Prudence, Caution, Deliberation.
The Hermit points to all things hidden, such as knowledge and inspiration,hidden enemies. The illumination is from within, and retirement from participation in current events.
The Hermit is a card of introspection, analysis and, well, virginity. You do not desire to socialize; the card indicates, instead, a desire for peace and solitude. You prefer to take the time to think, organize, ruminate, take stock. There may be feelings of frustration and discontent but these feelings eventually lead to enlightenment, illumination, clarity.
The Hermit represents a wise, inspirational person, friend, teacher, therapist. This a person who can shine a light on things that were previously mysterious and confusing.
Saw this over at Jessica' blog and it's a visual test about personality amongst other traits. It's kinda fun. Hope you all enjoy it too.
A few months ago, Calico Guy and I went out for a drink. After a few drinks, Calico Guy came back to my place and we watched YouTube. That was before the whole Medic Guy thing came to play. Well, Calico Guy is a big fan of Mariah Carey and he was looking for her videos to sing to and he was totally drunk. We did that a couple of nights before that at his place and I almost lost my voice, but then my place is different, the walls are especially thin and it was 2:00 in the morning, so I told him it wouldn't be good for the neighbors. But then he found a rare Mariah Carey song and he wants to dance with me, soon enough someone was knocking on my door.
I wasn't wearing a t-shirt, so I half opened my door and saw this angry guy at the door yelling and screaming at me to tune my computer down. I was apologetic at first and told him that we were ready to go to bed. But he was a bit of an asshole asking me if I know what time it is and everybody in the building can hear me, which is a lie. I asked him where he lives because 1) I was wondering if he lives above me since part of the ceiling had failed down during X'mas, maybe that's where the noise travels to and 2) The people who lives above me at times stay up til 4 in the morning spoke and laughed loudly or watching Justin Timberlake's Dick in the Box and I have never complained. He said it was none of my business and he had patients to see in the morning. Well, I complied and left it at that, but in my brain I called him a coward.
Last week, I received an email on my Manhunt account from this very guy who lives upstairs. I didn't realize it was the same guy at first, but he called me neighbor and we started talking. There are actually two guys living upstairs, I was surprise to find that one of them is a successful theatrical actor while I was reading the local paper one day. I've always thought they were lovers, since they lived together and one of my benny friends swore that there were sex noises coming from their place.
So we went out for a cup of coffee one day to get to know each other a bit more. He apologized for being a jerk and I apologized for being loud. Apparently I had been the topic between him and the one living below me. (How loud was I, really?) They swore that I was straight, and the guy below said he heard me in the bathroom speaking Spanish to my girlfriend on the phone. I was speaking Spanish alright, but to my Principe. How come everyone thinks I'm straight? We also shared some woes living in the building. He told me that he works at a local gay and lesbian center and that he is currently not attached. He and the actor are exes who turned friends. He also says that he's interested in dating me, I wasn't expecting that. Recently I feel quite overwhelmed with my failed relationship with Medic Guy and I wasn't looking to jump into another relationship right away. But then he said he has brought me a gift and pulled out a bag of French Toast Twinkies from his bag.
I thought that was kinda sweet and I remember that even though he was yelling at me, but a few months ago I did think he was kinda hot with his football player's built. We agreed to take it slow, but we're gonna have a get-to-know-each-other date tonight. He's planning the whole thing and keeping it a secret. He did ask me if I had any food allergy and he said it's going to be dinner with a little activity on the side. I don't remember last time someone paid that much effort to gave me a surprise. If he brought me to the restaurant I have been dying to go and take me to see Sex and the City, I might just fall for the guy. (Did I not tell you I fall in love too easily?) Although, I'm suspecting that he might be the secret reader and I don't really think it's a good idea to date someone living so close. What if it doesn't work out? Wouldn't that be horrible to bump into him every now and then? It'll be another ex that never goes away.
According to Samantha Bee, apparently "there are a lotta sluts in Philadelphia". I hope I don't come across as a slut, but recently my activity level has been increased and I'm leaving my clothes everywhere too, but that'll have to wait for another post.
Read a post over at Stuff Asian People Like, apparently Peter dug out a post by Mr. Gary Lee back in February entitled What Type of Asian Are You? It's quite funny because it described a few Asian American archetypes in humorous, stereotypical "meme test" scenarios.
When I first come to the States, we have condescending nicknames for Asian Americans; Twinkies, Bananas, ABCs. The first two for its obvious yellow exterior with the white center, signifies that they might look Asian at the outside, but they are essentially culturally Americans. ABC stands for American-born Chinese. They are foreign and don't know anything about Asian cultures.
On the other spectrum, you've got the folks that we called FOBs, or the Fresh Off the Boats. The ones that have good grades and probably not born in the US. The ones that have problems with the language and only hang out in Chinatown or other Chinese communities. They have no American friends and are not really that interested in American cultures at all. I know some folks that live their whole life in the States but have no urge to step out of their communities.
Eventually some FOBs grown to be Young Asian Professionals (YAPs) who works in finance, pharmaceuticals or other professions, some turns to be gangsters. Fashionistas are deemed to be Trendy Asian Bitches (TABs) or even worse Hoochie Tabs, (Isn't that a bit severe?) the guy equivalents are called Rice Boys. And the ultimate Asian being according to the writer is called a Fobulous, which owns both his Asian and his American side, have a lot of pride and ultimately choose its Asian side to stick with. According to the stereotypical activities listed, I'm half a YAP and two-third of a Fobulous.
I don't know about name calling, I have never been the victim of serious discrimination and I really don't care if people called me a chink or a queer, those words don't mean much to me. If you're calling me a chink queer because I'm a Chinese homosexual, that's fine by me, I am one. Same with the word fag or faggot, I don't have qualms with them, is that weird? Sinner is very objective too, I don't believe in your religion, hence not my sin. Now I've to admit the ching-ching-chong-chongs a la Rosie O'Donnell is a little bit offensive, but other than that words don't quite fade me, attitude and behavior do.
Tell you one thing though, Yves is my middle name but Paul isn't my first name. It's a name that I've gave myself to replace my real first name. My father gave me my real first name and I hated it very much for as long as I've remembered. Eventually, I will change my name officially to Yves-Paul, but for now I'm stuck with something else. That name gave me a lot of inconvenience and still bugs me a bit til this day. I'll give you a hint: Sometimes I feel like Amy is singing specifically to me and that's probably one of the reason why I like her, I too, sometimes go out by myself and look across the water. And, it is spelled with a "Y". ^_^
Going to my regular dry cleaning place this morning, I'm surprised to find out that the regular Korean couple that owned the place was gone and replaced by a Southeast Asian lady. I feel kinda bummed, since the older Korean couple has been there for me for the past decade and I didn't even get a chance to say my goodbyes. The wife is this 50-ish wiry Alpha-female that nickled and dimed me to no end. "This shirt has special buttons, must be dry-cleaned!" That's before she ruined some buttons on my other shirts, crushed them to bits and I didn't even get a refund for it. The husband is a quiet and kind gentleman, I always liked him. I expect when I get older, I too, would be whipped as such. One time, I got some sauce on my one of a kind Japanese silk tie-dyed tie, with 3D twisted "nipples" on them, and they have the gore to flattened the whole thing for me. I was so pissed off that I was in shock. So you see, we have certain history. This new Southeast Asian lady lit strong, Yankee lavender candles. I have problem with change, it'll get some time for me to get used to her. Maybe a few ruined ties later, I'll like her some more.
The buildings right across from my office are coming down in an effort to expand the convention center in town. I don't think it's a good thing since the convention center cuts off the city in half and the businesses behind the center are dead. Instead of building taller buildings and increasing focal points of to the skyline, they are flattening it. Did I say I have problems with change? The good thing is that there are more sunlight coming in, the bad thing is it will probably make my office a prime location, it will mean rent increase. We'll be moving office again in July anyway.
Medic Guy has sent me an e-mail testing the territories, but this time I'm trying to be firm on the situation. Maybe in the past, I've tried to reason with myself that my relationship with him is really not that bad, but I know now that it is not going to work ever. He's a good guy, at least I think he meant well, but the direction he's going is not what I see for my life. I do miss him though and I can't help but feel guilty that I have to break his heart, yet again.
Anyway, I went to another Tai Chi boxing class last night. Anyone knows if I should be offended by the upcoming Kung Fu Panda? ^^
It's a Stephen Spielberg and George Lucas movie! Go see it! The End! Well, I wish I could be that lazy but of course I have to make it about myself to fulfill my egomaniac self. I don't remember when's the last time I saw the last Indiana Jones, it has got to be right around 1989. That would be 20 years ago, so don't ask me about any plotlines or one-liners. Although I always remember the one thing I have in common with Indiana Jones; we are both scared of snakes.
While I'm excited to see another installment about this big trademark films, I'm always a little weary at the same time. Some company know name brand movieds like Indiana Jones would sell and they are only too happy to make it happen while neglecting major plotline and substance.
The first half of the movie is a bit like another Spielberg flick Michael J. Fox's Back to the Future. It's almost too cartoonish with the Greaser vs. Jock moment or the motorcycle vs. oldsmobile chase. A lot of spots are a bit unconvincing, am I really supposed to believe Indiana Jones is nuclear proof as he walks towards the mushroom cloud from the lead-lined refridgerator? So the Russian broke into Indiana Jones office but not his home? And for the first 15 minutes, I was convinced that they were looking for the corpse of Magneto.
Yes, Harrison Ford is 20 years older but he looks great. Cate Blanchett who plays a Soviet general in research of psychic warfare is also really beautiful. But we don't see a lot of fightitng action from Indiana Jones, just a lot of car chases. I don't get car chases on action while the car chase is going on. Wouldn't it make more sense to stop the car or at least slow it down while you are being shot at or while your son is swordfighting?
I guess the surprising element to this movie is the crystal skull and what it represents. Not to give too much away, although I think I've already said too much, I find it horribly odd to put that in and Indiana Jones movie. It's almost like a compliation of Spielberg movies all in one. But if you're watching this movie as a pulp fiction, it would all make so much more sense. I just wish it wasn't so slow in the beginning and Indiana Jones seems so much more easy going then he used to.
I'm glad I went to see it, but I don't think I'd miss much if I had waited for the DVD. B-
Since I have installed the Feedjit Traffic Feed for the blog, I've really enjoyed knowing where the blog stumblers are from. All the exotic countries, state/provinces and locales; there's an island east of Madagascar called Mauribius and oh the beautiful flags. I'm amazed how we are all able to connect through the Internet, even though it's just for a split second, even though someone thought this was a porn site and leaped out of here after realizing that it is another rambling site. (Click on Toni's blog quick!)
But I have enjoyed being able to share part of my life with the net, if not, at least I got to record it somewhere so after the human race has extincted and the aliens came to earth for archaeological digs a la Haley Joel Osmond's A.I., they can completely ignore my stuff.
Of late, I have shared a lot more about my life on this blog, including sharing my pictures and details about my life. It's liberating, sort of like a coming out ceremony, sharing my preferences and thinking to the world, but at the same time I realized how vulnerable it is leaving me. I use the same handle for a lot of different sites online. I guess I was trying to establish a presence online for god knows why, but if you type the magic word on Google, you'd be able to track where I was and what I've done, my entire web history and every single little comments I've made. And according to Feedjit, somebody managed to do just that.
Hasan Elahi, a Rutgers professor, was mistaken to be a terrorist and as a spiteful act, he started recording everything in his life, pictures of where he is, what he eats, who he's with, the bathroom he uses and a GPS coordination to the secretary of defense several times a day and on his websites. He overwhelms them with information and images and when it gets to be too much, it gets to be meaningless. He says it's very liberating and with his images, he has became a media artist.
I, on the other hand, am feeling quite vulnerable and wonder what I should do. Should I erase my blog entries like Jessica did? Thank god I never posted any nude pictures on any of the sites. By year 2050, probably everybody would have naked pictures online, even the president and associates. Everyone's history and dirt will be easily accessible. Recently someone is advertising the development of a new site calls TagMyTricks. Soon enough there would be a full description of everyone's physical attributes along with their skill level and kink preference as a lover available to view. I wonder what people would say about me, maybe I should create a few identities ready to boast myself. (The helicopter, baby! Read Pt. 2)
Should I assume that people I'm meeting in my life already knows about me? Is that a bad thing? If I'm leaving myself too open, what should I do? I don't know why it makes me feel so vulnerable.
A glorious 3 and a half day weekend, just went up to New York for a walk yesterday and got some workout outfits, comic books and all. The weather couldn't be better.
On the way back, Principe texted me telling me that he can't go to Spain right now because his mom got sick, although he suspect that she's sick because she didn't want him to leave. I told him that he'll be helping his mom more if he's working and has income, his brother and family can take care of his mom. And since after his mom gets better he'll have to leave anyway, so what's the point of being by her side? But he's a good son, well, he's a good man in general, unselfish to a fault but a good man nonetheless.
Medic Guy and I broke up this morning for the fifth time, and I swear it's the last. Tried to work out with him in anyway possible, but it won't and I understand it now. I tried to not blame it on him. "It's not your fault, we're just not a good match, I still want to be there for you... as a friend." It's all in good honesty and sincere, but I can't help noticing how good I'm getting at this. Well, after some pointers from a friend that is. Although, I still feel really bad for hurting Medic Guy once again, I should have been real clean cut from the first time. I'm such an idiot.
Bound to do laundry and maybe go out for a drink tonight, I might go to see Indiana Jones with my friends tomorrow. I hope it's good.
Lately I've been overwhelmed in the relationship department, it is hard to explain but it seems things are coming out of nowhere; new ones and old ones. I'm telling you, when you plan on things to happen, they don't and when you don't plan for them to happen, they all come out of the woodwork.
Principe texted me two nights ago and told me that he's going to Spain. I don't know why it haven't sunk in before, but he's not going to come back to me. I guess in some way I was hoping that he might consider it. They did pushed down hard on deporting illegal immigrants last year, but now it calmed down considerably. And I know I shouldn't be hoping for him to come back, since it's not going to be permanent and after a few years, he'll have to leave again, but he is the love of my life. But after he told me that he's going to Spain, I realized that I will not be able to see him ever again.
Another ex sent me an email saying that he's now broke and laid off and suing his former employer for discrimination. He's the same one who stalked me after we broke up and call me late at night to yell at me when he's drunk for the next 6 years. He's got anger issues and I'm sure they fired him not because he's gay and because he's an asshole. I think people like him give gay people bad names. He got HIV a few years ago and I do feel sorry that he's not doing good for himself, but I've learned to stay away from him because he's not really what I would call mentally stable. I've met a few people now that like to live by a certain standard even though their income doesn't allow them to do so, I wonder if that's the American way of living sometimes.
Still hasn't been able to shake off Medic Guy, maybe I wasn't trying as hard as I should. After break up with him a few times, I realized that the problem is that I got bored with him, he put too many restraints on himself, he's not adventurous in food, in the way he dresses, or any other aspects of his life. He also has a preconceived notion that I'm his "bear" which is something that I've never identified with. There's virtually no connection between us and I'm trying yet again to break up with him gently.
There are new things on the works here, a very funny story actually, but I want to wait til things settled to speak of them some more.
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The building down my block was on fire, I hope everyone's ok. I cannot imagine losing my place in th middle of the night even though I only rent the place. Poor folks.
My first ever memory is meeting my father in Paris for the very first time when I was 3, we were at his restaurant and my mom was trying to have me recite the alphabets to him to impress him, but I got so nervous that I couldn't do it. My mom got a bit pissed at me but I never liked the guy, at the end when we left he got me such a hard head rub that hurt my head. I think he resented me because I was an accident, my parents weren't even married and I'm my mom's leverage to tied my father down.
I must have had ADD when I grew up, maybe it's the time that I was running in our apartment in Hong Kong and I slipped and banged my head on the edge of the bed ending up in the hospital getting stitches that screwed me up, or maybe it's the time in kindergarten where I tripped and fall down the stairs at the end of the school day and got trampled by all the other kids. But I have never been able to concentrate for a long time and since that particular episode with my father, I have developed stage fright.
Well, one cannot have stage fright without the urge or opportunity to perform and I have an urge to perform. Television has been my babysitter and my mom love to listen and sing along to music, so I have been exposed to performance art. Growing up, I thought I could be a star until my uncles and grandma let me know unpractical it was to even try. It didn't deter me from joining the drama club, the choir and participate in singing contests, although I'm always so scared when I'm on stage or even speaking out in public. I would tremble from the bottom of my heart and the last few years, I started to stutter. It's not severe, but it shows that I have serious issues. I have no problem talking to friends or at home, but to I get very nervous in a large crowd, especially when they are composed of people I don't know.
I have to remind myself not to take myself so seriously and let go. Being nervous doesn't solve anything.
Below are the first performances recorded in photograph. Once a year my school did a street fair around the neighborhood and we all wore costumes and marched around the block and did some kind of street performance. My mom made all my costumes.
The first year, we were doing LaFontaine's fables, I was the bull and the girl was the frog.
Second year, we had dialog and I played a chef who cooked the old lady's cat. Um... was it because I'm Asian? lol.
I have been a long time fan of Cirque du Soleil. I saw my very first show in 1998 and it was Quidam, which remains to be my favorite this day. Cirque du Soleil impresses me in many levels, of course this is not your day to day animal circus for kids. It is more like an adventure, a play, a way to take you from your ordinary life and inject some fascinations and wonders. It satisfies both the adult and the kid in me.
Everytime when I have news that they would come about, I'd usually get tickets to see them a few times. And usually, since I've join the Cirque Club, I can get pretty good seats. During Dralion, I've even got Tapis Rouge tickets which you get there an hour early and they serve you hors d'oeuvre, champagne and ice cream. This year, no willing to spend as much money as before, I only got a pair of tickets but luckily I got to be on the front row although all the way to the side. (I must get some more next time to sell them on ebay)
I always like to arrive early because the clown actually would come out to work the stage a bit before the official showtime and there's a certain advantage to seat near the aisle. the first thing I've noticed is that the clowns converse in English now, unlike the other shows before which they use French or gibberish. The interactions with the audience have increased tremendously, one of the clowns was making balloon animals and giving it to the audience and throughout the show, they invited about 4 people on stage to volunteer for clown acts. And one of the chair in the audience got pumped up 6 feet higher in which the woman seating on it screamed. lol
Kooza is a Sanskrit word Koza which means box or gift, and the first half of the show is decidedly Indian. I've always been impressed of the live music accompanied the show and this first half a beautiful Panjabi singer was up on stage in a white and gold sari. The storyline is very similar to Quidam, in which this time a boy with a flying kite receive a package - a box with a trickster in it. In the trickster's hand is a magic wand which brought forth a magical kingdom with different interesting people performing different interesting acts. Someone brought a baby to the circus and he started crying when the magic started. (That also reminds me that they started to have warnings about people with epilepsy, I wonder what happened?)
The show started with the Charivari act in which a bunch of people started to walk on balls and doing aerial act on firefighter landing mats. And a gold statue came out and unwrapped itself into three little girls doing contortions. (If I do more Capoeira... no, forget it.) The positions they were in were insane. A lady in solo trapeze were swinging right in front of me, I could have grabbed the bar and swung with her, if I reached my hands up. And then a guy came out in an unicycle dancing with a gal. They brought a cannon out shooting confetti all over the place while setting up for the last act before the intermission - highwire. Four guys were walking on the wire, jumping on them, running on them, jumping over each other, biking on it and a guy was sitting on a chair supported by a beam which is supported by two guys riding on two bicycles. That was a bit wild.
After a 30 minute break, We come back to a black girl singing the theme song Kooza in New Orleans big band style while people in skeleton costumes comes out dancing and touching people. (Must get soundtrack...) It started with the always impressive wheel of death, A shorter Asian guy came out wearing a fundoshi was stacking chairs and climbing the tower he's building at the same time, doing acrobatic acts. A juggler came out with his beautiful assistant, the act is always mindblowing. The whole show ends with a teeterboard act, catapulting people up the air and landing on their feet.
It's really worth seeing and it made my night pretty happy. I can't wait to go see Wintuk, and I wish I could travel to Las Vegas and Orlando to see those stationery shows. 
They have got to be wearing cups, right? If not, I'm running away with the Cirque!
Would have been a perfect picture, if I had a steady hand.
Inspired by the Dumpling entry on Stuff Asian People Like.
If there's ever one cuisine of food I'd have to eat for the rest of my life, it would be Shanghai cuisine. I'm not making this up just because I'm blogging, one of the most interesting food question I think about is my last meal; if I got a death sentence for some crime I've committed and I can request anything I want for my last meal, what would my last meal be? And yes, I already have an answer.
Hong Kong has quite a few nicknames and one of them is the Gourmet Paradise, probably because a lot of talented people from Mainland China fled to Hong Kong during the Chinese revolution before the communist repossess everything they owned, and also Hong Kong acted as the gateway between western world and China, so we have exposure to all kind of cultures and food. During the Chinese revolution, a large amount of Shanghainese fled to Hong Kong, most of them are bankers, merchants and tailors, which contributed to a lot of greatness in Hong Kong. I grew up watching a lot of Hong Kong films about these people, I also grew up eating a lot of Shanghainese food.
My grandma used to bring me to a small neighborhood Shanghainese place for breakfast. It was really a hole in the wall, but the food is completely amazing. The ingredients are simple, but the flavor melds in such harmony, it's very homey and to a certain extend, soulful. Shanghai cuisine is famous for utilizing vinegars in their food, it makes them salty and sweet and sour and spicy, all in perfect proportions.
When we go to the Shanghainese breakfast place, we would usually order soy milk, there are two different kind of soy milk; sweet or salty. The sweet one is quite accessible in the States now, go to any Asian market and you'll find them bottled in the fridge, if not you can always find those juice box Vitasoys. When you go to an authentic Shanghainese place, they would usually come in a bowl and you can have them either cold or hot. The salty ones are a;ways hot and it's more like a soup, it has a much thicker consistency with some grounded tofu, scallions and dried chili flakes, which my grandma like to have with some fried doughs.
My favorite dish of the place is this giant rice balls called Chi Fan which is sticky rice on the outside wrapped around a crispy fried dough inside, dried fluffy and flavorful pork "flosses" and crunchy pickled vegetables. I usually love to pair it with a bowl of fried tofu and vermicelli noodle soup with some dried shrimp and pickled vegetables. That, my friends, would be my last meal.
When we have more time to really enjoy food, we'll go to a traditional Shanghainese restaurant for a lavish meal. Of course they are famous for their spring rolls, scallion pancakes, cold dishes like braised sliced beef, drunken chicken and spiced braised duck. But what I crave for is the little steamed pork dumplings called XiaoLungBao, chewy skin wrap around those melt in your mouth meatballs, and when you bite into them, the juices squirt. They come in a steam cage and they are perfect when they are dipped in a ginger-infused vinegar soy sauce mixtures. The best ones have orange-colored crab eggs in them and on top as a decoration. Crab egg is a true delicacy, and quite expensive too. A special hairy crab produces the most eggs and people go crazy for them during the fall and have to be preordered in many occasions and often there are banquets design around them.
One dish that I absolutely had to have is the Shredded Chicken atop Mung Bean Noodles. It's a cold dish and I wouldn't mind to be buried with them. The mung bean noodles are a little like lasagna sheets but cool and delicate, they are accompanied but shredded carrot, cucumber, chicken and cilantro. The sauce though, is complied with vinegar, sesame paste and a little bit of chili oil. The taste is so delicate and harmonized and the whole dish is so light, I once ordered my own in front of my whole family and refused to share.
The perfect ending to a Shanghainese meal would be Red Bean Pancakes, a crispy chewy pancake with red bean paste inside. I also love those round dumplings, usually served in a sweet gingery soup. The dumplings themselves usually have fillings inside. My favorite stuffing would be grounded sugar sesame paste. When you bite into them and the army of sesame sweet burst in your mouth, forget about it. The dumplings are also good rolled around ground peanuts. Too bad it's so hard to find good Shanghainese restaurants in the States. Sometimes when I chat with other friends far from home, we imagine what we could be eating if we were back home and it's all the harder knowing that those great things are so out of reach.
Oh, while we're on the topic, I'm not wishing anything bad ever happen to you folks but what would you want your last meal to be?
Top Row: Salted Soy Milk, Chi Fan, Fried Tofu and Vermicelli Soup, Xiao Lung Bao.
Bottom Row: Hairy Crab, Shredded Chicken on Mung Bean Noodles, Red Bean Pancakes, Sweet Sesame Dumplings with Ground Peanuts.
I guess summer has officially begun, well, not in terms of weather but a few of my favorite shows are going into their season finales. My favorite podcasts are all taking a break; Gay Pimpin' is going off for a month or two, Bill Maher is gone until the end of August, all that's left is Dan Savage and his Savage Lovecast.
And the drama, the drama! Warrick Brown is shot twice and one when through his neck on CSI, so he's pretty much dead (Thank god, Nick Stokes' still alive). On CSI: Miami, Horatio Caine is shot with a deadly alloy bullet and lying right next to an airplane dying, and it seems like it was arranged by another CSI Ryan Wolfe. And beautiful coroner Alexx Woods has left the series 2 episodes ago, that was kinda disappointing as well. (Khandi Alexander would have been a perfect Ororo Munroe, right after Angela Bassett)
The wife of Dr. House best friend is dying and there was nothing anyone can do. After a bus collision, Dr. House has suffered a concussion and couldn't remember what's wrong with the lady who's also in the bus with him. He volunteered to open up his skull and receive electro shock to stimulate his memory and end up bleeding through his brains. Sunday night, Desperate Housewives showed a double header. The girls from the show act like they are all crazy and immoral, but that's not news. The ending goes into 5 years later, when Susan Mayer (played by Teri Hatcher) does not come home to the hunky and dreamy Mike Delfino (played by James Denton) but to Gale Harold from Queer as Folk. Huh? You dumped James Denton for Gale Harold? I was wondering if it was the series finale, because usually they don't jump 5 years and is the next season going to start 5 years later?
The final duke out of American Idol is tonight, the battle of the Davids. After Carly Smithson and Syesha Mercado are gone, I've lost quite a bit of interest. (I'm a sexist when it comes to music) David Archuleta vs David Cook. DC and I both like David Cook better, a cute kid doesn't make an idol, a man does. Also, David Archuleta's showbiz dad is a little bit creepy.
Well, all these shows are coming to an end, so what am I gonna watch next week? Jon Stewart is on vacation for god knows how long. Arghh!!! 
It's column A for me any day of the week. (He better die next season, at least it'll make more sense.)
In a recent effort to lose some weight, I got a smaller lunch box. Very nice compartmentalized one. I also got a book about making bento boxes. I would never understand how anyone can cook such small portions, but I guess that's the whole point. It's like putting myself on Jenny Craig.
I have to say I get hungry right after work and it's distracting. I would go by the supermarket looking for stuff to buy, which doesn't help at all. Must gain some self control.
Worchester-Soy Sauce Grilled Rib Eye (Left), Mixed Spice Buttered Corn (Top) with Salsa Fresca/Pico de Gallo (Bottom)
Of course I can't speak for the future, but thus far my favorite music video of all time has to be Cibo Matto's Sugar Water.
The video is created back in 1996 by the genius Michel Gondry, who produced all the crazy cool Bjork music videos. Cibo Matto is a New York based band formed by Yuka Honda and Miho Hatori. Their first album Viva La Woman received some commercial success with their innovative sound, awkward food analogies and off-beat accents. Singles Know Your Chicken and Sugar Water gained them into the limelight of MTV and even Buffy the Vampire.
Afterwards, Yuka was dating Sean Lennon (John and Yoko Ono's son), so Sean joined the band along with Timo Ellis and Duma Love. The band produced another album called Stereotype A in 1997 and eventually disbanded in 2001. Miho turned into Noodle and joined Gorillaz and Yuka continue on producing albums and collaborate with other New York based artists.
The whole video is shot in one shoot, split into two screens with one going forward and one going backwards. And there are different interactions between the two screens. I especially love when they sang "When a black cat crosses my path... " and the cat jumps from one side into the other.
What is this? Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon?
Well, I've looking forward to try going to a Capoeira class in my gym. (Yup, "my gym", the one that I've been paying for the whole year and never get to.) So I was excited, since I've just been to my Tai Chi boxing class, I figured it'll be so great to learn some Brazilian martial art. Not that I haven't seen Capoeira on TV before or in video games, so I have some clue. And it did say it was an all-level class, I thought it should work for a beginner like me.
So I made up my mind to try it out, got there earlier, and the instructor is out and there is this substitute teacher, an itty-bitty 19 year old emo girl. This gym is located on South Street, and it's not a rare site for punk, grunge, emo types. She told me that this class is really like a dance class with a lot of acrobatics while a guy is already jumping and tumbling on the side. (Alright, I'll be a good sport and try it out.)
The warm up session consists of stretching, some Ginga, their basic stance which is like a dance switching back and forth, some basic kicks and a 100 crunches. And then they did the full back arch (I think they call it conch), I haven't been able to do the back arch thing since I was 12. After the warm up, people start doing various cartwheels and tumbling kicks. I've noticed that these guys are either shorter and/or mostly muscular or twig-like. I understand how they can do all those things with practice, but a chicken can't fly no matter how hard it tries and I'm starting to feel like a chicken.
Although this group of people are completely yoga-nice, there's some sort of hippee quality to them. While I'm being a good sport the whole time, it's really hard for me to do cartwheels or walk on my hands and feet while arching my back, everyone gives me some pointers and very encouraging. Even the hot guys who pretend to be very macho, give me some advice on how to try the positions or saying everyone couldn't do much on their first class, while a young shorter twink walked me through every move they are doing with a smile. The kicking thing is kinda funny too, most of them had their shoes off on that dirty gym floor, and when they start kicking each other, you can see the bottoms of their feet are practically jet black.
As much as I'd like to be able to do whatever they are doing, it's quite difficult because I lack upper body strength and I think I need to shed some pounds in order for my hands to support me. Although the people are super nice, and I wouldn't mind being in the changing room with a few of those guys but I guess it's not possible right now.
Are you smarter than a 5th grader? What part of a chicken can't fly don't you understand?
Since I posted a South Park number, I thought I might post the other memorable South Park musical numbers here as a future reference.
For me, if I'm doing a top 3 musicals for South Park, Chef has got to get one of the spot. And the most memorable numbers from Chef has got to be Chocolate Salty Balls. The only thing is that there's no proper video accompany it because it is a more like a CD release and it didn't get featured on the show itself.
Number 2 is Cartman singing Kyle's Mom is a Bitch, which was featured in the movie South Park: Bigger, Longer & Uncut. It's just catchy, you know?
And the last one would be Wendy's audition for their boy band Fingerbang. There are so many curse words in the song and they aired every single one of them because they all meant something else. (Except one) It's just clever and funny at the same time.
From the most adorable kid in South Park - Butters.
Watch the original version from Samwell here and yes, even I blushed when I saw this.
The Earth has been quite unstable these days. Between the cyclone in Myanmar, the earthquake in China and the volcano eruption in Chile, I'm afraid that natural disasters have become more than just an annual event. My friends, maybe the end is near.
I keep thinking maybe we have used too much of the earth's fuel and its energy has been drained to a point that the earth itself is shriveling like a grape turning into a raisin. The inquisitive person in me asks why? What is the difference between a cyclone and a typhoon? Can cyclones be created artificially as weapons? Can they be manipulated or guided using cold or hot air? Anyhow, 80,000 people has dies because of the cyclone and yet the Myanmar government had been refusing help from foreign countries. A friend who went back says that their government is crazy, there are signs hanging around asking their citizen not to ask and accept help from foreigners. They rather see their people die than having foreign forces come into their country. And if you've previously fled from the country and come back to help, you'd be arrested by the secret police. Crazy people...
Earthquakes are different. Looking at the Wikipedia global plate motion graph the earth seems to be moving toward the Asia side of the pacific ocean, which would probably explain the earthquake and the tsunami. At times, I feel very disconnected with mainland China. I've grew up with my family in Hong Kong and have heard horrific stories from my grandmother about the communists and the revolution. My passport won't even allow me in the country without applying for a traveling visa and I've only been in the country once. So although horrible to say, I don't have particularly strong feelings for the earthquake victims.
But it does make me feel bad to know that a lot of elementary school collapsed, a lot of kids died and a lot of people are still trapped underneath debris. I remember having to read a paper at school about a 7.9 earthquake in Tang Shan back in 1976 and 250,000 died in that incident. People has been reported that a lot of people are scarred for life by the earthquake. Death of friends and families, some are disfigured, some can't eat any sweet stuff for the rest of their lives because the first thing they eat after they have been rescued is sugar water.
This Sichuan earthquake at the same magnitude has far less casualties because it is more suburban. The death toll right now is at 23,000 which can still increase to 50,000 because of the missing people. China has been having a rough year, the leaded toys, the Tibet conflicts, air pollution, Olympics boycotts, and now an earthquake, I wonder how the Olympics would plan out. They had such high hopes that the event would raise China's reputation, but I think reputation is the last thing that they should be concerned about now.
So I finally got up and got out Tuesday night for my first ever martial art class - Tai Chi Boxing. I found a class last week while browsing online and they are located in Chinatown which is like 10-15 minutes walk from my place. As usual, I got there a bit earlier because I'm a worrywort and I want to be prepared. From the address I was running through my head as to which building in Chinatown has 5 floors. When I got there, I realized that I've been in the building before helping Principe looking for a dress for his daughter's quinceañera. It's a pretty old building with no elevators. The poster hanging outside says that they are closed on Tuesdays and I know how people often don't update their websites, but I thought "I'm already there, might as well walk up 5 flights and see if they are actually there."
To my surprise, one class of Wing Chun is already commencing on the 4th floor and there is actually an instructor and a student on the fifth floor. The instructor then told me that the first class is free and even though the class is from 6:30pm to 9:30pm, it actually doesn't officially starts until 7:30pm. Oh well. The instructor is actually Puerto Rican, a 30-something shorter cubish guy with a pretty nice chest, actually quite cute and he kept a beard like mine. I wasn't ready for my kung fu master/father to be that young. He kept on talking about his skills and how the Chen family Tai Chi boxing is better than all the rest, keep on boasting about his experience in training blackwater mercenaries and stuff. From all the kung fu TV series and movies, I have learned that skillful masters don't run their mouth like that. I think culturally, we believe that if you've got skills it'll speak for itself, for us boasting is for the weak, but then he's a gringo so he wouldn't know.
Around 7:30pm, a few other guys showed up and the class officially began. The first pose we did was the one illustrated in the picture above. The first thing I noticed about Tai Chi is that we do a lot of squatting. We bent our knees and held the pose for like 10 minutes and from then on everything we did involves some kind of knee bending and position holding. It requires a certain amount of endurance and strength. After a game of Simon sez, following whatever the master was doing, we got into a pair practice of hand pushing. The objective is to direct a person's force and distribute it around the body and to the ground so that when people are pushing you, you can hold your ground and not fall back. It was kinda fun and surely a lot to learn. I got to try out with the master and he gave me quite a bit of pointers and he's quite attractive until I found out that he's married that is.
The class is going well and people seemed friendly accept one guy who from the beginning seems like an asshole. Like me, he was a beginner. A tall red bear type with a nice chest... lol, wearing a brown t-shirt with drawings of asparagus and a saying "just the tips". He seems very combative and when he get to practice he got competitive and tried to push me to the ground. Thank god I had some skills and experience from following my grandma to their Tai Chi sessions on the hill park right next to where we live when I was a kid and that I wasn't "using force".
The class is generally fun, but by the end I was quite exhausted and just as I thought my thighs are still hurting like crazy today, they are all shaky like they were egg beaters. They ache so much when I walk and when I go down the stairs, and they feel solid and huge. I must continue practicing my squats. It was quite embarrassing when they trembled during the lesson and the wooden floor squeaked like it was an earthquake. Anyway, I think I'll go back.
No, not an Obama post, but recently I got reminded of a short story I used to tell people about the culture crash I've experienced when I first come to Philly.
One day after moving to Philadelphia, I went to a video store and right outside of the place comes this guy who asked if I have any change. Coming from Hong Kong, we usually ask people for change because we need them for the bus or parking. So when the guy asked me for change, I naturally responded "How much do you need?". He went on to say "How ever much you can give." I started grabbing the change from my pocket as I usually don't use coins at all. I put them in jar after coming home. So I start counting out five dollars worth of coins and suddenly another woman from behind came over and ask for change as well. At this point I was surprised on how many people need change. As I gave the guy my change and digging deep in my pockets to find some more for the lady, it dawned on me that they were homeless people and the guy was walking away. I was like "Hey, where my bills?" and then realized that it wasn't an exchange. (Insert laugh here)
Well nowadays after much tutelage with my friend, I know that it is not necessarily a good thing to give change to the homeless. Buy them food or coffee is a much better thing to do, given that they might use the money on drugs or alcohol. I have seen a guy asking an older lady to buy him a sandwich from a cart, the lady said yes and handed him a few dollars. As he got in line at the cart, he thanked her profusely and told her it has been a long while since he ate. The lady left thinking that she has done a good deed and the guy waited until she turned the corner and left the line with the money. Moments later, he came back and asked somebody else for money to get food. It's absolutely amazing, how people would do whatever they need to do to survive. What if the lady had the patience to wait in line with him? What if he got a sandwich? What if all the people he asked got him food instead? Is he gonna pretend to eat them or will he throw them away?
Anyway, I still tell people my story because I'd like to remember that once upon a time I was quite innocent and naive (or dumb), and not the jaded bitter cynic in front of you now.
Well here it is, Duffy's much anticipated debut album is finally released in the US today. I hate to reiterate this, but when I first heard Duffy, I really think she was discovered to replace Amy Winehouse just because of Amy's erratic behavior, I'm pretty sure a lot of people are just waiting for the talented star to overdose now. And I'm surprise to find out that Duffy that another star called Adele and her were deemed as the New Amys, proving that I wasn't that far off. (Plus, Duffy's first name is really Aimee.)
The album itself is a short 10-tracker that has decidedly gone retro with a 60s Motown vibe. I've arranged my singer on my iTunes alphabetically and after listening to Rockferry the first time, I was surprised that how it has gone into Dusty Springfield smoothly unnoticed. Duffy's voice is sweet, a bit of a coarse texture, altogether soulful. Given a different personality she might be able to do grunge, but for a 23 years old she went into sweet puppy love type of a soul album, almost Petula Clark like.
We have already sampled Warwick Avenue on here, it is a very sad touching tune. Mercy is as catchy as Rehab and with similar bass lines. Stepping Stone has a very elegant sound to it which is really pleasing to the ear. I'm Scared is a sweet "Dear Diary" kinda song.
All in all this album showcased the best sounds of the 60s and prove that Duffy's very talented in her own rite. It is an excellent and successful debut. It'll be interesting to see where she'll take us and watch her grow up from this sweet little girl perspective. B+
Favorite songs: Warwick Avenue, Stepping Stone, Mercy
Stepping Stone (Live) on Later with Jools
Last week I've read it over Towleroad that a new children's book And Tango Makes Three is out the market depicting a homosexual penguin couple raising a child. The book made the American Library Association's list of most objected list of books because "Young children will believe that homosexuality is a lifestyle that is acceptable." Also on the list of the most objected books are Maya Angelou's memoir I Know Why the Caged Bird Sings, in which the author writes of being raped as a young girl; Mark Twain's The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn, long attacked for alleged racism; and Philip Pullman's The Golden Compass, an anti-religious work in which a former nun says: "The Christian religion is a very powerful and convincing mistake." Golden Compass depicting Christian religion as a mistake? I must rent it. (Sorry, it's just people has been using religion to make my life miserable and I feel good when somebody else bash it for a change.)
The Golden Compass is about a magical fantastic world where they found a golden substance called Dust that will grant free will coming from a totally separate world. This finding contradicts with everything the Magisterium has taught. Everyone in this world has an animal companion (or daemons) which is actually the manifestation of their soul. In an effort to prevent people of having free will, the Magisterium is kidnapping children and separate them will their souls.
Our protagonist is a 12 year-old girl named Lyra. Traveling north to find her missing friend. She was given a Golden Compass which is a strange device used for her to read the truth. With the help of this device, she enlisted a group of mystical creatures and interesting characters who helps her to fight back the evil Magisterium.
What I like about the movie is the heavy symbolism and different analogies. As a child their souls are not yet settled and can change into different forms. Lyra's daemons can change into a cat, a flying insect or a mouse or an ermine. It reflects the possibilities children can attain and these possibilities or roles in the society get affixed when they grow up. The form of the daemon also reflects the person's personality, a soldier's daemon might be a dog to reflect his loyalty, a timid person's daemon might be a mouse, etc. Of course, there's also the theme of "The truth will set you free" represented by the compass.
Nicole Kidman is absolutely stunning in the movie. No matter what character she's portraying, she's got that classic look. Eva Green is also really beautiful as Serafina Pekkala the queen witch. The special effects are great, all the talking animals and armored bears are all fantastic. But just like every first installment of some magical trilogy, there are too many background stories to introduce and not enough action. It is more like a TV series than an actual movie. There are no news of a sequel being filmed yet, so we'll see what happens. I'm very interested to get the books though. C+
Well, Happy Mother's Day! It seems especially important this year by the commercials I see. Yes, subconsciously it registered early for me that mother's day is coming. Maybe it's all the mother's day episode on TV; CSI:Miami's coroner had to protect her son from being a murder suspect, Ugly Betty's Charlie and Desperate Housewives' Susan are giving birth. The waves of commercials are telling you to give your mom diamonds or gift cards or a camcorder so she can record and treasure the moments you are together. No that our mother doesn't deserve all that, but the greed from those companies are just a tad too obvious. Maybe the economy is getting really bad and they need the transactions to save themselves and they are all after our stimulus check.
Lately I discovered that I really don't have control of my actions. Other than the roller-coaster of a relationship that Medic Guy and I share, I've grown too stale in all the department of my life that I think I might need to hire a life coach to revive them. Last week, I have decided that I will go back to the gym, I've even given myself a schedule. I will join a Taichi Boxing class in Chinatown starting the coming Tuesdays, go and do my regular gym routine on Thursdays, and join a Capoiera class at the gym on Saturdays. It's part of my "Gayborhood protector" persona that I'm trying. Let's say the gay issue has almost come to a breaking point in the States and I feel like it might be useful for me to arm myself, just in case there might be some fighting to do before we get what we want. (Or maybe I just watched one too many Superhero movies.) But then Saturday rolled by and I just sat here in front of the computer debating whether to go or not until it was too late and I just sat here. How can I expect things to change when I don't get into gear?
Same thing with my job situation, I have been complaining how bad my work situation is for years, but then I don't go and look for another one. I just sit here and wait for things to crumble down, until I'm force to leave and by then I'll be unprepared and basically fucked. My social life is shit as well and when my friend called and ask for me to go out and have a drink, I'd rather be sitting here watching Graham Norton, MadTV and SNL. What is wrong with me?
I feel like I'm this 500-pound man that can't get out of the house for nothing. I feel like I'm addicted to this fake comfort, I can't be bothered to try anything new. There must be a lot of fear in me. Am I scared that people won't accept me? Am I scared of making a fool of myself in front of others? Where did this fear of abandonment come from? And more importantly, what can I do to fix it? I need a shrink.
As much as I'm a homebody, I absolutely hate cleaning. Sure, I'll do laundry and the dishes but that's about it. The dusting, the wiping, the vaccuming and the scrubbing are done when it's absolutely necessary. (Yes, one time Principe and I cleaned my place and ended up with 13 trash bags full of trash) So through a friend's recommendation, I got myself a house cleaner a few months back. Lin is a very nice guy from Indonesia, he's Chinese but we still have a little bit of a tough time communicating. I almost feel bad when he cleans and me sitting there doing nothing at times, so I tried to go somewhere when he's around but more often than not I stayed behind just because I really have nowhere to go.
We got to talk sometimes and Lin told me he's gay and he's trying to make a living cleaning people's places and send the money home. Being an immigrant myself and watching Principe doing it for years, I understand how tough that life is. He told me one older gay couple tried to ask him to move in with them in the city, he'll have to clean, cook and feed one of them but they will not charge him rent and they won't pay him either. He told me sometimes people just take advantage of him because they associate no being able to speak English as stupidity or something and I know what he means.
One thing I noticed about Lin is that he's not really shy. He likes to take off his shirt in front of me before he start cleaning to put on something else so he won't dirty his clothes and when he goes to the bathroom to pee, he doesn't close the door behind him. I thought it was kinda strange but later I found out from the guy who recommended him that he actually had a crush on me. Well.
Since cleaning is how he makes a living, Lin asked me to recommend him to anyone I know who needs a cleaner and I did. I brought him over to a friend's place one day after he cleaned my place. I made the introductions, he assessed the place and gave my friend a price and my friend said he'll call him first thing during the weekend. So a few days later, I got an email from my friend saying that he called and left a few messages for Lin but he never called back so he said maybe Lin wasn't so interested in cleaning for him. I thought that was weird, I'm sure Lin needed the money even if he doesn't like my friend, so I told my friend that I would talk to him next time he comes over and find out why.
The week for my cleaning comes along and I called Lin to set up the time but everytime I called is straight to his voice mail. And I thought "Did I do something to offend him? (or more like... Did the threesome scared him away?) A few days later, still no news from him. But this time I was imagining things and starting to remeber that the friend I introduced Lin to actually like BDSM, so it's possible that Lin became his slave and got caged somewhere in his house. (Although he denied it) Or maybe the elderly couple finally get him to live with them or something. I was a bit worried and I do have a vivid imagination.
At the long last, I got in touch with the friend who recommended him to me and asked him what has happened. Apparently Lin's family back in Indonesia has an emergency and he has to go back immediately. He's not sure what kind of emergency it is which doesn't make me feel better but at the same time I'm relief that he's, at least physically, ok. I just wish he would give me a call before leaving or send me and IM so at least I know.
Other than that, who's gonna do my cleaning now? (>_<)!
Stopped by 8Asians and read a travel guide entry that was similar to mine but a lot more useful. Sharon wrote down tips for haggling, for reading signs and for waiting in line that is more the point and a lot funnier. Unlike my mother or grandma, I'm not much of a haggler. Last time when I went back to Hong Kong, I bought a bunch of souvenirs for friends in their full price. (YvesPaul <= Dumb and too honest) I especially like her third point in how Asian people line up with graphs illustration. Yes, my grandma will beat you down just to get in front of the line. I'd like to think that it still holds true no matter how old she's getting.
In her post, Sharon also linked to a blog called Stuff Asian People Like, each entry is a different things that, well, Asian people like. From food to toys to the cars we drive and all the other stuff, it's funny because it's true. Funny thing is that both white guys and white girls are mentioned in the list, because the blogger says that Asians are not very decisive people and white people are, so we make a good couple. It also offers interesting insights on gambling, procrastination and eye enlargement surgeries. I think I'll be spending some time reading this blog. 
WTF? WTF is a Golden Poop Charm? That's so Dr. Slump.
Notice how the king is stabbing his own head
I've been thinking maybe I should go back to Medic Guy. I'm too tired of fighting and wasting time, it's not fair for me to hurt him. I asked him to come over Friday night so we can talk things through but then I woke up this morning with an understanding that love is not pity. There's a certain comfort in knowing that someone loves me, disillusioned or not. There's a certain comfort to dwell on a familiar environment, but then those comfort can only provide so much.
I also realize this morning that it is not necessarily about Medic Guy. It is about me being not happy or satisfied about my love life with him. Maybe he doesn't have to show signs that he's cheating on me, sooner or later would have left him because I'm tired of "us". I'm too headstrong and I want things my way, and he's too tied down to follow my lead. Principe was easy going and willing to bend for my will, I miss the guy. When I was with him, I have a strong sense that I was loved.
Since I text Medic Guy Tuesday to see how he was doing, he has been messaging me non-stop. Thinking that we'll get back together, but when he noticed I was being short, he's worried that I'll break up with him when we see each other. The truth is, I don't know where we're going and if we're not going anywhere then I don't want us to keep on seeing each other anymore. I guess I won't know what would happened until it is too late.
A duck leads her ducklings down a set of steps near the Capitol Building on the National Mall in Washington.
I'm an avid listener of Jonny McGovern's Gay Pimpin' podcast and one of his regulars Krunk Sparkle Magick told us a great story. He works in one of the biggest department store in Manhattan and one customer brought her little 4-year-old boy to the store the other day. Apparently the mother is very open about letting her boy experiment with his sexuality. While the little boy was alone with Krunk, he told him them his favorite department of the store is the "Ladies department" and that his favorite color is pink as he inquires about a pink lipstick and reveals his pepto-bismol pink nail polish.
The mom says "In a few years, he's going to join you guys here selling make up." As Jonny and the rest gasped. After dabbing pink lipsticks on her son's lips, she says "I know I'm turning my son G-A-Y." while Linda James ki-kied and said "I would say you're turning him T-R-A-N." in which Krunk replied "I would say you're turning him O-U-T.". The mom said "I know his father hates it, but I'm an artist, I want a gay son."
Her son later saw a princess-y/Paris Hilton jeweled powder box and begged his mother to buy it for him. "What do you need powder for?" the mother asked. "For when I get shiny." The kid replied. "Honey, you're not shiny." "Not now, but maybe in a couple of hours." And so the mom bought him the powder box. The group exclaimed "Mom of the Year!"
All the gays in the department store were wishing that their mom were like that. Linda James being the cynic of the group said maybe it was all an act to touch the gays in the department stores to give her free gift and samples. "We only have a couple more stores to go. Remember to tell them that pink is your favorite color and pull that shiny line. Mommy wrote that dialogue so that mommy can get free gifts." and later Linda says that "My mom used to sell Avon, the make up came to me."
I can't decide whether it was a good thing for a mother to push her kid gay. It could be quite liberating but then it's like child abuse. lol.
I guess I'm running an early mother's day special today. Found some older pictures while I was browsing my photo album last night and thought I might scan them and share before they turn yellower. Looking at them, I generally get a sense that I had a happy early childhood. That was before we went to Paris.
On the left is my first X'mas at Aunt Agnes' house when I was five months old. (For the people good with math, yup, that makes me a Leo.) We do celebrate X'mas in Hong Kong since it was ruled by the British for the longest time. I believe it must have been the mod era, hence my mom's outfit. I always thought she was pretty with her high cheekbones. My yellow sweat jumpsuit with my white "sneaks" is looking surprisingly gangster or at least "Ali G". Our family has a habit of putting received X'mas cards on the window, I still do it until this day.
On the right is a look of our flat in Wanchai. My mom was surprisingly good at finance and the stock market, one of her traits that I wished I had. You see the psychedelic wallpaper, the round neo-modern furniture behind me, I especially like the little plushy chair I was sitting on and notice the booze on the left side within my reach. Bad parenting, tsk-tsk. Actually I think I should be more upset about the matchy-matchy stripes in my outfit, what do you think?
I usually don't watch American Idol because I have really sensitive ears and I'm very easily embarrassed for other people, which it's a killing combo for the show or makes me the perfect judge. I can tell when it's pitchy, when it got out of tune, or when it's completely awkward or unsmooth during transitions. I could generally watch it during the final week, when the quality is tolerable, but usually I don't anyway.
I remember Jordin Sparks, but I don't think she's won her season. I think Ruben Studdard and Fantasia are the only two black contestants who've won before. After chasing Duffy away by watching her videos like twenty times in two days, this one is creeping in my head. Somehow it does leave me gasping for air after listening to it, strange. I've also heard that Jordin's vocal cords exploded... I hope it's not true, Medic Guy told me it happens if there's an infection or something, but it would take years to recover from that and it would surely kill the career of a budding recording artist for sure. It is also very impressive on how she lost all that weight, I almost didn't recognize her.
Oh and whatever you do don't listen to Madonna's "Spanish Lesson". Once that thing get into your brain, it'll start to rot. It sucks when something that bad get stuck into your head.
No Air (ft. Chris Brown)
Tell me how I'm supposed to breathe with no air
If I should die before I wake
It's 'cause you took my breath away
Losing you is like living in a world with no air
Oh
I'm here alone, didn't wanna leave
My heart won't move, it's incomplete
If there was a way that I can make you understand
But how do you expect me
to live alone with just me
'Cause my world revolves around you
It's so hard for me to breathe
[Chorus]
Tell me how I'm supposed to breathe with no air
Can't live, can't breathe with no air
It's how I feel whenever you ain't there
It's no air, no air
Got me out here in the water so deep
Tell me how you gon' be without me
If you ain't here, I just can't breathe
It's no air, no air
No air, air
No air, air
No air, air
No air, air
I walked, I ran, I jumped, I flew
Right off the ground to float to you
There's no gravity to hold me down for real
But somehow I'm still alive inside
You took my breath, but I survived
I don't know how, but I don't even care
But how do you expect me
to live alone with just me
'Cause my world revolves around you
It's so hard for me to breathe
[Chorus]
Tell me how I'm supposed to breathe with no air
Can't live, can't breathe with no air
It's how I feel whenever you ain't there
It's no air, no air
Got me out here in the water so deep
Tell me how you gon' be without me
If you ain't here, I just can't breathe
It's no air, no air
No air, air
No air, air
No air, air
No air, air
No more
It's no air, no air
[Chorus]
Tell me how I'm supposed to breathe with no air
Can't live, can't breathe with no air
It's how I feel whenever you ain't there
It's no air, no air
Got me out here in the water so deep
Tell me how you gon' be without me
If you ain't here, I just can't breathe
It's no air, no air
[Chorus]
Tell me how I'm supposed to breathe with no air
Can't live, can't breathe with no air
It's how I feel whenever you ain't there
It's no air, no air
Got me out here in the water so deep
Tell me how you gon' be without me
If you ain't here, I just can't breathe
It's no air, no air
No air, air
No air, air
No air, air
No air, air
Come across another very meaningful song by Jill Scott. I need to take it by heart and I thought I would share it as well.
Some of them wanna break you down,
steal your crown, use and abuse you.
Some of them smile in your face,
cause they heard it some place you got more then they're used to.
Some of them want to steal your love,
Oh coz they’re jealous of how you're living and giving.
(I keep) moving forward, pressing onward, striving further
(I keep) keep on laughing, keep on living, keep on loving yeah
(I keep) keep on dreaming, keep on achieving, keep on believing
(I keep) I keep smiling when I come through and I cry when I need too.
Some of them, oh they stab you in your back, coz it’s love they lack.
Some of them won’t even try to see the good inside.
But I -
(I keep) moving forward, pressing onward, striving further
(I keep) keep on laughing, keep on living, keep on loving yeah
(I keep) keep on dreaming, keep on achieving, keep on believing
Hey, Oh oh oh oh ooh...
(I keep) I keep on, keep on living, keep on learning, keep on smiling (oh oh yeah)
(I keep) keep on laughing, keep on living, keep on loving yeah
(I keep) keep on dreaming, keep on believing, keep on achieving
(I keep) I keep smiling when I come through, and I cry when I need to (oh, yeah...)
I keep on, keep on keeping on. Yeah...
I keep, keep on keep keep keeping on, keep keeping on...
When I was at SundayOut, there were anti-gay protesters standing nearby with a bullhorn as always. I was thinking if I paint the area around where they stand with gasoline the night before, someone can drop a lit match the next day. No, not to hurt them, just to scare the hell out of them and "give them a sign". I love revenge, it's karma with faster consequences. I also passed by a stand who's selling some graphic-tee, but they weren't really prepared. I would have gotten a t-shirt with "Gayborhood Watch" on the chest if they had one in my size and the right color.
Anyway, I had a theory to test out, here it goes:
A = [You believe in the Christian God]
B = [The Christian Bible says Homosexuality is a sin]
C = [No Gay Marriage]
If A + B = C, then NOT [A + B] = NOT [C]
A lot of people argue the B part, those passage in the bibles are just guidelines or that there are also condemnation of other sins like disrespecting your parents or adultery and we don't see any rebellious kids or adulterer being stoned to death. But I say since the US didn't assign itself to a specific god, then I can believe in any religion I like.
There's freedom of religion here in this country, you know. So why does this particular religious belief has to affect everybody else's life? All the gays can start a religion where we only believe in marriage between the same sex or that anal sex has a soul cleansing aspect. Are we gonna force our view upon others? That's why I find anti-gay people so illogical.
Let's all convert to Buddhism. Dalai Lama is looking more and more dignified in comparison to Reverend Wright and all the child molester anyway. And I don't think I trust this pope much, he doesn't have the look of a kind grandfather and pardon me for saying this but he looks more like a villain to me with his deep hollowed eyes.
Buddhism is more peaceful and calming. And Buddhists are more self-sufficient in many ways. Not that I'm a Buddhist religion-wise but more like a code I live by, "live and let live", "karma", you know easy things. Although I can be very vigilant at times, hence the pyromania, but I'm trying my best.
Anyway, go Buddhism, go!
I have to admit that I've been quite obsessed of my blog stats, lol. I found people who has linked to my blog that I didn't know before, so I added some new links to my blogroll. I have even thought of going to Dairy Queen again to try the newest brownie bite waffle bowl sundae and write another piece. Haha. Maybe not, but it sure has inspired me to write more entries.
Well, Medic Guy wrote me a long email saying how much he was hurt and that he loves me very much and he'll "be a punk and wait for me". I was really touched, I have never believed that he was a bad person, even if he has or hasn't been cheating on me. I replied back an email detailing why I don't think we will work. It has always been a trust issue with me, over the course of three months he's the one who always comes around. He tells me about his life but there's really nothing for me to grasp on. What I know about him is from his word of mouth, all I have on him is his phone number and email address. If any of that changes, I would have nowhere to find him.
The other problem I have is that we stay at my place way too often. We rarely go out because he's always broke and when we do go out I have to pay for our ways all the time. He told me it's because he has to pay for his grandma's house tax and the renovation and his sister never chips in. While helping his family is all fine and good, I wonder what my future would be like. He's a high-level medic and he earns way more than I do, and I don't want to support us for the rest of my life. I'm tired of being a mule. Is that too selfish a way to think?
I mentioned part of this in the email in hopes not to sound too harsh, and I told him not to wait for me because I don't have a clue how to fix these problems I have and I have a lot of growing up to do. Somehow he replied me back ignoring all my concerns and says we could fix these and get back together. Optimistic, indeed. I don't feel the same way though, I told him to give me a week to decide. Somehow I feel more loved during separation. If I do get back with Medic Guy, I think that would be it, I'll just shut my trap and take whatever comes my way and stay with him forever. (Forever is such a strong word, isn't it?)
After that I went out for a walk. Equality Forum was hosting an event called SundayOut. It's like Pride Fest, a few blocks of Market Street, our major street, was closed down for booths set by different gay supporting business and organizations. It's a great event, I got Hepatitis vaccinations, won some free porno from the video rental booth, got a tarot reading. I was looking for answers but the woman is apparently full of shit. There was a great reader who does reading at some restaurant, maybe I should go and pay him a visit sometimes. I need a push in the right directions.
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