Rant of the Day

I don't really know if this is true but I think my antibiotics are making me skinnier. I suffer from a loss of appetite and I can't keep anything in me for a long time.

Went to have dinner with DC last night, I hate how it feels like we are not friends whenever JEW is in town. But when he's gone, he calls me when he doesn't want to be alone and I feel obligated to be with him because I'm a good friend. He's either a slave to JEW (and it sounds that way.) Or JEW told him that I'm a bad influence, and he shouldn't hang out with me as much. Either way DC is a wuss.

So I guess me and Principe is going to Washington tomorrow, what is there to do in Washington? I'm not really into monuments and such, what do people do there? I've been to a bar called secrets and it was pretty exciting, but I didn't stay there for long. What else is there? I probably should do some in-depth research online. Whatever.

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Open Book

I think I plan and expect too much and when things don't go as I assume they would, I get surprised and shocked. I don't know how I have grown to be like this. I sudden unexpected tap on my back would send me jumping in the air so high that it's down right unnatural. Maybe I've been by myself so much that I've grown to be highly sensitive to human contact, It's all in my head and I can't see how to reverse want has been done.

While I'm comfortable building my circle through the web, sometimes I wonder what small talks could accomplish. I have gorwn impatient to hear other people's ranting, but I understand the hyprocrisy of me leting my steam out online. At least, I'm not expecting anyone to read and respond to what I have to say. Sometime it's surprising how much people know about me and my personality, given I intentionally avoid to leave tracks.

A casual lesbian friend of mine went me with me to see Cirque du Soleil once, we met through work and got friendly with each other. When she saw me browsing for a souvenir T-shirt, she says "This is so you, it says Cirque du Soleil but it's shhh!" The words are almost in the same color as the background of the T-shirt. I was a bit surprised on how much she knows about me, we have only known each other for weeks.

Some online friend called me a "serial monogomist" from minimal conversation that we have. Am I ready that easy to read? I must have overestimated my own complexity.

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My Days of Decadence

These days I'm really not doing much. After I get up and go out of the door, I get some Vietnamese hoagies for lunch. Check my e-mails and various on-going conversations with people online, respond to them. Read all the various blogs I'm following, maybe write another entry for my own. Reading some other articles of interest, maybe research a little bit about things that I have discovered. All this while listening to my music or some podcasts.

All the bakery in Chinatown sells Vietnamese hoagies now, it's a nice treat and they only sell them for $1.50 to $2.50 each. It got some thin slice of meat, pickled vegetables, cilantro and chilli inside soft crusty bread. not bad at all.

In the afternoon, I get on Puzzle Pirates and play my heart out. Obsessing about puzzles, especially the carpentry one, I can't stop thinking about it.

These days are completely unproductive and it's time that I would never gain back. Hey, but if they pay me to seat on my chair and play games. Who am I to complain?

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Father Issues

While Principe had a sex dream last night, me and another friend had nightmares of broken relationships. Mine was with my father, a man that a haven't spoken to for years and haven't seen for at least 15 years.

Whenever I dreamt of someone, I often thinks that might be something wrong happening to them. Maybe he passed away? He is old, maybe pushing 70? I have little information on that man. He was a dead beat, and we've met about 10 times for the past 20 years. But I still wonder sometimes of how much he thinks of me. Maybe he don't even remember most of the time that he's got a son. He's still living with Paris with a Polish woman named Barbara and I'm pretty sure he's got kids, probably in their 20s. Half brothers and sisters, now that's a thought. I'm glad our family name doesn't have to end just because I'm gay.

When I was younger, I thought I would buy a ticket to Paris and kill the bastard or at least punch him in the face and leave. Nobody would know I did it. Though he's getting old and I'm above harming a helpless old man, but the thought of revenge is tempting. He never offered any financial help, at least that's what grandma told me. When I wanted to study abroad, grandma told me to write him a letter and see if he would help me out, which is one of the most embarassing things I have to consciously do in my life. But then I got a letter back saying that he has no extra funds, since he has a family to support. He has a family to support, I guess I know where I stand in his life. The funny thing is he called me later on asking whether I can get a letter for him proving that I'm studying abroad, so he can get his tax deducted. How a person can have the balls to do that is way beyond me. Do not offer any help but get any benefit out of it while he can, wow!

I wonder if he'll leave me anything when he dies and if he does, I wonder if his family would let that portion to go to me. At least I would have something for having a father.

If my grandma didn't take me back to HK, I would be living in a boarding school in France. I would be wallowing everyday thinking to myself how much I hate my father. I would be teased by the other kids because I'm Asian, which happened when I was studying there. I would smoke, use drugs, get into fights and be a rebellious prick. Probably be disowned by 16. In that different life, I'll be way thinner, maybe prostituting myself for a living. Maybe it'll be way more glamorous being a thin male prostitute in Europe. Strange how life turns out.

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Keeping My Tonsils

Last Friday when I was going to New York a sudden sharp pain was in my throat and since I woke up early that day, I thought the lack of sleep brought on my strep throat for the fourth time. I had problems swallowing, but it does not feel as severe and by yesterday it felt tremendously better. I still went to the doctor anyway, better sooner than later I thought, but then I found out that he's on vacation this week.

I somehow never thought that my doctor would go on vacation, it's just something that I never thought about. So then I went to my ENT specialist and he told me that it's tonsillitis. I guess the multiple time that I had strep throat has overworked my tonsils and they are now swollen and irritated. My main doctor told me if I get strep again, he'll take my tonsils out, and my colleague joked that it'll make me sterile, so I'm glad we didn't have to do that. Medications are prescribed, strange ones. Hopefully, it will go away soon. The coughing is getting to be annoying.

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These Few Days

Been quite busy these few days, I had to go to New York with Principe to renew his passport. So we woke up bright and early on Friday to headed for the city. Then we headed for Mitsuwa in Edgewater, NJ, but we took the wrong bus and passed by what I think to be Weehawken with the largest and longest strip of Hispanic establishments I've ever seen, right next to Calle Ocho of Miami. Of course, Principe was really excited. I don't think he had seen so many people speaking his language all in one place since he's been in US. After a change of bus and an hour later, we finally got to Mitsuwa and had lunch when he got a phone call from the embassy that they won't be able to process his passport because our state of residence is under the management of the Washington D.C. office. Why does it matter anyway? New York is closer for us and they could have told us when we were there. So we went back to pick up his passport and headed over to Century 21 to shop for clothes. I didn't get much out of the day, at least I bought some comic books and I got be with him for another day. I'm gonna miss him so much when he's gone.

Saturday, I spent some time with ES. She put KEL with her husband so she can spent some time away from home. Funny, coz when I called her in the morning her husband sounded surprise to hear that she'll be joining me for lunch. She brought her new baby though, YAL is exactly one month old. We went for the all-you-an-eat seafood/sushi buffet. She's telling me how she's hungry all the time since she's feeding her baby. It was nice to catch up with her. Then I went to a street fair and bought a DVD, some coins and a necklace for Principe.

It's so hard to find true love, and mine is going away soon. I wish it were different but this is life's humor, is it not?

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Nothing Lasts Forever

Well, the porn star couple that I admired, Francois and Francesco, have seemingly broke apart. They no longer have links to the others blog anymore. Nothing has been said, but apparently they are apart. That's quite sad. It reminds me how things, especially beautiful things, don't last long. They get too much attention and eventually get exploited. Some say beautiful things have self-destructive fates, maybe it's too isolating to be beautiful. Anyway, I wouldn't know.

Inevitably, life goes on. That's what I'm telling myself with my boyfriend's upcoming departure from my life as I looking to purchase a return flight ticket for him online. I've been preparing for it for so long that I'm ready, maybe I would feel somewhat amiss if he's not. Seperation and loneliness, I guess I can never be ready enough. But I guess it open up another array of opportunities.

Lately, I have heard rumors about a drastic change in my job situation and I'm bored. I don't think I want to work here anymore. I don't think I want to work in the non-profit sector, I don't even think I want to do IT anymore. Maybe a change in my career path is in order. But in order to change my career path maybe I should go back to school for another degree to back it up. Something creative like advertising for a change? Should I get a MBA, it seems to be so hot right now. How would I finance it?

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Kashi = Good Eats

I used to think that health food taste blend or flavorless, I guess Kashi has proved me wrong. My colleague has bought some GoLean Crunch cereal with honey almond flax once and ate them as snack food and she let me tried a bit and it was love at first taste. It has replaced my all time favorite cereal the cinnamon crunch and I have been eating it since. What I like about it is that it taste pleasantly sweet and very satisfying. It fills my stomach up as breakfast or afternoon snack and I don't need to snack anymore for the rest of the day.

Kashi has also came up with another fine product in the market shelf - TLC Oatmeal Dark Chocolate Chewy Cookie. It has become my newest addiction. They say it's healthy but I buy them solely for the taste. Moist oatmeal cookies with real chocolate chips, and lots of it too. Sure, it's seedy and got tons of fiber but if it got chocolate chip in it I can eat anything. Cookies are lumpy to start with, so the fiber just kinda got masqueraded in them. Two or three of them can feel me up for a long time. Although they don't come cheap, they are about $3.50 to $4.50 a box and I can go through 3 - 5 box in a week and since they are new to the market they can be hard to find. I should probably learn some self control, eh?

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Music Review - Adam Joseph's "How I Seem to Be"

Being a loyal listener to the Podcast of "Gay Pimpin' with Jonny McGovern", it's hard to notice this musical talent behind the show. Of course, there are other talents on the show as well, but one could really scarcely miss the soulful tunes of Adam Joseph. It's hard to make R&B and Soul pleasant. It is meant to be highly emotional, dramatic, but Adam managed to put an element of cool and ease into it.

Jonny mused that Adam Joseph is a black lady. "If you like Mary J. Blige, you'll like Adam Joseph. If you like Jill Scott, you'll like Adam Joseph. If you like Angie Stone, you'll like Adam Joseph." That proves to be true in my case. "How I Seem To Be" was released in 2003, with 9 regular and a bonus track. The whole album contains a lounge feel, soothing, relaxing, non-confrontational. Who knew indepedent music can be of such high quality.

This CD is only available at CDBaby.com, which by the way provided the most pleasant CD buying experience I have ever had. I like it, it's pleasant. "B"

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Game Review: Final Fantasy XII

I have to say that I'm a little bit behind the curve when this game was released March 2006 in Japan and November 2006 in US. I just got around to buy it and play it for the very first time because I know it will consume me like a monster and I was playing some other games back then, but what a glorious feeling it is to finally play it for the first time.

I guess I wasn't really expecting it to be a lot different from any other RPGs. I love RPG games and after playing tons of games on my PS2, I kinda realized its limitations, but I was pleasantly surprised and shocked after playing with it for the first hour. The graphics is so sharp and dazzling that I feel no other games has been able to this level of detail. (Maybe Neverhood is the other one that equals it) Gone is the annoying long load time, and so much movie sequences in that little disc. How is that possible? It makes me wonder why the other games before this has such small contents.

For anyone who has played the previous Final Fantasy installments, the learning grid has changed into another format which every character doesn't have a set in job. Every character can be a mage, a ninja, or a heavy knight. Guys can be the magic casters while girls can chop down your enemies with brute strength. This installment has a lot of side jobs to be completed, and it feels a lot more open so that players with different gameplay styles can enjoy it as well. But then you can't really play it without a proper guide. There's too much to learn and you can only get certain items or equipments if you fulfill some very specific requirements.

All in all it's a great game. I think I'll need to spend at least 150 hours in it. It's a solid "A" for me!

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Bad Dogs

It's been strange this weekend. Went out for a few times, and people has been hurrying past me a few times and once they got in front of me they slow down to block my way. Why?

A lady in the supermarket rushed past me to go on the express lane and had tons of stuff in her cart asked for a price check for a can of tomato sauce. The check out guy just let her be disregarding that she exceeded the numbers of item required for that lane. Meanwhile, I only had one pack of turkey breasts. How rude. So I let the bag of turkey breast and huffed away.

Maybe I'm just growing impatient, but people are so blatant sometimes.

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Overdosing Myself

Well, Principe and I got strep throat about 6 weeks ago. I went to the doctor and he prescribed me some Penicillin, but since Principe don't have any insurance, I talked to the doctor that work with me and he wrote me a big prescription with enough medication that would last me for a year.

Then two weeks ago, my strep throat came back and I got a refill and got rid of it once again. Apparently it didn't clear up and this week it came back to bite me a third time. Well, the first time came by my doctor wrote me up a script for Pennicilin 250 mg for 10 days, but the one who works with me suggested 500 for 7 days. So I've been taking the 7 days version for the first two times. But when I saw the doctor this week he suggested double dosage, which in his mind means 500 mg for 10 days and in my head it translated to 1000 mg for 10 days. So I've been popping two pills each time, until I found out what went wrong. My doctor said, "you are big enough, you can take 500mg"

I mean it couldn't be that bad, since Penicillin itself is pretty harmless, but it sure had screwed me up and I wonder if I would develop any resistance in my body and maybe I'll develop some sort of strange disease or breakouts. I got a huge pimple on my face and I think it might be due to the fever I had or something. So unattractive. Anyway, I'm glad I found out early and now I should probably take the lower dosage. But would it be as effective now since I've overdosed?

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Street Cred

I don't know why, but I have an affinity for murals, and graffiti arts. It represents freedom for me, freedom of expression, everything can be a canvas. It's so rebelious, but at the same time they entertain the eye so much more than those rude, imposing advertising everywhere peddling for consumerism.

On the back of street signs, on the corner newspaper box, there are creatures, words, shadows and expressions - stimulating interests and sparking reactions. Around town, I have been seeing these funny, well drawn, colorful characters everywhere. It always put a smile on my face when I see them. I would love to find out who created them and urge him to be the next big animator or at least print them on T-shirts so I can own one.

The street should be the biggest arena where people can express themselves freely like ancient Rome. Keith Haring, one of my personal hero, started his art in New York painting in the subway wall raising the awareness on HIV and homosexuality. The self-proclaimed "King of Kowloon" Mr. Tsang calligraphed his personal history in the walls of Hong Kong and inspired a new generation of art and calligraphers.

It is art, it beautifies and inspires, it is freedom on another level. Taking back the rules and laws set by others, breaking limitation, expressing what it means to be really living.

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