Nothing Like Home

Went on a mini-vaca with Principe to the glorious polluted shore of New Jersey, Atlantic City to be precise. It was his birthday, other than getting him a cake and sing "Happy Birthday" in Spanish, I thought "What better way to celebrate his last birthday/week with me?"

It's getting harder and harder when I'm counting my last days. Feel like maybe I wouldn't/couldn't feel this much in love anymore after he's gone. We packed 5 different set of clothes each for a two days trip and didn't even get to you most of them. Funny.

We got a wonderful suite at the Taj, went to have a mediocre buffet lunch, and then a marvelous dinner at Buddakan. But Principe managed to get food poinsoned along the way and got shivers all night. I was worried sick. Didn't know what to do since we are in a foreign town and Principe don't have any insurance and he was trembling the whole night through. Thank god he felt better after taking some advils and rested for a while. For a second, I pondered what will happen if he dies.

So we didn't get the chance to swim, with him not felling well. Although he grew quite fond of the slot machines and so I went for my Black Jack tables. Let's say neither of us did well. So we didn't had such a great time at all and we were both glad when we got home. But to end with a high note. He was really happy to have taken a lot of pictures, I was really happy to be able to spend some time with him, I meant ot splurge on him anyway, so to lose a few in the casino wasn't that bad.

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A Strange Request

Of all the strange things Principe bought for his return to Argentina, he asked me to look for a metal detector for him. Huh? Metal detector? i'm not talking about the airport security kind where they used it to scan your body, I'm talking about the kind where the white dudes use to scan for buried treasures on the beach or something.

I find them completely useless and reluctantly did my research for him on ebay. They costs approximately $300 and they occupy a lot of space in his luggage, not to mention it might get interpreted as a bomb and they might think he's a terrorist and haul him to Guantanamo, where he'll be spending the rest of his sorry life.

I thought by telling him the price and my reasonings against getting one of these useless piece of crap would deter him eagerness of getting one, but he was more than convinced that it would be tremendously beneficial to him, since there was a war and "a lot of people buried their gold during the war". Aye, I didn't realized that he was that "naive". I guess the metal detector is his reitrement plan, but still I will tell him that they won't ship it out on time.

Nine days until he'll depart from my life. It's down to the single digit, folks. I keep thinking he'll be out of my life for good, but technology is so advanced, he could call me or email me or video cam me. I keep wondering if it's better to have a clean cut and forget him or keep in touch with him.

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The Discovery of Bit Torrent

I feel quite ashamed since I am the IT manager of an organization, you would think that I should be current with all the latest technologies. But no, the lack of growing opportunities in this company has rendered me useless.

Of course I have heard of BitTorrent before, but I have never had any use for it until this week, when I realized that a whole new season of "Weeds" has commenced and somehow 4 episodes has leaked online (by the producers?). So I got the program and found a site where it is available, downloaded them and watched them. It is not even shown on Showtime yet. I got to watch all of them at once, it was heaven, I love that show so much!!!

I guess part of why I'm such a late followers for things is because the first followers are usually alpha or beta-testers in which they usually will encounter bugs that would ruined everything. One of the thing that I want to get into and existed for a long long time is World of Warcraft. Went to their websites and read a bit about the game and found it quite complicated. But I know this is the kind of game that I can lose my head with, it'll be perfect to get into after Principe has left. It'll get my mind off the separation.

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Mandy Moore's Umbrella

I wonder if I'll still like it this much if it was the original version.

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The Passing and The Past

At the time where my existing boyfriend is leaving, my ex started to resurface. This ex of mine is the crazy loony racist who only went out for me for three years, had an extremely bad breakup with me and stalked me for the following six years. he has constantly sending me angry voice and text message on the phone every once in a while telling me how angry he is that we broke up, asking me why all gay asians are such whores, and the classic "Have you realized what you will never be without me?" question. (by the way, the answer is "Happy!") Of course, he also made a lot of calls in the middle of the night and not saying a word. All with all the text and voice message and sly emails, i have never responded to him thinking that once he had lost interest, he would cease contacting me and he has for the past six months, which I was thankful.

So why did he start contacting me after giving me his "last warning" for my last chance to be his boyfriend again? In the last contacts, he texted me in the middle of the night to tell me that I should contact him because his health is deterioating and he wants to talk to me about something important. I wonder what it could be since when we dated he was recovering from depression and he was broke. I tried my best to cheer him up I even financially supported him for quite a while, despite he had a great paying job, but he was too busy paying back his debts. I even took out a loan for him in which he never paid me back. So what could it be that important that he needs to talk to me now?

I'm afraid to reopen this floodgate, I don't need all this trouble again, not when I'm dealing with my own life. I don't need another pile of shit on top of it.

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The Little Card That's Not Green

My green card official arrived. I started blogging right before I was applying for one and it only took 13 months, not too bad. While it should have been a joyous event, I was quite blazee about it. I guess I was expecting a little bit more, after all it is a hot topic right now with all the illegal immigrants being arrested and deported as we speak; Tons of people will kill to be in my position. But it was just a card, not even green.

This little card is gonna allow me to live and work in United States freely for the next 10 years. It means I can start looking for another job, since apparently I hate mine right now. It means I can move to another part of the country if I choose to. It's a nice luxury to have.

I'm thinking of sending my lawyer and his paralegal who handled my case some gift baskets. It's hard to find a place who has gift baskets and deliver them at the same time. 1-800-flowers and FTD are the only 2 places that does that. I'm thinking of a dessert tray for my lawyer and probably a spa gift bundle thing for the paralegal. Not that I'll ever need their console again but I guess it's a nice thing to do.

So I got the card, it'll be at least a nice excuse to get myself a piece of cake to 'celebrate'.

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3 Years

I've just got a notice which stating my green card application has went through. I'm excited about the news but at the same time I'm feeling very depressed that Principe is going to leave me within 3 weeks' time. I don't feel like doing much anymore, I just wanna rush home right after work, thinking to myself, if I can see Prinicpe's face just a minute more, it would have been better. It's quite sad, really.

In the process of thinking about my future, I've decided to give myself 3 years to wokr in the U.S. to save money and accumulated approximately 25 to 30 thousand dollars. Afterwards, I will try and apply to immigrate to Australia. That country seems to care more about their people, more social security, less prejudice and the weather seems to be pleasant all year round. I'm thinking more about Sydney, where there's a big Asian and Gay community, the golden coast is nearby and it's so close to Hong Kong.

The only thing is TV. I don't know if I can get used to all the new channels and program. I am addicted to American TV. Anyway, this is my plan right now.

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Packing Up

It's less than a month until Principe's leaving. I came homme from work today and saw him packing up his stuff like I told him to, but I didn't expect to see that much change and it started to sink in. He's gonna be leaving and I'm gonna be alone.

Of course, I knew that all along but to see the actual change, to understand the concept and to realize the reality is really different. I'm feeling really down and I don't know how long it'll take for me to climb back up. Twenty-three more days and I might not see him ever again, and then life goes on... When did things get so fucked up? I'll be alone and 32.

The worst thing about it is that we really love each other and I'll probably compare all my upcoming relationship with this one and get disappointed when the level of intimacy does not reach this level.

I need to clear my head.

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Wanderlust

Every few years after I have nestled into a new city and felt comfortable, I start to feel stale and tired and I think to myself: "Maybe it's time to go somewhere else."

That's how I'm feeling now. I talked about maybe moving to the Bay Area just as Baz Luhrmann had suggested. It'll be closer to people I know, and I would probably become a double majority. But I don't know if I'll feel that different in San Francisco, it's still America. Maybe I'll feel better about the next president, and the entire country would change to a more "civil" and "considerate" direction. But why not entertain myself with the thought of living in... Australia?

Chatted with a couple of net friends, and Australia seems to come up in conversation a lot. One guy who lives in that country told me that Sydney has one of the world's top living quality. DC once told me that his brother is in Australia and got to be a citizen just because he was a student and they get money from the government just for having a baby. And the more you make the more taxes you pay, so people are not they eager to work, which makes for a lot of time for them to go to the beach and surf. I'm no surfer, but it does sounds tempting to have a lot of free time to cruise about. I'll be a lot closer to Hong Kong.

I'd like to venture and see if that is entirely possible. I know I chose a bad time to think about this, after all, I'm in a process of applying for my green card and if all goes well, it'll be approved within six months. Do I really want to go through the whole thing with Australia? Given, it'll be a lot easier there. And I'm oh so afraid of snakes and Australia has the most number of poisonous snake in the world. But I bet bottom dollar that they don't show up in the cities. (I shudder just thinking about it) I'd say more research is needed.

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Personality Crash

Met up with someone I found online Saturday for coffee because we were both free and got bored. I don't know why but they never look like how they looked in their pictures. We get to talking about family and work situations. I felt like I got bombarded with one question after another, it was like an interview or seeing a therapist although I've never been to a therapist before but I imagine that's how it would be like. Frankly, I'm not used to all the attention.

But, I've rarely met someone as sociable as this guy before. Maybe it was just me keep it to myself for too long. He's definitely not my type and was really touchy-feely kinda guy and I've never had the venue where I would go on and on about myself. It was just so different in a very awkward kinda way.

Two people, one thinks small talks does not accomplish; the other thinks that everybody needs an outlet to express themselves. Neither of them is right or wrong. It's just different personalities.

A blogger posted this test and I took it as well and this is the result for me:

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