that my ID has expired, so I went to the DMV to get a new one this morning. I kinda liked my picture on my last ID and really wasn't looking forward to taking a new one. I find out that I don't know how to smile in front of a camera. I thought I was smothering out a smirk but I end up looking bored. My collar was crooked too. Why can't they put a mirror in the DMV?

There was a choice on the form of whether you want to be an organ donor. I checked 'yes' and then got these quizzical looks from the officer and the one who took my picture. "Do you really want to be an organ donor?" asked the officer and the one who took my picture. I can't figure out if they just want to make sure or if that does not happen often. I know it used to be a big deal with the Chinese to be buried 'completely'. But even we had commercials telling us how important it is to help others. Once you're dead, you're dead. Right?

I bought these gorgeous cupcakes for the office, they have tiny rosebuds planted on top. I haven't called Principe for a while so I called and got a pretty warm greeting from him. I have sent him a package for X'mas and he just got it not long ago. We talked and I remembered how nice it was to have him by my side. He told me that he love me like 10 times, and I know that he meant it but what's the point if he is all the way in Paraguay? I told him to take care of himself and hung up then I cried.

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Learning the Quirks

Medic Guy is allergic to raw tomato.
Medic Guy doesn't like fish, calamari or mushrooms. (I don't know how I keep dating picky eaters)
Medic Guy lives with and take care of his grandma who has Alzheimer's.
Medic Guy is a Black Irish.
Medic Guy is a flight medic, so he wakes up at 5:15 every day and have strange working hours.
Medic Guy is cold all the time.
Medic Guy is confident, caring with a slight hint of arrogance and can have a mean streak.
Medic Guy snores and turns clingy when he's sleeping.

I'm not allergic to any food.
I eat pretty much everything, except some stuff featured in Fear Factor.
I stay as far away from my aging grandma and other family members as possible.
I'm Chinese.
I'm an IT guy, wakes up around 8:30 and works 9 to 5.
I'm warm all the time.
I'm not as confident but I am caring with a slight hint of arrogance and can have a mean streak.
I snore so loud that DC had to rent another room for me when we were in San Diego and usually I can't sleep if someone is touching me.

- - -

Medic guy showed up yesterday in a Snufkin get up; with a cowboy hat, a big scarf hiding his face and a pea coat. We went out for dinner for a change and talked. He is a very nice guy. We went back to my place, watched TV and he fell asleep around 10:30. I stayed up to watch Jon Stewart and tried to sleep, but woke up a few times at night. I don't know since when I can't sleep with someone is by my side. I have lived with Principe for 6 long years and I was fine, but actually I did better than I thought last night. Maybe I was too self-conscious and didn't want to snore in his presence. He's a comforter-hogger though. He didn't have to work today but he left around 7:30 this morning. I feel the compulsion to get my hands on some sort of ID proving he's who he said he is, does that make me an untrusting little person? I guess I should add insecure to my list, huh?

P.S. If he's Snufkin, does it make me Moomin? I know Medic Guy has been calling me his "Bear" but I don't want to be Moomin...

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"Will You Be My Bear?"

That's the question Medic Guy left on my cell phone after the Grammys. First of all, what bear? Second of all, how come everyone I've met move this fast? I'm not really experienced in dating, so I don't understand.

Medic Guy has been texting me all day yesterday telling me he wanted to come by again at night, and against my best judgment I said 'Yes'. I'm always cautious when people are moving too fast, when they don't know me that well. Do you really like me or you like the idea of having me as a boyfriend? But on the other hand, I really like the guy. So we are in my place, with me making Chicken Parmesan and him watching the Family Guy DVD set. I guess I have to blame myself for creating too much of a nurturing environment. We ate and I quizzed him on what is that he wants when we end up half naked on the bed yet again.

"Someone to share life with." He said. So this is not just sex. I guess I needed that to knock me upside the head. Then he followed with "What do you want?"

"I don't really know what I want right now. But you look very good." That's my now honest and official answer but the last part was true and not a line.

"I guess I can take that." He responded which surprised me.

We decided we would try to be boyfriends. The thought shocked us both. We haven't even met 48 hours ago. How did this happen? My life just got ten times more complicated but the idea of holding hands with him on the streets sounds very sweet, plus he has a huge... I mean a "great personality". So let's give this a try.

He texted and said he's gonna come by again tonight. I wonder how long it is until he gets tired of me. Maybe he just wanted someone to spend Valentine's day with... maybe I'm being too cynical and analytical.

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Medic Guy and the Grammys

OK, so I'm a "Hooah" (Whore), what's new? Met Medic Guy online and we started chatting last week. Last night, he said his family has left him and went to dinner so he's all alone at his house. (No, he's not married) So I offer for him to come over and watch the Grammys with me. I told him I have been anticipating this for a while, and I'm not leaving my house for nothing.

Medic Guy is not only a medic, but he's the flying kind who jumps into a chopper and rescue people. I find honor in that. He also told me that there's paperwork proving that he's within a 100 people next to succeed the British throne. I've just met a pathological liar not long ago who bored me to death with his stories being a stage producer in Hollywood, having a Brazilian boyfriend with a 12-inch cock, one after another... but Medic Guy does not seemed to be lying.

So we laid in bed together with all of our clothes on, ordered a pizza and watched the Grammys. Medic Guy claimed that he's not a big music fan, but he recognizes tons of musicians from the past. This year's Grammys is very performance heavy and not a lot of awards given out live. I think it might be an active effort to reduce the long speeches. The performances are not really impressive either. The duet with a dead person thing that Alicia Keys and Frank Sinatra did was kinda tired. Jimmy Jam and Rihanna Medley wasn't that great either, although watching Rihanna in that dress looking like a kiwi bird reminded me of the Bjork swan fiasco at the Oscar. Cirque du soleil's performance was really impressive, both me and Medic Guy were impressed by the singing especially they weren't stars. Kanye West performed a touching rap about his dead mother. Tina Turner and Beyonce was ok. Andrea Bocelli and Josh Groban was quite superb, Medic Guy said a night in bed with Josh Groban would be a perfect birthday present, well Josh IS mighty cute. I'm just amazed that Fergie manage to have John Legend to play piano man for her and kept his mouth shut. Musically, she barely has the talent to be his background vocals for pete's sake.

By the time it's Amy's turn to perform, me and Medic Guy are already half naked in bed. (What's that no sex on the first date rule again?) He's a little too skinny for my taste, but what's too skinny? Amy's obviously inebriated, she barely managed to get through her songs looking all dazed and confused, pupils dilated, the whole lot. I find it disappointed and hilarious at the same time. Changed her lyrics to "my Blake"... who's in jail. Why does she has to be such a mess? And her acceptance on the Record of the Year award is just too classic. If the curse of the Best New Artist was true, I'm afraid we won't be seeing much of Amy from now on.

I think the award went to the right people, but the performance are kinda horrid. Do we have to do duets all the time? Must we do all the songs that have long been tired out? "Umbrella"? "Before He Cheats"? "Rehab"? Really? Don't they have other songs they can perform? Thank god the sex was good.

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The Gay Black Asian Mahjong Brigade

I got invited to a birthday party by an online friend. He's Black and all his friends are Black and Asian mixed race couples. (If people who like white guys are called "Potato Queens" and people who like Asian guys are called "Rice Queens", what do you call people who like Latino guys and Black guys, "Taco Queens" and "Collard Green Queens"?) I have never met him in real life before but I was very interested to meet him because he has traveled half of Asia and he can speak Mandarin and Cantonese, plus he whispered the magic word: "Mahjong".

I'm a game addict, Mahjong is where it all started. When I was an infant, my grandmother used to have me on her back while she plays Mahjong. My first words may well be "Red Dragon", at least that would probably be the first Chinese character that I recognized. It is a family game, it helps with Alzheimer's, it IS one of the treasures of China.

Dinner was good, I met some very interesting people. The group is consists of non-profit workers, IT guys and doctors. It's the general stereotypes. Oddly enough, amongst these gay men there is this straight Chinese couple who is very, very reserved. The wife is this very submissive type that don't even dare to eat without permission from the husband and the husband is said to be very interested in gay men.

After dinner, we went back to my online friend's home had the birthday cake and started our game. In between, we discussed politics and watched Sixth Sense and had a lot of fun. It's intellectually stimulating and I'm thrilled to meet some nice people. I can never find gay Asian friends in Philly, if you go up and talk to them they either think you're interested in them or they think you are their competitors for the few white men who likes Asians. Phooey...

I leave you with this miraculous invention:



It's sold for around $1,500, looks very impressive and maybe very cool for a while. But the excitement would eventually fade. Looks very hard to repair if it breaks down and it does take part of the fun away. I wish it wasn't so hard to find mahjong players in Philly.

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Mass. Hysteria!

If Massachusetts allows gay marriage and Massachusetts is one of the most educated states. Does it mean people who want to ban gay marriage are dumb? According to this clip, "Yes!"

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Happy Chinese New Year

It's the year of the rat. People born in the year of the rat are said to be hardworking, patient, systematic, assertive, they can also be cheap and manipulative.

One of the tradition I missed the most is parents or elders giving out red pockets with money in it. Chinese New Year is pretty much the X'mas of Chinese kids. I'm from Hong Kong, so I've got the best of both worlds. X'mas gifts and red pockets. I actually like the red pockets better, because I can use the cash for whatever I really wanted. But there's work involved, I actually have to go to the elders house to collect them and that takes time and patience.

It's comforting to know that ever since I left Hong Kong ten years ago, my grandma has been collecting red pockets in my name for her own us... lol. Come to think of it, she was born in the year of the rat, it would make her 84 this year, no wonder she's such a cheap skate!

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The Ideal Relationship

I was catching up with DC last night and we talked about relationship and my recent dates. Although monogamous, DC has the same thought as I did in grade school, in that it is hard to imagine spending the next 50 years with one and only one person. More like he has a hard time imagining having sex with one and only one person.

Understandable, I have been with Principe for six loving years but near the end our sex life was reduced to once or twice a week, comparing to the hot start we had. Sex up to a point will get mundane and routine and it cannot support a relationship on its own. While love may grow, sex dwindles. So it is important to recognize them as two different things.

Instead of cheating behind your lover's back, some couple choose to have an open relationship. Once a trust and understanding has been established firmly, they could sleep around with other people as long as it is okay with their partner. That way they still get their affection and love from their partner while getting their needs for sexual adventures fulfilled from someone else. Of course, that might invite doubts and jealousy, or maybe you go out and meet someone better and ruined the existing relationship.

Some couples insist on playing together when they invite a third sex partner, it could spice up the love life and there would be less chance for problem. Or playing with other couples, that way everyone know who they belong to, minimizing the chance for problems and gain some friends.

Polygamy is another interesting topic. It's illegal in the states, but so is gay marriage. So for us homos, we don't have to conform to the traditional format of "Marriage is a sacred institution between a man and a woman". For us, it could be whatever we want it to be. Personally, I have been in a relation with a gay couple for a year. I recognized that this kind of relationship has a great potential, you'll be in a high income household, the sex is more interesting with the various combinations, it's not as easy to be bored, but it is a very difficult balancing act. If the participants are not mature enough, there would be jealousy and insecurity. "Oh, you like him more than you like me!" It's hard to find equal grounds and it's hard to be attracted to each other equally as much either.

Maybe it's my fondness for RPG games, I can fantasize myself being in a polyamory relationship. Ideally, having 5 participants just like any good RPG games and just enough to fit in a car. Everyone should have different things that they are good at, whether it's cooking and cleaning, car and home repair, gardening, accounting, computers and such... Four of them would have jobs and the other one can be the homemaker, and of course equal parts of tops and bottoms. Better yet, one of each race. And most importantly all of them should be drama-free and know how to play Mahjong or if not, Texas Hold'em. I like the self-sufficient brotherhood/friends/lovers combination of a relationship. I realize it is quite selfish and hard to find but it is, of course, just a fantasy.

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Super Tuesday/Mardi Gras

This week sure seems to be a busy week for me, unintentionally, but I went on a date with a guy last night and after the date Calico Guy called and say he needed a place to stay for the night because his roommate had a guest over for the night and the guest didn't know that his roommate was gay and living with another guy. So I couldn't sleep all night, and stayed up playing computer game until 7am this morning.

The date went pretty well. I haven't had that much good, stimulating conversation for a while, I have a lot in common with the guy and he's outgoing enough that we both had a good time. The only thing is that I'm not really that physically attracted to him. He's the same age as I am and somehow looks 10 years older and quite out of shape, but he's mature, successful, respectful, everything else that I'm looking. I wonder if we can somehow be friends.

Today, I'm going to lunch with ES who's moving to DC come the end of the month. Dinner with DC tonight who's visiting my other hometown Paris this weekend, maybe I can persuade him to take my dad out, he's only going there for a weekend, he could get out of it scott free. And later tonight, I'm meeting up with Tattoo Piercing Guy for Mardi Gras. Tomorrow I have a happy hour date. Thursday is Chinese New Year. Saturday I got the another poker game with the gay team.

Since it's Super Tuesday, it's only right to talk a bit about politics. I was a follower of Hillary until recently, I find that she stuck too much in the middle of the road and can't quite commit to any solid positions. Obama being the new guy is more exciting although he doesn't seem that much better than Hillary either. Not that I can vote anyway. But some people are worried that he might be assassinated by white supremacy groups, hmm....

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What Wouldn't We Do To Be Sprung Free?

I think this research has become the hot topic amongst our community:

GENEVA (AP) -- Swiss AIDS experts said Thursday that some people with HIV who meet strict conditions and are under treatment can safely have unprotected sex with non-infected partners.

The proposal astonished AIDS researchers in Europe and North America who have long argued that safe sex with a condom is the single most effective way of preventing the spread of the disease -- apart from abstinence.

''Not only is (the Swiss proposal) dangerous, it's misleading and it is not considering the implications of the biological facts involved with HIV transmission,'' said Jay Levy, director of the Laboratory for Tumor and AIDS Virus Research at the University of California in San Francisco.

The Swiss National AIDS Commission said patients who can satisfy strict conditions, including successful antiretroviral treatment to suppress the virus and who do not have any other sexually transmitted diseases, do not pose a danger to others. The proposal was published this week in the Bulletin of Swiss Medicine.

The Swiss scientists took as their starting point a 1999 study by the U.S. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, which showed that transmission depends strongly on the viral load in the blood.

The other studies had also found that patients on regular AIDS treatment did not pass on the virus, and that HIV could not be detected in their genital fluids.

''Let's be clear, the decision has to remain with the HIV-negative partner,'' said Pietro Vernazza, head of infectious diseases at the cantonal hospital of St. Gallen in Switzerland and an author of the report.

The studies cited by the Swiss commission did not themselves definitively conclude whether people with HIV and on antiretroviral treatment could safely have unprotected sex without passing on the virus.

The World Health Organization said Switzerland would be the first country in the world to try this approach.

''There is still some concern that you can never guarantee that somebody will not be infectious, and the evidence I have to say is not conclusive,'' said Charlie Gilks, director of AIDS treatment and prevention at WHO.

''We are not going to be changing in any way our very clear recommendations that people on treatment continue to practice safer sex, including protected sex with a condom, in any relationship,'' he added.

In any case, of the 2 million people worldwide now receiving HIV treatment, only a very small number receive medical care comparable to that in Switzerland, Gilks said.

The information itself is great, but to publish it in this stage might be quite irresponsible. We do not know those criteria and I'm quite sure there are no self testing kits available to know whether the person still fits those criteria in any given time. CD4 count and viral load can change quite rapidly and patient can build up resistance to drugs periodically so there's no true way to find out if the risk has increased.

I stumbled into a chat room where people are discussing about the news and one openly positive person said sarcastically that he might just "go to a bathhouse to celebrate".

I have also heard somewhere that HIV- people are taking HIV medications before sex as a way of prevention. Does it work? If it does, good. But the medications will eventually wear off and you're basically building a tolerance to a drug that you may one day need. And isn't HIV medications expensive to start with? Pfizer is conducting a study to put their new HIV drug Selzentry to use as a preventive medication for Women. Imagine a birth control pill with Selzentry, it almost sounds like Tide with a dash of Downy, doesn't it? And why just for Women? Do you hear homophobia or even sexism? I guess we are really trying to get read of condoms quick.

The thing is: Yes, barebacking feels a lot better for everybody, but there are other STDs. So until we find a definitely answer or a cure, it's still best to wrap it up. On the other hand, it might be nice to have a preventive medication if it works. If it doesn't, you're looking at a huge settlement from one of the pharmaceuticals.

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Pizza Concoctions

More fast food commerical extravaganzaa. I don't know why Pizza is taking such a strange turn, with the recent Oreo pizza, the stuffed crust and all. Here are two more:





Well, you know how every large corporation modify their products according to the taste of the locals. For us Asians, pineapple has been a staple ingredients for pizzas. The Japanese had curry pizzas and a fucking awesome McDonald's Teriyaki Burger named Shogun. The Koreans have Kimchi pizzas. I found a place that makes ranch chicken pizza in my neighborhood and a gourmet pizza place that makes seafood pizza and peking duck pizza. These new pizzas are almost going too far, although I love the thought of having hot dogs and pizza at the same time. It does look very tempting.

I'm going on a diet with all my colleagues starting Monday, that's probably why I'm posting about food lately, sorry.

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The New Faces of Mickey Dee

I finally finished all 41 hour-long episodes of Return of The Condor Hero, I think I'm hearing Mandarin even when I'm watching regular TV and yes, I cried like a bitch at some point during the series.

And speaking of McDonald's commercials, I found some interesting once from Japan. It's like if Ronald McDonald went through a makeover:


"Oh, girl. You put way too much make up and hid your handsome face."

And this one is like a Project Runway assignment:



I can't help but think that the look still screams 'clown'. Unless we do a bikini or a well built Ronald wearing nothing but a striped speedo. Years of reprogramming "Yellow + Red & White Stripes = Clown". Since clowns scare children, maybe a Ronald McDonald Jr would be a better icon. But this one is really funny as well, it's a Japanese intepretation of Chinese Kung Fu movies, from the costume to the "I'm lovin' it" at the end is purely stereotypical. Quite funny, really.

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